A/N: Yeah, it took me awhile to update, but I got a new job and I've been struggling to find time. Everything should really start to flow though, starting with this chapter. I have so many things planned for this story and I hope you're going to like them. I'm sorry for not replying to your very precious reviews, but I figured I'd kept my readers waiting long enough. Please know how loved each and every review is and how much they brighten my day.

Special thanks to LynniePearl for looking over this for me. –hug- I'm so glad you're a part of the FanForum family now. ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl's Chuck and Blair; I just like to put words in their mouths and knock sense into their stubborn heads for my own obsessive enjoyment.

If Only

Chapter 18

"Smile"

Blair awoke on Sunday morning to the overwhelming feeling of being completely safe. A warm chest was pressed to her back, moving slightly with each breath its owner took; the pair of strong arms wrapped around her made her feel protected and cared for.

The feeling of a perfect fit, two bodies that were halves of the same whole.

She reveled in the knowledge that Chuck had come home while she slept and simply slipped into bed beside her.

No sex required.

Lying there with him, she marveled at the situation: this was the first night they'd spent together and stayed clothed. She hadn't thought it was possible, but obviously…

She smiled as a wave of hope for this unlikely relationship surged through her.

Sighing, Blair snuggled back into his chest gently, not wanting to wake him and break this perfect moment. Not even to get out of the suddenly very restrictive corset she'd worn for his welcome home celebration.

It was the stirring of a certain portion of his body - the one that was currently nestled against her bottom - that told her he was already very awake.

Warm lips placed a few kisses on her bare shoulder before murmuring, "Good morning."

She dropped her head back to rest against his chest, replying with a sigh, "Mmm."

She was so happy he was home! Much happier than she'd thought was possible. No sense in denying it to herself now; he was obviously very important to her… and getting more so by the minute, it seemed.

His hands began to roam from over her stomach as he chuckled cockily, "Missed me?" Fingers were kneading her thighs, brushing over her hips, toying with the edge of her panties…

Shifting herself even further back into him, rubbing against the semi-hard organ that she was pressed against, she smirked, "Parts of you."

His breath heated her ear as he protested huskily, "Liar."

Of course she was lying but she'd only just started admitting the truth to herself; she thought prolonging his knowledge of it for just a little bit longer may make it easier to handle.

Plus, teasing him was so much more fun. "I suppose you may be right…"

Her insides felt like butter as lips traced the cusp of her ear, nibbling at the sensitive skin between the ear and her hairline. The strong fingers she'd been unable to get out of her mind during their few days apart were massaging up her back, between their bodies and fiddling with the laces of her 'outfit.'

Damn him for those talented fingers.

Slowly, he pulled the laces open; each string he unfastened loosened the garment more, bringing her closer to topless. "Would it help to know that I missed you, Blair?"

Suddenly she was very aware and her droopy eyes snapped open. There was a question bouncing around in her head and now she couldn't kick it away: had he been faithful? Sure, she'd spoken with him every night, but part of her was still insecure about trusting him not to stumble.

He was a man, after all, and he was Chuck Bass, the notorious womanizer. Both reasons why it was less than likely he'd been able to keep it in his pants. No matter how much he'd changed the past few weeks, his absence still made her nervous about his fidelity.

His hands had made short work of the laces and now the cloth was only resting against her skin, her hands holding it, keeping it from removing itself entirely. Pulling herself away from him, hating the cold as it hit her exposed back, she stated, "That depends."

She studied the wrinkles in the bed sheet when he asked confusedly, "On what?"

Taking a deep breath, she answered softly, "My reaction to you missing me is pointless if you didn't behave yourself." When she gently stressed the word 'behave,' she heard him draw a breath, in shock she supposed.

Did he not expect her to question him? Was she supposed to just assume that he'd kept his hands to himself?

He knew she'd been cheated on before. He should've seen this coming.

His initial reaction would've spoken volumes if she'd allowed it to, but nothing was going to get in the way of her determination to hear the words aloud. "Well," she asked delicately, "Did you?"

"I can't believe you're asking if I cheated on you." He made to leave her side, but she turned over quickly and stopped him with the touch of her hand to his forearm.

"You're Chuck Bass," she exclaimed, exasperated. "Sure, we've known each other forever, but being in this relationship… it's new for both of us. It's not that I didn't believe you when you promised not to, I just don't know what to expect. I need to hear you say it, Chuck." She sighed, hating how desperate she was sounding, "Can you humor me? Please?"

"You wanna hear how it would have been impossible for Chuck Bass to pick up another woman when he wasn't even interested in looking at one?" She was shocked as he spat the words at her, a hard quality to his eyes making them shine like polished marble; he was obviously hurt and embarrassed that she asked. "That he waited all day to be on the phone with the girl who's so afraid to be his girlfriend that she's made up some bogus relationship status to bullshit her way into keeping him, yet not being with him completely?"

He'd sounded bitter and sarcastic, but with the way his words warmed from the inside-out, Blair had to remind herself to breathe. "You…" she smiled at him in awe, "You want to be my boyfriend?"

Was it even possible for him to want more of a commitment?!

She might need to re-evaluate her judgment of his character because he was surprising her left and right.

Although, having her preconceptions of him proven wrong was having a very pleasant effect on the twirling sensation in her stomach.

He reached over and dragged her to his side possessively, leaning his forehead against hers he asserted, "I don't want anyone else."

Damn it, if he didn't stop talking like this she was going to fall head over heels for him. It was a valid concern…

Especially since her world was already starting to look slightly askew.

"Okay." It was only one word, but she felt like uttering those four letters may have just permanently altered the course her life was on.

"So, girlfriend…" his voice trailed off as his lips fought a smile and his eyes shined with unrestrained happiness.

All she trusted herself to do was beam right back at him in response.

A smirk appeared as his hand slid down to cup her panty-covered bottom, then he mused, "Can I unwrap my present now?"

She nipped at his nose playfully before covering his mouth with hers.

When December fourteenth rolled around, it signified the end of the fall school semester, the start of Cotillion weekend, and the twentieth day that Blair Waldorf could be referred to as Chuck Bass's girlfriend.

Thinking the word was still giving her the tingles all over and making her smile.

She'd thought the word several times during the final dance practice for the Cotillion gala; every time Chuck looked at her while she was dancing with her escort for the event, she was reminded of her current attached status.

The fact that he was jealous of her choice in dates was weirdly endearing to her. It made her stomach do flips when the word went through her mind, reminding her that she was his to be protective over.

Every time that someone brought up Cotillion in the past few days, he'd given her a look that said, It should be me. Blair was spending every moment outside of school or rehearsals making it up to him; she'd even broken her own no-sleepovers-on-school-nights rule, she felt so badly. But she was terrified they'd forget themselves during the magical night and accidentally reveal how close the Best Friend and the Ex-Girlfriend really were.

They'd already come so close to being discovered during school hours; it was getting very hard to keep their hands off each other and control their furtive glances. The whores at school hitting on him didn't do anything for her jealousy issues either.

She didn't know how much longer she could take this sneaking around thing.

It was a small relief that they didn't have to hide when they were at her house, though. Like now, making-out on her bed fully clothed, with him lying between her legs, the door wide open. His kisses were slow and sensual, in no hurry since they had nothing to be afraid or ashamed of.

It was nice to be his girlfriend. She adored being his. But she wanted everyone else to know so badly.

Being his meant she cared about him, about what he wanted, and that was why she wasn't going to push the issue of going public; she would hate herself if he lost his best friend because of her. There was no way she'd ask him to give Nate up any sooner than he was willing to risk it.

So she remained quiet, snuck around with her boyfriend and pretended that the secrecy thrilled her…

And treasured the few moments like this.

His hands were caressing her thighs through her red tights and she knew he was cursing her silently for wearing them; she'd really only done it because she enjoyed teasing him. Just like he loved to toy with her, moving ever so slowly when they could afford to take the time without fear of being discovered.

In between his special brand of agonizingly, delectably slow kisses, he complimented her in his own unique way; "You were pretty hot on 'Princess Theodore's' arm today." There was that jealously again, rearing it's fascinating head.

Smiling as his lips met hers again, she responded, "Oh, is that what I am to you? Just an accessory?"

"Next to him, yes," he stated simply as he turned them over so that she was straddling him. "On me, you're so much more."

Sighing, she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him closer; "But I can't be on you, remember? You don't want Nate to find out."

The words slipped out before she could stop them.

She smiled at him nervously and he returned it, just as unsure; neither of them ever brought up their need for being cautious and she wasn't sure what possessed her to broach the subject now. This was supposed to be their rare, relaxing, freeing time together, not a moment of serious conversation.

Even though it hurt to ignore the unspoken yearning she held in her heart, she kissed him again, reminding herself of her personal pledge to wait for him to be ready.

He relaxed into her, hands adjusting her body in his lap so that he could slide up further and meet her mouth deeper. They quickly went back to enjoying each other, pretending the taboo subject had never been mentioned.

That was when Dorota's voice called up the stairs, "Miss Blair! Mister Nate for you!"

A sick feeling hit her stomach when she felt Chuck's mouth freeze against hers, his hands gripping her tightly before he released his hold and dropped back onto her bed. Sighing, she rested her hands on his abdomen and stared into his unreadable eyes, wishing she knew what he was thinking right now.

All Blair could think was, Oh shit.

A/N: Well, there you have it; a little shorter than normal, but it naturally ended there. Sorry about the lack of Chuck POV, but I'll be making that up to you next chapter. ;) Thank you so much for reading and I hope you'll bless me with your thoughts on this.