Chapter 14: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

The pain...it seems to be more bearable now. Should I tell Unohana-taichou everything I felt and saw when Gundanchou-sama looked at me? What if she tells her about it? It would be so improper of me to have such feelings. Gundanchou-sama is the heir of the Tenshihesoban Shihouin Clan, a captain of the Gotei 13 and the leader of the Omitsukido. How can I, such a lowly bodyguard, be jealous of Urahara-taichou? It is just impossible that Gundanchou-sama has love shining out of her eyes when she was looking at me just now. I must be dreaming. Those recurring dreams that I have been having are doing nothing but confusing me and blurring the lines between dreams and reality.

She slowed her flash stepping towards the 4th barracks. Sui Feng shook her head, trying to rid herself of the remnants of her dream which sprung to the fore of her mind unbidden. The dream of those golden eyes, the long slender and talented fingers that can set her body on fire and make her beg for release.

The sight of Gundanchou-sama lying there below me, writhing and moaning my name as I…. .God! Fong Shaolin! Get your head out of the gutter. Those damn dreams you have been having are improper and to think of Gundanchou-sama in that light! In any light other than that of a superior, a leader, a commander, a lover perhaps? Yes! That. A what?! NO! Who the hell are you! Oh dear god, she must have been hit pretty hard for her to not know me. Hello? I'm standing here thank you very much. Stop commenting as if I'm not around. Oh goody! If she can be snarky, then there is still hope. I so don't envy myself for what I've undertaken. Suzumebachi? Is that you? I haven't been able to commune with you since I woke up from that coma which Gundanchou-sama told me of. What is going on? Honey, I'm not Suzumebachi. And the reason why you can't commune with her is because her very essence is tied to the part of you which you forgot and blocked out. The only reason why you can finally hear me now is because you are finally allowing yourself to think about the meaning behind those dreams you are having and willing to find out the reason behind why you have these headaches and blackouts. Most importantly, you have begun to wonder if your relationship with your precious Yoruichi-sama is more than it meets the eye.

Okay….Hi my name is Sui Feng, formerly known as Fong Shaolin. For reasons I do not recall, my name has changed and since you are such an integral part of me, I'm very sure you can figure out why and when I changed my name. Why don't you, just cut the crap and tell me who the hell you are, how you appear in my head and what you did to Suzumebachi! Most importantly, don't you ever talk about Gundanchou-sama like that again. My my, little bee has a temper. Just like all those years ago huh. Tell me Sui Feng, do you really have no idea who I am? Do you really believe in everything you see now? Have your observation skills really went that far down the drain that you can't see the inconsistency in the way you are treated? Not just by Yoruichi but also by the rest of the people in Seireitei. Have you not wondered why Yoruichi keeps you by her side at all times and not let anyone near you? Well I have! Then you are not that hopeless after all. After all, you are me and I am you. I am your best friend, confidant, worst enemy, sounding board and mirror all rolled into one. Not a very fun job I tell you. I am, for lack of a better word, your conscience. Or "the fella who wouldn't shut up/bothers me endlessly" as you like to put it in the past.

What have I ever done to annoy you the way you are annoying me now? I need to hurry to the medical barracks otherwise Gundanchou-sama will be worried about me. I don't have the time to stand here and argue with you like an insane person. Though the mere fact that I'm arguing and talking to you would be proof enough to get me committed for life. What if I tell you I know why you have been having those blackouts and dreams? What if I tell you I'm the one who is responsible for them? That I am responsible for all the weid things that are happening to you now. And I also know the real deal behind Yoruichi. Stop calling Gundanchou-sama by her name! Such disrespect! How dare you. How I even forget that you have this tendency to rattle on and on and on about Yoruichi is beyond me. Maybe my age is catching up to me. Anyway, I'm just here to offer you a choice. Either you want to know the truth or you don't. Sleep on it and let me know. I'll look you up in a couple of days. How about telling me how to contact you? You already know the answer to that. You are just resisting it.

Sui Feng stopped in her tracks. Her feet had brought her to the 4th division barracks unknowingly while she was having the intense conversation with herself inside her head. She lifted up her hand and knocked.

"Please come in" a soft voice rang out from inside the room.

"Excuse the intrusion" Sui Feng said as she slide open the shoji door gently before stepping in and closing the door behind her.

"How are you today?"

"Unohana-taichou, there is something I have been meaning to ask you."

"Please do."

"The partial memory loss I have is due to the blood clot in my brain is that correct?"

"Yes it is."

"So does that mean that if the clot is gone, my memory will return to me?"

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like this. The brain is a very complex organ and its workings is still a mystery to many, myself included. It is entirely possible that even with the clot dispersed, your memory will remain as it is now."

"If that is so, is it possible that I might be the one who is refusing the return of the lost memories?"

"That is also one of the possible scenarios. If the memories that were lost are deemed to be too traumatic, the brain might choose to forget it completely to shield the body from the pain."

"I see."

"Sui Feng-san, is something the matter? You seem a little out of sorts today."

Sui Feng gave her a reassuring smile.

"Everything is fine Unohana-taichou. I just wish that I could get back the memories that I have lost so as to not let Gundanchou-sama down and to repay her for her concern over my wellbeing."

"I see. Shall we begin the checkup?"

Sui Feng nodded.

- 2 hours later -

"Everything seems to be in order. Is there anything in particular that stands out during the past week? Any blackouts or headaches? A recurring dream perhaps?"

A look of surprised passed Sui Feng's face before she could school her face to its neutral look.

"Does dreams have any relevance to my condition?"

"It might. It might be a sub-conscious memory that your conscious is trying to repress. Or it could just be a random occurrence. As I have said, the brain is a very complex organ and it is largely an unexplored branch of medicine. The consequences of a misstep could be a disaster of epic proportions."

Sui Feng stared at the ground deep in thought.

Just as I suspected. Something did happened with her. Maybe Yoruichi-san will know something about this.

"Sui Feng-san? You are free to go now. Try not to over exert yourself trying to remember what you have lost. Let it come to you naturally."

"Arigatou gozaimatsu Unohana-taichou"

She bowed deeply before leaving.

I…am I prepared to know the truth?

AN: Hello everyone! I know I know. I have disappeared since forever. Hopefully there are still people out there reading this story of mine. This time, I'll be sure to update at least once a month! Work is…meh. As usual, please read, enjoy and review (if you would be so kind). Thank you so much for sticking with me and with the story. Hope it meets your expectations! Sui Feng might be a little OOC so please bear with me while I adjust it back.