warnings: mentions of prostitution

Chapter 22: Nomi & Felix

In which Nomi returns

It's not until the church comes into view that Nomi starts to get scared, the adrenaline of her escape having worn off some and the reality of her situation beginning to sink in.

She's been waiting for this moment for weeks, but what if they don't live here anymore? What if they're out right now? What if they don't remember her? What if they don't want her to stay?

It's late June, mid-morning. She approaches the front door and stands there for a few moments in the church's shadow, her heart pounding. Then she knocks loudly three times.

"Hello? Wolfgang? Felix? Are you there?" she calls. "It's um— it's me? Nomi?"

Probably only a couple of seconds pass, but it feels like an eternity. Should she knock again? Should she leave?

But just then the door swings open, and there's Wolfgang, gaping at her.

"Oh my god," she breathes, lunging forward to hug him. He stiffens at first under her arms, then relaxes.

"Nomi, you're okay," he says softly. "We were worried about you."

"Oh my god," she repeats into his shoulder. "Yes, I'm okay; I'm—" She's crying now. "I got back from school two weeks ago and my parents have literally been keeping me locked in my room; it was like a Rapunzel situation; I— my little sister helped me escape today—" She gives a watery laugh. "God, I'm just— I'm so happy to be here—"

By now Felix has come up behind Wolfgang, along with a dark-haired boy Nomi doesn't know.

"Felix," she cries, letting go of Wolfgang and hugging him too. "It's so good to see you."

"You too," he says, hugging her back. "And this is Lito—"

Nomi turns to the third boy. "Oh right! Amanita said there was someone else," she says brightly. "I'm Nomi; it's nice to meet you, Lito."

The other boy smiles.

"And it's not just him anymore either," says Felix. "There's like a million of us now."

Before Nomi can respond, Wolfgang speaks up. "Are you hungry?" he asks. "Tired?"

"I am kind of exhausted," Nomi admits. "I got like no sleep last night; I was so nervous about today..."

"Good, you can sleep in Sun's sleeping bag," Wolfgang says with a nod. "We'll be sleeping too." He stares at her for a few moments, like he can't quite believe she's really there.

Well, she can't quite believe it either.

Then he says, "C'mon."

She wipes her eyes and follows them to the back of the church.

o - o - o

"That's Sun's," Wolfgang tells her, pointing to a scruffy navy blue sleeping bag.

Nomi slips inside. It smells like cigarettes, but she doesn't mind. Anything is better than home.

"We'll talk more tonight," Wolfgang tells her, yawning, as the boys flop onto the mattress she slept on last time she was here.

Nomi nods.

"Sleep tight," says Felix.

"You too," says Nomi, nestling down in the sleeping bag.

But sleep won't come. She wants to sleep, and her eyes are tired, but her mind is racing, bursting with a million questions and fears.

She lies there for maybe an hour before she accepts defeat.

Then she sits up.

"Felix," she whispers. She prods him in the shoulder.

"Huh?" he mumbles, rolling over to look at her. "You okay?"

"I, um. I have a question," says Nomi.

Felix rubs a hand over his face. "Sure, what is it?"

"Okay," Nomi says, "sorry if this is weird, but I can't stop thinking about it, so..." She lowers her eyes. "Do they make you get naked? Like, when you're—" She hesitates. "—working?"

Felix frowns for a fraction of a second. "Sometimes," he shrugs, then lifts an eyebrow. "They have to pay more for that though. Why?"

"Because." Nomi pulls the sleeping bag up to her mouth, and says, in a small voice, "I think I can do it— like, the sex part. I really do. I just don't want to get naked. That would just be..." She wonders how to describe the dysphoria that she knows would overwhelm her if she had to have sex with countless strangers while naked. "It would make me uncomfortable," she says at last.

Felix squints at her. "Wait, who are you planning to have sex with?"

"I— I don't know," Nomi mumbles, embarrassed. "Whoever, like— usually wants to have sex with you guys, I guess..."

Felix blinks at her questioningly for a moment. Then his eyes widen. "Nomi," he says. "Jesus Christ. You know you don't have to be a fucking prostitute, right?"

"I don't?" Nomi whispers.

"No! Did you think— holy shit. We would never make you do that. Fuck, there's lots of other ways to make money."

"Like what?" asks Nomi, suddenly feeling very stupid.

"Like panhandling or something," says Felix. "You can go out with Sun and Kala. Just sit on the sidewalk and hold a sign asking for money."

"Oh." Nomi's cheeks are burning. "I just thought— since you guys do it—" She frowns. "Why don't you panhandle too?"

"I— I don't know," mutters Felix. "It's complicated."

"Oh."

Felix sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "I guess," he says, "when it comes to panhandling... old men, people feel bad for. Women, girls, people feel bad for. Anyone with a baby or a dog, people feel bad for. Guys like me and Wolfgang? People are either scared of us or they want to fuck us. They aren't gonna give us money for free."

Nomi's stomach clenches. "What if people are scared of me too?" she asks, suddenly panicked. "What if they don't know I'm a girl? Felix—"

Felix sits up on the mattress. "Listen to me, Nomi," he says firmly. "Don't worry, okay? It's gonna be fine. You'll be with Sun and Kala. They'll show you the ropes. Alright?"

Nomi nods. "Alright," she squeaks.

"Just try and get some rest," Felix tells her.

"Okay," says Nomi, nodding again, and Felix smiles wearily before rolling back over, into Wolfgang's side.

Nomi closes her eyes, and her mind is still buzzing, but Felix said it was gonna be fine, and she trusts him. She really does.

And soon enough, she falls asleep.