A/N: :sigh: Yes, it has been awhile. This was tough to do without giving myself a sugar rush, but I think it works. Just remember that lovey-dovey spells a hard fall… eventually. ;)

BTW, we're still between Seventeen Candles and Blair Waldorf Must Pie. Hopefully that will change next chapter. And, warning, this is un-beta'd.

Disclaimer: I don't own Blair, Chuck, or Gossip Girl. If I did, Blair would realize that Nate is a whiney baby and Chuck is all the man a girl could ever need.

Warnings: Rated T but may change to M in later chapters.

IF ONLY

Chapter 14

"Something Going Round"

For Chuck Bass there was only one word to describe the few weeks following that awkward dinner date with Blair: surreal. It quite perfectly fit the absurd idea that Blair Waldorf, former Snow White Queen Bee of Constance Billiards, was spending her school day afternoons and weekend nights in his arms. The word surreal also described neatly encompassed how, despite his normal playboy tendencies, she was the only woman he wanted to hear moaning his name time and again.

No matter how many times she came unraveled through his touch, he still craved her.

The whole situation was bizarrely perfect and he knew that it could change in an instant. This lazy Wednesday afternoon, which would seem normal to anyone else, was a pivotal point in his affair with the sleeping woman next to him. He was powerless to stop the change that was coming and a single mandatory conversation was all that it would take to turn the tides.

They'd been avoiding the subject of his Thanksgiving trip, and time was running out; he was leaving tonight. For the past few days an uncertainty had moved in on him to cloud his mind with worry about what he'd be coming back to. When he told her of his trip and she brushed it off like it didn't matter, he'd dropped the subject. Now that his departure was looming, so was the irrational urge to define his relationship with Blair and know whether this was the last time he'd hold her.

She was currently nestled up against his right side with her arm thrown over his stomach; her usual position after they'd worn each other out. The soft sound of her breathing as she slept was barely audible, with the occasional sigh interrupting the steady rhythm. Chocolate tendrils of her silky hair were curling wildly down around her neck and shoulders, brushing against his chest when she shifted in slumber. Most awe-inspiring part of the vision was the serene expression on her face, one which tugged at his supposedly non-existent heart. He couldn't stop himself from smoothing the hair from her face to get a better look, to brand the vision of her contentment at his side to his permanent memory.

Of course, this action caused her to stir and open her wide brown eyes, exposing his unusually tender adoration for her to criticize. A soft smirk stretched her lips as she asked teasingly, "See something you like, Chuck?"

Doing his best to ignore the slight mocking he could see in her otherwise jovial face, he captured her lips with his. He lazily traced the contours of her mouth with his tongue and only pulled away to allow her to gasp for breath. The smirk she had worn was now on his face as he replied throatily, "That answer your question?"

The fire in her eyes matched the mischievous look on her face when she slid her naked form over his to straddle his lap. His mind and body were warring about letting this continue; they needed to talk about his trip, but he tended to forget things when she was nibbling on his jaw like that. And it was even more difficult to concentrate on words when her breasts were in full view.

In the end, he decided that twenty or so minutes more of avoiding the inevitable couldn't hurt as much as stopping her would. Just as he'd made the decision to switch off his mind and reciprocate, Blair collapsed on top of him and buried her face in his neck. "What are we doing here?"

Her mumbled question was so timid that he was sure he hadn't heard her right. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he traced her spine gently with his fingertips and breathed distractedly, "Hmm?"

The violence with which she wrenched herself from his embrace shook him from his haze. "Never mind," she spat as she rolled away from him and left the bed, grabbing her discarded clothes as she went.

Sitting up, now that he was coherent, he grabbed her wrist as she attempted to untangle her tights from the bed sheets. "Blair," her eyes met his warily while he continued, "I didn't hear you. Really." It was all he could do to ignore her nude body to make her see he was serious.

It must have worked because she abandoned her stocking rescue mission and crawled back onto the bed. "I asked," she sighed, "What we we're doing here."

Walking his fingers up her arm to tangle in her hair, he tried to lead her face back down to his. "You mean other than spending an enormous amount of time naked?" Truth was, he knew what she was probably talking about, but he wanted her to be the one to bring it up.

Instead of the smile his comment was meant to bring, Blair's face morphed into a frown, "I'm serious, Chuck." She pulled away and fixed him with an irked gaze, so far from her previous flirty mood.

"So am I... I'm also not complaining." He was confused, but he wouldn't betray that. Why was she being difficult? He couldn't talk to her like this; sated, happy Blair was the person he needed to speak with. The one that would forget all but the important points of the embarrassing conversation they needed to have.

His attempt at their usual banter must have fallen flat because she pulled herself away from his touch again. "Forget it!" Throwing up her hands, she turned to swing her legs over the side of the bed and pulled her previously located skirt up her legs. "I should have known better than to try to talk to you about something other than... well, nothing since we hardly say a word to each other."

"Hard-ly?" The half-heartedly lewd question failed, again, to snag her attention away from her mission to leave him. She was content just a few minutes ago, what had he done wrong now? And how could he fix it so he wouldn't have to leave like this?

"Don't even go there, Chuck." Her shirt was on now and the warning light in his brain was blazing, so he grabbed his boxers to slip on just in case he had to chase her. Please, anything but that.

Jumping down to the floor, he tried to catch her arm as she made her way past the foot of the bed. "Wait…"

She pulled it from his grasp determinedly. "No, I give up," she practically growled, "Have fun in Chicago. Don't forget to text me the details about your orgies with the hotel staff."

Catching her, he desperately brought her body close to his and wrapped his arms around her tight. Peppering a few soft kisses up along her jaw, he whispered into her ear, "Maybe if you were a little more specific?" She was starting to relax, so he kept using his tender interrogation technique, "Your question could be about so many things."

Her reply sounded hesitant and soft to his ears, "If you truly have no clue what I was trying to say, then I really have been wasting my time." Brown eyes met his warily, but she made no move to leave him. Obviously she would wait for a reply this time, but what could he say?

Taking a deep breath, he went for it as best he could: "You really think I'd be having orgies with hotel sluts when I have you waiting for me here?" Chuckling nervously, he amended, "At least I wish you'd wait… I was really enjoying that I was the only one you'd allowed inside." Sure, he'd been notorious for his one-night stands, but he thought she understood she was different. Did she think he fought this hard to keep any other girl from leaving?

Her eyes bugged open wide as she processed his words, "So… what does that mean?"

"Whatever this is that 'we've been doing' is a first for me, so I don't know." He shrugged, loosening his hold on her and smirked, "You're the relationship expert around here."

"Excuse me?" Blair's disbelieving scoff would have startled him if he hadn't been prepared for anything, but the words that followed it managed to sting him. "Sorry, I thought I just heard Chuck Bass say the word 'relationship.' I must be hallucinating."

Now he felt like walking away; how could she respond like that when he'd been so open? "And I must have imagined you wanted to have a serious conversation," dropping his arms, he tried to keep the discomfort from his face as he met her glare.

His distance away from her, almost a foot, must have brought her back to reality, "Chuck…" The face she wore now closely resembled her contented one, but with a little more worry added to the mix, "I didn't expect for you to listen. I thought you'd fight for your freedom and all that other macho-bullshit you always pull." She sighed, "The conversation never got this far in my head."

"I'm macho-bullshit-free, right now…" he brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face, "And, by your definition, I think I have been ever since this thing between us got complicated." It appeared that, now that he'd been honest, he couldn't stop. He wanted to roll his eyes at himself, but he didn't; it would send the wrong message to Blair.

"Complicated, huh?" She giggled at something he didn't understand, "Seems like that really is something that's been going around."

Raising his eyebrows, he asked, "What?"

She smiled fondly, "Just something that Serena said."

A light went on over his head, "Speaking of things that Serena says…" She glanced at him warily as he continued, "We never talked about it, that first night. Was it really…"

There seemed to be a decision going on behind her eyes before she asked, "Special?" She placed her hand over his that was resting on her cheek and gave it a light squeeze. "Yes; that night… and every one after it." A shy smile crossed her mouth as she turned his hand over and threaded her fingers through his, "But I don't know if I'm ready for a steady relationship, yet."

Letting their entwined hands fall, Chuck used his free hand to trace the side of her face with his thumb. "Yet?" He asked uncertainly, "So, where does that leave us?"

"How does dating, exclusively, sound?" The big question, the one that he'd been anticipating for at least a week now, was finally asked and followed up with a smiling kiss to the inside of his palm.

He couldn't stop the grin from blossoming at her timid request. "A lot like a relationship, actually…" he snickered, but changed his tone at her dulled eyes. "But, I'll take it. As long as it means there will be hot 'I missed you' sex waiting for me when I get back." Kissing her forehead, he put himself out there, yet again, "Because I'll miss you."

Blair's free arm wrapped around him and her head was lying against his shoulder before she breathed, "I'll miss you, too."

When they'd fallen back into bed together, Blair hadn't been surprised. The emotional side of vulnerability was never her specialty, but the physical aspect had come so easy with Chuck. It was like she could read his thoughts through his touch almost better than he could bare them verbally.

Then again, she would have never expected him to be so open with her and accept a commitment so easily. He'd been more willing to be official than she was, and that was big. Blair Waldorf had been in an unofficial relationship since Kindergarten and, like Chuck said himself, was considered to be an expert on the subject.

Sure, some time had passed since that first brazen kiss, but she wasn't ready to be a girlfriend again. This thing with Chuck had given her a taste of carefree attachment, if there was such a thing, and she liked it. Having him to spend her time with, not having to put up appearances or be the mature one, was an enjoyable side of dating that she'd never experienced.

If this were Nate she was lying against right now, she'd be worried about her hair or how awful her make-up must look. With Chuck she didn't concern herself with her appearance because he somehow managed to worship every part of her. Being naked around Chuck was natural and she'd never felt more happy or comfortable in her own skin.

It was only her fear of losing their budding romance that made her try talking to him about his imminent absence. She didn't know what kind of future they could possibly have, but there was something about the way he looked at her that told her not to count him out.

If he tried, he could be the prince she'd always thought Nate to be. As much as this connection between them had done for her self worth, she thought she might owe him the chance to try if he wanted it.

They didn't speak much after coming together one last time before he had to leave. One glance at the clock told them it was about the time for his dreaded departure. He'd dressed wordlessly as she'd watched from his bed, admiring the subtle sinews of his muscles flexing as he made putting his arm though a sleeve into an art form.

There was something nameless about him that made her smile and laugh and beg and fight for him. And she was going to miss him while he was gone.

Grabbing the sheet from the bed, the one dislodged during their most recent round, she wrapped herself in it and followed him to the door. He held a single carry-on bag in his right hand and a wistful smile on his face. "It's official, Waldorf… you turn me on no matter what you wear."

Tilting up onto her tip-toes, she brushed her lips against his and whispered softly, "Bye, Chuck."

His free arm was around her in a second, crushing her to him for another kiss. When he finally released her, he groaned, "Man, I wish my dad wasn't waiting in the limo."

"I don't think he needs that show," she teased and kissed his cheek.

He rolled his eyes, "I agree. But feel free to plan any kind of show you want for when I get back."

"Unfortunately my mom will still be home," she sighed dramatically and smirked.

Looking a little uncertain he smiled, "Then feel free to use the key on the coffee table… I revoked Nathaniel's crashing privileges." His eyes studied her closely, most likely waiting for a reaction to her ex-boyfriend's name.

"Be good and, you never know…" she walked her fingers up his chest, "Maybe I'll use it."

He kissed her again and she tried to ignore the fluttering in her stomach that had grown stronger with each day they kissed. "Goodbye, Blair," he pulled away and slowly backed out the open door with a smile on his face.

Watching him walk a few steps down the hallway, she let the door drift shut before he could turn around to catch her.

Step by step she came back to the bed and climbed in, rolling to her back to stare at the ceiling. The overwhelming sent of him surrounding her sent the butterflies she could no longer avoid having absolutely wild.

Yep, there was definitely something about Chuck that was contagious… Butterflies had never been her thing.

A/N: I must have needed fluff… because this is practically oozing it. :lol: I hope you enjoyed it and that I haven't completely ruined my characterizations. Let me know, please!