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Callie POV
When there were no more tears left in me, I try to wipe away from my cheeks all the evidence that I had been crying.
"Come on, honey!" mom says getting up from the floor. She extended her hand towards me and waited till I take her hand. I run my hands over my cheeks to make sure no more tears were left on my cheeks and only after that I take moms hand and stand up.
Holding her hand, I follow mom to my bedroom. Mom crawls on the bed first and only then I join her. We both lay down, I press my head to her chest as she warps her hands around me, holding my tightly in her embrace.
"Talk to me, Callie!" Mom says as she stroke my hair soothingly "I promise, I won't get mad."
"It's embarrassing," I say quietly. I wasn't looking forward to telling mom about the moment, when Gavin and I were having foreplay and I freaked out. Just thinking about talking to mom about it, made my cheeks turn bright red and warm.
"Callie, I just want to help you. I can't do it, if you won't talk to me" she coaxes gently
I suck in a breath and try to get the courage to actually talk about "I was okay at first, when we were kissing on the couch..." I swallow back a lump in my throat, worried about what will mom think of me
I knew mom didn't want me to have sex. Okay, that's not exactly the right way of forming it. Mom didn't want me to rush into having sex. She knew, it was bound to happen sometime. Mom just wanted me to do it when I was ready for t, she wanted me to do it with the right person and not do it just because it's what people do.
"It's okay, honey," Mom encourages me
"Gavin asked if I wanted to have..." I stop in the middle of the sentence suddenly afraid to say the word out loud
"You can say it, Callie. It's not a bad word," mom whispers to me, sensing my hesitations. Mom seemed really calm about it now. It's like she wasn't feeling award and uncomfortable about this talk at all.
"He asked if I wanted to have…sex" I get out slowly and carefully, but then I thought I needed to make sure mom understood what I was saying. So, I decided to to point it out to her more louder and with more certainty the next moment "Gavin did not force me! I wanted to have sex with him. When he asked, in that moment, it I thought I was ready"
"Gavin was very gentle and...and he stopped, the moment I said – no!" I continue after a little pause
"Go on," Mom says to inform me she was listening closely to every word I say
"I was okay at first, but the more further we got...the more I started to think about Liam. I kept comparing Gavin to Liam. I couldn't get what he did to me out of my mind. And it didn't feel right anymore...my chest got tighter, I couldn't breath. When Gavin touched me...I thought it was Liam, I felt his hands on me again..." I feel another round of tears forming in my eyes, but this time, I also felt a little nauseous. All because talking about it, had brought back the memory of my rape.
"Gavin was on top of me, holding my hand,,kissing me, but I felt trapped!" I paused as I feel the nauseous feeling come back to me "Liam did the same thing, when he raped me, he was on top, holding my hands, I couldn't get out, he overpowered me..."
"Are you okay, Callie?" Mom asked sensing it was not setting well with me
''Yes," I whisper back as I try to stay strong
"Do you need some water?" Mom stirred a little beneath me, I guess she didn't believe me
"I'm fine...I'm okay" I reply, when the horrible feeling in my stomach, thankfully, finally passed
Mom didn't say anything for some while. We simply lay on my bed, cuddling for what felt like 5 minutes. It felt like mom knew, even without me telling her, that I needed a little break. I appreciated her slow, careful approach.
"Did you talk to Gavin about it?" Mom asked me a moment later
"No," I reply quietly "I grabbed my clothes, got dressed and left...I needed to get out of there"
"I think, you need to talk to Gavin, sweetie!" Mom says quietly in a soft tone "I know you don't like talking about what happened with Liam because I know it brings back horrible memories to you. But Gavin needs to know so he could help you."
I moved my head so I could see mom's face as mom continued to explain "Communication is very important when you are having sex. When having sex with another person, you both are at your most vulnerable. You and your partner, both need to know what the other one likes or don't like or what the other one is or isn't comfortable with. You and your partner both need to feel safe around one another. Gavin won't be able to help you make your first sexual experience pleasurable, if he doesn't know that some certain things make you uncomfortable, that certain thing can trigger you"
"What if he won't like me anymore? " this was one of the things that I was sacred of. If I tell him – will he see me the same way he did before. Or will he only see the victim, a broken girl in front of him. Will he treat me the same way?
"If he truly cares about you it won't matter. It shouldn't change how he feels about you. What happened to you years ago, shouldn't be something that you are judged by today. Your past shouldn't define who you are today! It's in the past and it should stay in the past. What should matter - is who you are today!"
I don't respond to what mom said, because I was deep in my thoughts thinking about what she just told me.
"Of course, it's up to you – if you tell him or don't, or how much you tell him if you decide to share it Gavin. That is up to you and only to you, honey. But my suggestion, like I mentioned before, is to talk to him. Just be honest and open with him," Mom adds, reminding me that ultimately it is up to me, what I say or don't say to Gavin.
"Thanks, mom!" I say quietly and close my eyes shut close
"You don't have to thank me, honey. I'm glad that you talked to me and didn't try to bury this," Mom whisper back as I listen to moms heartbeat. I can feel myself slowly, but steadily drift asleep. This was the safest place for me, in moms arms.
Cooper POV
It was an hour after Callie came home. I was sitting in the living room, surfing the channels on the TV. The clock on the wall showed that it was already 10:15 in the night.
For the past 20 minutes, I haven't heard a single noise coming from upstairs. I knew I had to give them some time alone and that was exactly what I was doing. I wasn't going to intertwine. If Amy needed any help (which she doesn't), she would tell me. But even thought I am giving them the much needed privacy, I can't say I wanted to leave them alone completely and just leave.
After I turn off the TV, I place the remote control on the coffee table in front of me, stand up and head towards the stairs. When I took the last step up, I stopped and listened. If they were still talking, I would head back downstairs. But I didn't hear a single thing. It was complete silence up here.
I walked up to Callie's bedroom and peaked a look inside her room. The two of them were laying on the bed. When I took a closer look at them, I saw that both of them were asleep. I can't keep the smile of my face, as I look at the of them cuddled up on the bed.
I turn around and head back downstairs. When I walked up to the couch, I grab the blanket from the couch and carry it upstairs. Amy and Callie were asleep on top of the blanket, so I thought they could use the warm layer of comfort.
I tip toe inside the room to Callie's bed. Having a closer look at Callie, I can clearly see that the girl had cried her heart out to her mom. Amy and Callie's relationship has always fascinated me. There was no doubt about it - Callie trusted Amy completely.
I notice that Callie still had her sneakers on. For a moment, I toss the blanket over my shoulder. When my hands are free, I untie the shoelaces and take off Callie's shoes. Once the shoes are off, I carefully cover both of them with the blanket. When I pull the blanket a little bit closer to Callie's shoulders, Amy's eyes slowly flutter open.
"Hey," she whispers to me sheepish, when she sees me. Amy stirred a little, but her movement did not affect Callie at all.
"Hey. Go back to sleep!" I whisper back to her and lean down to place a quick kiss on her lips
"Don't leave," Amy replies after the kiss, still speaking in a hushed voice not to wake Callie
"Not planing to," I smile back to her "I'll be in your bedroom, if that's okay"
"More than okay. I love you," Amy whispers back
"Love you too," I say it back and lean down to place a good nights kiss on her forehead
When I walk back downstairs, I lock up the the house and turn off all the lights. Once I had checked that everything was okay downstairs, I head back upstairs to Amy's bedroom to settle back down to the bed for night.
I am woken up by a kiss to my lips. This was one of the best ways to wake up – a kiss from the woman that I love.
"Morning," Amy says leaning away. I open my eyes and see her walk towards the closet dressed in her uniform pants and only her sport bra on top.
"Morning to you too beautiful!" I reply with a smirk on my lips as I kept my eyes on my girlfriend
As Amy reaches in the closet to get her black tight t-shirt she wears under the uniform shirt, she says "Did you sleep okay?"
"Would be better with you by my side, but...I know Callie needed you. How is she?" I answer sitting up in the bed.
"Callie had a little freak out yesterday, but she's okay now" Amy says as she pulls her shirt over her head. I don't even consider poking my nose deeper in their business. What happened with Callie yesterday is need to know basis. If Callie wanted me to know, she would say something.
"Have you made breakfast?" I ask when I get up from the bed and start getting dressed
"Not yet. Was about to go make something after I get dressed and make my hair"
"How about scrambled eggs?" I ask pulling my shirt over my head
"Sounds good to me!" Amy answers as she reaches for the uniform shirt that was hanged up in the closet
When I was by the stove, making the scrambled eggs, Callie walked in the kitchen.
"What are you making?" Callie asks, when I hear her pour coffee in a cup
"Scrambled eggs"
Callie walks to the table and sits down. I hear her tap her fingers at the table. Looking over my shoulder, I see Callie watching me, her fingers were still tapping at the table. She looked anxious about something. I'm not sure what to think of that, so I say nothing and look back to the breakfast that I was making.
"Cooper?" She asks me after a minute or so
"Yeah?" I don't look back at her, I keep my eyes on the pan as I try to make sure I don't burn our breakfast
"You're a guy!" Callie says in a weird tone. It wasn't really a question, nor it really sounded like a statement. Her weird tone and weird question forced me to look at her.
"Are you asking me or telling me?" I raise my eyebrow up as I stare at her confused
"Neither," Callie replies with a small chuckle "I merely stated a fact"
Fr a moment I pretended to not care, but the curiously got the best of me "Okay, I'll bite…why did you thought you needed to state that fact?"
"Do guys really think about sex every 7 seconds?" Callie asks me with a straight face. She was actually waiting for me to answer this question.
"That's..." I shake my head "No, that's not true. Few times a day at best...certainly not every 7 seconds," Callie seemed to slip into deep thoughts after that
I turn around to the stove and check on the scrambled eggs. When it seemed as if the eggs are ready, I take the food off and place it on thee plates, one for each one of us. I carry the three plates to the table and slide one to Callie, the other I keep in font of me, but the third I slide to the spot on the table, where Amy always sits.
Callie pokes her scrambled eggs with her fork few times, before she blurs out "If a girl isn't having sex, is that enough of a reason for a guy to break up with her?"
I squint my eyes at the girl as I try to tell if she was actually serious right now. By the way she was gazing back at me, it seemed like she once again, actually wanted to hear an honest answer from me. But it just seemed a bit weird to be honest. And why would she be asking me this and not her mom?
"Well, I guess it depends," I answer with a small shoulder shrug
"On?" Callie didn't to continue the questionnaire
"Um...well, the guy himself. There are some guys, who are only in relationship because of sex. Others don't want a relationship at all, the only thing they want is sex. But there are other who want both - relationship and sex. And of course there are also those who want just the relationship." I try to explain the best way I know how
"Which one are you?" Callie tilts her head to her right side as she keeps the eye contact with me
"Relationship and sex," I answered her straight forward and honestly
"Which one do you think Gavin is?" Callie asked curiously before scooping up some of the scrambled eggs and taking a bite of the food
"I barely know him, Callie. I have no idea"
"If you had to guess..." Callie coaxed
"Callie, what is this about?" I ask not able to keep the curiously in me anymore
She looks down to the plate to avoid my look. Callie shrugs her shoulders at first and when she did, I thought to myself that she won't probably tell me. She started to push the food around her plate with her fork.
"I guess I'm just worried that Gavin will break up with me if we don't...you know...do it," Callie sounded slightly embarrassed and shy, but I also couldn't help but to notice, how insecure she seemed about herself
"Oh..." I lean back a little as I breath out. This was some serious talk. One that I was not ready nor I would never be ready to have. This sort of stuff without a doubt falls in the work description of a parent, which I was not.
"If he does break up with you - he's an asshole!" I say the first thing that pops in my mind. Callie lets out a little chuckle.
"He would be an idiot to let you go. Because you are smart, beautiful, kind, funny..." Callie's cheeks turned a little red as I spoke "Yes, you can be incredibly stubborn and sometimes you can be impulsive, and it's hard for you to trust people-" Callie's look changes to a serious one, I see some worry in her eyes, as she wonders what I will say next "-but you also have a big heart and you are compassionate, generous, reliable, devoted and self-less. But most importantly, you have so much love to give. Your love for your brother and your mom is unconditional and it's one of the most beautiful things about you"
A small smile appeared on her lips when she shyly looked up to me. Callie seemed slightly surprised about what I had to say about her, but there was also this grateful look in her eyes, that made me think I said the right thing.
"Thanks, Coop!" Callie says, when Amy walks in the kitchen
"Oh, this looks good!" Amy says as she comes towards the table. My eyes were still on Callie as I could not believe what I had just heard. Callie called me Coop. It would probably seem small and irrelevant for others, but not for me. No! This was a big step forward in our relationship. I think Callie just made my day!
Callie POV
After school Jude, Connor and I walked together from school to Jude's home. Most of the walk to Adams Foster house, Jude and Connor talked about some game that they both are playing. My face during the whole conversation was frowned up in utter confusion as I tried to understand what the hell they are talking about. They discussed some tactics how to pass a level and how to beat the boss, which sounded to me like Chinese language. I did not understand one word about it. But those two seemed happy, so who am I to interrupt their discussion.
Lena was still staying at home. She was still recovering from her attack. Most of the bruises had almost faded. The one that stood out the most, was the one around her eye. The doctors had told her to stay on bed rest (or at least take it easy) at home for 2 weeks at least because of the concussion she had sustained. It hasn't been 2 weeks yet, so Lena still says at home.
When we walked up to the house, Jude pulls on the doors. To my and Connor surprise, the doors were locked. Jude looks to both of us briefly as he digs through his bag to find the house keys.
"Ever since mom went back to work, mama is locking the doors whenever she is home alone. She's scared," He explains when he had found the keys
Connor and I both share a look.
"I would probably do the same," Connor says back when Jude unlocks the doors
"Me too. It's understandable. She was attacked at her home after all. I would be scared too," I add to what Connor said, he nodded his back acknowledging what I had said
Jude opens the doors and when he takes the first step inside he calls out to announce "It's me mom! Connor and Callie is with me!"
We hear movement from upstairs. When the three of us had stepped inside, Lena walks down the stairs. I could tell she was trying to put up a string front, but I still saw the worry in her eyes.
"Hi, guys!" She says taking the last step down the stairs "How was school?"
"Jude and I got A at the chemistry project we worked on last week" Connor says proudly for the both of them
Lena smiles warmly back at them "Oh, guys, that's amazing! I'm proud of you both!"
"Our teacher said it was one of the best works this semester!" Jude added happily
"Your hard work paid off!" Lena looks at the me and Connor "Are you guys staying for dinner?"
"Umm..." Connor looked hesitant at first
Jude nudged him "Stay. Mom can take you back home after dinner."
"Okay, that is, if you don't mind..." Connor checked with Lena
"Of course I don't mind, Connor. You are always welcomed here," Lena replied "What about you Callie?"
"Um, I wasn't planning to. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute, then I will head back home," I tell her as the two boys head to the living room. I hear them both talk about the game again as they turn on the TV and the game console.
"Talk to me about what?" Lena asked when the two of us headed towards the kitchen nook area
"Well...it's kind of...embarrassing," I rubbed my forehead nervously when the two of us sat down. Lena looked at me, waiting for me to start at my own pace.
"Um...you have a Ph.D in child psychology, right?" I ask her as I get comfortable on the couch. I kick my shoes off, so I could pull my legs up on the couch. My hands were now in my lap, but I was partly turned towards Lena.
"I do, yes." Lena says back as she pulls her legs up to the couch as well "What does my Ph.D has to do with what you want to talk to me about?"
"I was wondering, maybe you know or have studied about…" I look down to my lap nervously "how long it takes to get over…rape?" When I had gotten the question out, I look back up to Lena. Her features had softened a lot.
"Because...it has been over 3 years now and I thought I was over it. But I am not. I'm not...over it!" I admit to her "Is there something wrong with me?"
"No, honey! Of course not!" Lena reached for my hand, her thumb was now softly over my to of the palm "There is nothing wrong with you! Nothing!"
"Then why does it still...haunts me?" I was desperate to hear an answer from her. No way I wanted go back to therapy. Even though I know, I could have talked to mom about this, Lena was the person who has some insight in psychology. I assume she has studied something about that topic.
"Because, you went through something incredibly traumatic when you were just a kid!" Lena started off "Rape is not something you can just…get over. You are going to have good days and bad days. It's like learning to walk, you are going to fall down and stumble time by time. And there's no shame in it," I nodded my head back time by time as I listened closely to what Lena was saying
"But most importantly, you need to understate, that there is no timeline. Everyone deals with trauma differently. Recovery is a slow process. You need to take one step at a time. Just because you had a bad day, doesn't mean there is something wrong with you Callie," Lena reassures me
I stir and lay down on my side. Resting my head on Lena's lap, I tell her the same thing I told mom and Cooper "Thank you for the talk. It really helped."
"Of course. I'm glad I could help," Lena says as she rests her hand on my upper back