A/N: Here is chapter eleven, people! I wrote it in bits and pieces, but I think it all works out okay. I know I haven't responded to my reviews yet, but I wanted to get this out to ya'll. This chapter is still taking place between "Seventeen Candles" and "Blair Waldorf Must Pie," so keep that in mind. And, yes, this entire chapter is in Chuck's POV.

Special Thanks to Tatiana!

Disclaimer: I don't own Blair, Chuck, or Gossip Girl. If I did, Blair would realize that Nate is a whiney baby and Chuck is all the man a girl could ever need.

Warnings: Rated T but may change to M in later chapters.

IF ONLY

Chapter 11

"You Never Know"

When the elevator doors closed on Blair's retreating form, Chuck punched the button for the lobby and sunk back against the wall, resisting the urge to smash his head into it. "What the HELL is wrong with me?!" The empty car had no answers, though, so he felt even more ridiculous than he had before his useless outburst.

As if that was possible.

After fifteen floors of thinking about it, he decided that this couldn't go on. He'd erupted at Blair for the tiniest thing, something that he actually agreed with, but the deep-seated insecurity that had taken up residence in his chest the morning before was beginning to rear its ugly head. He'd become paranoid of losing Blair after only two nights, and it disgusted him. There had to be a way to better control it.

There was no way that Chuck Bass could allow himself to lose his cool so easily; especially with the conversation he was about to have.

Nate calling him that morning, asking Chuck to meet him, had thrown him for an even more terrifying loop than his latent feelings for Blair had. Here he was, walking through the courtyard of the hotel to climb into the limo where he'd deflowered his best friend's ex, on his way to meet that best friend and soothe whatever wounds he'd taken away from the break-up.

Okay, so maybe not soothe. The attitude that was Chuck Bass still hid somewhere in his head, after all.

So he would meet his best friend and, what? Tell him that Blair was not wasn't good enough for him? That she wasn't worth the trouble of being broken up about? That she was an insignificant bitch with no taste if she let him go?

Suddenly, he was gaining first hand knowledge of the word hypocrite. He'd never made excuses for the decisions he made or the things he did, so no one had ever called him out on being phony. But, now, he was going to face the fact that he had to flat out lie to his best friend and there was just no way around it.

The eight city-block drive to Central Park didn't seem to take long enough. It wasn't enough time to prepare for this kind of betrayal. Not even with all the traffic of a Sunday morning.

Then, again, these were uncharted waters for him, so maybe there would never be enough time.

Whenever Nate asked to meet at 'the Park,' Chuck knew that Nate was in a bad way. Many a morning they had walked through the patch of green in a forest of metal known as Central Park, sharing a joint and talking during free period. It was something that was reserved for the two of them and usually only happened when his best friend had something on his mind he needed to get off his of it.

Usually, this time was spent with Nate trying to be serious and Chuck throwing out whatever inappropriate responses he thought would lighten his friend's mood. He didn't exactly give advice as much as he should, but at least the other boy would have talked out his problems and leave a little more relaxed.

There was going to be no relaxing for Chuck.

His driver pulled the car up to the sidewalk outside Strawberry Fields, the section of the park dedicated to the memory of John Lennon, and he spotted Nate sitting on a bench studying the screen of his phone.

Taking a deep breath, Chuck exited his car, slowly strode up and sat next to his best friend. Before he could lose his nerve, he addressed him, "Nathaniel."

Chuck watched as the blonde flipped his phone shut before turning the sea-colored gaze to his own, "Twenty minutes, huh?" Nate's chuckle rang through the crisp fall air, "Last night's conquest a little harder to get rid of than you thought, Chuck?"

His relaxed posture from earlier straightened and with a racing heart, Chuck mumbled, "Something like that." If only his friend knew how much harder she was to get rid of than most.

"So... tell me." When Nate's statement was met with a confused gaze, he continued, "What was she like? If you can even remember."

Another of Nate's laughs laced through the sounds of the city as Chuck wished this wasn't one of their traditions. He would spend his time bedding as many girls as possible and Nate would live vicariously through his exploits while being tied down. As he couldn't see lying when it wasn't absolutely necessary, yet, Chuck told the truth: "Bossy brown-eyed brunette... flawless ivory skin... just your type." Topping it off with a snicker he didn't quite feel, he watched his friend's face go ghost white.

"I think I'm through with brunettes, man." Nate pulled out a joint and lit it, not even offering his friend a hit.

Ignoring a beggar walking past them, Chuck took a deep breath, "Speaking of... what the hell happened, man?" Maybe if he acted pissed about the situation, his less than genius friend wouldn't see through the thin facade that was barely covering his apprehension.

The muscular shoulders shrugged, "After you left us in the hallway, she started in on me about how she wasn't a priority over my family stuff and that we weren't good for each other right now and that she may love me, but it wasn't enough."

"Brutal," Chuck spat, "I mean, you do have other things to worry about right now, beside her."

"That was one of her points. When we broke up the night before, she told me to go to my dad because she didn't need me as much as he did." Nate's eyes looked lost, "So, I guess it really is for the best."

"You never know, this could be the best thing to happen to you. You're out of Blair Waldorf's clutches, a free agent," Chuck ignored the fact that he was neither of those at the moment, "This is the first day of the rest of your life, my man."

The blonde's face suddenly blossomed into a smile, "I do feel relieved that this whole thing with Blair's over… it feels like I've been dating her for a decade, you know?"

Chuck did his best not to flinch at the word 'relieved,' it was a little strange to him that both Blair and Nate used the same word to describe their break-up. "I'm glad, man..." he slapped his friend on the back, "Now that the therapy session is over, are you gonna share?"

"Oh, yeah..." he passed the joint, which Chuck took a hit of and held his breath while his friend spoke, "Sorry about that. I was a little distracted," he chortled as Chuck blew his smoke over his shoulder.

"Talk about rude, you drag me out of bed and away from a beautiful, willing woman to console you," he took another drag and held his breath through the rest of the sentence, "And then you withhold. Not cool man," releasing the sweet smelling smoke into the air, he kept his face straight in mock upset.

A look at his friend's expression and a guffaw came from Nate, "It won't happen again, man."

Feeling pretty good about the way their initial conversation had gone, Chuck invited Nate back to his place where they ordered pizza, played Xbox, and just hung out. Everything passed by completely normal for a Sunday afternoon until Nate's phone rang. He lazily picked up the phone and drawled, "Hey, Mom… Yeah. I'll see you in a few, then. Bye."

"Poor Nathaniel," Chuck laughed, "Just when you get out from under one woman's thumb, reality comes crashing down."

Watching his friend gathering his stuff, Chuck stuffed a piece of crust into his mouth, which gave Nate his opening. "Yeah…" he laughed, "That reminds me… what are you doing for Thanksgiving? We're banned from the Waldorf's due to all the shit that's been going on with my Dad and now my break-up with Blair… you wanna come suffer through the awkwardness with me?"

Rolling his eyes, Chuck scoffed, "Thanks for reminding me. I'm going to have to tell--" Blair. He was about to tell Nate that he needed to tell his ex-girlfriend about his plans just in case they were still sleeping together behind his back in three weeks. That could have been a major fuck up. Just when he thought he'd gotten control over the thoughts in his head, something like this happened.

When Chuck stopped short in his sentence, Nate had actually been paying enough attention to ask, "What?"

Letting the slip roll off of his shoulders, he really couldn't worry about that now, he continued, "Bart is going to Chicago to check out a hotel he's considering purchasing and he insisted that I accompany him because, 'He wants my opinion and we should spend the holiday as a family.' I knew that showing initiative with Victrola was going to bring nothing but trouble." Nate's laugh as he slipped his shoes on filled the air, but Chuck continued in disgust, "Lily's a bad influence on him, making him try to parent when it's about five years to late to start."

The ocean-colored eyes met his own from across the room, "Lily?"

"Shit," Chuck swore and ran his hand through already tousled hair, "Okay, you can't say anything, but my father has been dating her behind all our backs and I walked in on… something… in his office the other day with my proposal for Victrola." He made a gagging sound at the thought of what he might have witnessed if he hadn't been showing Blair around Victrola, "Yuck. Apparently they're serious."

"No kidding. Your dad, in a relationship?"

Surprise was not an uncommon expression on Nate's face, but it still made Chuck laugh just the same, "Exactly my reaction." Almost the same reaction that Chuck had about his own pseudo-relationship with Blair. Considering he didn't know what the hell was going on there, he didn't know what to call it, or if there was even a name for it.

"Well, I gotta go, man. I'll see you at school tomorrow," His friend waved as he walked through the doorway.

Watching as his best friend shut the door, Chuck flopped back onto his bed. That could have gone both better and worse, but it still unnerved him that he'd almost made a grave mistake. How was he supposed to do this? Was this what he wanted? And what the hell did Blair want?

Deciding he was entirely too tired for thinking, he set the alarm on his phone for six pm before rolling over to take a nap. He didn't remember hanging out with his friend taking up so much energy.

Chuck's catnap was rudely interrupted by "Promiscuous Girl" blaring from the phone next to his ear. Checking the handset for the time, twenty minutes before his alarm was to go off, he sighed before pressing the 'Accept' button. He already knew who it was by the ring tone, so he infused as much smarm into his voice as possible before purring, "If you woke me for a Booty call, S, we're going to have to reschedule."

"Charles Bartholomew Bass, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

The screech was barely intelligible, but he got the gist. "Ooh. You know my middle name… I'm terrified, Serena Celia…" He laughed, "Really, I am, so please explain why you just ruined my hearing."

"Out of all the women in this city, you had to go after Blair? I can't believe you, Chuck, really. She's your best friend's ex. Why take advantage of her?! I swear, if you…"

"Now, take your panties out of the twist they're in. I didn't take advantage of her. I don't know what she told you…"

"She probably wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't seen the two of you getting out of the elevator earlier…" A sound of disgust filled her voice, "All I got to ask her was why she gave her virginity to a pig like you, when all this time she's waited so that it would be special. Her answer was that you were there for her when I wasn't."

Her frustration was causing him to laugh at the look he could imagine was on her face. "I'm not special? Van der Woodsen, I'm wounded."

"That's just it. She said that it was special… and while I don't know what she meant by that, I know that means she's getting emotionally involved. So, if you're just playing one of your twisted games with her…"

The word 'special' almost made him drop the phone and it definitely made him drop the cocky façade. Blair had said that? "Serena," he tried to speak firmly, but his voice still sounded vulnerable to his own ears. Either way, it had achieved the desired effect: to make her stop ranting and listen. "I…" he sighed, "I'm not toying with her. It's all a bit more complicated than that." And it had gotten even more complicated if what Serena just said was true. Did this mean that Blair might actually return his confused feelings?

Her voice sounded unsure, "Let's say that I believe you, for now…" He heard a deep breath on the other side of the phone, "But what about Nate? How long will you two be able to keep this from him? What's going to happen when he finds out? Because if you two keep making out in public like that, someone's going to send it to Gossip Girl and he's going to find out."

Leave it to the blondest girl on the planet to voice the questions he'd been asking himself for the last two days. "He won't," his voice was determined, "He can't find out, so he won't."

Shutting the phone and dropping it on the bed without waiting to hear Serena's response, he entered the bathroom to take a shower. It was time to get ready for his, for lack of a better word, 'date' with Blair and he figured she'd object if he smelled of sweat, pizza, and pot.

Stepping underneath the steaming spray, his mind cleared of all thought but the questions that it had taken Blair's often clueless best friend to ask.

What about Nate?

Everything hinged on Nate staying in the dark about whatever it was that was going on between Chuck and Blair, so that's the way it would be.

There was no other way for it to be.

A/N: Just for your information, I have never smoked anything so I did what I could to describe it with my very limited knowledge. I hope it doesn't come out too awkward. Did I explain Chuck's outburst from last chapter? Did you like the Chuck/Nate scene? How about Serena's little slip? Let me know what you thought. ;)