Here ya go…hope I did this little piece justice…I tried to answer a few questions that were brought up earlier too. Please enjoy…thanks again for hanging in there with me.
Chapter 17- Be Okay
Jane could see Giovanni moving around the garage as she peeked in the window. She knocked loudly on the glass pane to get his attention causing him to look up to see who was interrupting him. When he saw Jane standing outside, a huge smile filled his face. Putting down his wrench, he moved across the crowded garage to let her in the door.
"Hey Janie…what's up?" He said as he opened the door to let her in.
Following Giovanni into the garage, Jane slipped her hands in the pockets of her jeans giving her shoulders a slumped appearance. "Nothin'…just thought I'd see what you're up to…"
Giovanni stood back to look at Jane, a crooked grin on his face. "You miss her don't you?"
Jane rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders, not really giving him an answer. "Can I hang out and watch you…or help with anything?"
"Yeah…yeah…come on…" He slapped her on the back giving her little push towards the motorcycle he was working on. "You can hold my tools for me…" He winked at her and laughed.
"Real funny Gio…" Jane let him lead her to a stool where she sat down to watch what he was doing.
"I'm a regular Rockefeller…" He grinned up at her as he crouched down to pick up the pieces he was working on.
"I think you mean Jerry Lewis…" Jane sighed as she watched him fiddle around with several pieces of machinery.
"Yeah…whatever…"
A comfortable silence settled over them as Jane watched Giovanni re-build a carburetor, her mind somewhere several thousand miles away. She didn't want to admit it but she missed Maura desperately, almost causing a physical pain in her chest. As she watched Giovanni work, she put her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hand. A long, sad sigh escaped her lips before she could stop herself, catching Giovanni's attention.
"Damn girl, you got it bad." He laughed as he stood up, wiping his greasy hands on his white tank top.
Jane watched him move around her to get something off of the table he was now standing next to. Her eyes swept over his long, lean form and for just a moment she realized what a good looking guy he was. As good looking as Giovanni was, it just didn't do anything for her, not like when she looked at Maura whose soft curves she longed to feel against her. As her mind wandered to thoughts of Maura, she didn't realize her cheeks had turned pink as her skin became flush, but Giovanni noticed all too soon.
"Jane…come on get your mind out of the gutter…you can be such a guy sometimes." He stopped what he was doing to look at her with a playful glint in his eyes.
"What?" Jane tried not to look guilty as she shifted uncomfortably on the stool. Her mind was indeed in the gutter, but she couldn't help it. With only dreams of Maura to keep her company at night, her imagination had started to run wild as of late.
"You may be able to fool other people with that innocent act, but I know what you're thinkin'…" He grinned at her again. "And I don't blame ya at all…Maura is hot…" He started to say causing Jane to wave her hands at him to get him to stop talking.
"Hey…that's enough of that..." She glared at him. "Look, I know we haven't really talked about this, but it's something I'm not ready to spread around if you get my drift." Looking away from his dark eyes, she wasn't really sure what to say next.
"Aw…forbidden love…" He placed his hand against his chest over his heart, staggering backwards.
"Come on Gio, I'm serious. Not everyone is as accepting as you are…" Jane said looking back at him as she gave him a gentle shove. "I need to know you won't tell anyone…please."
"Yeah, whatever…I don't see what the big deal is, two hot girls…" He started to say before feeling Jane's fist connect with his shoulder in a light punch. "Okay, okay…I wasn't gonna tell no one anyway. I got a cousin who swings that way…he's a good guy, but not everyone understands." He gave Jane a sheepish grin.
"Thanks Gio…" Jane said as she watched him bend down and begin to sift through his tool box looking for what he needed. "Hey, um…can I ask you something?"
Giovanni stopped what he was doing, looking up to find a serious expression looking back at him. "You know you can Jane…what is it?"
"Why didn't you guys stop that asshole Joe from getting a few hits in…?" She said as she nervously cleared her throat before running her fingers through her hair.
"Welllll…." He stretched the word out as he stood up look at her. His brown eye's softened when he saw the pained expression on her face. "I guess the guys just don't know where to draw the line with you sometimes…you can run pretty hot, ya know."
She tilted her head to look at him as she thought about what he had said. "I know I've got a temper, guess I get it from my Ma. But you just kinda left me hangin' there. He got me pretty good ya know. I've still got the bruises to prove it."
"Listen Jane, you're always telling us not to treat you any different and fighting your own battle is one of those things we let each other do." He said with a shrug of his shoulder. He did feel guilty for not stopping things before they had started, but all too often he had been blindsided by Jane's temper when he had tried to intervene in the past.
"Then why did you drag me away before I could finish him off?" She frowned at him, her voiced laced with impatience. She could still remember the anger that coursed through her body, the adrenaline rush she felt pushing all of the pain away, at least for that moment. Her palms still itched with the desire to have one last go around, but she also hoped she had seen the last of him.
"Come on…that guy is gonna walk funny for a month after that last punch you gave him. I just didn't want to see you do somethin' you'd regret." Reaching out he touched the tip of her nose with a greasy finger, leaving a black smudge on her skin. "I'm sorry you felt like we didn't have your back though. It won't happen again…I promise."
"Kay…" She tried to look at the grease smudge on the end of her nose which only caused her eyes to cross. "I guess I can be kinda a hard ass sometimes…"
"Hey, you gotta be a hard ass if you're gonna play with a bunch of hard headed jocks…" He laughed as he handed her a clean cloth to wipe her nose with. "Soooo….you and Maura…you know…yet?" He waggled his eye brows suggestively. Jane's answer came in the form of a greasy cloth to his face as they both laughed good naturedly.
"You can be such a dog Gio…" Jane jumped off of the stool to leave. "Thanks though…I needed a good laugh."
"Anytime Rizzoli…" He waved at her as she headed towards the door.
Jane stopped before closing the door. "Hey, you gonna come to New Year's Eve party my folks are havin'?"
"Yep…your Ma already invited me."
"Guess I'll see you then…and Gio…" Jane paused as she watched him pick up his tools to put them away. When he looked up at her expectantly, she smiled. "Thanks again…" She said as she closed the door, leaving him alone again.
"Hey…what time is it there?" Jane's asked as she leaned back against her head board, holding the phone against her chin and shoulder as she got comfortable.
"Well, it's a six hour difference so it's about almost midnight…" Maura's voice was soft on the other end. "Have you eaten dinner yet?"
"Nah…Ma took Tommy to basketball practice, she won't be home for another thirty minutes." Jane sighed as she propped a pillow behind her head. "Aren't you tired?"
"A little, but I wasn't going to miss the chance to talk to you on the phone today." Maura pulled her blanket up closer around herself as she snuggled down in the warmth of her bed. "I've noticed that Frankie has been a perfect gentleman when he's picked up the phone the last few times we were talking."
"Yeah, well I guess I sort told him I'd slip into his room one night and dip his hand into a bowl of warm water if he kept interrupting the way he was before." Jane let out a sigh. "Not to mention I've been in a pretty bad mood since you've been gone. No one wants to cross me…" There was a definite pout in her voice and it caused Maura to smile.
"I miss you Jane…" Maura whispered.
"I miss you too….like really, really miss you…" Jane whispered back, afraid if she said it too loud someone might hear the longing in her voice.
"What have you been doing while I've been gone?" Maura asked as she imagined Jane laying back against her headboard, feet propped up on her bed wearing an oxford shirt and her torn jeans.
"I went to see Gio today…nothing much else, besides counting down the days until you come home." Jane crossed her feet as she propped them up at the end of her bed. With her index finger, she traced circles on the bare skin of her thigh where there was a hole in her jeans.
"What, no Christmas shopping?" Maura shifted slightly so she could lie down while still holding the phone against her ear comfortably.
"Frankie and I are gonna go tomorrow…" Jane started to say. "Guess we should probably take Tommy too…" She said more to herself than Maura.
"Cutting it kinda close aren't you?" Maura inquired quietly.
"What? We've got two more days…plenty of time." Maura could hear the sheepish grin in Jane's voice. "Don't tell me you're already done…"
"I was finished before we left for Paris…" Maura laughed.
"I'm sure you were…" Jane absent-mindedly began to wrap the phone cord around her finger, watching as the finger turned red, then purple before she released the cord to allow the finger to return to its natural color again. "So what'da get me?"
"I'd rather show you than tell you…" Maura's voice held a slight seductive tone that had Jane shivering.
"Um you're not playing fair…" Jane groused even though she loved every minute of their playful banter.
"Well I could tell you, but somehow I don't think it will have the same effect as if I showed you…" This time Maura's playful flirting held something more serious. It was the sensual purr of her voice that had Jane sitting up straighter and Maura could almost hear the audible sound of Jane swallowing hard.
"You're trying to kill me aren't you…?" Jane all but whispered as she felt her face flush, grateful she was alone in her room where no one could see her.
"The only death I wish to responsible for when it comes to you is 'La Petite Mort.'" Maura answered back in a whisper to match Jane's. She couldn't stop the smile that formed on her lips at the thought of what she wanted to do to Jane.
"I don't know what you just said, but damn do you sound sexy when you speak French…" Jane pushed her hair away from her face as she felt her cheeks growing warmer with a flush that was now spreading quickly throughout her body.
"Well…La Petite Mort is French for 'little death.'" Maura sounded slightly breathless as she continued in a quiet voice. "Also known as an orgasm…" She let the words reach out to Jane. Biting back the wicked grin she could feel spreading across her lips, she waited for Jane's response.
Silence permeated the other end of the phone as Maura listened to Jane's short measured breaths. She could imagine the flushed cheeks that she knew Jane was struggling to hide as well as Jane's nervous habit of running her fingers through her hair.
"Jesus Maura…you aren't shy about anything…" Jane finally said.
"Why should I be Jane…it's the truth. It's all I can do to keep my hands off of myself as I lay here in the dark, alone, thinking about all the things we could be doing to each other if I wasn't half-way around the world." The slight edge in Maura's voice indicated that she was being more truthful than playful.
Again Jane was left speechless as she pondered what Maura had said. She felt the same way, but she didn't think she was brave enough to say it out loud.
"Tell me Jane…what would you do to me if I was there right now in your room, just the two of us…?" The playful tone returned but Maura wasn't about to let Jane off of the hook just yet.
"Um…I…um…" Jane nervously cleared her throat. She wasn't used to expressing herself with words, especially when it came to sex. "I…um…I'm not sure…" She all but stuttered.
"Really…? Because I know exactly what I would be doing to you right now…if I was there." Maura's voice was soft, almost seductive causing Jane to shiver again in anticipation.
"Yeah…?" Jane pushed herself to ask. She could feel that her cheeks were now burning with the blush she could feel racing across her face at the moment. "Tell me…" She said as she covered her eyes with the back of her hand in a move to protect herself from embarrassment.
"Are you sure you can handle it?" Maura all but mocked. "I can hear you blushing from here…"
"I can handle anything you throw my way…" Jane sat up straighter, her voice stronger. Pulling her hand away from her eyes, she took a few calming breaths determined to show Maura she could play along.
"Okay…if you insist, but don't say I didn't warn you." Maura took a deep breath before slowly exhaling as she tried to think of where to start. "If I was there with you right now…I would start by gently running my fingers through your long, silky hair before pushing it over your shoulder to expose the tender skin at your throat. With a reverence reserved for only the most fragile works of art, I would trace my tongue along your jaw line down to the hollow of your throat where I would place the softest of kisses. My hands would slowly begin unbuttoning that light blue oxford shirt I am sure you are wearing right now before pushing it off of your shoulders allowing it to fall to the floor at your feet." She paused to allow her words to sink in. She could hear Jane's breathing becoming heavier. "Can you feel me Jane? Can you feel my mouth on you?"
"Yes…" Was all Jane could say as her brain began to short circuit, making it difficult for her think coherently. She ran a finger along the buttons of the blue oxford shirt she was wearing, imagining Maura's hands slowly unbuttoning each button one at a time.
"Good…because as my lips continue to move across your throat…my hands would begin to glide along the warm skin of your stomach causing your muscles to twitch under my touch. And I suppose you are wearing your sports bra, the one that keeps everyone guessing what it is you're hiding under all of that spandex. But do you know what Jane?" Maura asked.
"What?" Jane barely got the word to form in her dry mouth.
"I know what you hide under all of that macho bravado. You may want people to think that you are one of the guys, but I can see the woman underneath and she has the most beautiful body I have ever seen. Your body is lean and muscular without a doubt, but soft and curvy where it counts and that is where my hands are now finding refuse. I can feel your heart beating faster as I barley skim the sensitive skin along the sides of your breasts…I kiss you, swallowing your gasp…making it my own as I feel you tremble beneath my fingertips. Can you feel it Jane…can you feel my touch?"
"Oh god Maura…" Jane all but gasped as her body started to tingle all over at the images Maura was conjuring.
"As my fingers move over your heated flesh, barely touching…only teasing, I wait for you to beg…I want you to beg Jane…I want to hear you say my name…I need it more than the air I breathe." Maura's voice was now tight with tension. "I need to hear you Jane…"
"Maura…please…" Jane struggled to speak, her need almost consuming her.
"Tell me what you want Jane…tell me where you want my hands." Maura's voice was soft, almost pleading.
"I…I…want…." Jane hesitated, but before she could continue there was a soft knock at her door. The sudden sound had her jumping off of her bed so fast, the phone dropped from her hands hitting the floor with a resounding thud. "Oh shit…" She muttered as she struggled to grab the phone as the tangled cord caused it to twist and dance across her floor away from her.
Maura could hear the struggle taking place in Jane's room. She knew without a doubt that Jane had been interrupted causing her drop the phone. All she could do was wait patiently for Jane to return so they could say good night.
"Hey…sorry…dropped the phone…" Jane was breathless as she tried to get herself under control. Another knock on her door, this time louder echoed through her room causing her to freeze at the foot of her bed. "Yeah…just a sec…" She shouted to whoever was on the other side of her door. "Hey…I guess I gotta go…" The disappointment in her voice carried all the way to Maura on the other end.
"Jane…?" Maura sighed. "This isn't over…I'll be damned if I let another interruption stop us…" Her words were laced with a tension that Jane wasn't used to hearing in Maura's normally calm voice.
"Just come home…I'll be waiting for you…and I promise, nothing is going to get in the way ever again." Jane did her best to sound convincing. It seemed that every time they had attempted to take the next step in their relationship, something or someone interrupted them leaving them both frustrated.
"I'll hold you to that…and Jane…" Maura paused to make sure she had Jane's attention.
"Yeah…?"
"I expect an answer to my last question…" The slight edge of tension was back in Maura's voice.
"Um…yeah…I'll definitely have an answer for you…" Jane whispered as her mother called out to her from the hallway. "I really gotta go…and I know exactly where I want your hands, but you gotta wait 'til you get home to find out…" The playfulness had returned as Jane found her courage to say what she was thinking. "Sleep tight beautiful…I wish you were here."
"Only if I'm dreaming of you my sweet Jane…" Maura frowned when she heard the click on the other end of the phone. Slipping the phone back into the cradle next to her bed, she let out a long frustrated breath. She didn't know what gods she had pissed off, but she said a short prayer to whoever was listening that she would finally get to experience the wonderful unknown she knew was waiting for her back home.
"Maura…?" Constance tried again to get her daughters attention.
"Hummm…?" Maura finally looked away from the window, regarding her mother with a pensive look. Her mind had been replaying her phone call to Jane a few nights before. Her body still hummed with unspent desire as the tension between them continued to build.
"Where are you, because you certainly are not here…" Constance tried to look Maura in the eyes, but Maura turned back to stare out the window of the small café they were sitting in. "Maura darling…look at me."
"Yes mother…," Maura sighed as she turned to her Mother, the faraway look in her eyes still prevalent in the hazel-green that gazed into dark blue.
"I've never seen you like this before. You never get attached to anything…or anyone for that matter. What makes Jane Rizzoli different?" The question wasn't meant to insult, only to inquire.
Taking a deep breath, Maura tried to find the words to explain what she was feeling. A multitude of phrases and cliché's ran through her mind before she decided on the simplest answer. "I love her mother…"
"Yes, I suppose you do. Does she feel the same way?" Constance tilted her head slightly as if it would make the answer easier to hear.
"Yes…" A small smile turned up the corners of Maura's mouth as she studied her mother's unfaltering expression. "Does that bother you?"
"No…not in the way that you may think." The answer was quick and straight forward. "But I do worry that Jane is not all that comfortable with this new side of herself she is exploring at the expense of your heart."
"She is trying very hard…" Maura attempted to defend Jane, but deep down she was worried as well.
"I do see that…but still I worry. I don't want to see you get hurt." Constance crossed her arms as she looked across the table at Maura.
"Why now?" The words even sounded harsh to Maura and she was the one who spoke them. She nervously cleared her throat before continuing. "I mean, you've never really shown an interest in my affairs before."
Constance quietly considered what Maura had said. "I may not have actively shown an interest but I have always known…I believe in allowing you the freedom to make your own decisions Maura."
"Why the change now…?" Maura tried to hide the irritation that was building up.
"I don't know, really? I guess I just have a bad feeling about this one…" Constance began, but was cut off when Maura held up her hand.
"Is this because you don't like Jane? Is she not cultured enough for you mother…just because she doesn't recognize each and every painting in a museum does not make me love her any less."
Looking away from the cold, hard gaze that Maura was giving her, Constance looked out at the people walking past the window they were sitting by. She couldn't really express what it was she was feeling about the whole situation, but she knew she needed to step back. If she wasn't careful, the already precarious relationship she had with her daughter would evaporate completely. With a shrug of her shoulders, she gave up to Maura's will. "I am sorry…I really do like Jane. I also think she has been good for you."
Maura couldn't shake the suspicion that her mother was only placating her at the moment, but she really did not want to argue with her either. She nodded her head in acknowledgement of her mother's apology.
"At least I don't have to worry about you getting pregnant…" Constance mused out loud causing Maura to laugh. With a smile she reached across the table to place her hand on Maura's. "I know I'm not the most affectionate mother in the world, but I do love you Maura…and I only want what's best for you."
Maura tried to smile even though the slightest bit of physical contact from the woman who had raised her was foreign and made her uncomfortable. Even though her mother's hand was warm to the touch, she did not feel the same warmth that radiated from Angela whenever she had reached out to comfort Maura.
Watching Maura shift uncomfortably in her chair, Constance realized how very far apart they had grown. With a sad smile, she watched as Maura retreated back into herself, the pensive look returning as she turned to gaze out the window again. On a whim, she decided there was only one thing left for her do before Maura disappeared into her daydream. "I think you should go back home before New Year's."
A moment of silence passed before Maura realized what her mother had said. Looking back at Constance, she blinked a few times as if it would somehow help her to understand what had just been said. She had the most peculiar expression on her face making Constance laugh. "Really…?" She tilted her head slightly as she watched the smile spread across her mother's face.
Constance nodded as she took a sip of her coffee. "The way I see it, it will save me in the long run with all of the long distance phone calls. You do realize I could have flown Jane back and forth by now, first class no doubt."
"You're going to let me go home to spend New Year's with Jane?" Maura wasn't sure she had heard her mother correctly.
"Yes Maura…I've already made the reservations for you…Merry Christmas dear." Constance sat up straighter in her chair as a feeling of accomplishment filled her.
Reaching across the table, Maura took her mother's hand again in her own giving it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you…you have no idea how much this means to me…" Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.
"I think I have some idea…far be it for me to keep you from your heart's desire…" Constance said with the wave of a hand as if her decision was no big deal. "I just want you to be happy my dear. If that means sending you home early…so be it." She gave Maura a sheepish grin.
"I think I'll surprise Jane…" Maura said with an excitement Constance hadn't seen in a very long time.
'I definitely made the right decision…' Constance thought to herself as she took another sip of her coffee. "Now, tell me dear…what are your plans for New Year's?"
When Maura's cheeks turned a light pink, Constance rolled her eyes. She was thankful that she was actually seeing a reaction from her usually stoic daughter but decided it was best to change the subject. "Okay…let me tell you what my plans are…" She laughed again, this time drawing Maura in as well. She couldn't help but smile as she watched Maura relax for the first time since they had left Boston.
"So did you have a good Christmas Janie?" Angela asked as she stirred the sauce for their spaghetti dinner.
"Yeah…" Jane gave a non-committal shrug of her shoulders. Leaning back against the kitchen counter she watched her mother bustle around the small room.
"I hope you did…we did our best…" Angela sighed as she wiped her hands on a dish towel. It was hard to miss the melancholy mood Jane had been in since Maura left.
"Aw Ma…it was great really. I'm sorry I've been such a downer…it's just…" Jane paused as she silently deliberated whether to say what she was thinking.
"You miss Maura." It was a statement, not a question.
Jane was quiet as she studied her mother who was looking at her with an open and innocent expression.
"I miss her too, although I guess it's not the same…is it?"
This was the question that had Jane turning away from her mother's questioning gaze. For some reason, she started to feel dizzy but then she suddenly realized that she needed to breathe. Taking a deep breath which was more like a gulp of air, she gripped the counter behind her as if it was the only thing holding her up.
Angela watched Jane intently, noting each and every moment no matter how subtle. She hadn't meant to broach the subject just yet, but it somehow slipped out giving her no choice but to carry on. "I've invited Carly for New Year's…" She paused as she watched Jane's eyes grow wide. "And Ryan…"
Somehow Jane reached deep down to find her voice. "Um…." It was all she could muster from her extremely dry throat.
"Yes Jane…" Angela moved until she was standing right in front of her speechless daughter. "I know…I've known for some time now."
"How…?" Jane shifted uncomfortably as her mother moved closer to her.
"Call it a mother's intuition…" Angela tried to smile as she reached out to place a hand on either side of Jane's face. "I know Jane…and it's okay…but…" She hesitated as she looked over her shoulder towards the living room where Frank was watching TV. "I think its best we keep it between us." She looked back at Jane with a sad expression. Lifting up on her toes, she leaned forward and kissed Jane on the forehead. "I won't pretend to understand…but I love you…no matter what…I will always love you."
For a brief moment, Jane couldn't see her mother standing in front of her because of the tears that filled her eyes. She also couldn't speak due the knot that had lodged itself in her extremely dry throat, so she just nodded her head. She wasn't sure how she felt or how she should feel about what her mother had just said. A mixture of relief, fear, and anxiety ran through her mind. Her mother had just intimated that she understood the depth of Jane and Maura's relationship, giving Jane nothing more than unconditional acceptance. If she thought about it, she hadn't expected anything less from her mother, but she also knew in her heart that it would be something her father would have a harder time coming to terms with. As she stood there, unmoving, looking into her mother's eyes, she realized she was going to be okay.
The silence was beginning to make Angela nervous so she did the only thing she could think of, she reached out and wrapped her arms around Jane, enveloping her in a warm embrace. "I'm here if you need to talk…" She whispered into Jane's ear.
Letting herself be held by her mother, Jane melted into the hug that was meant to comfort. "I know Ma…when I'm ready…" Jane struggled to speak as she cleared her throat. She closed her eyes and let her mother's love and acceptance flow through her. When they pulled apart to look at each other, Jane had the first genuine smile on her face since Maura had left.