AN: BE AWARE - PERSONAL OPINION UP FRONT! I am very close to giving up on The fosters (SHOW!). If in the finale, Callie chooses a boyfriend over a family, I am done! I am not watching this show if Brallie continues. Brallie is horrible, the relationship makes me sick.
How many foster kids would chose a boyfriend/girlfriend over a family, which has already shown that they want to adopt you?
I thought this show was about family, not a girl finding a boyfriend. The fact that there is barely any family interactions and Stef and Lena are hanging by a thread is not helping. I am very disappointed in where the show is going .It was amazing in 1A, but ever since 1B, it has lost it touch. It had high hopes for it, but after the 3x09 for me the show just crashed and burned.
There is about 0.1% chance that I will return to the 3B!
So, if Callie picks Brandon over family - I am going to just stick to writing fanfiction. Somehow, on this site there are stories that are way better than the real show. There are writers that know how to capture and write charters better than the show writers can. And there are stories with storylines that actually are good, unlike the same old shit with problems in Callie's adoption and the on/off thing with Brallie!
Rant over!
Sorry, had to get it off my chest.
Hope you enjoy!
Amy POV
My eyes jolt open and I suck in a short breath as I wake up from my nightmare. I was covered in cold sweat. The back of my shirt was wet. I was surrounded by darkness as it still was the middle of the night. Cooper was peacefully sleeping right next to me. I heard him breathing evenly.
I roll on my back and stare up to the darkness. Laying still, I take few calming breathes in as I try to calm my racing heart. I raise my right hand up to my face and with my palm, I wipe away the sweat on my forehead. The nightmare, of course, was about the almost car crash we were in few hours ago. It was still too fresh in my memory. I was surprised how I even fell asleep in the first place.
Just few second of me laying on my back, I hear Callie's bedroom doors open. Faint footsteps lead out of her room. The floor creaks under Callie's feet as she stops somewhere in the middle of the hallway. For a moment there is no sound, she wasn't moving. I could only guess, but I think Callie was standing there, thinking whether or not to come inside the bedroom to talk to me.
After a little while, she turns and heads towards the stairs. Once she stepped on the second to top step, it creaked under her, but that didn't stop her from making her way down the stairs.
I roll to the edge of the bed and toss my blanket aside. When I sat up, the bed moved under me. I press my hands to the edge of the bed. For few seconds I just sit there.
"Where are you going?" Cooper asked sheepish, when he placed his hand over mine. It sudden touch scared me a little.
I look over my shoulder to the figure on the bed "I need to check on Callie. Go back to sleep," I tell him in a hushed voice
"...If you need anything,-" Cooper says still in hoarse voice
"I know, thank you!" I reply and lean down to Cooper to place a small kiss to his cheek, before I get up and head out to the hallway
When I walk downstairs,I see a dim light on in the kitchen. I find Callie sitting at the kitchen table with a half empty glass of water in front of her. It looked like the wet PJ shirt had stuck to her skin. With her right hand she reaches to her the shirt, to pull it off her back.
"Can't sleep?" I announce myself before I walk in. Callie jumps a little from my voice.
Looking over her shoulder she replies with awkward chuckle "Jeez, mom, don't sneak up to people like that. You scared me!"
"Sorry, wasn't my intention," I apologize as I walk up to the cupboard to grab a glass for myself
"I thought you were sleeping. Why are you up?" Callie asks me when I fill the glass with cold water
I hold my answer till I sit down next to her "Had a nightmare," I tell her honestly and then lift the glass up to my lips to take a sip. It felt good to feel the cold water wash down my throat. It was very refreshing, just what I needed.
"What about?" Callie asks quietly, both of her hands are now on the glass in front of her
"The car crash" I reply honestly. There was no reason to lie. I was going to ask her the same thing, so I figured, she should use a reminder that there's no reason to be ashamed of it.
"One moment it was the three of us in the car. We were talking and joking. Like we had before the crash in front of happened" I started to tell how my nightmare went, Callie was watching me closely "Then the car, that had stopped, hit us. The car spun. Once it stopped spinning I I looked back to you to see if you are okay. But you were not there. Markus was sitting behind the drivers seat. He had a huge gash on his head, there was a lot of blood. When I looked to Cooper, Aaron was sitting in his place, with all the injuries he has sustained in the crash. The way they both looked at me...it was so intense...there was so much hurt in their eyes," I took a little pause to gather myself up. It was hard to talk about it. I still saw their faces in front of my eyes. Their looks haunted me.
"Then I felt this warm liquid on my forehead. I wiped it with my fingers…there was blood on my fingers and when I looked back up - Cooper was in the seat next to me. He was bent down, his head to the steering wheel, his face was covered in cuts. When I looked to the backseat, to Markus, he was gone. But you were there. Your head was smashed to the side window, your eyes closed. I unbuckled and jumped to the back. I pressed my fingers to your neck to search for pulse and..." I look to Callie, I saw how Callie held her breath as she waited for me to continue on with my story "...that's when I woke up!"
"It sounds incredibly scary..." Callie says in a hushed voice
"It was," I admit quietly. It felt like I lost my family all over again. But this time it wasn't just Markus and Aaron, it was also Callie and Cooper. And it hurt all over again.
Callie lowers her head to my shoulder that way showing support "I'm sorry mom!"
"Thanks, honey!" I turn slightly to place a kiss on the top of her head "What was your nightmare about?"
"My mom, you and Cooper!" Callie says after she sighs and leans away from me "It started out just like your dream. We were in the car, driving home. We were hit by the pick-up truck instead of the Audi. Then, out of nowhere, I was standing in the middle of the street. Alone. Cooper's car was completely smashed. When I ran to the car -you and Cooper weren't moving! I wanted to open the doors and get you out..."
Callie sucked in a breath and with her left hand she rubbed her eyes "But...I heard this voice, it was calling me. It was very familiar. When I looked up, I saw my birth parents car. I started to walk towards it. Through the window, I saw mom sitting in the passenger seat. She had the black dress on, the one she wore when she died. She was calling me, begging me to help her...to save her. When I was up to their car, I reached for the door handle. I woke up when I reached for the door handle..."
"Oh, honey..." I rub her upper hand to solace her
Callie turned to look at me and laughed nervously "This crash screwed us both up more than we had initially thought, huh?"
"It don't think it screwed us up, baby! It just brought back painful memories for both of us. We have both lost people we love in a similar way. And today - we lived through something, that we lost our loved ones to."
Callie opens her mouth to interject. I already knew what she was going to ask - why did they have to die, but we lived?- , so I quickly finish my thoughts "I don't have the answer to the question you want to ask. No one does. I don't know why we lived, but your mom, my husband and son didn't" I took in a breath and as I blew my breath out, I added "Life is harsh that way."
I contort my mouth to side, as I think about it some more "Maybe it simply wasn't our time to die. Some would say it wasn't our fate or destiny to die in car crash today. Others would say that God was looking over us or that God saved us..."
"Do you believe that -fate...destiny? Or God?" Callie questions me "Some higher power that said it wasn't our time?"
"No, I don't believe that," I shook my head "I think we were simply lucky."
"I thought the same thing," Callie nods back, still with thoughtful look in her eyes
I lean towards Callie and place a kiss to her temple and then lean away just a little bit so I could see her eyes "I don't care if it was fate, luck, God or some higher power! I simply don't care! The only thing that matters to me, is that we all walked away from this. We are all alive! You and Cooper are the most important people in my life and I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you. I don't know If I could take loosing another kid or partner..."
"I love you too, mom!" Callie replies as she leans in to hugs be back tightly
"How about we try to go back to sleep, huh?" I ask Callie after what felt like half of minute in the hug
"Could we maybe crash on the couch together?" Callie asks me warily as she leans out of the hug. She looks down to her lap and admits shyly "I don't wanna be alone tonight"
"I thought you were never going to ask," I say with a small smirk. We both quickly empty the water glasses. Before I follow Callie out to living room, I place the glasses in the sink and turn off the light.
When I walked in the living room, Callie had already sitting on the couch with a blanket in her hand.
"Please don't drool on me this time," I say jokingly as I lay down on the outside
"I said I was sorry," Callie replies in slightly annoyed voice, but at the end she flashes a one sided, genuine smile at me
Callie lays on her side, between me and the couch rest. When Callie lays her head on my shoulder, I pull the blanket up to Callie's shoulders. I kiss her forehead one last time, before I close my eyes to try and get some sleep.
December 23rd
Ever since the car crash, Callie has been off. She had just become very quiet and she spent most of her time alone in her room. Callie barely spoke to us. Weirdly enough she has spent more time on her laptop these last 2-3 days, than she usually spends on her laptop in the two weeks.
The worst part - I had no idea what she was watching, reading or doing on that thing. Every time I asked her, she always replied with short answer – nothing. Whenever I tried to just peak a quick look to the screen she either closed the tab or shut the laptop close, before I could see anything. The thought about trying to see her browser history crossed my mind once, but I talked myself out of it. Privacy and trust is very important.
Not going to lie, I was slightly concerned about her. Taking in the fact that we went through traumatic experience 3 days ago, I had my worries and they were very reasonable.
Another important factor, is that sometimes, Callie simply just needs time to process stuff. She has always needed time alone, before she could talk to me about something. For the last two days, I hoped this was the case. I hoped that she would come to me.
But It was already a late afternoon and Callie still hadn't shown any sign that she might want to come and talk to me. So, I did the only thing I could - I went to her.
"Hey, munchkin!" I say cheerfully, when I walk in living room, where Callie was sitting with the laptop over her legs. The moment she had heard my voice, Callie closed the laptop shut quickly, so I wouldn't see what she was looking at.
"Hey," Callie replies casually, pretending that nothing was out of the ordinary. She had never been so secretive around me. This only started after the car crash.
"Is everything okay, Cal?" I ask her as I take few steps towards her
"Yeah! Everything is fine. Why...why do you ask?" Callie looks up to me with slightly surprised and scared look in her eyes
"I don't know," I shrug back. I remain standing still just two steps away from the couch and eye the young girl suspiciously "You have been acting very strange these last few days" I decided to go with a very straight forward reply. I didn't want to dance around the topic. I wanted to get some answers, because I needed to make sure that Callie was okay.
Callie laughs awkwardly, clearly a fake laugh "Strange? Why would I be acting strange, mom? I'm perfect!" Aha, sure you are!
"You tell me," I say as I sit down at the side of the couch. Callie instantly straightens her back and slides just a bit further away from me as she places her laptop on the table.
"Okay!" I have had it, I simply want to know what was going on in the head of the young girl "Callie, spill it! Just talk to me! Whatever it is – I won' t get mad, I will still love you the same..." Okay, that might have been a bit too bluntly!
I place my hand over hers and try a softer approach "Callie, I simply want to help you through…whatever it is that is bugging you so much!"
Callie pulled her hand away and stood up and walked further away from me, from the couch. I had just revived the cold shoulder from her. And it sucked! It actually hurt to see her pull away from me like that. She used to do that when she first got her, when she didn't trust me.
My shoulders slump down and my heart ached a little bit at the defeat of trying to reach out for her.
But the girl suddenly started to pace back and forth on the other side of the couch. I could see that her mind was racing with thousand of thoughts.
"Okay, so I have been thinking..." Callie spoke up when she had paced to the doorway. She turned on her heel to paced back inside the room and continued to speak in fast manner so she could catch up with her thoughts "...I should probably clarify that, I have been thinking a lot about my future ever since the car crash"
"Okay," I drag slowly as I watch the girl
"Do you remember few months back, you wanted to talk to me about my further education options...about colleges and stuff?"
"I do," I answer after recalling that short conversation "But I don't think we finished it-"
"Yeah, you were in the shootout and you were shot and almost died! And after that - which school I was going to chose or what I would study – it didn't matter anymore. At least not to the extent like before," Callie continued to rambled stopping me in half sentence, while she continued to pace around the room
"I'm sorry that I didn't brought it up after. I should have...I think it just...slipped my mind for a while, I was dealing with a lot-"I tried to explain myself
"No, no, no!" Callie calls out interjecting again "You don't have to explain or apologize! I'm not angry or blaming you for anything!" Callie had stopped pacing around for a little while "I'm just trying to tell you that I am...once again thinking about it"
"About what you want to do after school?" I ask to clarify
"Yes! More specifically, what I want to do with my life and education and what career path I want to take," Callie rambles out quickly
"I'm listening," I encourage her, when Callie once again starts to walk around the room
"So, um...I don't exactly know when I started to think about it, but I think it might have been even before I met you. For few years, I have been thinking that, maybe once I am grown up...I could do something that helps other. Not just kids like me, who were screwed up by the foster system, but just...overall...help people in some way" Callie explains as she keeps walking back and forth
She stopped at the other side of the coffee table and turned to me. Callie raised her left hand up and counted off things on her fingers "Well, okay, before I met you, I also thought that I won't ever be able to do or achieve anything -no support, no money, bad school,bad environment, I doubted myself if I was even smart enough for higher education, there were barely any chance at scholarship, barely any chance of actually finishing high school..." She lowered her hand down "You know, the odds were against me. Like...few years ago, the chances of me going to college were close to zero! But now...now that I have you, I have a chance!"
"You are smart enough. And I believe you can achieve anything you set your mind on, love. I will always believe in you and I will always have your back, no matter what!" I quickly interject to remind her the important stuff
"Thank mom!" Callie smiles back at me "Okay, so I was thinking - music or more specifically guitar is off the list because it's my hobby and I want it to keep it that way. Same goes for photography!"
Callie takes in a deep breath and runs her young over her dry lips "So, I have been thinking about the – helping people - career for a some while. I know I don't want to go to medical school and study medicine for like the next 10 years or so. I am not really fond of the foster care system, so a social worker is definitely out of the options. Lawyer is off the table as well, because the job simply doesn't seem to be like my calling. Then there are cops-" Callie pauses and smirks at me, a little smile appears on "...but I am not in a good relationship with guns. Also I don't really like cops-"
"Whoa..hey, hey...watch what you are saying, kiddo!" I call out in fake hurt tone
"Joke!" Callie flashes a smile back and then resumes to count off her list " Then there are teachers, like Lena – but nah, I don't think I would be able to work with small bugger eaters 5 days in a weak!"
"I'm pretty sure you were a bugger eater as well" I joke back
"Can you imagine me with 30 little bugger eaters who scream at the top of their lungs and not listen to a word you say, spit gum in each other hair, pull each other hair, cry for no reason. I would go mad in two weeks!" Callie reasons backs
"Point taken. Move on!" I nod back "So what is left?" I raise my eyebrow at her as I simply couldn't think of any other profession right now
"EMT worker!" Callie straighter her stance and says it with a lot more confidence
I blink back at her – I was not expecting that.
"Say something," Callie says nervously, picking her own fingernails
I suck in a breath thinking I would say something, but no words come out. The fact was, that I was taken by surprise and I needed few seconds to wrap my head around what Callie had just said.
"Mom," Callie says warily "3 minutes ago you said you would have my back and that you believed in me..."
"Give me few seconds," I manage to get out still shocked. I was trying to think of all of the questions I needed to ask her. I needed to make sure she was ready for what she wanted to do, I needed to make sure she understands the job.
"Okay," Callie moves her arms to her side and for the next minute she just stands there awkwardly, waiting till I come out of the daze. I could hear crickets from outside. The clock was ticking away the seconds.
"Okay!" I say a bit more enthusiastic and I shift a little in my seat telling Callie that I was ready to respond appropriately to what she had just told me "EMT worker..." I gestured a little with my hand "May I ask, why is EMT worker at the top of your list?"
Callie resumed to pick her fingernails "I'm not exactly sure. Ever since the car crash, ever since we helped the two people who were hurt in the Audi, something inside me is telling me - that's it! That's what I want to do! We helped those two people in the car -I helped to save someone's life. It's such an uplifting feeling! I saw how the EMT worker helped the guy trapped in the car...and I just...I want to do that! It was...so bad ass!"
"Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm simply just trying to understand, but weren't you scared. Your hands were shaking-"
"It wasn't from when we helped the people," Callie explained "It was because I thought we were going to die in a car crash 5 minutes ago. I was still high on adrenaline from car crash, when I was helping Tom in the car. Once the EMT took over, I finally wrapped my head around what had happened. And it just all came crashing down on me. It wasn't the blood or bones or horrible sight in the Audi that scared me, it was the fact, that we were almost in a car crash...that I almost lost you"
"Okay," I nod back "But you do understand that EMT workers see a lot of...horrible stuff, just like cops or doctors."
"Yeah, I'm aware. But it I can take...horrible sights. I have already seen horrible things in my life. I know that EMT job is not a walk in park. I don't expect it to be. It will be a challenge for sure, but I am ready for it! I want to help people!"
"What about seeing people die in your hands?" I ask her next. This clearly came with the territory, just like it does with being a police officer or a doctor. Death is inevitable. I needed to make sure, Callie understands that. For some people, this might be too much. Some people are simply not up for the job and there is no shame in it. These jobs are not for everyone.
"I know how life works. I know some people simply can't be saved. It would be hard, but I think I would...somehow deal with it," Callie responds after hesitating a little, I think she hadn't thought about actually seeing people die
"How would you deal with something like that – losing someone? Not being able to save a person?" I ask her curiously. This was the harsh reality – sometimes people die. And there is nothing you can do about it. You can do everything right, you can be there as fast as possible– but people still can die.
"You taught me that I can't bury stuff inside, that the only way to actually deal and try to get over horrible stuff is to talk to someone about it. So I would do just that. It doesn't really matter with whom I talk, what matters is that I talk about it and don't try to deal with it on my own. Asking for help is not a weakness. It's a strength. Not everyone can admit that they need help," Callie sounded very mature when she spoke. I was truly proud of her. I smile back at her answer.
But I don't wait too long to move on to the next point in my list of things I wanted to ask or say to Callie "EMT work can be just as dangerous as police officers. Not only that, but you also would have to work in extreme situations – fires, crashes, shootings, stabbings, gas explosions. Time is of essence. One mistake can cause people lives. You would be risking your own life, to save others..." I simply wanted Callie to be aware of this. I don't want her to wake up one day and realize she has made a huge mistake by signing up to this job.
"Yes, I know the job can be dangerous. No one can predict what might happen. But honestly speaking, mom, I would never be able to sit behind a desk mom. That's not me!" Callie responds staring straight at my eyes
"EMT workers don't have the biggest salary. They work long hours, the job is hard, but the salary is not as high as you think they would receive!"
"Yeah, I know!" Callie replies instantly "I looked it up. The lowest salary is around 20k, but the top is around 50k. I know it's not much, but I don't spend much. I'm not the girl that has to have closet full of clothes, hundredths of jewelry, newest car, biggest TV or go to some fancy restaurants every other day! I don't go on huge shopping sprees and buy stuff spontaneously without thinking about it. I'm frugal! Not extreme coupon freak, but I am a saver! Actually, I don't really care about how much I would earn, I simply just want to help people..."
"Well, you don't think about money now, but trust me, when you start your own family, when you have to pay your own bills, buy your own food, repair the car by your own - the money gets spent way more faster than you like. You will probably have kids later on in life and you need to be able to take care of them as well," I tell her from experience
"Are you saying that all the EMT workers are poor?" Callie raises her eyebrow at me
"No, I did not say that. They are not poor, but neither one is rich as well. They are mediocre."
"I'm fine with being mediocre," Callie replies without hesitation and certainly in he voice "I don't want to be rich. I simply want to have and live a happy life. A life where I am doing something I like and where I am surrounded by people I love."
I smile up to my girl "So you really want to be an EMT worker?"
"Yes!" She states back without missing a beat
"You are not going to change your mind?"
"No, this is what I want! This is what I want to do!" Callie says with certainty. There was this spark in her eyes, that told me, she really was thinking about this seriously.
She picks up the laptop and comes around the coffee table to sit down next to me "I already looked up different schools where I could study, you wanna see?" Callie asks sitting with her laptop on her lap
"Sure. Let's have a look!" I say enthusiastic and scoot a little bit closer when Callie opens her laptop to show me the sites
AN2: So, what do you guys think - Callie working as EMT? Yes or no? Did any of you expected it?
On a side note - one more chapter till I reach 100! I am really excited!