Chapter 15: Felix & Kala
In which Felix talks to Kala
Felix is the one tasked with buying Kala a sleeping bag, so he does, except the only one they have at Goodwill is neon purple and patterned with unicorns.
"Sorry it looks like it's for a ten-year-old," he mutters as he hands it to her that night, but Kala just hugs him and looks like she wants to cry.
"Thank you," she says, and Felix shrugs and nods and looks at Wolfgang, who's staring at Kala like she hung the moon.
Felix smiles. "You're welcome."
o - o - o
Felix likes Kala. He likes her soft smile and the way she makes Wolfgang laugh and how she's always awake in the early morning, reading books he's sure he'd be too stupid to understand.
He asks her once, one morning, what she's reading. Lito and Wolfgang aren't back yet and the others are still asleep, but Kala is sitting up in her purple sleeping bag, a book in her lap, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.
"Oh, it's just, um. A book about chemistry," she tells him, sounding embarrassed. "I know that's terribly nerdy, isn't it? I just—"
"No," says Felix, "it's cool. Science and shit. That's cool."
"You like science?" asks Kala, her eyes lighting up.
"Well, not really," Felix admits. "Reminds me of school."
"I see," Kala says with a smile. "Not a fan of school then?"
"Nah," Felix laughs. "I dropped out in sixth grade and I don't miss it one fucking bit," he says.
"Sixth grade?" repeats Kala, her smile faltering. "Is that—" She hesitates. "Is that when…"
"I ran away from foster care, yeah." Felix plucks the book from her hands and begins to flip through it idly. "It's fine though. I told you, I don't miss it."
Kala looks unconvinced. Felix hands her back the book. "You like it though, huh?" he asks. "School."
"I do," says Kala softly.
"You think you'll go back in the fall?"
"I don't know. I hadn't— I hadn't really thought about it." She pauses. "Do… do none of you go to school?" she asks after a moment.
Felix shakes his head.
"It would be my senior year," Kala murmurs.
Felix doesn't know much about high school, but he knows it must be better than living in a shithole abandoned church and panhandling for money. For a moment he imagines an alternate Kala, laughing with friends, going to prom, applying to college.
"Kala," he says, "do you have a… a family, or something?"
"I do," says Kala, but she doesn't elaborate, which Felix presumes is her way of saying they're a bunch of shitheads.
"Right," he sighs. "I just— I mean, the rest of our lives are kind of already fucked. But you… yours isn't. You have, like— a future."
"You think I'm too good to stay here or something?" Kala asks quietly, glancing away.
Yes, Felix thinks. "No," he says. "I want you to stay here; I just don't want you to…" He shakes his head. "Look, you're fucking smart. You should finish high school and go to college and cure cancer or some shit."
Kala stares down at the book in her hands.
"Kala?"
"I've never belonged anywhere," Kala mumbles, and fuck, she's crying. "Not at home, not at school, not with Rajan." She rubs her eyes. "But you guys b-bought me a sleeping bag. You let me stay. You make me feel— feel like—"
"Like you belong," Felix mutters.
Kala nods, eyes shining with tears. "And like I'm part of a family," she says.
Felix nods too, because he understands. He understands wanting a family.
"And Felix," Kala says gently, "I still have a future. We all still have futures."
Felix raises his eyebrows. "My mom was a junkie who left me behind at a crackhouse when I was five," he says. "I'm pretty sure I never had a future."
Kala takes his hand in hers. "Having a sad past and a hard present does not mean you have no future," she replies. "As long as you're alive, you have a future."
Which isn't true, Felix knows.
But it's a nice thought.