warnings: mentions of rape, mention of blood, vague references to a past abusive relationship and abusive parent
note: sorry i had to make so many canonically decent characters into assholes for this fic but ya know. they had to become homeless somehow.
Chapter 26: Lito & Kala / Lito & Felix
In which Kala shows Lito old photos and Lito talks to Felix
Lito arrives back at the church in the early morning to find Kala sitting cross-legged on her sleeping bag, staring at something in her lap. He frowns. She should be out with Sun and Nomi right now.
"Kala?" he says into the stillness.
She starts and looks up, as though she hadn't heard him come through the door.
"What are you doing here still?" he asks, sitting down on the edge of the mattress.
"Lito," she whispers. "Wolfgang was hurt."
"Hurt?" Lito's mind goes to terrible places, visions of hospitals and paramedics and—
"Last night, while he was working. A— a client?— assaulted him and— He said it wasn't rape, but Lito—"
Oh. Lito's stomach drops. "Hey, it's alright," he manages to say, because Kala sounds like she wants to cry. "Kala, it's alright. Where is he now?"
"He's with Felix; they went to a clinic to get him tested for— for STIs. He told me to tell you and the others what happened..."
"Is he okay?"
"No," says Kala. "I mean, he acts like he is but he's obviously not; he's in shock; he's—" She sighs. "He's Wolfgang," she says at last.
"Of course he is."
"I've— I've been trying to distract myself, looking at old photographs," says Kala, wiping her eyes.
"Is it working?"
She laughs weakly. "No, not really."
"May I see?"
Kala nods, and turns the stack of photos toward Lito.
The first one shows two young girls with their arms around each other, their faces painted brightly.
"Is this you?"
"My sister and me," Kala says. She sniffs. "Her name's Daya; she's three years older."
"I like your face paint," Lito smiles.
"Thank you," laughs Kala. "I'm a tiger."
"Very fierce."
"Yes," Kala says. She wipes at her eyes again, and flips to a photo of a man holding a little girl on his shoulders. "There's Daya and my father in front of his restaurant," she says.
"Your dad has a restaurant?"
"He did," says Kala. Lito notes the change in tense, but doesn't press the matter.
The next photo depicts a tiny Kala clutching a giant stuffed elephant. "I loved that elephant," she says fondly. "One day my mother threw him away. I cried for hours." She shuffles through the stack, and pulls out a photo of her father holding hands with her and her sister on a beach. The girls are older here, maybe nine and twelve. "We went on vacation to India," Kala explains, her finger ghosting over her father's face.
"It looks like fun."
Kala nods, then says, very quietly, "The photos from this trip are the last ones I have of him. He passed away a few weeks later."
"How?"
"He had a heart attack. Right in his restaurant."
Lito wants to tell her how sorry he is, but Kala has already moved on to the next photo. "My sixth birthday," she says, pointing at a picture of herself sitting in front of a cake. Her hair is in braids. Behind her stands a lady with her hand on Kala's shoulder.
"Is that your mother?" Lito asks.
"Yes."
"Did... she die too?" Lito probes softly.
"No, she's still very much alive," says Kala, her voice brittle.
"Oh." Lito hesitates. "What— what happened?"
"She was always narcissistic and emotionally abusive," Kala states. "She got even worse after my father died. I left home when I was fifteen to get away from her."
"I'm sorry," whispers Lito.
Kala smiles, a bit sadly. "It's alright. At some point I just accepted that she'd just never love me in any way that mattered," she says, and something about her matter-of-fact tone makes Lito's heart break. "She made sure that my physical needs were met, at least. And I had my father, for a while. And my sister."
"Your sister, where is she now?" Lito asks.
"She left home too. A couple of months before I did," says Kala. "She got married and had a baby. Moved across the country."
"That must have been difficult."
"It was. It is." Kala shrugs. "We were very close. I miss her terribly." She rifles through the photos until she reaches one of her sister, all grown up, smiling beside a man and a toddler. "She sent this to me on my birthday last year."
"She looks very happy," Lito says slowly. "But I'm sure she misses you too."
Kala nods, staring down at the photograph. "My old boyfriend didn't let me talk with her on the phone."
"Why not?" Lito frowns.
"I don't know, he didn't really like me to have friends or... I don't know. He said she didn't care about me, if she moved so far away."
Lito isn't sure how to articulate the rush of fury he suddenly feels toward this former boyfriend, so he just swallows. "You know that's not true, right?" he says.
"I know," mumbles Kala. "After I left him— Rajan— I wanted to call her, but what am I supposed to tell her? That I'm homeless?"
"Tell her that you miss her."
"Someday," Kala says softly. "Someday I'll call her and tell her everything." She bites her lip and straightens the stack of photos. "I— I really shouldn't be looking at these," she says. "I thought it would take my mind off of Wolfgang but... it just makes me miss everyone. Even my mother." She laughs hollowly. "Isn't that strange? After everything she did, I still miss her sometimes."
"I miss my dad sometimes too," Lito shrugs. "He kicked me out, he said awful things to me before I left. But he's still my dad."
"I hate that," says Kala. "How we're tied forever to people who hurt us."
"I still want to make him proud," Lito muses, more to himself than to Kala. "He never finished high school, my dad. He always used to tell me how proud he would be when I graduated. And sometimes I think to myself how if I ever get, you know, a GED or something, I'll partly be doing it for him, to finally make him proud. And then I think, he doesn't deserve for me to make him proud."
Kala nods. "When I was young, I was afraid of everything. I couldn't sleep if the light was off or if it was too quiet. I hated sleeping in bed alone. I'd always wind up in my sister's room and sleep next to her. My mother would be cruel to me about it, call me spoiled and a coward." She runs her finger along the edge of the photos in her hand. "The other day it occurred to me that she'd have to be impressed if she could see me now, sleeping here, in the dark, in just a sleeping bag." She presses her lips together. "I suppose I'm still a coward though," she says.
"You are not," retorts Lito.
"I am." Kala shakes her head. "Do you know why I left Rajan? Because he wanted to have sex with me. He was my boyfriend for two years, and he wanted to have sex. And so I left. And meanwhile you and Felix and— W-Wolfgang— Every night—" She makes a noise somewhere between a hiccup and a sob, and shoves the stack of photos into her duffle bag. "Lito, I'm so worried about him," she says in a trembling voice, covering her face with her hands.
"I know," Lito tells her. He touches her hair. "I am too."
"I can't stop thinking about it. I— I didn't sleep at all last night. Just imagining—"
"I know," Lito says again, soothingly. "But how about we both get some sleep now, hmm? You must be tired. I know I am."
Kala nods distantly, and Lito pats the space beside him on the mattress. "If you want?" he offers. "Since you said you don't like sleeping alone?"
Kala smiles a little and moves to the mattress.
Lito gives her the better of the two pillows and settles down under the blankets. Kala scoots a bit closer to him, so their shoulders are touching.
"Goodnight," she says. "Or— good morning, I suppose."
Lito laughs. "Good morning."
Within minutes, Kala is asleep.
o - o - o
Lito stays awake until Wolfgang and Felix get back an hour or so later.
"Hey," he says.
"Hey," says Felix wearily. Wolfgang says nothing, just gets into bed next to Kala. Felix slides in beside Lito, and they all lie there in silence. Kala doesn't wake up, and soon Wolfgang is asleep.
"How is he?" Lito whispers, nudging Felix.
Felix rolls his eyes. "Too tough for his own good," he whispers back. "I told him he can't work for a week and he tried to fucking argue with me."
"When'll you get the test results?"
"Three days." Felix exhales sharply. "Fucking bastard," he mutters, crossing his arms over his blanket. "If you're gonna fuck someone till he bleeds, the least you could do is wear a fucking condom. I want to fucking kill that guy." His voice breaks.
"Me too," sighs Lito. He glances over, and finds Felix's cheeks are wet with tears. He looks away. "Felix," he whispers gently. "Wolfie'll be alright."
"I know that," snaps Felix, rubbing his eyes. "I know. I'm gonna make fucking sure of it."
And suddenly Lito imagines all the times this must have happened in the past, when it was just Felix and Wolfgang, patching each other up, talking each other down, sleeping side by side on the mattress.
Nearby, he feels Kala pull closer to Wolfgang in her sleep.
"Felix," he says, "We're all gonna make sure of it."
Felix glances over at him.
"Together," says Lito.
And Felix stares at him for a moment, then nods and closes his eyes. "Together," he repeats tiredly, but not without some measure of relief.
He turns onto his side, and eventually his breathing evens out.
Lito looks over at Kala and Wolfgang, nestled together in their sleep.
It's a beautiful word, he thinks. Together.
And gradually, he too falls asleep.