I just want to thank everyone for the new follows, favorites and reviews. You have all really helped to encourage me to keep at this…I hope you enjoy this next chapter…without giving anything away…I will do my best to get the next chapter up as soon as possible…
Chapter 10-Heal it up
Jane cautiously slipped past a group of people that stood in line at the counter of the small café where she was meeting her cousin Carly. Looking around, she hoped that her cousin had already found a table in the small crowded room. She smiled when she saw the dark-haired girl sitting by a window waiting patiently and waving her over.
"Hey…" Jane said breathlessly as she pulled her jacket off, hanging it over the back of her chair before sitting across from Carly.
"Hey yourself…" Carly's face lit up at the sight of Jane. She had been slightly anxious by the phone call asking her to meet Jane at their neighborhood café. A few weeks had gone by since their last meeting at the Red Sox game and she wasn't sure she was ready for the questions that would surely be on Jane's mind.
Jane smiled when she saw the two cups of coffee and plate of scones that adorned the table in front of her, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. It was the first thing that Carly noticed, that and that Jane looked tired, really tired.
"Thanks…" Jane said as she wrapped her fingers around the warm cup.
"No problem…you still four sugars and a cream?" Carly asked hopeful she had remembered correctly.
"Yeah…" Jane sighed as she blew on the hot liquid before bringing the cup up to her lips to take a sip. "This is good…I appreciate it…this, I mean…" She said pointing to the things on the table and then back and forth between the two of them.
Carly studied Jane quietly as she too took a sip of her coffee. She could see Jane shift uncomfortably under her intense gaze as she gauged how serious this meeting was going to be. "I won't say I was surprised when you called and asked me to meet you…" Carly said as she leaned forward to get a better look at Jane's brown eyes that were dull with worry. She could tell that Jane was struggling with something big and if she had to put money on it, she would guess it had something to do with Maura. "What's going on Jane?"
Looking away from Carly's penetrating blue eyes that always seemed to be able to see through her, Jane let out a heavy sigh. With trembling hands, she ran her fingers through her unruly hair to push it away from her face, but she didn't realize how much she was shaking until Carly reached over, putting her hand on Jane's arm to steady her.
"Come on Jane…it's me…" Carly softly pleaded. "Tell me what's going on…"
Jane attempted to blink back the tears that suddenly caused her eyes to begin watering. She tried to swallow the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, but it only tighten more as she struggled to speak. The only thing she could do was clear her throat and even that was painful.
Carly sat back in her chair, quietly observing Jane's internal struggle. Never taking her eyes from Jane, she could sense the tension vibrating off of the younger girl as she tried to find her voice. She could see the pain when Jane's dark eyes finally met hers. "Have I ever told you about my time in Paris?" Carly asked, hoping to give Jane some time to gather her thoughts.
Jane shook her head as she took another sip of her coffee. The warmth from the dark liquid was a welcome distraction to the uncomfortable feeling in her throat.
"Well, I'm sure you remember that little bit of trouble I got into when I was sixteen…" Carly began.
"Um yeah…a little thing like stealing a car…it was all the family could talk about for months." Jane interrupted. She tried to casually wipe at her eyes as the tears subsided by Carly's diversion.
"Okay…so, not so little…" Carly blushed slightly with embarrassment. "Anyway…and you know, my parents decided to send their troubled teenage daughter to live with Great Aunt Sophie…so there I was, a snot nosed kid with a huge chip on her shoulder on her way to Paris." She said taking another sip of her coffee. She watched Jane over the rim of her mug for a moment before continuing. She had seen Jane try to wipe away the moisture that had pooled in her eyes. "I'll never forget the look on Aunt Sophie's face when I stepped off of that plane…She looked so sad, it nearly broke my heart to see her reaction, but of course I just laughed it off. I guess I can understand her reaction now. I wasn't the little girl she remembered, but instead I was someone completely different. She wasn't really sure what to do with me."
"I'll say you were different. Didn't you cut your hair really short and dye it blue?" Jane asked.
"Um…I did, yeah…it just kinda fit the mood I was in at the time." Carly smirked. "Well…Aunt Sophie took me home and introduced me to her roommate Charlotte. Her apartment was only a two bedroom…so she gave me her room and told me she would share a room with Charlotte." She raised her eyebrows, wondering if Jane was picking up on what was left unspoken. She saw Jane nod in understanding so she continued. "I guess I should have known…but I did my best to ignore all of the signs. I started to notice small things…like the room I was in looked unlived in, pictures of Sophie and Charlotte together…things like that. But it wasn't until I came upon them in the kitchen one night…" Carly became serious as she continued. "Charlotte was at the sink doing the dishes after our dinner…she was wearing these bright yellow rubber gloves and they were all sudsy and covered in soap. Aunt Sophie was drying the dishes…they were standing side by side when Aunt Sophie gently bumped Charlotte against the hip in a playful manner. The movement caused a strand of hair to fall into Charlotte's eyes…and that's when she turned to Aunt Sophie, holding her hands up to show her the soapy gloves. Charlotte asked Sophie to tuck the hair behind her ear so she could see what she was doing." Carly stopped, taking another sip of coffee. Closing her eyes, she brought the image of the two women into her mind, causing her smile at the memory. "There was such a familiarity in the way that Aunt Sophie reached out and pushed that strand of hair behind Charlotte's ear. I watched as she cupped Charlotte's cheek in her hand and held it there as they looked into each other's eyes with so much love and tenderness. It wasn't until Charlotte put some soapy suds on Aunt Sophie's nose that the spell was broken, causing them both to laugh." Carly smiled again as she thought about the two women who had changed her life. "I felt like such a creep hiding in the shadows, watching such a private moment between them…ya know."
"What happened?" Jane asked.
"Before I could sneak away, I started to cry…like soul consuming sobs. Scared the shit out of them and me…I have to say. Aunt Sophie thought I was upset because of what I had seen, but she grabbed me and held on to me so I couldn't escape…and let me tell you, I tried…but she held on so damn tight." Carly said with a crooked grin. "When I finally calmed down enough to talk, I told her everything…I poured my heart out to her and Charlotte that night, Jane. Do you know what I told them?"
"I think I have an idea…" Jane's cheeks reddened slightly as she realized what Carly was saying. She reached for one of the scones that sat on the plate in front of her. She didn't want to answer Carly's question so she took a bite, chewing slowly as she watched her cousin.
Carly knew an evasive move when she saw one. She watched Jane take a bite of the scone and waited for her to finish chewing before she continued.
"What do you think I told Aunt Sophie and Charlotte Jane…?"
"Um…that…you know…" Jane mumbled around another mouthful of scone.
"Go on…" Carly tilted her head to the side as she watched Jane struggle.
"That…um…you're…um…gay…?" Jane choked on the last few crumbs before washing them down with her coffee.
"Gay…? What I am is a lesbian Jane…go on, say it…" Carly challenged Jane with a raised eyebrow.
"So…" Jane shrugged her shoulders in an attempt to be casual. "You're…a…lesbian…" Her voice was just barely above a whisper, the embarrassment evident as her cheeks grew even redder.
"It's not a dirty word Jane…say it again…" Carly leaned back, crossing her arms in a slightly defensive move.
"I know…" Jane set her coffee cup down. "I know it's not a dirty word…so you're a lesbian…Aunt Sophie and Charlotte too?" It was more a statement than a question, but there was still a slight uncertainty to the words.
Carly nodded her head in affirmation before relaxing slightly. She leaned forward and looked Jane in the eyes. She could see so much of herself in the face that looked back at her. She saw the uncertainty, fear, shame, but most of all she saw the guilt. It almost took her breath away to see so much of herself reflected back at her through Jane's dark brown eyes and her heart broke for the struggle she knew Jane would go through.
"So now you know my little secret Jane…" Carly shrugged her shoulders. "Consider yourself in an elite group…only Bella and Tony know, now you…"
"Uncle Anthony and Aunt Rita don't know?" Jane asked even though she already knew the answer.
"No…and I don't plan on telling them any time soon." Carly answered with a little too much conviction.
It caused Jane to crease her brows and frown at her cousin. "Why?"
"Well…when I came back from Paris, I overheard my parents talking one night…wow…that kinda makes me sound like some sort of lurker doesn't it…" Carly said with a chuckle. "Anyway…they were talking about Aunt Sophie…ya know…like I guess they kinda had their suspicions about her. My pop was upset…I heard that your pop was too, but when I heard him tell my Mom that sending me to live with her was a mistake…that I could end up like her…like some sort of deviant, it broke my heart but it made me realize that he could never accept who I am."
"I don't understand? How it could have been a mistake…you stopped getting into trouble…you came home pretty much straightened out I'd say…" Jane argued.
Carly grinned sheepishly, causing Jane to blush from awkwardness when she realized what she had said.
"Not sure about that last part there Jane…I'm far from being straightened out…" Carly laughed then sobered quickly. "I'm not ready to give them up yet…ya know?"
"So you pretty much accepted that you're a…" Jane paused, clearing her throat nervously. "A lesbian when you were in Paris…"
"Yeah…I did. I discovered a lot about myself living with Aunt Sophie and Charlotte. The unconditional love they offered caused me to thrive. I am not sure where I would be today without them. I spent so much of my young life trying to hide who I was…but that night, seeing the love that Aunt Sophie and Charlotte shared. I realized I wanted that too and the I wasn't alone…I wasn't some kind of freak. I had struggled so much in my early teens. I knew I was different. I wasn't looking at the boys like all of my friends were." Carly paused and grinned at Jane. "No…I was too busy looking at the girls…noticing how much they had grown over the summers when we started back at school. But you know, it made angry…feeling different, having nothing in common with my friends…not having anyone to talk to about the way I was feeling. I just knew I was going to go to hell…so one day I figured why not act like it. So I started hanging out with the wrong crowd, skipping school, shoplifting…stuff like that." Carly continued. "But it wasn't until I met Nina that my life went to hell in a hand basket. I thought I was in love…I thought she loved me…" Carly's eyes dropped down so she could stare into her empty coffee cup. "I think I need another cup of coffee…" She said as she stretched her arms over her head to loosen her stiff muscles from sitting too long.
"Hey…you can't just stop there…" Jane huffed impatiently.
"Hum…patience was never one of your greatest virtues…" Carly chuckled as she got up from her chair. "You want another cup too?"
"Yeah I guess…" Jane sighed as she leaned back in her chair. "You gonna finish then…right?"
"I'll be right back." Carly said as she picked up both empty cups.
Jane watched as Carly disappeared into the crowd of people milling about the counter. She sighed heavily as she recalled listening to her relatives talking about her Great Aunt Sophie. All the comments laced with an undercurrent of sadness about how she wasn't married, would never have any children, how she was going to end up an old spinster. With a small smile she remembered Sophie, the plump dark-haired woman who always smelled like sugar cookies.
"Here…" Carly said as she slid Jane's cup in front of her. Taking her seat again, she leaned back and studied Jane for a minute.
"So…?" Jane asked.
"So….where was I …." Carly joked as she pretended to think before taking a drink from her cup. "Oh…yes…Nina…where to start…" She sighed heavily as she set her cup down. "She was my first…well…I guess she was my first everything…"
"What do you mean?" Jane inquired.
"Nina was my first love, she was the first person I ever…" Carly hesitated as she cleared her throat. "Well…I'm sure you know what I mean…"
"I can guess…" Jane tried not to blush when she realized what Carly was insinuating.
"And most importantly, she was the first person to break my heart. You know, she used me…she had me convinced that if I truly loved her, I would do anything for her. I learned the hard way that if you love someone, you would never ask that person to do the things she asked me to do."
"Did anyone find out about your relationship?" Jane asked.
"Um…Tony found out. Some of his friends had heard the rumors and took it upon themselves to tell him. He confronted me and I was so angry that I started a fist fight with him. I think he was so surprised by my anger that it allowed me to get in a good punch…a couple of bloody noses later, both of us were exhausted. He just looked at me with so much sadness and disappointment that I shut down emotionally from everyone in the family. We didn't talk about it again until I got back from Paris. I thought for sure he was gonna tell our parents, but he never did." Carly shuttered at the memory of that day with her brother.
"What happened to Nina?" Jane wasn't sure she wanted to know.
"She went back to her boyfriend…and that my dear cousin is the end of that story…" Carly said with a slight bitterness to her tone. "I'm telling you this Jane so you can understand that you're not alone. When I came back from Paris…I fell right back into the closet…so very deep into the closet. Being back around my parents…it just sent me into a tailspin of denial. It took a lot of time for me to find myself again. I even let my mom set me up with a few guys just to get her off of my back."
"Really…? What changed things for you?"
"Ryan…" Carly said with a smile that caused her blue eyes to light up.
"How'd you guys meet?" Jane couldn't help but feel warmed by Carly's smile.
"When I started school, we had to take seven credit hours of P.E. and having absolutely no athletic ability…I was talked into taking a dance class with my friend Preston. You remember Preston…?"
"Yeah…I remember Preston…so dance class huh?" Jane couldn't help the snicker that escaped from her mouth at the thought of her uncoordinated cousin taking dance class. As it stood, the Rizzoli's were one of two things…good athletes or good cooks.
"Yeah, dance class and Preston was the only guy in the class. From the beginning we pretty much partnered up during class so it didn't take long for the other girls to get tired of never getting a chance to dance with him. The instructor separated us halfway through the semester and since I am all arms and legs…I ended up having to be the guy. It was then that I was partnered up with a petite blonde with the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen. I was so nervous that I kept stepping on her feet, but she just smiled up at me in that cute way that causes her nose to crinkle up and before I knew it, we were going out on our first date…and she's had my heart ever since." Carly had a dreamy look on her face, but then she sobered as she looked straight into Jane's eyes with an intensity that had Jane sitting up straighter. "It wasn't easy though Jane…I won't lie to you. I fought hard against it. I wasn't ready…you know…I still had so much guilt in me. My fear all but broke Ryan, but she didn't give up on me…on us. It wasn't until I almost lost her that I realized I couldn't live without her. When I finally admitted to myself that I had pretty much fallen in love with her the minute she took my hand for our first waltz…everything fell into place for me."
Jane blinked a few times before looking away from Carly. She silently contemplated what she was about to say as she watched people move around them. Fear churned in her stomach making her feel slightly nauseous.
"I kissed her…" Jane all but whispered.
"Oh…okay…and?" Carly asked, trying to hide the surprise she was feeling.
"And I freaked…ran out on her…haven't talked to her since…" Jane threw her hands up in the air in defeat.
"Well…that was kinda an asshole move there cousin…" Carly frowned. "You need to make things right…heal it up."
"Tell me about it…every day that passes just gets harder. At first I was just afraid, but now I am terrified she won't talk to me." Jane huffed.
"Let me ask you something Jane…" Carly waited for Jane to give her permission to continue. "Are you ready for this? Can you accept your feelings…can you accept Maura's?" She asked after Jane nodded her consent.
Jane was quiet for a minute as she tried to sort out her thoughts. Maura's beautiful smile floated in the back of her mind. Her thoughts traveled to that morning and their kiss and how wonderful it had felt to hold Maura, to feel her. "I want to…" She sighed. "I really want to. I've never felt this way before…Maura causes me to want and need things I've never experienced."
"Well, that's a start…but you have to quite running Jane. It will only lead to heartache in the end." Carly shrugged her shoulders. "I do think that Maura feels the same about you…"
"Really…?" Jane seemed surprised.
"Come on Jane…I know you're not that clueless. When you say that you kissed her…did she kiss you back?"
"Um…yeah…I think so…" Jane cheeks turned bright red as she remembered the feeling of Maura's tongue running along her bottom lip asking permission for more. "Yeah, she did." She said with more conviction.
"Then you're on the same page…what's the problem?" Carly asked.
"I don't know…whenever I think I'm ready…I feel bad…ya know…guilty…like I am doing something wrong." Jane slumped back in her chair.
"The Ol'Rizzoli guilt and shame…I know all about that." Carly smirked. "That's just going to take time…you'll learn not to listen to that voice…eventually."
"Yeah…? It's just sometimes I think that I could never be enough for her. She comes from a different class from us, working class folks." Jane pushed her empty coffee cup away from her. "I just don't know what I can offer her…"
"How about offering her your heart…" Carly tried to smile. "I have a feeling it would be enough for her…"
"I guess I should start by seeing if she'll even talk to me anymore." Jane grinned sheepishly.
"I have no doubt that she will be very happy to talk to you…among other things…" Carly tried not laugh.
"Thanks for talking to me Carly…" Jane said, trying her best to ignore Carly's innuendo.
"Anytime cuz…and if you ever have any questions about…other things…" Carly wiggled her eyebrows playfully. "You can talk to Ryan."
Jane could feel her face flush with heat as she realized what 'other things' Carly was referring to.
Carly leaned back and laughed heartily at the blush that spread across Jane's face. 'This is gonna be fun' she thought to herself as she nudged Jane's leg under the table. "Come on…I'm here for you, anytime you need me. How about we get together sometime for dinner at our place? I know Ryan would love to get to know you better. You could bring Maura…"
"That'd be nice. Thanks for this…" Jane reached out put her hand on Carly's. The Rizzoli's weren't much into talking about feelings so Jane was grateful for her cousin's sincere words. "I guess I should swallow my pride and see if I can get Maura to talk to me." She stood and slipped her jacket on.
"Hey Jane…" Carly said causing Jane to pause. "Don't ever be ashamed of who you are and especially who you love…it will all be worth it in the end. I promise…I kinda have some experience to speak from."
Jane smiled shyly at Carly as she nodded in agreement. "I'll try my best Carly, but this is all new to me. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning and the only person who can save me is Maura…"
"Hold on to that Jane…I have no doubt that she will always be there to rescue you. Don't let her down." Carly gazed intently at Jane trying to convey all the emotion she was feeling without saying it.
"I know that here…" Jane said pointing to her heart. "I just need this to shut the hell up sometimes." She laughed as she pointed to her head.
"One step at a time my dear cousin…one step at a time." Carly sighed as she watched Jane head towards the door. With an easy smile on her face, she took the last scone and wrapped it up in a napkin. She knew they were Ryan's favorite and it never ceased to score her some points with the love of her life when she brought one home to her.
It had been ninety-seven hours, four minutes and twenty-eight…twenty-nine…seconds since Jane left Maura alone to deal with the aftermath of their kiss. Ninety-seven hours, four minutes, and thirty seconds since they had last spoken to each other. Maura's eyes drifted to the huge clock that hung over the cafeteria doors, watching the seconds tick away. No phones calls, no stops in the hall for small talk, and no lunch dates to fill the silence that was eating away at her…'just like necrotizing fasciitis'…Maura thought to herself. It wasn't just the fact that she hadn't seen Jane, except in passing, but Maura had a feeling that Jane was deliberately avoiding her. It broke her heart to think that what had happened between them, what should have been something wonderful, would cause Jane to push away from her so much that she may not find her way back. She could feel the desperate need to do something, anything to bring Jane back to her.
As Maura sat quietly, reading from her economics textbook, she felt Jane's presence as the dark-haired beauty entered the cafeteria. She stiffened slightly in the uncomfortable, hard chair she was sitting in when she heard Jane's deep voice and husky laugh. Closing her eyes to savor the sound of Jane's voice that carried to her, she couldn't help but think back to that morning, waking up in Jane's arms. It had been so perfect, the strength and heat that radiated from Jane was enough to scorch Maura as she moved beneath the body that had pressed against hers. She let out a shuttering breath as she replayed the kiss that all but shattered her world. Maura knew she would never be the same and in her heart she knew Jane wouldn't be either.
When Jane entered the cafeteria, she tried to ignore the pull she was feeling in Maura's direction. It was hard, but she did her best as she slipped into the empty seat next to her brother. Her heart ached at the sight of the honey-blonde who was sitting alone, again. After her talk with Carly, she knew what she had to do, but doing it was harder than she thought. The desire to fix things between her and Maura was a distraction that had been noticed by almost everyone who knew her. Her focus was all but gone, evident in the mistakes she was making during practice as well as her impatience and temper with her friends and family.
Jane could feel Frankie's unspoken question as he tilted his head towards Maura. She shrugged her shoulders before running a trembling hand through her thick, dark hair. With a shake of her head, she all but told him she wasn't going to talk about it. Turning to Cindy with a smile that didn't reach her eyes, she hoped Frankie wouldn't push her to explain.
Feeling the heat rise to her cheeks as thoughts of that morning continued to rent out her brain making it impossible for her to concentrate, Maura decided to close her book and give up trying to read. She had already reread the same paragraph six times and she still didn't know what she was looking at. Looking down as she slipped her book into her book bag, she didn't notice that someone had stopped across the table from her. When she did notice a pair of feet standing on the other side from her, she looked up hoping to see Jane. Disappointment settled in the pit of her stomach when she looked directly into the hard, cold blue eyes of Susan Rogers.
"Hummm…all alone again…what is that four days in a row?" Susan set her tray down, leaning closer to Maura so she was the only one who could hear. "I would join you, but I wouldn't wanna break the streak you got going." She said with a smug smirk as she picked up her tray, leaving Maura without looking back.
As she watched Susan walk away, Maura slumped down in her seat feeling utterly defeated. There was something in the way that Susan looked at Maura that made her shiver with discomfort. The cold, hard blue eyes and the look of disgust that had gaze at her from across the locker room before the powder puff game had spoken volumes. And what it told Maura was that she was despised by a girl that she barely knew, but what Maura didn't understand was why.
It had been easy for Maura to challenge Susan's steely gaze with one of her own that day in the locker room with Jane by her side, but today she was alone and felt she didn't have anything to fight for. She had considered going outside for some fresh air, but after Susan's comment, she couldn't muster the energy to get up, let alone walk past Jane who was now sitting with Frankie and Cindy.
Frankie had seen Susan approach Maura out of the corner of his eye as he tried to act like he was listening to Jane go on about something he wasn't in the least bit interested in. Every once in a while she would laugh, but he knew her heart wasn't in it as she tried to regale tales of a young Frankie to entertain Cindy. He supposed it was more to embarrass him than to entertain Cindy, but when he saw Susan lean over close to Maura and the way Maura's shoulders slumped, he knew it was time to say something.
"Hey Cindy…would you mind giving me and Jane a few minutes?" Frankie asked with his most charming smile.
Without saying anything, Cindy nodded and smiled back at Frankie. She had noticed that Jane was jumpy and irritable lately and Frankie had voiced his concerns to her about it. Leaning over to give him a gentle kiss on his cheek and a light pat of encouragement on his back, she left the brother and sister alone to talk.
"What's your problem Jane?" He eyed her wearily. "You had no reason to hassle Tommy the way you did last night. It's not like you to jump all over him for no reason. What's going on?"
"Jesus Frankie…gets off my back." Jane scowled at him.
Frankie rolled his eyes and then leaned menacingly close to Jane. "No." He said firmly.
"What do you want from me?" Jane leaned back to get away from Frankie's glare. She didn't like the way he tried to emulate her by trying to stare her down.
"What's going on between you and Maura? You haven't been hanging around each other all week. Did you have a fight?"
"No…" Jane mumbled, looking away. Her cheeks began to burn with the blush she couldn't control as her thoughts turned to why she hadn't spoken to Maura since Sunday morning. "It's complicated." She gave a shrug.
"Whatever it is, you need to put it behind you. You and Maura are best friends. You haven't had your head on right all week at practice. You need to resolve this so you can concentrate on tomorrow's game." Frankie eyed Jane sternly. He had seen the blush that radiated across Jane's face, but something told him not to ask why. "Look, Ma told me you met up with Carly this week…" He hesitated as he tried to find the right words. "I'm sorry you feel like you can't come to me, that you can't talk to me…"
The sound of Frankie's voice all but broke Jane's heart. "I know I can talk to you, it's just…" Jane cleared her throat nervously. "I'm not really sure…" She looked away from the hurt expression on his face. "I can't really explain it Frankie."
"Well, when you're ready…I'll be here…I'll always be here." Frankie tried to smile. "You're not just my big sister ya know, you're my best friend." He said as he shoved her lightly on the shoulder causing the desired effect of bringing a genuine smile to Jane's lips.
"Thanks Frankie…" Jane whispered before looking over her shoulder to find Maura with her head in her hands, leaning against the edge of the table she was sitting at. Maura looked so alone and Jane knew it was her fault. She let out a long, heavy sigh as she thought about what to do next. She knew what she wanted to do…she wanted to go put her arms around Maura. She wanted to hold Maura close and make her feel safe and loved. Feeling a small flutter in her stomach, she realized that she was the only one who could stop Maura's pain. "I guess I should start now." She nodded towards Maura, knowing it was time to finally swallow her pride and make the first move.
"No time like the present…" Frankie waved at Maura and then giving Jane a slight shove. The push caused Jane to find herself sitting on the cafeteria floor looking up at her smirking brother.
"Hey, don't be such a dork." Jane said as she pushed herself up off of the floor.
"I'm not the dork sitting on the floor, now am I." He laughed heartily as he took her hand to help pull Jane all the way up so she could leave. "Jane, wait." He said quietly, just loud enough for Jane to hear. Jane leaned closer to him and leveled her gaze at his. His eyes were as intense as hers. "I've said it before and I'll say it again… she's good for you Jane, don't blow this."
Jane didn't say anything as she studied his expression. There was nothing malicious in his words or the way he said them, just understanding. Frankie arched an eyebrow at her and cocked his head towards Maura.
"Hey, Maur." Jane slide into the seat across from Maura.
"Jane." Maura didn't look up at Jane.
Jane didn't say anything; she just sat quietly and watched as Maura found something on the table more interesting to look at. She felt guilt creep over her when she saw how much she had hurt Maura. The guilt of hurting Maura was far more painful than the guilt that she had felt when they had kissed. She tried to push what had happened the other morning from her thoughts, but she couldn't. The feel, the smell, the taste of Maura Isles swirled around her head each time she closed her eyes. Being this close was distracting enough, but when Maura raised her eyes and looked at Jane through her eyelashes, Jane couldn't help but smile.
"Are we okay?" Maura barely whispered, afraid that Jane would disappear like some sort of ghost.
"Of course we are." Jane reached over to touch Maura's hand. She didn't care that the touch was enough to set her skin on fire, but Maura needed it. Maura needed reassurance that Jane was okay, that they were okay and that was more important to Jane than anything else.
Maura's eyes followed Jane's hand as it landed on her own hand. She felt the light pressure of the reassuring squeeze Jane gave her before she let go. She could also feel the heat that lingered in the touch. Maura knew that it had been a hard thing for Jane to do, touching her, feeling her skin against Maura's. It was a peace offering and Maura accepted it with all of her heart. When Jane smiled at her, her world set itself straight and she finally felt her balance come back.
"I've missed those…" Maura said pointing to Jane's deep set dimples.
The action caused Jane dark eyes to shine in that shy but playful way that Maura had come to crave. She had missed so much about Jane over the past few days, but having that smile directed at her started to melt away Maura's fear.
"Now that we're through with that…" Jane started as she shifted in her seat to look over her shoulder at Frankie.
"Did Frankie make you do this?" Maura asked with trepidation in her voice when she noticed the brother and sister silently communicating with each other in the way that siblings are prone to sometimes do.
"No Maura, Frankie did not make me do anything. He just talked some sense into his stubborn sister." Jane leaned forward on the table to look Maura in the eyes doing her best to convince Maura she was sincere.
Maura recognized the intensity in the brown eyes that tried to search her own hazel ones. She looked away under the heavy weight of the unasked questions she could see in Jane's eyes.
"How about we start from today… okay?" Maura ventured.
"Yeah, I can do that." Jane tried to sound casual, but her mind kept going back to the feeling of Maura's lips on her own. She had to get a grip; she had too much to think about that didn't involve kissing Maura.
Maura smiled her sweet, genuine smile and Jane felt everything fall away. Maura was the only one she could see in that moment and it felt good.
"Um, you gonna come to the game tomorrow?" Jane asked with uncertainty in her tone.
"If you want me to..." Maura could see Frankie over Jane's shoulder as he waved at her again. "I think Frankie's trying to get your attention."
Jane turned around and raised her hands in a questioning way. "What?"
"I'll see ya at practice." He shouted to her as he left the cafeteria.
"Yeah, yeah..." She impatiently waved back and then turned her attention back to Maura. "You haven't missed a game yet…I wouldn't want you to start now." She gave Maura her biggest smile.
"You know I wouldn't miss it." Maura smiled shyly back at Jane. "I have to get to class. I'll see you this afternoon…?" It was more of a question than a statement. "And Jane…you know we need to talk about what happened…" Maura leaned over and whispered in Jane's ear. Pulling back to see what Jane's reaction was Maura was pleasantly surprised to see a small, crooked grin cross Jane's face.
"I know..." Jane said taking Maura's hand in hers and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "But after the game…okay."
Maura nodded her acceptance of the compromise that Jane was willing to give. "I look forward to it…" Maura said with a new found confidence and a wink before turning to leave a slightly stunned and flustered Jane alone at the table.
The easy confidence in Maura's voice surprised, yet thrilled Jane as she realized that Maura wasn't about to give up, nor was she willing to let Jane give up either. She smiled as she watched Maura walk away, her hips swaying ever so slightly in a tantalizing way that Jane was noticing for the first time. Her eyes followed Maura as she disappeared through the cafeteria doors and out of sight. Jane practically winced at the slow burning fire that had started in the pit of her stomach, threatening to take over her whole body.
Jane looked down at her hands and flexed them at the thought of touching Maura again. She could feel her cheeks growing flush as her body and thoughts started to betray her. It wasn't until her eyes focused on a set of light brown eyes staring at her from across the room that she realized she was being watched.
Giovanni studied Jane from across the cafeteria and had seen the interaction between her and Maura. He noticed how nervous Jane seemed, but when he saw how flushed she got watching Maura leave, the smile that crossed his lips wasn't innocent.
Jane glared at Giovanni with all the intensity she could muster. She didn't like the smile that played across his lips as he stared back. What she wasn't expecting was the knowing wink he gave her as he stood up and walked out.
"Oh shit…" she whispered, running her fingers through her hair to push the long strands away from her face. "Oh, shit..." She closed her eyes and dropped her head down against the table. She pressed her cheek to the cold surface looking for some respite from the heat that radiated off of her flushed face. So many emotions were running through her head and she was so confused by them, now she had to add Giovanni to the equation. She didn't like the way he was leering at her like he could read her mind, like he had thought the same things about Maura that Jane had been thinking at that moment.
Fear turned to anger as she thought more about Giovanni. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't hear Steve come up behind her.
"Hey Jane…? You okay?" He put his hand on her shoulder.
"Um, yeah..." Jane sat up and shook her head to clear away the thoughts that threatened to pull her down.
"You look a little pale. You sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine… just got a headache." She rubbed her temples, not looking at him.
Steve stood silent for a moment as he gauged how to handle the situation. Here sat the one person who could get them to a championship game and she didn't look well.
"I don't know Jane. Maybe I should tell Coach."
"I'm fine Steve." Jane jumped up as if her sudden movement would convince him. "Really..."
"Go home and take a nap or something." Steve eyed her suspiciously.
"I think I will. Would you tell Frankie I went home for a while? I'll be back in time for practice." Jane smiled, showing off her dimples. Steve was someone else who wasn't immune to the Rizzoli smile.
"Alright…" He smiled back at her, already forgetting about his threat.
As Jane turned to leave, she turned back to look at Steve who was watching her leave. "Thanks for looking out for me." She gave him a crooked grin, and then disappeared out of the cafeteria doors.
As Jane stood in the hallway waiting to take the field, she adjusted her shoulder pads trying to make them more comfortable. She thought back to the moment she realized that things were going to be okay between her and Maura and it brought a small smile to her face. Feeling a sudden rush of excitement flow through her body, her mind began to wander to the possibilities that lay ahead of them. It wasn't until she felt a gentle bump against her shoulder from Giovanni that she snapped out of her reverie.
"Come on Tiger…we got a game to win." Giovanni grinned at her as he pushed past her towards the football field and the waiting crowd.
All Jane could do was watch as Giovanni headed out in front of her. 'Maybe he won't make a big deal about it.' She thought to herself. She couldn't hide the small smile that creased her lips at the playful tone Giovanni had used. 'Aw hell, what am I thinking…of course he will.' She shrugged her shoulders at the thought as she followed her teammates out onto the field.
Maura felt like a part of the Rizzoli family as she sat with Frank Sr., Angela and Tommy in the stands cheering Frankie and Jane on. She had been so relieved when Jane came up to her at lunch yesterday that she was almost giddy the rest of the day, almost. There was still something hanging over her though, something that her and Jane would have to deal with eventually or it might consume them both.
Watching the field with intense interest, Maura didn't want to miss her chance at seeing Jane trot out onto the field. She smiled when the team flooded past the bleachers giving her glimpse of the dark hair beauty in the middle of the pack. Maura could see that Jane looked confident and ready for whatever was coming her way.
It had become a habit for Jane to look up towards the stands to make eye contact with Maura before slipping her helmet on. It was a source of comfort to Jane to see that smile directed her way and know it was only for her. It wasn't until she saw that smile that she would sigh in relief before sitting on the bench next to Frankie.
Maura was so thankful that things had worked between her and Jane. They still had a lot to talk about, but at least Jane was talking to her. She wondered what had happened to cause Jane to finally approach her, too finally break through the wall she had thrown up.
As the game progressed, Jane tried her best to concentrate on what was happening around her but she couldn't quite find her groove. After throwing a second almost intercepted pass, she hit her helmet with her hands in an attempt to clear her mind. It was a move that did not go unnoticed by an already worried Frank Sr.
"Hey, Maura? You know what's going on with Janie? She seems so distracted lately. Has she talked to you about anything?" Jane's dad had a concerned look on his face.
"Um, no..." Maura wasn't lying, not really. Jane hadn't really been talking to her up until yesterday.
"She's been so unfocused all week. She's going to get hurt if she doesn't get her head back in this game." He shook his head. "Are you sure you don't know anything?"
"Well, um…" Maura began, but before she could finish she heard a collective gasp from the crowd and felt Angela's hand clamp down painfully tight on her arm.
Frank Sr.'s eyes widened with fear causing Maura to follow his gaze towards the field until her eyes fell upon Jane as she lay stretched out on the field, her helmet spinning away from her unmoving body. In the blink of an eye Maura's world tilted, threatening to shatter her already fragile heart.