Well, I tried to light a fire under Jane…think maybe she is finally coming around…I hope everyone continues to enjoy…looking forward to sharing more…Thanks again for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites…you guys are great!
Chapter 9- An Almost Perfect Weekend
The table was set with a white linen table cloth, white linen napkins and in Jane's opinion one too many forks. She looked over the place setting in front of her, studying the many different forks, knives and spoons. Jane let out an exasperated sigh, not sure what to do with all of the silverware that seemed to be silently mocking her. Feeling Maura shift next to her on the right, she looked up to see a concerned set of hazel eyes watching her intently.
"Um…what's all this?" Jane shrugged her shoulders as she picked up the two forks to her left.
"The small one is the salad fork and the larger one to its right is the dinner fork." Maura tried to smile at Jane, who was now scowling.
"You mean the salad has its own fork?" Jane said, setting both forks down. 'Funny that…the Rizzoli's only used one fork…for everything…' Jane thought to herself. "What about the spoons and knives?" She carefully poked a knife with her right index finger as if it might jump up and bite her.
"This knife…" Maura said holding up the knife to the right of the plate. "Is the dinner knife, and the one next to it is the fish knife. The spoon next to the fish knife is the dinner spoon and the outside spoon here, is the soup spoon." Maura paused then continued. "And the spoon and fork at the top of the plate are for dessert."
"Are we having fish?" Jane grimaced.
"Um, actually no..." Maura gave Jane a reassuring smile.
"Then why have it out…really Maur…too much to choose from. How will I know which to use?" Jane could feel that familiar tightening in her stomach as she realized that she was completely out of her element at the Isles dinner table. This was nothing like the Rizzoli 'free for all' she was used to.
"It will be alright Jane, just follow my lead." Maura chuckled softly as Jane rolled her eyes.
"I mean…four glasses…what in the world are they for?" Jane pointed to the four empty glasses to the right of her plate. "You have four drinks with your dinner?"
"Well, the first one is for your water, then the red wine, the white wine and finally the champagne." Maura explained.
"Champagne? You have champagne with dinner?" Jane asked as she quirked an eyebrow at Maura in question.
"It is not an everyday occurrence, but yes, sometimes we do." Maura sighed.
"Wow…and we just get a sip at New Year's…" Jane blew out a breath in awe. "That's pretty cool Maur…" Jane started to say, but was interrupted by a tall, slender, dark-haired woman who slipped into the seat across from her.
A steely gaze studied the dark haired girl sitting next to Maura with curiosity and a little uncertainty. Constance Isles had heard perhaps too much about the girl named Jane Rizzoli who now sat across from her with a surly look on her face. Her eyes trailed over to her daughter and the mile wide smile on her face and then back to Jane who boldly gazed back at her. Reaching for the small bell that sat next to her right hand, she picked it up and rang it a few times before a middle aged woman entered.
"Yes Dr. Isles…what can I do for you." The woman asked with a slight bow of her head.
"Berta, would you please remove everything from the table that we won't need tonight." Constance asked pleasantly enough.
Maura gave her a questioning look.
"I thought we would simply have our entrée with a salad and bread, followed by dessert…" Constance answered her daughter's unspoken question.
Maura could almost feel the tension escape Jane as she relaxed in her seat at the thought of not having to figure out which knife, spoon, or fork to use.
"So Maura, this is your friend Jane Rizzoli…" Constance gave a slight nod in Jane's direction.
"Yes mother, this is Jane." Maura couldn't hide the grin that was threatening to split her face wide open.
Brown eyes met a deep, dark blue as Jane and Constance sized each other up. Maura's mother had dark hair that hung around her shoulders in perfect curls, nothing like the honey-blonde that Maura had. Their eyes were also different, where Maura's were a bright hazel with flecks of green, Constance had dark blue eyes that reminded Jane of the sky after a thunderstorm, or maybe it was just the way Constance was looking at her at the moment. With Constance's dark hair, darker complexion, and dark blue eyes, she looked more like a Rizzoli than Maura's mother. "Maybe she looks like her Dad…" Jane mused to herself as she studied mother and daughter.
"I guess by the look on Jane's face, you didn't tell her you were adopted." Constance said without any restraint.
"Um…no I didn't…" Maura shook her head, feeling slightly guilty for not telling Jane, but also a little afraid of what Jane would think of her.
"You're adopted?" Jane asked, sitting straighter in her chair. "I guess that explains a lot." She said under her breath.
"Yes, I suppose it would…" Constance said with a tilt of her head. "I am surprised Maura, you usually don't shy away from the subject of your adoption."
"I haven't shied away from it Mother, I just simply haven't gotten around to the subject yet." Maura stiffened in her seat.
"Hey Maur, its cool…we can talk all about it later…" Jane could sense the underlying tension between mother and daughter.
"Yes Maur…" Constance said with a tight, contemptuous voice.
Jane had a feeling that Maura's mother didn't care for the nickname she had used, but Maura had never said it bothered her.
As the three of them sat quietly, Jane began to feel uncomfortable under the determined gaze of Constance as she regarded Jane with an air authority. It was the same type of authority that caused Jane to feel defiant, but she quelled that feeling for Maura's sake.
An uncomfortable silence permeated the room until their salads were brought out and placed in front of them. The first salad was placed in front of Jane and without much thought; she began to dig in as two sets of surprised eyes watched. Jane looked up, salad hanging from her mouth with a slight grin on her face.
Maura nervously cleared her throat as her salad was placed in front of her following Jane's. Before the next salad was served, Maura took a bite of hers, challenging her mother's look of disbelief. It was customary for the Isles to wait for each person to be served before eating, but Maura didn't want to embarrass Jane.
"Do you ever get confused…you know… which Dr. Isles people are referring to… since there are two Dr. Isles in your family?" Jane ventured to start the conversation back up between bites of salad.
"No." Maura's mother gave Jane a pointed look.
"I guess you'll all be Dr. Isles when Maura finishes medical school. That will be kinda neat."
"Yes, neat." Constance took a bite of her salad. She gave Maura a stern look as she continued to eat. She wasn't sure she liked the way that Maura was acting, but then her expression soften as she realized what Maura was doing. Knowing that Maura was not good at reading people, she was surprised to see how attuned her daughter had become to the dark haired girl next to her.
As they continued to eat, Jane watched the unspoken conversation that seemed to pass between mother and daughter. She couldn't help but feel that this silent dialogue was about her and it made her nervous. She didn't want to embarrass Maura or herself so she continued to eat in silence.
When they had finished their salads and their plates quickly whisked away, only to be replaced by another, larger plate, Jane looked down at her food. Curiosity got the better of her, so she gave it a poke with her fork. "Um, what is this Maur?"
"Coq au vin…" Maura gave Jane a small smile
"I know what coco puffs are, but I'm not sure what this is." Jane furrowed her brow.
"It is French braise of chicken cooked with wine, lardoons, mushrooms, and garlic. It's one of Maura's favorite dishes." Constance tried to smile at Jane.
"Wow. French food huh? I guess it must be something you picked up at that fancy French boarding school you went to." Jane said as she moved her fork around the plate before her.
Maura averted her eyes from her mother and gave a small nod.
"I'm glad you decided to come back to Boston." Jane took a bite of her food. She smiled when she realized how good it tasted. "This is good."
"Yes, well, Maura wanted to experience the whole public school thing." Constance waved her hand in Maura's direction. "She was always so withdrawn while she was away. She isn't the best in social situations."
"I don't know about that." Jane said coming to Maura's defense. She had heard Maura talk about being socially awkward, but she wasn't sure she had seen that awkwardness.
"She's right Jane. I was always different…people used to say I was… weird." Maura said in a small voice.
"You're not weird Maur…you're unique and if some people don't see that, then it's their loss." Jane set her fork down. She looked at Maura with nothing but love and acceptance.
Constance gave Jane a strange look that had her sliding down a little lower in her chair. It wasn't an unfriendly look, but Jane thought she saw a hesitation that caused those dark blue eyes to linger on her a little longer than Jane was comfortable with.
"It's true." Jane mumbled before she took another bite of her dinner.
Maura tried to hide her smile. It made her feel good for Jane to come to her rescue.
"So, Jane, what are your plans after graduation?" Constance asked, feeling the need to change the subject.
"Um, I plan to go to the Boston police academy. I've applied at Boston Junior College…I may get an athletic scholarship." For some reason Jane felt slightly embarrassed by this admission.
"Interesting…don't you play football?" Constance raised a dark eyebrow in question as her interest was piqued for the first time.
"Um…yeah, but they won't let girls play in college level football…" Jane grumbled, knowing full well she was good enough to write her own ticket to any college she wanted, if only she could.
"Maura says that you are good. Does it bother you that you won't have the same chance at college as your male counterparts?"
"I suppose. If I were a guy, I would probably be offered a full scholarship to the college of my choice. But, it isn't in the cards for me…still, kinda sucks." Jane sighed, her voice full of regret.
"I agree with you Jane…it does…as you so eloquently put it…suck." Constance responded, her voice soft and reassuring.
Maura couldn't hide the small smile as she watched her mother and Jane interact. Knowing her mother was a staunch feminist, she wasn't surprised to hear her mother's words. She had hoped that things would go well with dinner and so far it had.
"Guess I'll just have to settle for junior college. I really want to be a cop though." Jane tried to smile, even though she wasn't sure what to make of Constance's sudden interest.
"So I take it that Maura's tutoring was beneficial to you." Constance inquired.
"Yeah and thanks to Maura I get to keep playing."
"Jane, you did all the work. I only helped." Maura said with admiration in her voice.
"Well, you worked hard too when you played in the Powder Puff game." Jane gave her a triumphant smile.
"Powder Puff…? What is that?" Constance raised an eyebrow in question at Maura.
"Football…Maura played in a flag football game and she was great!" Jane beamed.
"Football…? You didn't tell me about this." Constance gave Maura a mortified look.
"I didn't really think you would be interested." Maura said quietly as she shrank away from her mother's admonishment.
"Football is a barbaric sport. I can't believe you would congregate in such a thing." Her mother set down her fork and shook her head. It was one thing for Jane to play football, but it was not acceptable for her daughter to do so.
"Sorry Mother." Maura whispered.
"She did it cuz I asked her too." Jane tried to keep the defiance from her voice. She wanted to wrap her arms around Maura and hug her close giving her the Rizzoli's warm and fuzzies.
"I don't understand. Why would you ask her to do something that might get her hurt?" Constance gave Jane a stern look.
"I wouldn't have asked her to it if I thought she might get hurt. That is the last thing I would have wanted." Jane's words had so much conviction that Constance paused before she spoke again.
"Alright Jane, just so you understand… I won't tolerate bad influences on Maura. There's too much at stake for her future."
"I was fine Mother. Jane showed me what to do." Maura gave Jane a look, silently willing her to suppress her temper.
"She was really good at it too." Jane caught Maura's inflection and took a deep, calming breath.
"So what are you girls going to do for the rest of the evening?" Constance picked her fork back up. She wasn't sure what to think of this force that was 'Jane Rizzoli' just yet.
"I was hoping that we could spend the night on the boat, if that's okay." Maura perked up.
"Oh, like a slumber party?" Constance tried to smile, but something nagged at the back of her mind.
"I guess. Would that be alright?" Maura questioned hopefully.
"A boat…?" Jane looked a Maura with wide eyes.
"Yes, my parents have a sail boat moored at the harbor. I thought we could watch movies and look at the stars. You can almost see them go on forever, but of course they don't go on forever." Maura rattled off.
Constance took a moment to think about her answer. She looked at Maura as if she were seeing her for the first time. Maura had changed while Constance was away in Paris and now she knew why. She wasn't sure she was ready for her daughter to be in love yet. Maybe Maura was going through a phase as she was prone to do with something new. Constance was a modern woman and it didn't bother her that Maura might be attracted to another girl, but she surely wasn't ready for it to be the raven haired girl with the dark intense eyes sitting across from her.
There was something unique about Jane, something that Constance couldn't quite identify. Jane was attractive and full of energy and she could see how Maura would be drawn to her. Jane was everything Maura wasn't. Jane had helped Maura come out of her lonely solitude and that was a good thing. This even intrigued Constance. She decided that maybe she needed to see how this played out. "Yes, that would be fine dear." Constance reached across the table to give Maura's hand a light pat. She tilted her head to regard a still slightly surprised Jane. "Hum…perhaps I should wait and see how things progress…I do think…with time, I can learn to like Jane." She thought to herself with a small smile.
"A boat?" Jane said again, her mouth hanging open.
"Finish your dinner so we can get this show on the street." Maura said with a laugh, the green in her hazel eye's twinkling playfully.
"On the road Maur…get this show on the road." Jane chuckled as she turned her attention back to her dinner.
Constance looked back and forth between the two girls. She realized that she saw the same look of love and acceptance in Maura's eyes that she had seen in Jane's earlier. Constance couldn't help but feel hopeful at the pure, unconditional love that appeared on Jane's face when she looked at Maura, but she could also see that things were definitely going to get complicated. If she could tell one thing about Jane Rizzoli, it was that she was a complicated girl.
"A boat…really? This is what you call a boat?" Jane was staring at the huge boat in front of her. If she hadn't felt out of place at dinner, she definitely felt it now.
"Well, it is technically a schooner, but it's really just a sail boat." Maura tried to down play the size.
"Maura…it's huge. It's bigger than my house." Jane rolled her eyes. "What's a schooner?"
"It's a type of sailing vessel that uses a fore and aft sail on two or more masts. You can see that the forward mast is no taller than the rear mast. They are popular for their speed and windward ability. It's my Dads, really." Maura rattled off not noticing when Jane's eyes glazed over from too much information.
"Okay…not sure I understood anything you said other than its fast." Jane said as she shrugged her shoulders.
"Yes Jane, its fast. That is why my Dad loves her so much."
"Do you know how to sail?" Jane was almost afraid to ask.
"Of course..." Maura waved her hand casually.
"Of course…" Jane mimicked her. "Maybe one day you could teach me."
"I would really like that." Maura said reaching for Jane's arm. "Let's board her shall we?"
"Her?" Without even thinking, Jane stepped onto the schooner first. As she steadied herself, she reached for Maura, closing the distance between them. With steady hands, she helped guide Maura onto the deck next to her. As it had been since the first day they had met, Jane always felt a natural need to lead and in that moment, nothing changed even though she had never set foot on a boat before.
"I know that the English language doesn't assign gender to nouns, but I guess it is a common practice for men to call their car or boat 'she'…kind of silly if you ask me." Maura led Jane onto the boat. "Let me show you around Argo."
"Argo…?" Jane asked.
"Oh, yes…my father named the schooner Argo…he has a thing for Greek mythology. It was the name of Jason of the Argonauts ship…it means 'bright, shinning' and 'swift.'"
Jane rolled her eyes as she followed Maura, trying to take everything in at once. She had never seen anything like this before and she couldn't believe she was standing there looking at such a beautiful sight. It wasn't just the boat that was beautiful Jane noticed. Jane suddenly felt her mouth go dry at the wonderful sight that stood before her. A warm breeze began to blow lightly around them; causing Jane to suddenly feel a chill run down her back. She couldn't hide the shiver that ran through her body even though she could feel her cheeks growing hot.
"Are you cold? I've got an extra jacket." Maura asked as she opened the door to the cabin.
"Nah…" Jane couldn't look at Maura, she was afraid her flushed cheeks would give her thoughts away.
"You sure…?" Maura asked as she turned the lights on. She couldn't help but notice the slight blush that colored Jane's cheeks. She thought that she had seen Jane's gaze sweep over her with an appreciative look, but she wasn't sure. The pink coloring in Jane's face bolstered Maura's confidence as she came to the conclusion that Jane liked what she saw.
"Wow…" Jane peered into the open door. "It's huge." Her mind quickly changed gears away from Maura to the huge cabin before her.
"Come on, let me show you around." Maura said, taking Jane's hand.
Jane stepped down into a large living room attached to an even larger kitchen. There was a large white sectional sofa facing a big screen television and Jane's eyes grew wide with wonder.
"I thought you'd like that." Maura smiled as she gently squeezed Jane's hand before letting go.
"That TV is gigantic." Jane said stepping closer.
"It should be fun watching a movie on it. I brought two movies' to choose from." Maura said holding up two VHS tapes. "The Princes Bride or Say Anything"
"Hmm, they are both really good, but I'll pick The Princess Bride. Haven't you seen them?"
"Um…no, I really don't have much time to watch movies." Maura tried not to sound too pitiful.
"Okay." Jane walked around the sofa towards the kitchen. "Any movie snacks?"
"I had Adam stock up on popcorn, soda, pizza, and something called Twizzlers. He said you can't watch a movie without Twizzlers." Maura gave Jane an unsure look.
"Awesome, Twizzlers…!" Jane beamed.
Maura couldn't help but let Jane's enthusiasm spill over into her.
"Hey…" Jane wrinkled her brow. "Who's Adam?"
"Oh, he's the man that takes care of Argo for my Dad. He lives here most of the time and takes it out to make sure it doesn't get out of shape. I suppose that is the best way to put it."
"Oh." Jane seemed to think for a minute. "Is he going to stay here with us tonight?"
"No, he isn't. He has a place in the city and he stays there when one of us comes out here for a few days."
"You come out here alone sometimes?" Jane seemed surprised.
"Yes, I do. I'm used to being alone and I enjoy being out here. It's quiet and I can study."
"You come out here to study? With that big TV in front of you, I don't see how you do it." Jane said throwing her hands up. "I would probably never study again if I could watch the Red Sox on a TV like that."
"I told you I don't watch much TV Jane." Maura said as she took a bottle of red wine out of a cabinet.
"What are you doing Maur?" Jane looked slightly confused as she watched Maura move about the kitchen looking for a corkscrew.
With the precision of someone who was experienced with opening wine bottles, Maura slipped the cork screw over the top of the bottle, before twisting. "What I am doing Jane, is opening a bottle of red wine." She said as she pulled the cork out. "I know how you feel about drinking, but as I said, I prefer wine."
"But…" Jane stammered.
"Yes I know, by American laws, I am not old enough to drink, but I went to school in France. Everyone drinks in France. Have you ever had a really good wine?"
"Um, no..." Jane didn't think her mother's bottle of three dollar grocery store wine counted. "I guess you can't count communion as drinking wine, huh?"
"I don't think it would go against your principles to have one glass of wine with me. We aren't going anywhere and we aren't going to drink too much."
"Well, I suppose I could try. Just one glass though." Jane nervously ran her fingers through her hair. "Do your parents know you drink wine?"
"Of course, they always stock my favorite, a 1985 Ridge Monte Bello Cabernet Sauvignon."
Jane didn't look convinced.
"Look Jane, the key is not to drink to excess but to savor the flavor. We always have wine with our meals at home."
"You didn't tonight." Jane pointed out.
"Well, my mother thought it would be best not to. She doesn't believe in letting other people's children drink under her roof."
"But this is okay?" Jane pointed to the bottle of wine on the counter.
"I just want to share the things that are important to me, and this is one of them. You know I would never try to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do." Maura tried to smile.
"I know, I guess one glass won't hurt me." Jane reached for the glass that Maura had poured.
"Wait, don't drink it yet. You need to let it breathe for a few minutes, that way you can get the optimal flavor. Let's go put our pajamas on." Maura said handing Jane a small duffle bag.
"Did my mom help you with this too?" Jane arched an eyebrow.
"Yep..." Maura beamed.
"Oh, this should be great." Jane said sarcastically. "She probably packed my Care Bear nightgown that I haven't worn since I was six."
"I thought you might have some concerns so I asked her to pack you a t-shirt and sweat pants and something comfortable to wear tomorrow."
Jane reached into the bag and found her favorite pair of sweat pants and a Red Sox t-shirt. Further down, there was a pair of faded blue jeans, a tank top, and a Yankees' sweatshirt. "Damn Frankie." Jane hissed holding up the sweat shirt.
"What's wrong?" Maura looked concerned.
"Nothing much, Frankie put a Yankees sweatshirt in here. It's what we have to wear if we lose a bet with each other."
"And you don't like the Yankees… right." Maura was trying to understand.
"Hell no…!" Jane almost shouted.
"Don't worry; I think my Dad has a few sweatshirts in his closet. You can borrow one of his."
"It's not a Yankees shirt is it?"
"No, probably Harvard…"
"I suppose I can live with that." Jane smirked.
"Come on, let's get changed and go sit on deck with our wine. I wasn't kidding when I told you that you could see the stars go on forever."
Jane lay back in the small alcove in the back of the boat, or as Maura would say the 'aft'. Jane wasn't sure she could ever learn how to sail. It was like learning to speak another language. She couldn't understand why you couldn't just say 'the back of the boat.' She tried to argue her point when Maura had corrected her and just rolled her eyes as Maura handed her a glass of wine.
"Here you go." Maura leaned back next to Jane. They both looked up at the sky and Jane sighed. "Is everything alright?"
"Perfect." Jane couldn't help but lean closer to Maura. "You were right about the stars."
Jane took her first sip of wine. She didn't expect it to burn going down and she let out a small cough.
"It has a hint of spice and oak. You have to let it linger on your tongue for a second before you swallow." Maura said as she took a sip.
Jane looked at Maura and couldn't help but wonder how she had been so lucky to have her as a friend. The candles that Maura had lit danced to and fro in the slight breeze that now carried a chill towards them, but Jane didn't feel it. She wasn't sure if it was the wine or being close to Maura. She thought back to their day together, the visit to the arboretum and their picnic. It was the memory of Maura's fingers against her skin that lingered with her now, the closeness she had felt as she lay with her head in Maura's lap earlier that afternoon. As she lay there next to Maura, looking up at the night sky, she could feel that closeness again and it made her smile.
Maura tilted her head and looked at Jane, quietly observing, wondering what was going through Jane's mind. She had seen the small smile that played at the corners of Jane's mouth and she hoped to find out what had caused it.
"So, you're adopted…huh?" Jane suddenly asked.
"Um…yes." Maura answered her voice soft and unsure.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jane shifted slightly against Maura.
"I don't know…guess it just never came up." Maura tried her best to be casual.
"You know what I think?" Jane inquired.
"What?"
"I think you didn't want to tell me. Maybe you thought I would treat you differently." Jane sighed.
"Hum…maybe. You come from such a close family…I've just never really had that. I guess I just didn't want to be reminded…" Maura ventured to explain.
"I guess I can see that. It doesn't matter thought, ya know. I just think it makes you more interesting." Jane tried to reassure Maura.
"Really…that's sweet of you to say."
"Yeah, you know me…sweetness is my middle name…" Jane chuckled.
"I'm not sure I believe that…" Maura tried to stifle a laugh.
"Hey, I'll have you know I got the 'sweetest camper' award three years in a row when I was little." Jane huffed in mock anger.
"I think I will have to see proof of that award…" Maura as she laughed out loud this time.
"Humm…we'll see about that…" Jane took another sip of her wine, but didn't cough this time. She settled closer to Maura, sinking into the comfortable warmth of the body next to hers. Without thinking, she slipped her arm around Maura's shoulders, giving Maura a place to rest her head. Jane didn't want to think about how natural it felt to have her arm around Maura, to hold Maura so close to her. They fit so well against each other, almost like it was meant to be.
"Do you like it?" Maura asked, snuggling just a little closer to Jane. She was surprised when she felt a strong, muscular arm slip around her shoulders, pulling her just a little closer than she had expected. It was a wonderful feeling being held by Jane and it created a deep craving in Maura for more.
"It's not bad." Jane gave her a reassuring squeeze; although it wasn't something she would make a habit of drinking. "Maur…can I ask you a question?" Jane said quietly.
"You can ask me anything." Maura answered.
"Have you ever…um you know…" Jane's voice trailed off, uncertainty filling the empty spaces as she took another sip of wine.
"Have I ever what?" Maura pushed herself up on her elbows to look at Jane.
"Um, you know…" Jane couldn't form the words. She shyly looked away from Maura, not quite sure how to continue.
"Are you asking me if I've ever had sex?" Maura finally caught on to Jane's discomfort.
Jane nodded, but didn't say anything. She still couldn't bring herself to look at Maura.
Maura quietly studied Jane's profile. She wasn't sure what Jane wanted to hear and she wasn't sure what she wanted to tell. She didn't say anything for almost a full minute. "Well, yes." Maura said watching Jane carefully to gage her reaction.
"Really…?" Jane seemed surprised as she turned to look at Maura.
"Yes." Maura sighed, biting her lower lip. "Last year…"
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Jane whispered when she saw Maura bite her lower lip in that way that indicated she was nervous about something.
"It's okay Jane. I guess I should tell you that coming back to Boston wasn't just about my social inability."
"Maura, I wish you wouldn't say that about yourself." Jane pulled Maura closer to her when Maura laid her head back down. It was made to comfort, but Jane felt a sudden surge of warmth flow through her body.
"I had sex with my chemistry teacher." Maura stated. "I came to Boston because he became emotionally attached to me. It was just sex, really."
"Just sex…? Didn't you like him?" Jane looked down at Maura who had leaned into Jane's body.
"He was a nice man, no doubt, but I just wanted to know what all the excitement was about. Most of the girls in my dorm were already sexually active so I figured it was about time I was too."
"You say that so scientifically."
"Well, it kind of was a scientific experiment. It lasted three months and when he told me he loved me, I couldn't say it back. I didn't love him."
"You just had sex with him."
"Yes. He was good at it, I suppose and I learned a lot about myself. The last time I saw him, he told me I was devoid of human emotion." Maura looked up into Jane's eyes and held her gaze. "He's wrong though. I do have feelings. He just wasn't the right person. I guess he was just convenient."
Jane blinked and broke eye contact with Maura. She could have sworn she saw something in Maura's eyes that said she had feelings for her. Jane nervously rubbed her forehead and shook her head. That look Maura gave her made her feel good, but confused.
"Casey and I did it once." Jane said quietly.
Maura sat up and looked at her, surprise written all over her face. She had heard little of the infamous Casey but his name caused a stab a jealousy to pain her.
"It was the night before he went to basic training. I figured we should just get it over with. Everyone always makes such a big deal about sex and losing your virginity. I liked Casey so I thought it would make it easier."
"Did it?" Maura leaned back against Jane.
"No. It just complicated things." Jane sighed.
"How do you mean?"
"I guess I wasn't ready for what it would mean. Don't get me wrong. It was nice being close to Casey in that way, but I just don't see what the big whoop was about. I suppose I'm just not good at it."
"Well, as they say, practice makes perfect." Maura chuckled.
"The problem is that I don't want to practice with Casey. I really like him, I do, but I don't love him like that. I think the next time I'll wait until I'm in love." Jane sounded defeated. She could feel Maura taking her hand and she allowed herself to be comforted by the sweet gesture.
"That's nice Jane." Maura absent mindedly laced her fingers through Jane's.
"How did you do it Maura?" Jane let Maura's hand rest against her chest.
"How did I do what?"
"How did you sleep with someone you had no feelings for?" Jane could feel the wine slowing her thoughts down slightly.
Maura was quiet for minute as she thought how to best answer Jane's question.
"I guess I just never thought anyone would ever have feelings for me so I just shut myself off from feeling."
Jane let her thumb lightly rub the back of Maura's hand. Her skin was warm and soft and Jane began to feel herself getting lost in Maura. It took a second for Maura's words to slip past the comfortable haze that Jane was allowing herself to reside in. "That's ridiculous." She sat up and moved away from Maura. "Who wouldn't love you?" Jane cringed as soon as the words left her mouth. She felt that she had said too much, revealed too much of her heart when she saw the way that Maura was looking at her. There was such hopefulness in the gaze that followed her that Jane thought the weight of it might crush her.
Maura felt Jane move away both physically and emotionally. She steeled herself for the sudden change in Jane's mood, but she could still feel the warmth of Jane's hand against hers.
"I think we should go watch the movie now…" Jane jumped up and pulled Maura up with her. "Anyways, I'm hungry again."
Maura just sighed and followed Jane down into the living room. She knew Jane had feelings for her, but as always, Jane ran whenever she saw those feelings mirrored back at her.
Jane sat on the couch with her feet extended out, resting on the coffee table in front of her. Maura was leaning against the arm, her feet tucked up underneath herself. Jane had eaten pretty much everything that Maura had had delivered and she watched in awe as Jane finished the last of the strawberry licorice known as Twizzlers. She tried to hide a yawn as she moved to lean against Jane. Jane's full attention was on the movie and Maura didn't think Jane would notice if she rested her eyes for a while.
At first Jane didn't notice that Maura had fallen asleep but then she felt Maura slide down against her. Jane moved slightly and lowered Maura until her head was resting against Jane's lap. She watched Maura sleep, resting her hand on Maura's arm.
Jane quietly observed the slow rise and fall of Maura's shoulders as her breathing slowed and evened out. She couldn't help herself as she reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Maura's ear so she could see her face. Maura looked so peaceful. Giving in to a desire she had held back for a long time, Jane ran the back of her index finger down Maura's cheek, allowing herself to sink into the softness. It took every ounce of willpower not to give into the impulse to touch the slightly parted, full lips that all but teased her to taste.
"What are you doing to me?" Jane whispered. "I can't stop thinking about you…you are the last person I think about before I go to bed and the first person I think about when I wake up. All I want to do is touch you, but I know that's wrong." She took a deep breath to steady her emotions, her fingertip still tracing a lazy line down Maura's cheek to her jaw. "Sometimes, when you smile I feel like I am the only person in the whole world who really sees it. I see you Maura Isles, and I think I'm…"
Maura shifted under the soft caresses, startling Jane. "Did you say something Jane?" Maura asked sleepily.
"Nah, it was just the movie." Jane rubbed Maura's arm gently. "I think maybe it's time we went to bed. You're tired."
"If you think so..." Maura let Jane help her up and lead her towards the bedroom. Jane pulled the covers back and Maura lay back, putting her head on the pillow. She looked up at Jane and gave her a sleepy smile. "Thanks for taking care of me Jane." She yawned again.
"I'll always take care of you Maura." Jane said as she kissed the top of Maura's head. As her eyes drifted down to Maura's lips, the sudden impulse to kiss her was so strong that it caused Jane's knees to buckle. Kneeling down next to an already sleeping Maura, Jane felt a desire she had never felt before rush through her body. It was such a strong feeling that she couldn't catch her breath for second. As Jane looked down at Maura's beautiful, serene face she couldn't help but wonder if there was a chance for them, a chance for something more than friendship. But just as Jane allowed herself to contemplate something more, that little voice of reason interrupted her thoughts. 'There you go again…thinking you could ever be enough for her. As if dinner tonight with her mother hadn't shown you…you can never be what she needs. You will only hurt her…" Jane shook her head in an attempt to rid herself of the annoying voice that always seemed to discourage her. Her eyes drifted to Maura's soft full lips one more time before she stood up. She contemplated going out into the living room to sleep on the couch, not sure she could trust herself sleeping next to Maura, but she knew in the morning there would be questions that she couldn't answer. With a heavy sigh, she slipped into the bed and curled up under the covers as far away from Maura as she could get without falling out.
Maura's eyes slowly fluttered open to a steady stream of sunlight filling the room. At first she wasn't sure where she was or who she was with. She felt the warmth of another body pressed against her back and the weight of an arm hanging over her waist. Her t-shirt had ridden up slightly and the hand was dangerously close to the bare skin beneath. She closed her eyes and remembered watching a movie with Jane. She vaguely remembered Jane leading her to bed and tucking her in before slipping under the covers next to her.
"Jane." She barely whispered as she realized it was Jane pressing so comfortably against her.
Maura didn't move, in fact she barely took a breath as her mind registered the soft touch of Jane's fingers as they lightly grazed her bare skin. She wasn't sure if Jane was awake, but she wasn't willing to take the risk of having Jane bolt again. Maura just wanted to lay there in Jane's arms and revel in the closeness.
Maura couldn't see Jane's face, but she could feel her breath against the back of her neck as Jane pulled her closer. Jane's palm pressed firmly against Maura's stomach as she tightened her hold as she let out a small sigh. Maura almost gasped at the heat she felt radiating through her body, starting at Jane's touch. It was when Maura felt the feather light pressure of Jane's lips on her neck that she let out a soft moan. Her body was responding quicker than her brain as she rolled over onto her back so she could look at Jane.
As Jane slowly opened her eyes, she was greeted by wide hazel eyes full of curiosity and something she didn't recognize. The light green that usually swam around in a sea of hazel was very dark and suddenly intense. Jane didn't say anything as she surveyed the situation before her.
Jane's brain began to register the warmth against the palm of her hand and her eyes darted down to see that she had her hand against the bare skin of Maura's stomach. Her arm was wrapped tightly around Maura's waist and she was pressed dangerously close. Jane didn't move, in fact, she stayed as still as she could.
Maura felt Jane stiffen slightly as she realized what was happening. She wanted this more than anything, but she knew in her heart that Jane wasn't ready. She was trying not to get caught up in the moment, trying to keep herself from wanting more than Jane could give her. Her body had other plans though as she put her hand on top of Jane's to hold it against her.
Jane's eyes found Maura's again. There were so many questions, so many things she wanted to say, but she couldn't find the words. Her heart was beating wildly and she started to tremble.
"I love your hands… so soft, yet so strong." Maura laced her fingers together with Jane's, causing them to break contact with Maura's bare skin. "I find them to be one of your most magnificent attributes."
Jane was quiet as Maura brought their hands up to her lips, placing a light kiss on the palm of Jane's hand before bringing it to rest against her cheek. Without thinking, Jane leaned forward and captured Maura's mouth in a long slow kiss. At first it was tentative and shy, but then she felt Maura's tongue gently tracing along her bottom lip asking for permission to enter. Deciding it was time to open herself up to Maura, she parted her lips, giving Maura the permission she was asking for. Their tongues gently brushed against other in a slow exploration, reminding Jane of a sensuous dance. When she felt herself being pulled under a wave of desire, Jane hadn't realized until that moment how willing she was to drown. She could feel the burning heat of desire radiating off of the body that was now moving beneath hers and she wanted to feel more.
Maura ran her hands across Jane's broad shoulders, never breaking their kiss, until her fingers wound themselves in silky dark hair. Sharing this moment, this first kiss was as easy as breathing, making Maura feel more alive than she had in her entire life. Feeling a want and need so fierce Maura feared it might consume her, she realized they needed to stop before things went too far. She was afraid to shatter the fragile trust that they had built around their friendship. But her body wouldn't allow her to give up its newly found refuge, so she with finger's tangled in Jane's hair, she pressed herself even closer.
It wasn't until Jane felt Maura's fingers tangled in her hair, pulling their bodies closer, that she came to her senses. Like a slap to her face, shame and guilt descended upon her like a ton of bricks. "Oh…my… God…Maura! I'm so sorry!" Jane pulled away and jumped out of bed. "I'm so, so sorry!" She paced back in forth as she ran her fingers through her disheveled hair.
Maura sat up in bed and pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them. She knew what was next. Jane was going to run. Jane always ran. She took a deep breath and steadied herself.
"Jane, we don't need to talk about this right now if you don't want." Maura sighed, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. She felt breathless and suddenly very alone. Feeling as if her heart might shatter if she didn't allow the tears to fall, she gave up the fight to hold them in.
"I shouldn't have done that. It's wrong and I just shouldn't have done it." Jane shrugged her shoulders, taking a shuttering breath to hold back the sob that tried to escape. She couldn't bring herself to look at Maura, knowing that she was the cause of the tears that were now running down Maura's cheeks.
"Okay Jane. I accept your apology, but you should know that you didn't do anything that I didn't want you to." Maura tried to smile.
Jane stopped pacing and looked at Maura. Her cheeks were glistening from the moisture that now covered them, causing Jane to shake her head. "I'm sorry Maur….I…I just can't."
"I understand. Can we just pretend this didn't happen, please?" Maura had a worried look on her face even though she never wanted to forget. Using the backs of her hands, she tried to wipe the tears that had slowed, but still fell.
"I'll try." Jane turned towards the bathroom then stopped. "I think I'm going to take a shower." She said, her shoulders sagging against the weight of what had just happened between them.
Maura sadly watched Jane close the bathroom door. She brought her fingers up to her lips which still tingled and lightly touched where Jane had. She couldn't help but smile as she remembered the feeling of their first kiss. It wasn't how she had planned it, but she knew that Jane had felt it too. 'Well not the way I envisioned the end to an almost perfect weekend, but I'm not giving up on you Jane.' Maura thought to herself. Now all she had to do was get Jane to really see that it could work and convince her that it would be wonderful.