warning: takes place in a hospital

Chapter 35: The cluster & Will

In which Angelica takes the kids to visit Will

The lady wasn't lying about having a big car.

Lito calls shotgun, and the eight of them pile inside, Felix squishing into the back row with Capheus, Kala, and Wolfgang. The area in front of their seats is cluttered with what appear to be several child-sized suitcases. Felix kicks one aside to make room for his legs.

"Are you all comfortable enough?" asks Angelica, glancing in the rearview mirror as she turns the key in the ignition.

"We're fine," says Capheus.

"Good," says Angelica. She pulls onto the road, her windshield wipers sloughing the rain off the glass.

Felix sits up straight, his backpack between his knees. It's been years since he's ridden in a car that didn't belong to a client. It feels weird.

Angelica changes lanes. "So what are your names?" she asks lightly.

Kala, Nomi, and Lito actually answer. (Stupid, but whatever.) The rest of them don't, and Angelica doesn't press them, just segues into some story about garlic bread and her friend Jonas.

She rambles most of the way to the hospital, pausing now and then as though waiting for one of them to cut in. No one does.

It's not until they're pulling into the hospital parking lot that Kala speaks up. "If I may, what are these suitcases for?" she asks politely. "The ones here in the backseat."

"Oh, those are, um—" Angelica sighs as she angles into a parking space. "Sometimes when I take kids to a new placement, they've just got all their stuff in a trash bag," she says. "Everything they own, just tossed in there like garbage. And I can't stand that. So I like to always have some spare suitcases with me to offer them instead."

Which, fuck. Felix lowers his eyes uncomfortably, because once upon a time he'd been that kid clutching a shitty trash bag full of his few shitty possessions, in a car on the way to his next shitty foster home. And it had sucked. And if someone had given him a real suitcase it would have made his fucking life.

"That's very kind of you," Sun says softly, probably remembering her own time in foster care. "I'm sure the children appreciate it very much."

"I hope they do," murmurs Angelica. She turns off the car.

And Felix still might not trust her, or even particularly like her, but he finds himself thinking that she probably does mean well, at least. She probably does just want to help.

"Well," she declares, inhaling deeply. "Let's go, shall we?"

And they go.

o - o - o

"You're here," is the first thing Will says, as the eight of them enter his room. He sounds surprised.

There are tubes going into his arm and a monitor showing his heart rate and he looks kind of like shit. That's when it really hits Felix, that Will almost died. That they almost fucking lost him. It makes his chest hurt.

"Of course we're here, silly," says Riley, hurrying to Will's side and taking his hand.

"How?" he asks.

"Angelica brought us," Sun explains.

Will glances around at them, and a few moments pass in silence. Then: "I'm so sorry," he says. "You all must be pissed; I—"

"Don't be stupid," Wolfgang cuts him off.

"We're just so glad you're okay," says Nomi.

But Will shakes his head. "Felix," he groans weakly. "You— you knew I'd relapse. You were right. I'm too fucking weak."

Felix gapes at him, remembering the day they met, and what a fucking dick he's been. "No— Will, don't— don't say that," he stammers. "I was an idiot, seriously; that stuff I said back then..."

But Will doesn't seem to be listening. "It wasn't on purpose, I swear," he moves on, his voice pitched with desperation. "The overdose. The doctor, she said it's easy to OD after you've been clean for a while, because you take the same amount that you used to but your body's lost its old tolerance or something, so then..." He shrugs. "You know."

"That's true," says Kala gently. "I think I've read that a third of relapses result in overdose. Maybe more."

Will doesn't respond. He stares straight at the wall in front of him, frowning, eyes unfocused.

"Will?" Riley strokes the back of his hand with her thumb. "What's wrong?"

Will swallows. "Shit," he says faintly. "My dad."

The rest of them exchange glances.

"It didn't go well?" Wolfgang guesses grimly.

Will continues to stare straight ahead. "He died," he whispers.

There's a moment of stunned silence.

"Oh god, Will," Riley murmurs at last. "I'm so sorry."

And that's when Will starts to cry.

"What happened?" asks Lito tentatively, squeezing Will's shoulder. "If you want to talk about it."

Will shakes his head. "I don't even know. I— I went to my house and there was this— this kid there, and he said—" He lets out a sob. "He said my dad had been dead for a year. And I just— fuck, I never said goodbye or anything," he sniffs. "He died thinking I hated him and— and not knowing where I was, and— probably all alone..." He's crying harder now, so hard Felix can barely make out what he's saying. "That's why I did it," he chokes out. "Nothing m-mattered anymore. I just wanted to like— forget, you know?"

"I know," says Riley softly. "We know." She leans over and hugs him. Then Kala does too, and then Wolfgang, and then everyone all at once, bending down, squeezing his arms, his hands, resting their heads on his chest and shoulders and hair: one giant, wet, healing embrace.

And in that moment, Felix knows that Will is gonna be okay.