warning: mentions of drug use

Chapter 19: Will & Felix

In which Will meets Felix

Will wakes up to the sound of people talking, hushed and indistinct at first, then louder, closer. He makes out the name Riley, and the name Kala, something about drugs, and finally a complete sentence, spoken decisively by an unfamiliar male voice:

"Wolfgang is not going to be happy about this."

"Why not?" says another voice— Riley's, Will thinks. She sounds almost amused. He opens his eyes blearily, enough to make out two forms standing at his feet.

"Firstly," says the boy's voice, "he smells like shit. Secondly, how much money did you guys spend buying all this fucking Gatorade for him? And thirdly, what makes you think he's gonna stay clean? For all we know the second he feels better he's gonna fucking rob us blind or some shit and go get high."

"Oh for fuck's sake. Rob us?" repeats Riley. She's doesn't sound amused anymore, just exasperated.

"Yes!" cries the boy. "He's a fucking junkie! That's what junkies do, alright? You can't fucking trust them!"

"Well I've been a 'junkie', Felix," Riley says. "And I never robbed anyone, thank you very much. And I got clean and I've stayed clean and you're being really shitty right now."

"I'm just saying—"

"Hey," Will groans at last.

In an instant, Riley is seated beside him. "Hey, you alright?" she asks. "You need anything?"

But Will's looking beyond her, to the boy standing a few feet away with his arms crossed.

"I'm not... gonna rob you," he says. "But I don't blame you... for thinking it."

"The fuck does that mean?" demands the boy.

It means he'd seen the bike that boy Capheus had parked by the door last night — old and rusted, sure, but functional — and he'd considered how much it would fetch him from the Old Man of Hoy. Fifteen dollars? Twenty?

And he'd watched how Kala had taken money out of a turquoise backpack before leaving to go shopping for him, and he'd wondered about that money, wondered how much was stashed there altogether, how much dope he could get from Whispers for it.

"Means I... thought about it," Will slurs, hating himself, Sara's face floating in his mind, "but— I made... a promise. To a girl. That I'd quit."

The boy looks unconvinced. "Yeah? Who's the girl?" he asks.

"Sara," Will says. Riley touches his hand, and Will closes his fingers around it instinctively. He takes a deep breath. "She was— she died. Right next to me. OD'd. And the last thing I did was... promise her... promise..."

"Promise her you'd quit?" Riley supplies softly.

Will nods. "And I'm gonna fucking keep that promise," he says, mostly managing to keep his voice from trembling. Dimly, he notices how tightly he's squeezing Riley's hand, but he can't seem to let go. Even more dimly, he's aware of someone crying, or at least sniffling, and at first he thinks it's him.

But it's not. It's the boy. Felix. "I'm sorry," he says, wiping his eyes. He sits down by Riley, next to Will's knees, and stares into his lap. "I'm sorry she died; that must have been really fucking brutal; I didn't mean to— I didn't mean that stuff I said, I just— I'm sorry—"

Will shakes his head. "It's fine."

"Riley..." says the boy, still not looking up.

"It's alright, Felix."

None of them speak for a moment.

Then Felix says, very quietly, "Um, my mom? She was a drug addict. So I'm kinda... I don't know, just— She'd always say she was getting clean, and sometimes she'd even actually do it, but then shit would get bad or she'd find a new boyfriend or something and then she'd just go right back to the drugs."

"I didn't know that," Riley says softly.

"Well I've never told anyone before 'cept Wolfie and Kala," Felix mumbles. "And now you guys. Anyway. Just. I mean, if you do take our money, you'll be fucking sorry, okay?" he finishes, crossing his arms again, obviously trying to regain some sense dignity.

"Understood," Will nods obligingly.

"Good," says the boy. "I'm Felix."

"Will."

"Nice to meet you."

o - o - o

It's not long before another boy, Lito, shows up. He doesn't ask any questions except, "Is he okay?"

"He's detoxing," Riley tells him, and Lito frowns, kneels down, and touches Will's head.

"He feels feverish," he says.

"I know," Riley tells him. "We've been giving him Tylenol. And plenty of water. He's alright."

"You wake me up if you need anything, okay?" Lito instructs.

"I will," says Riley.

o - o - o

When Wolfgang arrives, Will tenses up, ready for another confrontation, but it soon becomes clear that Felix's claim that Wolfgang would 'not be happy' was mostly bullshit, because Wolfgang, once apprised of the situation, does little more than shrug, introduce himself, and flop down the mattress beside Lito.

Felix continues to hover around, and Riley makes Will keep drinking, and at some point he falls back asleep.

o - o - o

When he wakes up it's mid-afternoon and Riley's gone, but Felix is still there, seated beside him, playing idly with a bottle of Gatorade.

"I made Riley go to bed," he explains. "She was practically falling asleep. Said she'd been up half the night with you."

"Oh," says Will. He hadn't realized.

"How're you feeling?"

Will shrugs. "Okay. Better. Dunno."

"How bad do you want some heroin right now?" Felix asks, sounding genuinely curious.

Will shuts his eyes, unsure how to put the magnitude of want into words. "Have you ever wanted food so badly that you'd eat anything, like literally anything?"

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse," says Will.

"Were you using for, like, a long time?"

"Year and a half," Will sighs. It doesn't seem like long, he thinks. It doesn't seem fair that it's possible to fuck up your entire life in just a year and a half.

"You been on the streets since before then, or...?"

"No. My dad kicked me out," says Will. "'Cause of the heroin thing."

"That's fucked up."

"I deserved it."

"No you didn't." Felix frowns. "Parents are always abandoning their fucking kids. It's fucking bullshit."

"Maybe," says Will. He thinks of how his dad cried when he left. "I don't know."

He really does feel better than before— His muscles don't ache as bad, his head feels clearer, his nausea is gone.

"Want some water?" asks Felix, stifling a yawn. "Or Gatorade?"

Will drinks some water. "You should sleep," he says, handing back the bottle. "I'll be fine."

But Felix shrugs. "Not tired." He yawns again. "Plus, I was an asshole. So I owe you."

"You don't," murmurs Will, but he's already mostly asleep.

"Maybe not," says Felix. "But I want to stay, don't worry."

So Will doesn't. And he drifts off to sleep.