Chapter 16: Sometimes We Need A Little Help

- Meantime with Sui Feng -

No, no, no, no, nooooo! Damnit. What the hell is wrong with me! Yoruichi-sama… The last thing Sui Feng remembered was the feel of those long strong arms around her, holding her close, protecting her from everything. Why did Yoruichi-sama hold me as though I am the most precious thing to her? Was what we had a simple pure master servant relationship? Why is it that she won't let me out of her sight and yet seem to be holding something back at the same time? What were we before? Oh god! All these questions and no answers. And of course, I have to go ahead and blackout and faint and freak Yoruichi-sama out. Wait! FREAK YORUICHI-SAMA OUT?!

NONONONONONONONONO! She shouldn't be so overly concern with a lowly servant such as myself. For a bodyguard who can be rendered unconscious without the help of an enemy is just a useless piece of trash. Yoruichi-sama should have tossed me out long ago. But the look in her eyes… the feeling of her breathing in my scent. Wait. WHAT?!

Breathing in your scent you moron.

Oh. It's you.

Now, I know you don't feel like a party but do we really have to go through this all over again?

You! Unohana-taichou said that my subconscious is trying to repress my memories while I'm consciously trying to regain them. You! You are the mastermind behind these terrible headaches and the spontaneous blackouts!

Feeling very pleased with yourself aren't we?

You bet, you asshat.

Spectacular isn't it? Blacking out like that. The headache cresting down in this manner. It's like art!

So you admit to it. That you are solely responsible for my lost memories. Now give them back to me you bastard! Youruichi-sama is waiting for me to get better and you are in the way of it!

Boy oh boy. You little ninny. I have had enough of your Yoruichi-sama this and Yoruichi-sama that. The one that is repressing the memories are you, you…you…you…little nincompoop! Not only have you lost your memories for the last 110 years, it seems as though your short term memory isn't working terribly fine either. Remember our conversation a couple of days ago? You know, the one where you think you are going mad talking to yourself but you actually are not?

S-

Before you can say it, no, I'm not. God you're thick! And here I thought that maybe we would have retained a little bit of sense despite losing the memories. I'm your conscience you moron.

A rather foul mouthed one at that.

What were you expecting? I am who you made me to be. I am what you have kept inside, hidden from the world. I am both you and yet not exactly you.

Since you are oh-so-great and omnipotent, why not tell me where and why the hell I can't communicate with Suzumebachi. And again, what happened in the last 110 years, if you are who you said you are, then I must have been a short tempered bitch to put it lightly.

Oh my darling, you have no idea how close you are to the truth of it. You were not only short tempered, you were also so tightly wounded I was afraid you would snap and let me loose. Just to show the world who Sui Feng really is inside. Snarky, sarcastic, warm, a person who actually has feelings and not like ice queen, block of ice or queen of the dead.

Now, now, queen of the dead is pushing it a little too far.

Just making sure you are actually listening to me. Now do you want to help me help you or you just want to, you know, carry on arguing with me while being dead to the world?

Oh now you want to help. I don't see you being so forthcoming just now.

I have a right to be pissed. You locked me away and ignored me and my, if I might say, very sound advice then proceed to-

Proceed to what?

That is not the point. Point is, you have to recover it on your own. But the road to that is terribly painful. Are you sure you can handle it?

Oh piss off. What is a little pain.

It would make that headache that you had feel like a walk in the park.

I would do anything for Yoruichi-sama.

Alrighty then. Now that we have got that cleared up, tell me what you remembered.

Aren't you like me, don't you know?

I do. But it is so much more fun to make you do it.

Sod off. Long story short, I woke up after a supposed coma. I didn't know where I was and how I got there. Suddenly Yoruichi-sama burst into the room with Unohana-taichou in tow. She was…frantic and she started asking me questions which I have no answers to and all I can do is try to recall what had happened. Failing miserably at that due to the pain. I could tell she hasn't been sleeping very well or at all. She has those dark circles under her eyes, her hair isn't as vibrant or lustrous as it was before. So that is basically it, I told them its 1589 and their jaws dropped, well, in a sense. Then they corrected me and told me I have a huge chunk of memories missing. Then three weeks after that you appeared in my head and here we are. Lovely turn of events ain't it.

Pft. Snarkiness don't really go well with you. Just leave it to me. Now now, remember the dreams you have been having of Yoruichi?

*blush*

Woah! I didn't know you could blush even in your own head. Good job!

Can it! Just focus will you. Being me, you sure are easily distracted. Pft.

Now there is a way, to get your memories back. It is going to hurt, like I said. It will hurt repeatedly. Do you know why you had that tiny flashback? The bits and pieces of jumbled memory coming back to you right before you black out?

Yoruichi-sama was hugging me. Then she said… she said… I would never leave you. Wherever you are Sui, there I'll be. Then I heard her voice, a distant echo, a memory of sort, it was so faraway saying the same thing. I would never leave you. If I have to choose between being clan head and you, it isn't even a choice. Why would she need to choose between me and being clan head? Why would I hate her? I kissed Yoruichi-sama?! But that warmth… why was I so distraught when know she is marrying Kuchiki Byakuya? I mean yes, I am upset but distraught is too strong an emotion. I am an assassin, I have no emotions.

Yes yes yes darling. Keep telling yourself that would you?

*glares*

Now what you need to do is when you wake up, you need to go get our zanpakutou. Suzumebachi is gonna be pissed~ took you so damn long to reach this stage of your recovery.

You do realise that if she kicks my ass, she is in turn kicking yours?

Hush hush! Now listen. Grab Suzumebachi and meditate. Go to that training ground you frequent.

You mean –

Yes. That one. The one where you feel as though it means something to you but for the life of it you can't remember why.

Okay…

Then meditate. Try to communicate with Suzumebachi again.

You are insane and stupid. It hasn't work the last 100 times I tried why would it work now?

Are you going to interrupt me and question every single step!

*Reiatsu flares*

Okay okay. So go to the tree and talk to Suzumebachi. Then what?

The moment you try to communicate with Suzumebachi, your headache will be back with a vengeance. Don't let it overwhelm you. Fight, hold on to something. A feeling. Any strong feeling.

And you would be just sitting by?

Of course I would help you idiot. You now have some of the pieces. Try to piece them together before trying out my method. I have to warn you, you are essentially trying to defeat yourself. The you that even I could not reach. Ask Suzumebachi nicely and she will help you. Of course, that is if you don't pass out before seeing her. Think of the headaches as a test which Suzumebachi is administering to determine if you are fit to wield her again. Stabbing yourself with your own zanpakutou, brilliant idea for the poison withdrawal. Total points for creativity and thinking out of the box, but at the same time, full marks for the most idiotic thing anyone has ever done.

Stabbing myself with my zanpakutou? So I released my shikai and stabbed myself twice in the same spot?!

Yes, you..you… you moron. Don't do anything like that ever again! Do you even know what it does to Suzumebachi? It's like getting her to commit suicide without her consent. Wait. That is murder. Why do you think she is ignoring you? And she probably has the answer to why your head hurts so bad all the time. And me! What about me!

*shoves*

Wha-?!

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. The steady beeping of the machines in the room reassures her that her most precious person is still alive and breathing. That sudden flare of reiatsu. Feels like Sui's right before she fell into that coma. Maybe…No. I should not get my hopes up. It could just be an anomaly.

"Yoruichi-sama" a weak voice called out.

She looked up from her position at the chair next to the bed. With their interlaced fingers, she brought Sui Feng's hand to her lips and placed a small kiss on it.

"Sui Feng. You're awake! That was quite a scare. Please… please don't ever do it again" Yoruichi whispered on the verge of breaking down.

"I'll go get Unohana-taichou. I'll be right back."

With that she shunpoed out of the room.

I'm sorry Yoruichi-sama. That is one thing I cannot promise. I would get my memories back even if it kills me. I need to know, what I am to you and what happened.

AN: YAY! 2 updates in a day. Well. In a span of a few hours. Don't push it I know. This is the second half/ accompanying piece to the previous chapter. As mentioned in the previous AN, this was supposed to be one chap but it seems a tad too long for my style. Hence, broken into two. Hopefully my muse will be more disciplined and let me update at a semi-normal rate. Thanks to all for reading. Cheers!

p.s. please r&r cuz you guys are the best.