A/N:
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters.
FRIENDLY REMINDER that this fan fiction is not called SHATTERED for no reason at all. So please don't get tired of my shit. I love you all. xo
AND OH MY GOD THE EMMYS!
18
Piper was sprawled naked on the bed on her stomach, her face buried on her pillow when she reached out to the other side for Alex, only to be met by the coldness of it caused by her girlfriend's absence. She immediately turned her head sideways, half her face still plastered against the softness of her pillow. "Alex?" she called out, her voice still thick with sleep, hoping she was just in her bathroom. But only there was only silence and so she was forced to sit up, trying to figure out where Alex might have gone.
She grabbed her phone to check the time and it read 11:56pm. Alex and she had spent the whole day on the former's apartment just watching movies, and by watching movies, it meant them making out and having sex on Alex's couch while endless movies played on her television. It had been a while since they spent a whole day together just the two of them with Piper's work, and with Nicky and Lorna spending more and more time with them.
Not that Piper didn't like it. She actually loved hanging out with the two of them but she missed being with Alex alone so she insisted that they spent the day together and Alex agreed, not really needing that much convincing.
So basically, they managed to tire each other out pretty early into the night falling asleep in each other's arm, just right after Piper's eighth or ninth orgasm(she couldn't even keep count anymore) for the entire day (and Alex's sixth). But now she didn't know where Alex was and she was about to put her girlfriend's shirt on and go look for her, when the bedroom's door opened.
Piper's smile immediately widened as her unbelievably gorgeous girlfriend, wearing only a long shirt with undoubtedly nothing underneath, walked towards her, holding a somewhat huge round cake with three lit small candles at the middle. She then sat beside Piper, who now reached for another one of Alex's shirt and put it on.
Alex immediately groaned, "Ahh, you looked better that way. Why did you have to ruin it?"
Piper just chuckled before looking at the cake Alex was holding. "What is that?" she asked, her eyes going back to her girlfriend's gorgeous face, only made more beautiful by the smile that adorned it and her current state, holding a cake like an adorable puppy. Who would have ever thought she'd ever compare Alex Vause to a puppy?
"Uhh, fluffy thingy with frostings and candles, I don't know. I think it's called cake, I'm not sure."
Piper again chuckled as she lightly pushed Alex. "Smart ass."
"Smartass who just made you come... how many times again?"
"You are such a smug bitch sometimes, you know?" Alex just laughed at Piper making the blonde shake her head, her stupid smile not leaving her face. "Now seriously, what is this? It's past 12, what are you doing bringing cake here."
"Exactly. It's past 12. Meaning, it's already June 7th. Happy birthday, babe." Alex then leaned in and kissed Piper on the lips, the cake still held carefully in her hands. She smiled into the kiss and could feel Piper doing the same. When they pulled apart, Alex noticed an odd expression from Piper. "What?"
"I just... it's..."
Worry instantly took over Alex seeing Piper unable to formulate her words, thinking that she might have done something wrong. "What? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, no." Piper shook her head vehemently seeing worry flash across her girlfriend's features. "It's just... no one has ever done this for me before," she looked down, seemingly embarrassed of this fact.
Alex's heart melted at Piper's words and that only solidified the fact that this woman was someone she would protect and take care of at all costs. No matter what. "Hey," she lifted Piper's chin up so she could meet her eyes. "You got me now, okay? And I swear to God, I'm gonna do everything everyone else has failed to do for you."
Piper seemed to be at loss for words again by then, just realizing how damn lucky she was to have Alex in her life. Yes, all her life she's probably been the unluckiest person alive but meeting Alex, falling in love with Alex, had surely made up for all of those years. And at that moment Piper knew, that all she ever needed or would ever need was exactly right in front of her. "I love you," she said before leaning in to kiss Alex with as much passion as she could. "I love you so much," she again whispered against Alex's lips before finally pulling away.
Alex gave her a warm smile and her eyes were filled with so much love Piper felt like the air was being knocked out of her, in a terrifyingly good way. "I love you, too, babe. Now, come on. Make a wish!"
Piper chuckled at Alex's excitement before closing her eyes. She could have wished for anything, probably a better job or great health for the rest of her life or whatever clichéd wish there was in this world. But she didn't. Because she knew what exactly she wanted. And it was to be with Alex for the rest of her life, to be with the only person who's made her believe that loving someone too much may be worth it after all.
And so that's what she wished for. And then she prayed to a god she was almost starting to believe in that wishing was all she ever needed to do for it to truly happen. Because right then she knew, that even death would be a lot less painful than losing Alex Vause.
-o-o-o-
Fear.
It was everything Alex felt when she finally came to her senses and dialled 911 to tell them what was going on. It was all she felt even after the paramedics has brought Piper back to life. It was still what she felt the moment they got to the hospital and Piper had to be taken away from her and be brought to the emergency room.
Alex had only ever felt this once, this mind and body-numbing fear that crept into every fibre of her being, stopping her from functioning like a normal person. She's only ever felt this oncein her life and that fear had almost knocked her on her feet that she never thought there still was something worse than that.
But this, this was something so much worse. Before, she was scared for Ashley's life and how helpless she was about the situation. But that fear she felt back then couldn't compare, even in the slightest fucking bit, to the terror that was consuming her right now.
Piper had been dead in her arms. Even if it was just for a few minutes, seconds even, her heart stopped beating. And just the memory of it squeezed tightly at her chest making it almost impossible for her to breathe. Losing Ashley broke Alex but right at that moment, she realized that losing Piper would destroy her. If Piper died, there was no way she was gonna survive it... there was no way she was gonna want to live through it.
Because right then, Alex knew, that a world without Piper Chapman was a world she didn't ever want to live in.
That was why when she was left alone with nothing to do but wait, she did everything she could to will her mind to go blank because if she didn't, just waiting to know whether Piper lived or not without being able to do anything about it, there was no way in hell she was going to get through this without breaking down.
So when Nicky and Lorna arrived, frantic and panicked, Alex didn't even acknowledge them. Nicky kept asking her what happened, forcing her to say something, shaking her just so she could get a reaction, because she and Lorna also needed to know what was going on with Piper. But Alex just looked at her, looked through her. And that looked showed Nicky just how much this was breaking Alex, and quickly.
For a while, Alex remained like that, stoic and unresponsive. But the moment she made out the worry laced in Nicky's voice when she asked again what happened to Piper, it was like someone had pushed her back to reality making her remember where she was and why she was here. Piper's life was in mortal danger and there was this added fact that it may just be her fault. And just like that, she started hyperventilating, feeling the air get sucked out of her and suddenly, she was on her feet, followed by an anxious Nicky and a sobbing Lorna.
"Alex! Where the fuck are you going?" asked Nicky, finding it hard to keep up with Alex's long strides. "Alex!"
"I can't... I can't stay, Nicky. I gotta get out of here," Alex said as she walked out of the hospital, with no real destination or whatsoever. She just needed to get out, needed to go somewhere other than here, somewhere she wouldn't be reminded of just how much she'd once again fucked up.
"You can't leave. What about Piper?"
The mention of her girlfriends' name froze Alex to her spot and made her finally look at Nicky. And when she spoke, her voice was so dangerously calm, the kind of calm that you get just before the real shit storm hit you unprepared. "I'm the reason she's in there," her voice was barely a whisper but it spoke volumes and it left all of them speechless for a while before Nicky seemed to find her voice.
"No, you're not! Why do you keep blaming yourself for every fucking thing?!"
But Alex just looked at Nicky, seemingly unaware of what her best friend just said, before turning her back to her again and started walking away.
"Nicky," Lorna called out to her girlfriend, a silent question on what they were supposed to do.
"Stay here, okay? Wait for any news about P-Piper," answered Nicky as calmly as possible, even though her heart was hammering against her chest, worried like crazy about this person she never thought she'd grow to have this intense care and love for, just so she wouldn't worry Lorna all the more. "I gotta go follow Alex and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."
Lorna nodded and for a few seconds, she and Nicky just stood there, unable to move. "She's gonna be okay, though, right?" she asked softly, afraid of the answer to the question she didn't even want to ask in the first place. Because she wasn't supposed to be questioning this, there wasn't supposed to be any doubt, she was supposed to know that Piper was going to be okay. But she didn't and so she had to ask. "Piper... she's going to be okay?"
Nicky swallowed, surprised by her sudden urge to cry. "Y-yeah. She's going to be okay." And they were again overcome with silence, before Nicky pulled Lorna gently towards her to press a chaste kiss on her lips. "I have to go. I love you."
"I love you, too."
-o-o-o-
Alex's feet brought her to Piper's apartment and before she even realized what she was doing and what all of this may cause her, she was slumped down on Piper's bathroom floor, her whole body shaking as she cried. She folded her legs until her knees were tucked just under her chin, her fingers hastily raking through her hair just so she could hold onto something.
There was a reason she was here. She kept thinking that this was her fault... that she was the sole reason why Piper was in danger right now. But she also desperately wanted to know the answer to Nicky's question, and to believe what she thought Nicky knew as the answer. Alex wanted to think that maybe this wasn't her fault, that there was some other reason this was happening. But whenever she would try to come up with anything, she always ended up listening to that loud voice inside her head telling her that this was all on her.
She was the reason Piper thought shooting herself with heroin was a good idea. She was the first one who injected the drugs into Piper's system. She was the one who's caused Piper's addiction to become worse. She was the one who forced her to stop cold turkey. She was the one who left Piper at home alone when she knew she needed to be with her. She was the one who was stupid enough to leave the drugs in her drawer even though she knew that Piper was still not strong enough to resist the urge to shoot some. She was the one who didn't get home in time to be able to stop Piper before it was too late.
She was the whole goddamned, fucking reason for all of this.
Suddenly, everything just became too much for Alex and before her mind could process what she was doing, she was frantically reaching for the heroin left discarded on the bathroom floor. She didn't pause, nor think. She was wallowing in self-blame and it was consuming her like a plague that she couldn't stop for even jus a second to remember what this thing in her hand just did to Piper... to realize what it might do to her, too.
No, all she knew was that she wanted all of this to just fucking stop.
"What the fuck?!" Nicky, who always managed to arrive on the right time, was soon hovering over Alex as she took what she was holding and threw them on the trash can. But she left the heroin on her hand because she had to get rid of it permanently. So she then walked to the bathroom's toilet bowl before throwing and flushing every last bit of the ruinous drugs, looking on as it got sucked in, wanting to make sure that it would be gone from Alex's reach for good. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Nicky wanted to be mad, but seeing just how broken Alex was right now, all she could feel was hurt and worry.
Alex took her glasses off, since it was almost falling off of her face anyway, and threw them harshly on the floor. She was still shaking, and she wasn't sure if it was because of the sobs wracking her whole body, or if it was from the cold she felt now that Piper wasn't here and was somewhere Alex didn't want her to be. "She wasn't breathing, Nicky. I held her in my arms and she was..." Alex's ability to form a coherent sentence was gone as her sobs got even louder and more ear-piercing. "Fuck!"
Piper was alive, Alex knew that. But the fact that she almost wasn't, was hitting at her with so much intensity she couldn't pay much attention to the now, wherein Piper was still fighting for her life with the possibility that she might win. All Alex could think about was how her heart stopped beating, and how she couldn't do anything about it and how any second now, it could stop beating again.
"Alex," Nicky was now kneeling in front of Alex, gripping her best friend's shoulders, wanting it to hurt just so Alex could feel something else other than this heart-wrenching pain that was slowly eating her alive. "Please tell me what happened." Nicky looked at Alex pleadingly. "I care for Piper, too. Please, I just need to know."
"She... she OD'ed." It was barely a whisper, but it brought a sharp pang in Alex's chest, making it hard for her to breathe. "Nicky," and it was the last word Alex could get out before she clutched tightly on Nicky's shirt as she wailed, her pain so evident in the way her body shook as she held on to Nicky for dear life. It wasn't just simply crying. It was an agonizing, excruciating, and torturous sound made out from pure gnawing pain, taking over every fragment of her being, ruining her very slowly so she couldn't miss feeling all of it.
Nicky had by now wrapped her arms around Alex, too, not being able to stop the tears that escaped her eyes. She had seen Alex get broken once before and it was ugly, but this, she wasn't prepared for. This was nothing she had ever thought Alex would ever be, and it scared her. "Alex," Nicky whispered, because what was really left for you to say to a person who was bit by bit breaking right on your arms? "Piper is not dead. She's not dying anytime soon. And she's gonna need you when she wakes up. I know it's hard. But you have to pull yourself together."
Alex kept her head buried on Nicky's neck, staining her shirt with her tears. If this was happening ages ago, she wouldn't have let Nicky see how vulnerable she was. But Piper had made every difference in her life and she just couldn't act tough in front of anyone anymore. Because Piper was fighting for her goddamned life and Alex was scared up to the very deepest part of her body.
"And that..." Nicky pointed to the toilet bowl where she flushed the drugs even though Alex couldn't really see it, not wanting to go over it again but felt the need to do so because she knew that Alex had connections and it would be as easy as snapping her fingers to ask for more if she wanted to. "You have to stop resorting to it every time you feel like you can't do it anymore."
And somehow, Alex understood. And she agreed. She nodded her head, feeling her break down start to subside, despite the pain she was feeling getting worse.
Nicky disentangled herself from Alex because she wanted to look at her, stare her in the eye and let her know how this was scaring her, too... and that Alex wasn't alone in this. "You have to promise me. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not gonna touch it again."
"I p-promise..." Alex said, her voice so soft and weak, her energy slowly leaving her.
And with that, Nicky once again pulled Alex in a bone-crushing hug and for a while, they stayed like that, trying to get strength from each other. They didn't voice it out but they both knew that this was just the beginning, and it's either going to get better or going to get even worse. And right now, they needed each other more than they ever had before.
-o-o-o-
It was a few hours later when Nicky received the call she's been waiting from Lorna telling them that Piper was finally out of danger. The whole time she was on phone, Alex just kept her gaze at her, assessing her reaction, looking for any sign that might tell her how Piper was doing. Not wanting to worry Alex any further, Nicky gave her a soft smile with a nod and she saw how Alex released a long tired sigh, telling Nicky just how much she's been carrying this weight in her shoulders for hours now.
"So, let's go?" Nicky asked Alex after ending the call with Lorna. She was expecting her to be excited to see Piper again, waiting for that I-can't-wait-to-see-her expression that never came. Alex just looked at her with an unreadable expression on her face, as she stayed seated firmly on Piper's couch. "Alex, you did understand that nod and smile I gave you, right? It meant Piper is okay now. Her doctor said you can go see her."
Alex opened her mouth to say something but decided against it at the last minute. Instead, she looked down on her feet as she shook her head. "I'm not sure if I can see her that way, Nicky."
"What way? She's okay."
"She's not dying. But that doesn't mean she's okay. She's far from okay."
"I know. It's a long process for her, and you, to get better after all that happened. But Alex, she's gonna be farther from being okay if she wakes up and you're not there. Right now, everything is shitty and she knows that. But we both know that the only way she'd feel like she's gonna get through that is if she sees you."
Thankfully, Nicky was able to convince Alex to go with her to the hospital. When they got there, Lorna told them everything the doctor has told her about Piper's condition. Turned out Alex wasn't too late after all, because if she was, Piper would probably be in coma right now suffering from a cerebral hypoxia, a condition caused by a lack of oxygen in a person's brain. But she was brought to the hospital on time, not the best case scenario because that would have been her not having to be brought to the hospital at all, and so now, they just had to wait for her to wake up and they could start from their again.
"Only one person can get in," stated Lorna, noticing how Alex's gaze was fixated on the door of the ICU. "You should go before she wakes up." Alex turned to Lorna for a brief second before looking back at the door again, still not having spoken a single word ever since she and Nicky arrived.
"Go on, Vause. Lorna and I will wait here for you." But Nicky could still see the hesitation on Alex's eyes and for a moment, she considered saving her from this fear of seeing Piper and tell her that they could just come back the next day, but she also didn't want Piper to wake up alone. Alex would have to face her soon either way. "It's okay."
And finally, Alex nodded. "Th-thanks. You should go. I think I might stay the night."
"Y-you can't," Lorna immediately said, "...visiting hours are until 11:00 only. In the ICU, I mean." The brunette felt a sudden guilt as she saw Alex's face fall, her disappointment at not being able to stay with Piper the whole night evident. "I'm sorry. But as soon as she gets better, she could move to a normal room until she's allowed to leave the hospital."
Alex nodded. "Yeah. And no, it's not your fault. I, should, uh, go. I'll see you guys later?"
"Yeah, tell Chapman we said hi," Nicky said as Alex walked towards the ICU. "And that I'm kicking her in the ass when I see her!" she added, making Alex look back at her with a faint smile on her lips. "Everything's going to be okay, Alex."
Alex took hesitant steps towards the ICU, dreading how she would react once she saw Piper in her condition. She should be happy, really. But the ugly churning in her stomach and the unsettling guilt gnawing at her chest was keeping her from feeling ecstatic about the fact that Piper might be waking up anytime soon. She couldn't wait to see her face light up with her smile again, but she still wasn't ready to face her. But she had no choice. She had to be there when Piper woke up.
Before she opened the double doors of the ICU, she had to inhale deeply to calm her nerves and mentally prepare herself to face her girlfriend.
Then she did open the door.
And there laid her unbelievably beautiful girlfriend, looking peaceful as she slept despite the machines connected to her arms and chest through wires. Alex felt her chest tighten at the sight as she fought the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She tried to not dwell on it but there was that voice inside her head again growing only louder as she struggled to move closer to Piper.
"You did this to her." The voice was loud and clear and it took every bit of strength within Alex not to turn her back and walk away.
And then finally, after what felt like infinite steps, she's reached Piper and Alex's legs finally gave up on her as she harshly sagged on the chair just beside the hospital bed. The raven-haired had to shut her eyes now, still not wanting to cry. She waited for her breathing to become even before opening her eyes again, finally able to look at Piper properly.
She sat closer to her as she delicately held her hand, intertwining their fingers together. "Hey, Pipes," Alex's voice cracked at the mention of her girlfriend's name. The last time she's used it was when she was desperately trying to wake her up and it evoked a million dangerous feelings that she had to swallow hard before she could speak again. "You, uh, scared me today. I really thought I'd lost you forever." With this, Alex looked away from Piper and just settled her gaze on their hands which surprisingly still fit together perfectly. "Just the thought of that makes me wanna rip all my hair out, you know?" She tried to laugh, but it wasn't a happy one and instead of it making her feel a little better, it made her feel even worse. "It's just..." Alex briefly looked at Piper before gently pressing her forehead against Piper's arm, her emotions all over the place. "...I'm sorry. I'm sorry it had to come to this and I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from all of it." She then cocked her head sideways so she could look at Piper's face again while still using her girlfriend's arm as her pillow, but making sure she wasn't hurting her. A tear dropped from her eye before she spoke again. "I love you, do you know that? I love you so... damn... much."
For a while, Alex didn't move, contently staring at Piper's face, wishing in probably a non-existent God's name that she could take time back, and maybe do the right thing if she could. But it was too late now and she's already fucked up so what was there left for her to do? So she again buried her face against Piper's arm, their hands still interlaced together. She knew that there probably were still so much to say and deal with, but right now, she was choosing to just spend this time with her girlfriend in peace. While she still could.
It was a little more than half an hour when Alex felt Piper's fingers twitch slightly against her own hand. And then before she could even move to look at her girlfriend, she heard her speak in a voice she could barely hear.
"A-Alex?"
"Piper?" Alex stood up abruptly and went closer to Piper. "Pipes? Oh my God, do you need anything?" Alex was frantic now, scared that Piper may be in any sort of discomfort. But Piper just looked at her, not saying a thing. "Please tell me," she cupped Piper's face gently, brushing her thumb against her jaw. She tried to hide the worry in her eyes but she knew that she was failing massively.
But Piper just smiled. And it was that smile that Alex loved so much, that beautiful grin that Piper always used to wordlessly tell Alex that everything was fine, that perfectly sculpted smile that made Alex fall in love with her over and over again. "No," her voice was weak but it was full of conviction. She then lifted her arm and reached for Alex, holding whatever it was she could reach. "I've got everything I need right here."
And that was all Alex ever needed to finally let go and allow herself to break down. She sobbed violently as she leaned down to bury her face on Piper's neck, wrapping her arm lightly against her waist. She wanted to stop but her body seemed to have finally gotten tired of holding everything in, so she cried and cried some more.
"I'm so sorry, Alex," Piper's voice seemed to only grow softer. She held up her other hand this time, running it up and down the back of Alex's head, trying to comfort her as much as she could. "I'm sorry."
The sadness and regret in Piper's voice did it for Alex as she now managed to calm down, finally realizing that it shouldn't be Piper who was looking out for her right now. It should be the other way around, and it pissed her off immensely that she couldn't manage to keep it together.
"Sssshhh," she whispered, her face still stained with her tears. "Don't apologize... just... I just need you to feel better soon." She pressed a kissed on Piper's lips and she basked in how great it felt to feel her girlfriend's lips against hers again.
When they broke apart, Piper slowly nodded. "I will... feel better... for you."
Once again, Alex was taken aback with how much Piper seemed to want to do everything for her. And she hated it, because Piper's everything shouldn't ever be for her. It felt wrong, like she was making Piper not leave anything for herself. "No, Piper. Not for me. For you," she said firmly, without sounding harsh.
Piper took her time before she spoke again, and when she did, she gave Alex a slight shake of her head. "I seem to make such stupid life choices when I make them for myself," she lifted her arms towards Alex, as if presenting her own condition as a proof to what she just said.
And then a tear fell from her eye, breaking Alex's heart into just about a thousand tiny pieces.
Alex wiped the tear away as she looked Piper in the eyes. "Then we'll work on that, okay?"
Piper once again smiled and nodded her head. "Okay."
"Okay," Alex repeated. "You should go back to sleep," she then said, noting how tired Piper still looked. She still wanted to talk to her, to feel as much of her as she could, but that could wait. Right now, Piper needed to get her strength back. And soon.
"You'll be here when I wake up?"
Alex remembered what Lorna said about not being allowed to stay overnight but she didn't want to upset Piper any more than she already seemed. She hated lying to her but she knew that if she told her she couldn't stay, piper would insist on staying up until she had to leave. So she gave her a genuine smile, before dropping another chaste kiss on her girlfriend's lips. "I'll be here."
-o-o-o-
Piper only had to stay another day at the ICU before moving to another room. And she was so grateful for it because it meant having Alex be with her almost the entire time. Alex never wanted to leave her. Even though Piper would tell her to go home so she could have some rest, Alex would insist on staying. And Piper didn't need to be told because she knew that Alex was still holding herself responsible for what has happened to her. So she took care of her. Gave her anything she needed before Piper would even realize she needed it. She was almost never out of her sight and Piper just fell in love with her a whole lot more.
Nicky, Lorna, and Red also came and visited her. True to her words, Nicky gave her hell for what she did, but Piper didn't take any offense from it knowing that it was all coming from Nicky's care and love for her. But she could see Alex shooting daggers at Nicky the whole time, obviously not happy at the harsh (but not really) words she was giving Piper. So Piper had to mouth an "It's okay," to her girlfriend just so she could finally relax.
Lorna was just sitting there quietly giving her warm smiles but her mere presence was enough for Piper. She was glad that she and Nicky seemed to be finally working it out. It was obvious how much they loved each other and she was totally happy for them. The last time before this all happened, Alex gave her the bad news about them and it was nice to be met by this nice surprise.
Red, on the other hand, looked like she was trying to hold back whatever she wanted to say to her. Piper wasn't sure if it was because Red thought she was still somewhat fragile, or she was doing it for the sake of Alex. Either way, she was just glad that she was there, the closest thing to a mother she'd ever get. If she was being honest, she actually liked it.
Days passed and they would constantly visit her and it made getting better so much easier on Piper. On her second to the last day at the hospital, they again came to visit and express how happy they were about her getting out. And it showed, they all seemed to be excited and ecstatic. Except for Alex.
So when the three have left, Piper decided to ask her about it. "Al? Are you okay?"
"You're the one in a hospital bed, Piper. I think I'm the one who should be asking you that." Alex said in an even tone, barely looking at Piper.
"No, it's just... you don't look... you look a little off."
"Piper, you almost died in my fucking arms, don't you think I deserve to be a little off even just for a minute?" It came out more harshly than Alex probably would have wanted it to and she immediately realized it as Piper flinched at her words. "I'm sorry... God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you like that." She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself. "It's just... I've been worried."
"Babe, I'm fine now. I'm getting out tomorrow, remember?"
"Are you?" Alex immediately asked before Piper could even finish her sentence. "Really? Do you think you're really fine?"
With Alex's tone, Piper knew what she meant. Getting out of the hospital didn't mean that this was over. And she was aware of that, more than she ever had, actually. But unlike before, she now believed that she was going to be fine... that she and Alex were going to be fine. "I don't think that I'm fine. I know. I got you, remember?"
But Alex didn't say anything back. Instead, she just took her hand and held it in her fingers, and somehow, Piper felt as if Alex was trying to memorize it. And for the first time ever since Alex, she didn't know what to make out of it.
-o-o-o-
It was the day Piper was going to be discharged from the hospital. The moment she woke up, she saw Alex just looking at her and Piper should be happy waking up to that but there was something in Alex she couldn't put her finger on. She seemed so out of it, and Piper didn't understand why. Alex should be happy, right? Because she was getting out.
But then again, maybe Alex was just afraid for what their world outside the hospital now meant. It was just gonna be the two of them again without any medical help, and there was still a battle left undone and so maybe Alex was just a little worried of that... because it wasn't gonna be easy. And it was surely going to be a hell of a fight.
So Piper chose to ignore it and just made a mental note to herself to do whatever it would take just so she and Alex could get through this. That "You got me," line Alex told her months ago was what was keeping her stay positive because really, it was all she ever needed to know. So she was holding on to that, until they were both better... and probably even after that.
To Piper's surprise, Alex decided to go home first, telling her that she wanted to bring their stuff over there first. For some reason, Piper knew that Alex was lying about it, about why she really wanted to go home. But she didn't know what the real reason was, and yet she didn't ask. Maybe Alex needed it. Maybe she just needed to breathe some air, other than the stinking smell inside the hospital she was probably tired of by now. And Piper couldn't really blame her for that.
But it was only about an hour before she had to be discharged but Alex still wasn't back. It had been four hours since she left and Piper was trying not to be worried but she was failing pretty badly at it. She would have called Alex but she didn't have any phone with her. She had also asked the nurses to call her girlfriend for her but they always came back to her saying their calls were going straight to voicemail.
30 minutes more had passed but still, Alex didn't show. Piper was almost hysterical by now, the worst thoughts plaguing her mind. What if something happened to Alex? What if she's been in an accident and no one had seen it? The crazy thoughts weren't for sure helping but there was nothing else she could do and it was making her desperate.
A few more minutes later, she saw the door open and she breathed a deep sigh of relief at the sight. Alex was safe.
But it wasn't Alex at the door. It was Nicky. And it was a Nicky she almost couldn't recognize because gone was the happy, crazy friend that she always knew. This was a sad Nicky... a sullen, dejected-looking Nicky.
And it probably was a Nicky she wouldn't ever want to remember because it was also that person who told her how Alex was gone... no, how Alex had left. And how she thought, with the hope that maybe she was wrong, that there was no way Alex was coming back.
And Piper just sat there thinking that maybe, just maybe, she would have been better off left dead, after all.
-o-o-o-
SHOUTOUTS:
Tried to keep the my responses to your reviews as short as possible coz the number of words in this chapter is getting way out of hand. But I just want you all to know that I appreciate every review, short or long. Thank you so much! Virtual group hug everyone!
Guest (is this real?), Uh, yes she's OD'ed. And you're right she can't die. Haha. =)
Budda1127, And once again, your review has rendered me speechless. Thank you! For thinking that I deserve much of your time for those long reviews, I am super flattered. And you're most definitely awesome, too! Hugs and kisses! =)
sara lance, Haha! You still up for that talk? Coz right now, I'm about ready to hide. Thank you! Your reviews are always so nice and awesome, just like you. =)
vausemanoitnb, I'm sorry for making you cry! =(
WB79, Yes, I didn't let Piper fucking die. Haha! =)
vausegasm, First of all, you're awesome. And second of all, you're awesome. And no need to go violent on me, Piper is alive. But as for this chapter, forgive me. Hahahaha.
TinyGuitarist, Yes, I'm a terrible person I'm so sorry. Haha! And yeah of course, that most definitely was not the end. That's just beyond cruel if I ended it like that. =)
orange621, I'm sorry. I don't know if you're aware but I looove cliff hangers. You'll just have to find ot til the end, right? Haha! =)
amciotola1, Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees. Piper is back. =))
rach5878, Haha, I kind of love you, too! But I don't hate you. Coz that review was so freaking nice and I just want to thank you for it. Sorry the update took longer than usual. =)
RJVause, No problem! And I like surprising people, haha. Sorry this update took longer than usual. Hopefully the content made up for it. I don't know how, but you know. Haha. =)
Joey2920, I don't know why I do this actually. I think I like hurting people. Haha! Just kidding. But I'm sorry for the pain I've been putting all of you through. And I think you should decide for yourself (especially after this chapter) if Piper is okay or not. Haha! =)
ManveerlovesVauseman, Thank you for that amazing review! Detailed as always. =)
valevauseman, Sorry for the previous chapter's ending. And I'm sorry for this chapter's ending. I'm sorry for everything. Haha! But thank you for your review. =)
Queen of Rad, Thank you for refusing to believe that Piper is dead because yes, she's alive! Hopefully, you won't cry yourself to sleep tonight. Haha. =)
elliellie1, I'm a very cruel person and I'm sorry but I'm also not sorry because it is so... good... to see you reactions like this haha! Thank you for the kind review! =)
schillingarmy, How about the end to this chapter? Haha! Hm, as you've read Piper is not dead so you were right about me not letting her die (because who would do otherwise, really? Haha) Thank you! =)
Marauder-Lu, Playing with people's emotions seems to be slowly becoming my talent. Haha. I hope your heart is okay and your blood stayed intact inside your body. Thank you for your review! =)
FFChik, Thank you for another amazing review, I may be saying this over and over now but really, your reviews always make me smile. =)
Sue, I'm trying to wrap it up now coz the drugs part is also stressing me already. It's difficult to write haha. I'm glad you like the Nichorello part. Thank you for that review!
Lily, Oh no, I'm sorry I never want to kill you. Haha. Here's the new update, sorry it took long.
vausemania, Hey what's up? Sorry this update took long. Thank you for that review, though. Haha.
jomichael03, Hi! I'm telling you now, Piper is not dead. I could never kill her! Thank you so much! I've been always meaning to PM you but it always slips my mind, I'm sorry. I'm glad you had an amazing time! And bleh indeed for summer almost coming to its end. Good luck with university. As always, I am doing great! Lots of love to you, too. =)
Guest (OH. MY. GOD.), Hey, thank you for that review! And you know I couldn't kill Piper coz you're right Alex has suffered enough and I wouldn't do that to her. =)
izzielg, Alex Vause extends her apologies. Haha. Jk. But as I've mentioned, she didn't want Piper to see her in *that* state so she kind of postponed going home for a bit, but then she went home as soon as she realized she was fine. =)) Anyway, thank you! And sorry this update took long. =(
Vausemaniac, You, my friend, have officially made the list of my favourite people in the entire universe. I don't even know how to respond to your reviews! They're wonderful and I've even screenshot them just so I can read them over and over again. Thank you so much! There are no words I can say enough. =))
Guest (*crying*), Sorry if this fic is making you sad. Let me hug you now. *tight hug*
huggerguest, Uhh, I guess I'm a little insane, yeah. Sorry for that cliffhanger. But hey, did you really think I'd kill Piper?
piccolover22, Haha, you know me too well! =))
emkatesupertramp, Holy freaking shit, your review is awesome! Haha. Anyway, yey for Alex not losing another person. But maybe nay for Piper losing one instead? Sorry =(