A/N: The only thing I wish to address about this chapter is one change that I made to a portion of it that is kind of major. You'll definitely notice it, especially if you've watched this episode a bazillion times, like I have. :lol: I just hope that ya'll can accept the change and understand why I did it: I'm trying to build a firm foundation for our couple, one that won't easily crumble. I think you'll see how things come together once I get the next chapter written. Another thing, I've now decided that dialogue from any episode is fair game. If you recognize a line from a later episode that I've used in this one, it won't be used again; this means that I loved the line, just thought it went better in my context. :lol: Oh, and please don't hate me for where I ended this chapter; I was having great difficulty finding an end note. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Blair, Chuck, or Gossip Girl. If I did, Blair would realize that Nate is a whiney baby and Chuck is all the man a girl could ever need.

Warnings: T for occasional language and adult themes; may change to M in later chapters.

IF ONLY

Chapter 6

"We All Know"

His smug departure from just moments before had vanished beneath the crushing weight of embarrassment that Chuck now felt. It was completely irrational, the way that he couldn't seem hold his tongue in her presence; Blair had a peculiar hold over him that caused him to lose all sense of secrecy. He'd spilled like an overflowing cup when she asked him to tell the truth. The fact that she'd implicitly believed the secret he revealed about Nate's intentions had bowled him over, loosening his normally tight hold on his thoughts. It appeared as if she actually trusted him; his nervous rambling proved he didn't know how to handle that kind of responsibility.

Chuck's retreat from the balcony had found him beating a path to the bar and downing three glasses of the scotch that Serena had directed him to earlier. The liquid burned his throat on the way down and relaxed his pounding heart, but did little to ease his discomfort at how out of control this evening had gotten. His brow was actually covered with sweat from his formerly racing pulse, so he made his way to the bathroom.

After splashing his face with water and toweling it dry, Chuck stared at his face in the mirror. Normally he was quite pleased with what he saw in the glass; the chiseled jaw-line, dark hair, and deceivingly bright brown eyes fit the image of evil that he portrayed on a daily basis quite well. But, at this moment, there was something different about his reflection and his inability to put a name to it was causing his skin to crawl.

His features were the same as they had been every other morning this week, but his unguarded face still looked foreign to his own eyes. Therein was the change, he decided. His eyes were wide and unquestioning, causing the rest of his face to look more open.

The resulting expression was the epitome of vulnerable and trustworthy.

With a sigh, Chuck lowered himself to sit on the closed toilet seat, shaking his head at what had just become fact in his mind: it was no longer hard to believe how or why Blair trusted him. His face betrayed everything thought that ran through his mind. It was like he was no longer capable of the deception that he'd hidden behind for so long. When it came to all things Blair, it seemed to be the case, anyway.

It wasn't a wonder why Blair had placed her trust in him; he would've believed himself, too.

Blair had remained on the terrace for about five minutes more than Chuck had, watching the headlights speeding down the Verazzano Bridge sparkle and considering how she wanted the break-up with Nate to play out. If he called, there was no question; she would tell him right then that she was no longer his. But if Chuck was correct to assume that Nate wouldn't call, she wasn't sure what she would do. Should she call him? Ask to meet him tomorrow? Or would a simple text message be the best course of action?

When she did enter the apartment, she took a seat at the bar and set her phone on the counter. Waving the bar tender away when he offered her a drink, she realized that she really didn't need the relaxing sensation the liquid would provide. She would be okay, eventually. It's not like letting go of her life with Nate would be particularly easy, but the loneliness had yet to sink in. Especially with the Chuck situation dominating her mind.

Almost as if Chuck could hear her thoughts, there were soft words spoken close to her ear, "12:01… I'm sorry." He had impeccable timing as usual, but she wasn't startled. There was no way that he could know she had just been thinking about him and his place in this whole mess.

Keeping her eyes from meeting his, she sighed and refused to believe it sounded defeated. "If you're coming to collect you can forget it." Her decision about Nate was still weighing on her mind, and Chuck's presence was only serving to distract her. He wasn't making it easy to concentrate on how to break-up with Nate by showing up wherever she turned. It was beginning to annoy her, yet a part of her couldn't deny how sweet he'd been since his blow-up at her earlier.

Wait… since when had she started to think anything Chuck Bass did was sweet?

While she was staring at a bottle on the other side of the bar, she felt hands gently touch her sheer-covered shoulders. "Turn around." Again, his voice was entirely too close for comfort, and the fingers massaging her skin were only serving to make her nervous. What if someone saw? As far as everyone else knew, she was still with Nate, and if someone noticed Chuck comforting her, they would know that something was up. Chuck's behavior had been abnormal all night and she couldn't risk someone reading into it, even if the conclusion they would come to was correct. She had to do her best to get him to back off, at least for the moment.

Whipping her head back to look at him, she spoke through clenched teeth; "You get grosser by the second." Maybe if she acted bitchy he would get the hint.

Her irritation at him was soothed slightly by the look on his face and the sound of his voice as he sighed, "You get older. Look." Turning her head to follow where his finger pointed, she turned just in time to see Serena set an elaborate cake down on the counter next to her.

Serena was extremely excited and her voice bubbled with glee, "Happy Birthday, B!" Clapping her hands, she gestured toward the candles on the cake, "Make a wish!"

Blair would have to contemplate why she was developing a soft spot for a certain Bass later; right now she had to act her part flawlessly. Taking a moment to build the suspense, she breathed deeply and extinguished all eight of the candles at once. Applause broke out and she smiled, doing her best to avoid searching out the look on Chuck's face.

When the surrounding partygoers burst into the traditional Happy Birthday tune, Blair felt Serena's arms surround her in a happy hug. "What did you wish for?"

Panicking at her friend's question, Blair broke free of the embrace and began to walk away. Just as she prepared herself to change the subject, every phone in the room went off, including the one in her hand. Stopping her hasty retreat, she opened the device to see a snapshot of her ex-boyfriend in the arms of a blond, whose face was hidden. Now she was kind of wishing she had that drink.

As she waited for everyone else to get the news, she heard gasps and exclamations, but all she could feel was numb. The other shoe had dropped and now everyone would know.

Serena came around her and looked into her eyes, a nervous look on her face and a tremor in her voice. "I'm so sorry; I never thought this would happen. Maybe she's wrong? It wouldn't be the first time."

All of a sudden, Is burst out with, "I hope the slut gave him herpes!"

Kati's equally as helpful response was, "Cheater totally deserves herpes!"

The only thing that Blair could say was, "He's not cheating." Her own voice sounded foreign to her ears, unfeeling and numb, "We broke up last night." She threw her hands up in the air, "I ended it; it's over." Standing stock still, in the middle of a room filled with people who judged her on a daily basis, she tried to explain why. "He was trying to get back together with me, but only so that my mom would help his dad."

With those final, babbling words, spoken more for her own heart than the crowd, she turned and calmly stalked toward the hallway, ignoring Serena's cries for her to stop and the look of contrition on Chuck's face.

When Blair reached one of the open bedrooms, she tried to close the door, but a hand halted the slab of wood. "Blair!" Serena looked frantic, "You can talk to me!"

The emotion that has previously eluded her, sadness, now welled up in Blair's throat, bringing tears to her eyes. "We ended it," she sighed, "I wanted to tell you, but I thought it if I didn't say anything that it would just go away." Her composure was hanging by a thread, but her voice stayed steady. "I only decided an hour ago that I wasn't going to take him back and now this happens?" She shook her head, causing a teardrop to trail down her cheek, "I hadn't even told him yet and he's already with another girl." A wan smile spread her lips thinly, "I guess I made the right decision."

"I'm so sorry, B," whispered Serena, as she enveloped her friend in a hug.

The comfort of the embrace helped to steel Blair's resolve, at least enough to give Serena one final piece of information. "It was my birthday wish that I would find a way to break-up with him…" She pulled away to give her friend a brave smile, "I guess this was my answer."

Before Serena could comment, Blair blurted out, "I think I need to get out of here."

When she pushed past the blonde, Serena called, "I'll go with you!"

"No, I just wanna be alone right now, S," was Blair's dismissal. "I'll call you later." With a cold smile, she began her departure from the perfect birthday party and did her best to ignore the stares that followed her all the way to the elevator.

The cigarette smoke burning his lungs had a strange clarifying effect on Chuck's racing thoughts. When Blair had retreated to, presumably, cry on Serena's shoulders about the break-up, he decided that he needed some fresh air. Now he was leaning against an outside wall of the apartment building, trying to process her reaction to Nate's betrayal.

Watching such a strong spirit break was neither a usual occurrence nor an easy thing to do, but never before had he wanted to comfort someone so badly. He had the strongest urge to grab her gift, which he had left in the limo until the right moment presented itself, and take it up to her. It would offer his sympathy and prove where his allegiances lay all at once.

Besides, it may just bring a smile to the sad eyes and downfallen face that she'd left the room with.

Her reaction had startled him, to say the least, and his confusion at this turn of events was tangible. On one hand, he was extremely proud of Nate for not giving into his parents for the millionth time in his life, but, on the other, he wished that Nate hadn't broken Blair's heart in the process. She'd put on such a strong, "over it," attitude earlier on in the evening, but broke down when the message appeared for everyone to see. The public proclamation must have caused the end of her relationship to become real to her at that moment, robbing her of her strength.

She looked broken and all Chuck wanted to do was find Nate to make him fix her.

Trying not to think about how much that urge conflicted with his personal interests regarding the Blair issue, he was startled when the object of his reluctant affection burst through the doors of the building into the night. For a moment, he took in her determined appearance and the way her gaze traveled up and down the street; she seemed to be looking for something.

Pushing the hope that he was that something she sought from his mind, he shouted, "Blair!"

She glanced back at the sound of his voice, and when he threw down the used cigarette butt to grind it into the ground with his toe, she scoffed, "Don't stop on my account."

The stance she held herself in was guarded, but she didn't run when he began to walk slowly toward her. "Blair," he reached out and ran his fingers down her arm as he breathed, "I'm sorry about what he did."

Again, she scoffed at his actions, "No, you're smarmy… There's a difference, Chuck." Turning from him, she began to walk away.

His arm slowly dropped to his side as he called her name, yet again, this time through gritted teeth. "Blair," he threw his arms in the air as the exasperation overtook him, "Where are you going?"

Though his actions weren't dignified, he was rewarded with a sarcastic chuckle. "I'm trying to find a cab so that I can get the hell out of here," she rambled. "There's no one I want to be around right now… I want to go home and crawl under the covers until this all blows over."

"Queen B, running from a scandal." He made a tsking sound with his tongue, "Who would have thought it possible?" Her expression was one of disbelief when he gestured to his limo, waiting silently in the shadows of the building, "You're chariot… or should I say getaway car, awaits, milady."

Blair's expression was one of disbelief as she shook her head, at his offer. "No. I'm not getting into that thing with you." Her hands found her hips as she stood her ground. "Rides in that limo always come with strings attached."

His first inclination was to laugh at her words; they were true, mostly. "In this case, I'm willing to make an exception." What he wanted most right now was her, safe in side his car and not waiting for a cab that would probably never show up. "Tonight is a special occasion."

"My birthday?" This time, her laugh was cynical. "This is pretty much the worst birthday, ever."

Thinking of her gift sitting on the seat just inside the limo door, he smirked, "Maybe it can be salvaged."

Her eyes rolled, "I'm not in the mood right now, Chuck."

This time his eyes were the ones rolling. It was as if she thought he would try anything when she so obviously wasn't interested right now; he knew that his reputation suggested he would, but she wasn't some disposable chick. One of his hands gripped the door handle, while the other indicated the entryway that was revealed once the door was open. "Get your mind out of the gutter and get in the car, Waldorf."

She stood there, her eyes glued to the hand waiting to help her into the car and he sighed. There was no way he would back down from this, so he was left to wait for her to give in; this could be a long night.

A/N: :ducks: Don't hate me! I had to leave things there! It was necessary in order to make things flow the way they do in my head. A lot of you will think that you know where next chapter is heading, but I have two ideas in mind that may surprise you. Leave me a review to tell me what you thought of the change I made. :D