A/N: I'm not gonna waste time writing an author's note here... other than to beg you in advance not to hate me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass or Blair Waldorf... I just like them in character. The show doesn't seem to feel that way anymore.

If Only

Chapter 23

"Tearing it down"

Living on the Upper East Side and attending a prestigious prep school, there was one thing that Chuck Bass had survived countless times: the society ball. If he'd been to one, he'd been to a hundred and they were all the same on the inside; there were the over-stuffed parents, the under-sexed girls, and the over-eager boys all standing around, trying to give the best impression to the over-judging masses.

As he'd never been one to conform to society's standards, he liked to think he belonged to none of those categories; he was his own critic and therefore no one else was equal enough to pass judgment on him.

Standing on the staircase, trying not to study Blair a few steps up, he was suddenly determined to prove himself worthy of her.

His tux was fit to perfection, with his own added flair to make it his own; there was the proper amount of product to make sure his hair stayed styled; his bow tie was level with the floor. All he had to do was make sure this night went off without a hitch and trust Blair to work her magic to get rid of Nate.

He was actually quite hopeful for once... until Carter Baizen mounted the steps to confer with his date, Serena.

Suddenly his tie was too tight and the material of his custom tuxedo felt like it was clinging to his skin with static; there was a sudden buzz on the staircase as people gossiped about the prodigal son of the Upper East Side and the Gossip Girl blast that had connected him to the Constance Queen Bee.

Nate's question came as a hiss between his teeth: "What's he doing here?"

"Did you see the blast?"

"Yes," Nate spat in disgust, "Carter Baizen's dating Blair."

Chuck tried to think quickly. As he watched, Carter smiled at Blair when she laughed about something Serena had said; it made Chuck's skin crawl. "I wonder if he's toying with her to get at you..."

"If he is, it's working," Nate surged forward and Chuck had to put out an arm to stop him to keep things from blowing up right there on the steps.

He couldn't let Nate ruin Blair's night; not even if Chuck got to watch Carter eat a fist and fall over the rail.

When Nate gave him a look of confusion, Chuck explained, "Not now." He looked over at the smug look on Carter's face and decided that he could fuel Nate's fire a touch, but still make him wait until later to exact his revenge. "You'll get your chance sooner than you think; then you can get him back for what he's doing to you... and everything he's doing to Blair."

Chuck would only be too happy to help him give Baizen what was coming to him.

Nate gave Chuck a terse nod and climbed the stairs to his place near the top, opposite Blair, stopping only to exchange a few words with Carter; Chuck counted as a victory that no punches were thrown yet.

If all went well, they could all get through this night unscathed... and then he would be one night closer to having Blair all to himself.

For a night that Blair should consider one of the best, she seemed to feel worse as it wore on.

When she'd imagined the night that she would be presented to society, she hadn't thought she'd be late arriving because of an unplanned nap. A snooze that had mussed her hair and given her pillowcase face had made doing her make-up more time-consuming.

She also didn't know that the inept tailor at her mother's Atelier would cut her custom dress so tight; she was starting to feel that breathing too deeply would split a seam, even though Serena assured her that she looked perfect.

Add all of that to the fact that Nate's not-so-subtle glances were making her nerves blare in warning and it was amazing that she wasn't a twitching wreck by the time she hit the staircase to take her position. She was so stressed out by all that had gone wrong, that she wasn't acting like the refined lady that she'd always dreamed she'd be.

And there was so much more of the night to go.

Glancing down the steps, past Nate, she caught Chuck's eye and he gave her a small smile; there was also a slight eyebrow wriggle that she knew meant he liked what he saw. This slight contact from him soothed her a little, but also reminded her that her mission here tonight was two-fold: keep up her impeccable reputation as a society darling and subtly show Nate that she was happy without him.

As the ceremony started and she stepped forward to complete the first part of her mission, she mentally prepared herself for the second.

And then she breathed a sigh of relief as she walked past the presenter; the hard part was over.

There was that brief moment where Chuck thought that Nate would heed his warning to wait until another time, and then there was the next: where everything started to fall to pieces.

Chuck was pushing some random blond girl around the dance floor, not paying any attention to the steps as he watched his best friend with rapt attention. Nate's eyes seemed to be glued to Carter, who was dancing with Serena, and the looks that were coming from the normally unfocused blue eyes were poisonous darts.

… Blair was just holding on and trying to catch Nate's attention, presumably to find out what had Nate's face so taut.

The one time that he had passed by his friend in the course of the synchronized steps, Chuck quickly whispered the single word later as forcefully as he could muster without drawing the attention Nate's new dance partner, Serena. Blair had just swapped partners to dance with Carter.

Then all Chuck could do was stand by and watch as everything came crumbling apart around him.

Blair watched in horror as Nate launched himself towards Carter and herself. There was a rush of air against her face as Nate's fist connected with Carter's eye and Blair limped out of harm's way; her flight from the scene would have been faster if not for someone's foot catching on the train of her dress, tearing it as she made her escape.

The bustle in the room escalated as the fighting boys were pulled apart and Nate was escorted through an exit while Carter was led to another; there was nothing she could do but watch as the night became as disastrous as she'd felt it would all evening.

Staring down at the tear in her dress, her eyes watered up as she pictured the disappointed look on her mother's face when the older woman saw it; like Blair had been careless even though there was no way this could have been ruled her fault.

"They ripped my dress," she commented softly, not even noticing that Serena had been near enough to hear her. Her blond best friend took her by the arm and led her over to Jenny; their exchange couldn't permeate the forlorn fog that Blair was suddenly trapped in, so she didn't hear a word of what they said.

When she herself was led from the dance floor, she could only assume, since Jenny accompanied her, that the two blonds were discussing her ruined dress.

He knew he was pacing, but Chuck couldn't help himself; Blair had disappeared and he'd only taken his eyes off for a second.

She hadn't looked well, standing there in the middle of the dance floor; her skin had gone pale as she studied her ruined dress and there was a sudden bewildered expression on her face.

He could only imagine how upset she was at her ruined ball.

There was only one thing left that could save it for her, a desire she'd ardently expressed when they were fighting over Nate being her date tonight: she wanted Chuck to be her escort. Now that his date had found someone more interested than him, and Nate had been banished from the hall for the remainder of the night, they were free to be together with minimal worry over who saw.

Something about it brought a smile to his face.

After a quick chat with the band providing music for the event, he requested a song and told them to look for his signal. When Blair walked in, looked around the room, and then her eyes caught his, he lifted his arm and the song began.

She was in his arms after two steps, a look of confusion on her face as she scanned the room. "Where's Nate?"

"Nate was asked to leave, but here I am." He replied with confidence that they were safe, a satisfied smile lifting his lips slightly.

They swayed back and forth to the song for a few beats, his eyes locked on hers, and then it was suddenly all wrong again.

Her feet slowed. "I know that look;" she wondered aloud, "it's the look when your plan falls into place."

Chuck was so stunned by her observation, he couldn't speak.

"You're enjoying this," she accused, "You knew Carter was going to my house, you tipped off Gossip Girl... you ruined my Cotillion on purpose. You did all this for your own enjoyment and didn't care what it would do to me!" His heart had sunk further with every accusation; he was ashamed at the portion of her charges that he was responsible for...

"Hey," he caught her arm when she turned to leave, "Slow down there, Waldorf!" He had to make her see that he never intended for this to happen!

Then her beautiful face turned spiteful, even as tears brimmed in her eyes. She shook off his arm like he was dirty, a single tear escaping as she spoke with the slightest catch in her voice: "This thing between us? It's over; for good."

She turned again and stormed from the room; all he could do was stand there like a fool and call her name.

Fleeing the dance floor as fast as her heels could take her, Blair was able to stem the flow of her tears until she reached a staircase that was out of view; then she promptly sat down and let herself cry.

How could he?

Sure, things between them had been slightly strained the last few days because of the Nate issue, but did he have to go behind her back? Did he have to use her night as the staging ground for his revenge?

Why couldn't he just trust her?

She was still crying when a voice spoke her name; a voice that had always been a strange source of comfort, even when she was cross with him.

Looking up, she found Nate leaning over her, offering her a hand. "Are you okay?"

She took his hand and stood, trying to discreetly wipe an eye with her gloved hand; she didn't bother to lie and say she was okay... she wasn't sure when she would be okay.

"Look," he ran his hand through his hair, "I got a room here for the night..."

"What?!" She looked up at him, shocked that he'd assumed they'd need a room.

"Chuck took my key and I needed a place to crash for the night," he explained quickly, holding a hand up to block any verbal attack.

"Oh."

He brushed his hand down the side of her face gently and suggested, "Why don't you come up and we can talk? Maybe we can find 'Tiffany's' on TV." Smiling, he added, "We're friends now, right?"

Somehow there was comfort in his presence, something so familiar and dependable about his offer to talk that she nodded and followed up the stairs where he led.

When they reached the top, however, she caught sight of the elevator that would lead to the upper floors of the Palace, that would take her to Chuck's room or Serena's, and suddenly she knew there was somewhere else she'd rather go.

Her chest felt tight in Nate's company, now. She was remembering what Chuck had told her about Nate's intentions when he'd asked her to the dance tonight; how he'd always planned to lure her back into his life. She could see the look on Chuck's face when she'd mentioned Nate's 'qualities' to the Times reporter, or when she'd falsely claimed that Nate was the one she wanted.

There was no doubt in her mind that Nate's room was the last place she wanted to be tonight... or any other night.

Pulling away from Nate, she decided that she would go up to Serena's to spend the night, even though she'd planned to stay with Chuck, and then to Chuck's in the morning to talk after she'd had the chance to calm down.

"Nate," she began, "I think I'm gonna go up to Serena's and call it a night..."

He took her hand in his. "But it's still so early," he entreated, a slight note of pleading to his voice, "we have a lot to catch up on."

Sighing, she turned her eyes from his earnest ones to collect her thoughts... and they slammed right into Chuck's.

He hadn't stood there frozen for long before Chuck decided to go after her. She'd pushed him around enough the past week and there was no way he would let her end it now; they were so close to escaping the pressure of hiding that he couldn't let her give up. Once they were out in the open, he was convinced all the distrust would fade.

After searching the first floor for his former girlfriend, he climbed the large staircase that led to the upper rooms of the hotel. It was when he hit the landing a few steps from the top that he spotted them, his best friend and his ex-girlfriend, in an intimate conversation outside of one of the suites.

Nate was holding her hand, speaking softly with his face a few inches from hers. She looked like she was about to give in to whatever he was asking... then she caught sight of him as Nate leaned forward to kiss her cheek.

Rage boiled up inside of him, he felt his face contort, and watch in horror as hers turned dark.

Chuck observed in silence as the woman he loved turned to her ex-boyfriend just in time for their lips to connect. His best friend was obviously surprised, but then caused Chuck's stomach to turn as he returned the kiss passionately, wrapping an arm tightly around Blair and opened the room's door with his free hand.

Ice ran through Chuck's veins as his best friend saw him, winked conspiratorially, and pulled Blair into the room with him, shutting the thick wooden door behind them.

A fury of emotions ran through Chuck, as the shock of what he'd just watched settled into him; strongest of them all was the sorrow that siphoned all the energy out of his body. Like a zombie, he made his way to 1812; not remembering calling the elevator, or the ride up inside the car, he opened the door to his room completely numb.

Then he saw the reflection of her headband in the mirror over the bar, lying on the table next to his bed, and suddenly he couldn't find enough things to throw.

After several moments of fury, he was standing in the wreckage of what used to be his suite, staring at the all-too-familiar sight of a shattered mirror hanging above the bar.

Suddenly Monaco seemed like a great place to spend Christmas alone.

A/N: -ducks- Please, please keep in mind that I've never been and never will be a BN shipper; CB owns my heart completely. If you come back, I'll prove it.