Chapter Eleven: Girl Meets Crazy Hat
As the rain poured down and the thunder rumbled Maya, Riley, and I entered the subway station. I noticed the lady that is usually always there wearing her crazy hat. "There she is again." I stated. "Crazy hat's always here." Maya told us. "What do you think her deal is? Former movie star? Olympic figure skater?" Riley questioned. "Bum on a bench." Maya answered. "But look at how she looks at everyone." I said. "What goes on in a head like hers?" Riley asked. "I guess we'll never know."
"Hey Crazy hat what goes on in your head?" Maya called out. The lady turned to look at us before looking forward. "And a new adventure begins." Riley said. We walked closer to the bench she sat own. "You, you, and you come here. I'll teach you about life." Crazy hat said. I moved to sit next to her, but Riley stopped me. "We can't, stranger. You want us to sit on the bench, we're going to need three forms of identification." Riley told her.
"Trust me I know who she is, she's alright." The officer said. "Okay copper." Riley said. "Hey that's officer copper to you." The officer replied. Riley and I moved to sit on the other side of the lady. "Mornin' Evelyn, it's never going to stop rainin' is it?" "That's okay Eugene, these three little dollies are about to give me one of their designer ponchos." Crazy hat said. Riley pulled on of the garbage bags out of her bag. "They're garbage bags, Eugene. But you have to put a whole for your head." Riley told him.
"Ah, so you can breathe?" Eugene guessed. "So the garbage man doesn't throw you out." Riley corrected. "Yep that happened." I said. "I was yelling, but he didn't care." Riley stated. "Caroline and I rescued her from the truck." Maya added. "They chased me all the way to 33rd street." Riley said. "Wow now that are friends. Me, I don't chase nobody for nothing." The officer told us.
"What if I stole a banana?" Maya asked. "I'd be very disappointed in you." He told her. "Okay." She replied in a sad tone. "I have observed, you three are good friends." Crazy hat told us. "Don't miss a thing do ya, Crazy hat?" Maya questioned. "No I don't." she retorted. "Now you're about to be late for school and I'm about to be late for addressing the United Nations." Riley handed her a poncho. "Have a good day darlings. Be good people, learn all you can." She got up and walked away.
"How does that happen to someone Maya?" Riley and I asked. "Do you think that could ever happen to us?" We held out our hands and a guy put money in both of them. I knew I would regret wearing this stupid poncho and not taking it off. "Well at least nothing worse than that could happen." Maya told us. The garbage man came, but instead of just taking Riley he took me too. "Maya." We exclaimed as we got put it the bin. He started to walk away. "Maya." We called out.
"Belgium, 1831." Cory started. "No!" Riley and I shouted. "In 1831, Belgium." Cory started again. "No!" Riley and I shouted again. "Riley, Caroline?" Cory questioned. "What's my thing?" We both asked. "What's your thing?" He questioned. "What's my thing dad?" Riley and I asked. I know I should probably explain this to you, since the Matthews are like my family, Cory and Topanga thought that it would be more suitable if I called them mom and dad since they are like my parents. Riley and Auggie actually agreed with them. Auggie because he has always wanted me as a sister and Riley because she's always wanted a sister. "Am I going to be okay?" We asked.
"Riley and Caroline listen to me very carefully." Cory told us leaning in. "Okay." We responded. "In 1831, Belgium declared its independence from the Netherlands." Cory stated. "What will people be thinking of us, if we end up living in a subway?" Riley asked. Cory looked at me and Riley in shock. "What if nothing happens for them, sir? Riley and Caroline can't end up like that, they're my meal ticket." Maya came into the conversation. "What the? I just saw you girls at breakfast." Cory stated in disbelief. "What happened in Belgium?" Farkle asked in Dutch. "Calm down Farkle you're speaking in Dutch again." Cory told him.
"Oh, really?" he said in Dutch. He slapped himself. "My education should not be based." Farkle started in Spanish. "No no no. You slapped yourself way too hard, you went all the way to Spanish." Cory told him. Farkle smacked himself again. "My education should not be based on your daughters' moods." Farkle told Cory. "Neither should mine, but it is." Cory retorted.
"Guys, a daughter asks her father, what's my thing? This question will resonate in the heart of all parents from the moment it's asked until the day their child feels comfortable in the world." Cory explained. "Pretty soon you're all going to join the work force. What's your thing? What do you aspire to? How will you affect people? That's the only history that matters." "Thank you, daddy." Riley and I thanked him. "Thank you, daddy." Farkle thanked Cory.
"Alright guys tell you what, let's put the class into two separate businesses and see how you do for yourselves. Will see if anyone has anything to worry about, okay." Cory said. Riley and I nodded. "Excellent." Farkle said. "What will our companies be?" he asked. "Doesn't matter. Uh, muffins. Okay you three will be Riley, Caroline, and Farkle's Muffins." Cory told us. "That'll be your thing for the week. "I already got my thing Riley and Caroline are going to successes and I'm going to sponge off of them until they get sick of me." Maya stated.
"We will never get sick of you." We told Maya. "I'm set for life." Maya announced. "Alright let's get out there and make some money, cash, cabbage, cheddar cheese!" Farkle shouted. "Those are your values, Farkle?" Cory questioned. "What else should a company value but profits?" Farkle asked. "Well if I had a company I would treat my employees well and make sure we did right by our customers." Lucas answered.
"You are everything that is wrong with this country." Farkle told Lucas. "Then you do have company Lucas, Hart and Friar Muffins." Cory told Lucas. "So these two competing companies will hire the rest of you guys as employees, everyone else in school will be your customers. Let see what happens." "Here's what happens." Maya said. She turned to look at Farkle. "We crush you." "We will be bajillionaires, and you will eat your words using plastic cutlery." Farkle retorted.
"You're cute when you're menacing." Maya told him. I saw Farkle's face drop at that comment. "I don't know what to do know." Farkle admitted. "I know." Maya replied. The bell rung. We all got up and left the room except for Farkle.
"Yay!" Riley shouted as one of our customers handed her money. She ringed a bell. "Yay!" she shouted, but this time I rung the bell and handed Farkle the money. "Last muffin from this batch." Farkle called out. Everyone moaned in disappointment. "One dollar." Riley said. She was about to give away the muffin when Farkle took it away from her, we turned to look at him.
"Hold on, I don't think so." He told us. "What are you doing, Farkle?" I asked. "It's the law of supply and demand, Caroline. We supply, they demand. Let's find out what our last muffin is worth to them." Farkle explained as he raised up the muffin. "A dollar and a quarter." One of the students shouted. "A dollar fifty." Another one said.
"Hey." Maya shouted. "What's so great about their muffins?" "We've got plenty of muffins right here." Lucas said motioning to their table. The crowed turned back towards us. "Two dollars." One of them said. "$2.50." another said. "I'll give you my brother." The first one said. We looked just looked at her.
"Alright progress reports." Cory announced, in class later on in the day. Maya and Lucas stood in front of the class to present their progress report. "What's up in make belief corporate America?" "Hart and Friar Muffin's report. We started with 100 muffins, we made each with all natural and organic ingredients." Maya started. "And you selected these ingredients because?" Cory questioned. "Because that's the right and responsible thing to do." Maya answered. "You really believe that?" Cory asked. "I don't know." Maya admitted. "You spend a day with this guy." But Lucas isn't that bad.
"So far we've sold fourteen muffins at a dollar each." Lucas informed us. "Okay, how much did they cost you?" Cory asked. Maya and Lucas shared a glance. "They didn't cost us anything to make." Lucas answered. "Well, how's that possible?" Cory asked. "Well my mother bought them for us." Lucas replied. "She wanted us to sell healthy food." "How's that working out for us so far, Huckleberry?" Maya asked.
Lucas turned to look at Maya. "As soon as we sell them all, I will pay her back." Lucas said to her before looking at us. "I stand by our product, sir." "So do I. They're everywhere." Maya said moving to stand next to a box of their muffins. "How are you profits, Friar?" Farkle asked. "Let me teach my class Farkle, okay?" Cory told Farkle. "I decided what to say and when I'm going to say it. I decided who to call on and what I'm going to ask them."
"How are my profits, Friar?" Lucas guessed. "Yes." Cory huffed. Lucas opened the folder that he was holding. "Well I have those right here, sir. None." He said as he closed the folder. "I'm sorry what?" Farkle questioned. "None and it's not right sir, our muffins are good for you." Lucas stated. "I'm sorry what?" Farkle repeated. "None." Lucas replied.
"Can't even give them away." Maya told us. She picked up one of their muffins and threw it at someone, then they threw it back at her. Farkle stood up and walked to the front of the class, Riley and I followed him. "Alright likes talk about a real make believe company, Farkle's Muffins." Farkle said. "Riley, Caroline, and Farkle's Muffins." Riley and I corrected Farkle. "Yeah keep telling yourselves that." He told us.
"Unlike our competitors our profits are through the roof and so are our employees." Farkle stated. We looked at the class who looked like they couldn't stop moving. "Why are they like that?" Cory asked. "They ate the product sir." Farkle answered. "Riley, Caroline?" Cory asked. "Everybody seems to like our muffins dad." We answered. "Oh my sweet innocent children." Cory said. "Can't you see why?"
"Because they're filled with love." Riley answered. "I don't think that's what they're filled with Riley." Cory told her. "Yeah, why do they come out so white Farkle?" Riley and I asked. "Because they're a 100% percent carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen." Farkle answered. I realized what he meant and I silently gasped. "Sugar." I stated while Farkle grabbed one of the muffins. "Sugar." He shouted. "They're all sugar, just one big sugar cube."
"What?" Lucas asked in disbelief. "Ours are oatmeal, honey, and locally harvested berries." "Farkle you said all natural." Riley and I said. "Sugar." Was his reply. "You said organic." We said. "Sugar." He replied. "You said delicious." We said together. "Sugar." The class shouted. "Farkle we're a business, businesses do not just mislead their customers to make a little bit of money." I told him. "Ha!" Farkle shouted.
"We're done Farkle." I said. Riley grabbed one of the muffins. "These muffins are pure evil." Riley added. "Are you going to eat that? Because if you're not going to eat that I would eat that right now. That's what I would do, I would eat that right now is what I would do." One of the girls said really fast. Riley and I turned to look at Farkle. "You know how you succeed Riley and Caroline? You give the people what they want. That why we're a success," Farkle grabbed the muffin out of Maya's hand and threw it to the class. Like before the person threw it back at Maya, "and they're not."
"This isn't fair, Mr. Matthews. I had to listen to Lucas and his mother talk about good eatin' and wholesome livin' and the natural cornucopia of the earth's bounty." Maya complained with a country accent. "Have you ever even heard me talk?" Lucas asked. "Huh-hur-rrrrr." Maya shouted getting in his face. "Wow." Lucas laughed. "While these three just poured sugar into a muffin cup, it isn't fair." Maya continued. "What isn't fair?" Cory asked. "That I'm not on their team." Maya replied.
"Maya what we did wasn't okay. We didn't know and we're not going down for this. We'll talk." Riley said speaking for the both of us. "To who?" Farkle retorted. "To everyone who loves our muffins. Enjoy the taste of success Riley and Caroline, it's sweet." "Not to us we have a very bitter taste in our mouths." I replied. "You must've eaten one of ours." Maya stated.
"Maya you played fair we didn't." Riley started. "We have no integrity and you do." I continued. "And what does that get them? We can buy and sell their business." Farkle told us. "In fact I like the sound of that. Yeah I purpose a merger between Riley, Caroline, and Farkle's Muffins and Hart and Friar's Muffins." "Why the merger Farkle?" Cory asked. "We both have what we each need Mr. Matthews. We have profits and they have integrity. I'm buying it."
"My integrity is not for sale." Lucas told Farkle. "Mine is." Maya said as she raised her hand. "Maya." Lucas exclaimed in disbelief. "We own you mother a hundred bucks." Maya retorted. "Put 'er there, partner!" Lucas cheered as he shook hands with Farkle. "Our new company will be called Farkle," Farkle turned to look at me and Riley. "Your names are no longer part of the company." "Why not?" Riley and I asked. "What's the first thing that happens after a merger, daddy?" Farkle questioned pointing at me and Riley.
"What's the first thing that happens after a merger, daddy?" Riley and I asked pointing at ourselves. "Downsizing. When two companies come together employees become venerable." Cory explained. "Don't tell him." Riley ordered. "Uh Riley I think he already knows." Cory said pointing at Farkle. Farkle was sitting in Cory's chair with his feet on the desk. He flipped Cory's name plate to show his name.
"Lucas fire half of the company, start with Riley, Caroline, and Maya." Farkle commanded. "Why do I have to do that?" Lucas asked. "Because you're full of all that Texas gee willikers hooey. You charm people." Farkle explained. "So you'll be the face of the company and I'll be the behind-the-scenes hermit genius." "Mr. Matthews?" Lucas asked. "How do you argue with that?" Cory asked. "I always like you Matthews, you got moxie." Farkle commented Cory. "Thanks Chief." Cory thanked as he saluted Farkle.
Lucas walked over to where Riley and I were standing. "Riley, Caroline." He started. "Yeah." We replied. "You're fired." He told us. "Fine." We said. Riley opened the door and we walked out together. We knew that Maya was going to follow behind us.
Maya, Riley, and I walked into the subway station. "I gave my whole life to that company." Riley told us. "What happened? I can't even keep a fake job. Oh no all my fears are realized. I'm going to end up here!" Riley panicked. "Don't go crazy." Maya told her. Some guy walked by us and put some money in Riley's box. But can you blame him she had a box full of office supplies and she was wearing a garbage bag. "Now go crazy." Maya told her.
Riley started mumbling in anger as we went and sat on the bench next to Crazy Hat. "Ah, the box of shame. What happened?" She asked. "Class project, fake business." Maya told her. "Got fired." Riley and I added. "Not so terribly I've been fired myself once or twice." She told us. "Yeah, but not from fake businesses." Riley replied. "I think you can call them that." She told us. "Now I come down here and watch people coming and going, giving their lives to fake businesses."
"Welp gotta go, big meeting." Crazy Hat told us as she got up. "With squirrels." Maya added. Riley got up and handed Crazy Hat the dollar that man gave her. "Yeah, thanks." Crazy Hat thanked before she walked out of the station. Riley came back over and sat down next to me while Maya got up and went over to the trash can.
"It's just us. It's just us on the bench, no jobs, no future, no dollar because I gave it to her." Riley stated. "What am I going to do about my midafternoon snack?" "I got pizza crust and a shoe." Maya told us. "What size?" Riley asked. "10." Maya answered. "What a terrible day." Riley stated.
"Well look who's still here. My dollies." Crazy Hat said as she walked behind the bench we were seated at and leaned forward. "Been looking at the people huh?" "Hey Hat, you're a sight for sore eyes." Maya greeted. "How'd your meeting go?" I asked. "Oh the usual. Yelled at everybody. Y'know rahr rahr rah! Rahr rahr rah! Had 'em all running around scared of me." Crazy Hat explained. "Sounds like fun." Maya replied.
Crazy Hat came from behind the bench and took at seat between me and Maya. "Ah more fun when I come down here from my big tall building." She told us. "Oh your building." Riley said. "It was named after me." Crazy Hat told us. "The Crazy Hat building?" Maya guessed. "I sit here looking at all the people because it turns out other people are the key to your own happiness." Crazy Hat explained. "I watch them enough and I start thinking about what I can do for them."
"What you can do for them?" Riley questioned. "Mm hm." Crazy Hat hummed. "Now you've been looking at all these people, now what do you see?" she asked. I turned and saw two girls with broken umbrellas. "I see a bunch of wet people." I said. "Who could probably use some umbrellas." Riley added. "Yeah not the no good kind some Farkle sells on the street just to make some cash, cabbage, cheddar cheese." Maya said. "Huh, you saw all that just by looking a little. What's a Farkle?" Crazy Hat said.
Maya was looking at someone. "Did you know people won't protect themselves from the storm, but they'll make sure their morning doughnut stays dry?" Maya stated. "Interesting observation. What are you going to tell your class about it?" Crazy Hat asked. "Nothing, not going back. Tired of being humiliated." Maya told her. "Tough, you know what we're going back." I started. "Crazy Hat goes into buildings and screams at people." Riley continued. "And you're not humiliated, right?" "Rahr." Crazy Hat screamed. "Rowr." Riley and I screamed. We turned to look at Maya. "Okay, rahr." She said. "That was terrible." Crazy Hat shouted at her.
Maya, Riley and I stood in class the next day. "It's been raining for six days." I started. "Here's what's real, people are wet and cold out there and they need something to keep them safe from the storm." "And we know how to give it to them." Riley continued. "What if every single subway stop in New York City was stocked with donated umbrellas?" Maya added. "The Matthews, Howard, and Hart Umbrella foundation." Riley announced. "It's non-profit." I added looking directly at Farkle knowing it would get to him.
"What?!" Farkle exclaimed. "When you come into the subway station you leave an umbrella in the stand." Maya started to explain. "And when you leave the next station there will be one waiting for you." Riley continued. We picked up our folders. "The Matthews, Howard, and Hart Umbrella Foundation." Maya said. "We've got you covered." Riley and I said.
"There's no money in umbrellas." Farkle told us. "No only people." Riley replied. "My company makes a profit." Farkle boasted. "Yeah, but at what cost look at your customers." I said motioning to the class. "How could something that taste so good make me feel so bad?" one of the students asked. "What goes up must come down Farkle." Maya told him. Maya threw one of the muffins and prepared for it to get thrown back at her. But the girl who caught the muffin took a bite out of it.
"At least I was up." Farkle retorted. "What do you have besides an idea?" "They've got an investor." Crazy Hat said from the door. She walked further into the classroom. "Oh no she followed us." Riley said. "Evelyn Rand." Cory stated pointing at Crazy Hat. "What you know Crazy Hat?" Maya asked. "I know she's the chairman of the board at Rand Industries. You guys walk by her building on the way to school." Cory explained.
"She really has a building." Riley stated. "With her name on it." Cory added. "You'll usually find me on the top floor of my building going rahr rahr rah." Crazy Hat said. She walked over to us. "You three dollies want to know how I got my name on the building?" "I do." Cory stated. "By knowing a good idea when I know one." She said. She moved between me and Maya while reaching into her purse. "So I made out a check to the three dollies." She told us as she handed me and Riley a check.
"You can do that?" Riley and I asked. "I can do whatever I want." She replied. "Now what I want you to do is go get some umbrellas, go get them in some subway stations. You start, the people will do the rest. I believe in them, I've watched them. Now which one is the Farkle?" We turned and looked at Farkle. Farkle slouched down in his seat and turned his head.
"Mm-hmm." Crazy hat said as she walked towards Farkle's desk. She leaned closer to Farkle and he tried to move away. "Stop it." She shouted at him. "Now," she pulled out the dollar Riley gave her, "this is one dollar Farkle. Somebody came by it by doing hard work. Not by pumping people up with something you knew would let them down. Don't keep the dollar, it won't fix you if you keep it. Pass it on, that's what changes you Farkle. Take it from me." Farkle took the dollar out of her hand. "Thank you." Farkle thanked it Dutch. "You're welcome." Crazy Hat replied in Dutch too.
She walked back towards us. "And you three don't worry so much about your future." She told us. "Really?" Riley questioned. "Really yes, you three dollies, you're gonna be just fine. Now here's your first umbrella." Crazy Hat told us as she gave me the umbrella. Then she put her hat on Maya's head. She walked away and stopped next to Cory. "Nice, nice work dad. You really think you can make a difference in these kids' lives?" She asked. "Yeah I do." Cory replied. "I'm their teacher." "Good for you." Crazy Hat told him before walking out of them room closing the door behind her.
Lucas got up and walked towards us. "Riley, Caroline if it's at all possible I'd like to help out with your company." Lucas told us. "Aw." Riley and I said. "You're as sweet as sugar." Riley and I whispered in Maya's ear before we went and stood by the door. "Miss Matthews and Miss Howard said you're fired." Maya told Lucas. Riley opened the door. "Huh-hur." Maya said in his face before walking towards us.
We walked out of the classroom, but stopped in the hall. I opened the umbrella and looped my arms with Maya and Riley as we walked down the hallway past the classroom.