A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, if I didn't respond to your review, I apologize. It's a little difficult for me to keep track of who I responded to and who I didn't. I get my review alerts on my Blackberry then I have to go to my mailbox later to reply, so sometimes I miss someone. We're still in "Seventeen Candles," and we're slowly working our way toward the end of the episode. I still haven't decided how I'm going to deal with the Thanksgiving episode, whether I'm going to re-write it or not, so pray that inspiration strikes soon. :D This is a Blair-centric chapter, but I felt hers was the character that really needed the most evolution in this episode, so she's my concentration in this scene. I hope you all like the little changes I've made to this part of the episode.

Disclaimer: I don't own Blair, Chuck, or Gossip Girl. If I did, Blair would realize that Nate is a whiney baby and Chuck is all the man a girl could ever need.

Warnings: T for occasional language and adult themes; may change to M in later chapters.

IF ONLY

Chapter 5

"Wake Up"

It was absolutely uncanny; only he was able to astound and fascinate her simultaneously. Blair stood on the silent balcony, staring at the doorway through which Chuck had made his exit, and her feet were itching to follow him. To demand an explanation for his behavior. To curse him for the curious way her heart had skipped when she realized what he'd been trying not to tell her.

When she finally found the ability, she turned to stare out at the lights of the city, which were twinkling mockingly at her. As she leaned against the railing, she wondered how she had dismissed the possibility that last night had meant something to him. Running the events of the last twenty-four hours through her head in retrospect, it should have been obvious.

Now she had a dear friend, a lover, that she'd hurt deeply and a confusion festering in her mind. Frustration at this turn of events caused her to start walking the floor, trying to think of what she could do about the situation that she now found herself in.

As she often did when she could find no answer to a problem she was faced with, Blair allowed scenes from her favorite Audrey Hepburn movies to scroll through her mind's eye. Most of the time, the images had a calming effect that help to clear her head, and, quite often, she found a solution to her problem in one of the classic stories.

When a scene from My Fair Lady flashed through her head, she froze the image, remembering the story of a hard-headed woman who depended on the twisted friendship of a confirmed bachelor, one who regarded women as frivolous and disposable creatures. The resemblance to her own strange relationship with Chuck struck her hard and she couldn't help but remember how the characters of Eliza and Henry eventually found that they loved and needed each other.

Two of the most unlikely people had been soul-mates.

Trying to knock the thought out of her head, she realized that it must be getting late, so she stopped where her pacing had taken her and pulled out her phone to check the time. Upon seeing "11:25 p.m." glaring from the digital display, she had to stifle a gasp. The evening had gotten so late without her noticing… and without Nate bothering to show up. When that thought didn't destroy her, didn't cause a single tear to well up in her throat, she knew: she and Nate were over for good this time.

Just as she was about to breath a sigh of relief, she felt a pair of eyes on her, causing the tiny hairs on her arms to stand on end. Staring at the wall in front of her, she lingered, anticipating the person's approach, trying to keep the nervous beating of her heart down to a dull roar. Her body's reaction to the presence behind her gave her a clue as to the identity of her companion, so she kept her position and waited to see where this conversation would go.

It seemed like forever before she felt the heat radiating off of his body in contrast to the cool night air, and even longer before Chuck spoke quietly, without any of his normal guile. "What are you still doing out her all alone?"

The words were almost tender, a verbal caress that caused a shiver to race down her spine. She allowed herself a silent cheer of joy that he wasn't putting on his act, speaking as if their most recent conversation never happened. It felt as if he'd called a truce; he wouldn't deny it if she didn't.

Unfortunately, Blair turned to him, cell phone in hand, and said the first thing that popped into her head. "Nate didn't showed up, but he always calls at midnight when it turns into my birthday."

When she saw how taken aback he'd been at the thoughts supposedly occupying her mind, she instantly regretted her words. His response came out dull and lifeless, as if the emotions he bared earlier had been drained from his body. "Well. I wouldn't count on it tonight." The bitterness displayed on his face told her the unspoken truce between them was officially off, less than five minutes after its conception.

Even with the curious vulnerability he was displaying tonight, something about the words caused suspicion to rise in her mind. "What do you mean by that?"

He seemed to be thinking hard about what he was about to say, as if Chuck knew it wasn't something she should hear. "Doesn't it strike you as an odd coincidence?" His hands were shoved into his pockets and his eyes found the floor as he spoke. "Nate deciding that he wants to get back together moments after your mom puts the brakes on her business deal with the Captain?"

A dull ache began to spread through her chest, as if someone had cut her severely, somewhere deep inside the cavity. "What are you saying, Bass? That Nate's only been pretending to like me? That he's been using me to get to my mom?"

His eyebrows rose on his forehead and he had the gall to look innocent. "Convenient timing. That's all I'm saying." The knife twisted in her unseen wound and suddenly she knew that this wasn't supposition; even her heart was certain of the accuracy of his words. The innocence on his face was a mask for the pain he knew he was causing her.

"I think you know more than you're saying." Taking a deep breath, she sighed as she expelled the pain she was feeling through her gaze, opening her emotions to him. "I know it may be difficult for someone like you to accomplish, but I want you to tell me the truth, Chuck." She fixed him with a no-nonsense glare, an unuttered threat laced through her words, "All of it."

For a moment, Chuck looked as if he was going to deny her the information, then his posture changed from guarded to slumped with a sigh. "The singular reason I'm aware of this fact is because he told me." A half-hearted shrug barely raised his shoulders as he continued, "This morning he showed up at my suite, asking my advice. His mother wanted him to restart the epic saga that was your relationship. For him to give you her Vanderbilt ring as a birthday present to ensure some twisted type of loyalty."

A surprised gasp escaped her lips at mention of the ring and she shook her head in dismay at this development. "He wouldn't do that."

"He obviously hasn't yet, but, yes, he most certainly would." An expression of disgust at his friend's lack of backbone crossed his face. "If it was for his family, you know he would do anything… even manipulate you."

The quiet amazement at this revelation was written upon her face, but Blair's voice was stoically strong. "Are you sure about the ring?"

A wall of stone was erected in front of whatever emotion should have been in his eyes. "I saw the box. He'd been carrying it around in his pocked all morning, apparently trying to work up the courage to do the deed. To deceive your innate trust in his honorable intentions." There was a slight flicker of emotion on his face, so fast that Blair didn't catch it, and then he turned his eyes back out to the night sky.

The betrayal of her ex-boyfriend, someone whom she'd known and loved for years, should have struck a fatal blow. Her pain from just a few moments before should be staggering. Her heart should be shattering into a million tiny pieces…

But, again, all she could feel was relief; the liberation from a cell that she hadn't known she'd occupied.

Her companion's silence was starting to worry her; Chuck should be rejoicing in revealing the trickery of his only rival for her affection. The back of his head couldn't tell her anything but that he didn't want her to see the look on his face.

With a note of confidence in her voice, she spoke the words that she knew would cause him to look in her direction again. "It's a good thing I wasn't going to get back together with him tonight, huh?"

The speed with which his head turned would have been undignified on any other man. "What?" Chuck's face was the definition of shocked beyond all belief. "But, I thought…"

"That I was weak? That I would just go running back to him like I do every time?" The mirthless laugh that came from her mouth left no doubt as to her opinion of that assessment. "I'll tell you that I considered it." Shaking her head, she laid a hand on his arm, which rested on the railing, and the muscle beneath her hand tensed. "I spent the day trying to think of a single reason why I should, but I couldn't find one." Now giggle was cheered, finding how much she had changed and his subsequent reaction absolutely amusing. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi-truck. "You're surprised?"

"Astounded, actually," although his words sounded anything but. Chuck slowly pulled his arm out from under her hand, causing her to lift it, and continued on in his normal air of apathy, "It was only moments ago that you still planned to hear from him at midnight."

Recognizing the barriers erected in his gaze as a protection she herself used, her understanding of his internal thought process was immediate: Chuck Bass was thinking of his place in all of this. He had become a spurned lover, and neither his best friend's feelings, nor hers came above his own; his skepticism was guarding his own heart.

"I was only expecting him at the party because I was eager to get the unpleasant task of breaking up with him over with as soon as possible." She attempted a nostalgic smile, "And I was only waiting for the call of a friend to wish me a Happy Birthday." With a shrug, she looked back out on the city lights, "I still am."

Chuck's words came through the night air, cool and confident, "And I still don't think he'll call."

Blair turned to face him, he had walked to her right side, and her eyes met his. "I don't see why he wouldn't." Her security in her position was fused with her words, "Especially if he thinks he still has a chance with me."

A glint of mischief lit his determined eyes, "Care to make a wager?" For the first time that night, the hint of a smirk lifted his lips, "If he calls, I'll leave you alone forever… if he doesn't, you spend the night with me."

She met his smirk with one of her own. "I don't think so, Bass…" Shaking her head with mock regret, she raised her eyebrows in challenge, "You're gonna lose."

A predatory gleam brightened his eyes, "Oh, I know I'll lose." Before she could show her confusion at his words, he continued, "Because either way, you win."

As he walked away, chuckling at his own idea of a joke, Blair did nothing to contest his departure; there was no reason to reply. But, when she turned her eyes back to her phone, she found herself silently willing it not to ring.

A/N: Well, there it is, the second most anticipated conversation of episode 108. How long will it take me to get to the third? There's no telling, but I can tell you that reviews inspire me.