A/N: Do not adjust your calendar... it has only been a week since the last update and here is another one. ;) Only the first section was beta'd, so go easy on my mistakes.

SPECIAL THANKS to my Dawn! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! I'm sorry I didn't get this to you yesterday, girl. -kiss-

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf, I just want to prove they can stand by each other through anything.

Chapter 30

"Out of My Head"

Blair spent most of her time with Serena for the next week. Using Nate to provoke a response from Chuck had lost it's allure now that she had seen her own feelings reflected in his eyes. Now she just wanted to distract herself from the fact that Chuck was back and she couldn't be near him. She still heard from Nate, she just told him that she was going somewhere with Serena because Dan's best friend was taking up all his time. After the fourth or fifth time Nate called and heard this from her, he huffed in frustration and stopped calling.

And she was avoiding the Palace as if it was turned into a soup kitchen.

So she and Serena did a lot of shopping and museum hopping, keeping her mind from the topic of Chuck was easy unless Serena found a way to bring him up. The following subject change by Blair was met with a knowing look by Serena... but no protestation. The blonde knew that she was a replacement for Chuck's company.

Or an attempt at a replacement.

Eventually they were getting tired of shopping and the idea came up to go swimming. This activity held particular appeal to Blair as the time may soon come that she would be unable to wear a bikini in public. Considering her avoidance of the Palace and it's amenities in order to avoid Chuck, Blair and Serena were forced to find another, more illegal place with a pool. When Blair learned that Serena still had a key to the pool at school, her mind was made up.

But then she needed to invite people to witness her appearance just in case her possible condition ever came to light.

Blair told Serena that she would contact Cati and Iz. The word of an exclusive pool party on their school grounds after hours spread like wild fire and soon there were at least twenty people in attendance. Including both of Blair's ex-boyfriends.

So much for using the school pool in the interest of avoiding Chuck.

She hadn't been in the same room with both boys since the night of Cotillion and the uncertainty of what would happen reminded her of her birthday party in so many ways. She was back to that night, wondering what Chuck and Nate would say to her and to each other, wondering if Chuck would spill the beans, wondering if Nate would notice something was off.

The only thing different was her desire to keep her deep, dark secret. It was now something that she wished could come into the light.

It took all of Blair's effort to just enjoy herself, keeping her eyes away from the entrance so that she wasn't watching for either guy to show up. In fact, when Nate did show up, he sneaked up on her in the pool and surprised her completely.

He pulled her to him and kissed her.

In her shock, Blair could only gape at him as he asked her why she was avoiding him. He was being completely nonchalant and acting as if kissing was something they still did. The fact that he had the gall to kiss her in public, where she couldn't call him out on it, had her skin crawling. She backed away from him with a simple, "Good catching up."

Climbing out of the pool, she spotted Chuck perched in the high lifeguard's chair, a bikini-clad bimbo on each side of him. His eye caught hers for a split second and she could've sworn he smirked at the expression on her face. She knew she must look as she felt: her blood was boiling.

Before she could stop herself, Blair had walked around the pool to where Chuck was holding court in his red and white swim ensemble. Leave it to Chuck to make an illegal pool party into a chance for a fashion statement. Angling her body past bimbo number one, she grabbed the whistle hanging around his neck to get his attention before snapping, "Oh, so I have to avoid Nate forever, but you can bang anything your field of vision?"

Turning to bimbo number two, he did a shooing motion with his hand and then came back to face Blair. His attitude was bored, yet cagy as he drawled, "I didn't say forever... just until the sight of the two of you together doesn't turn my stomach."

Meeting his eyes determinedly, she asked softly, "And when will that be?"

"Only time can tell, I'm afraid," he said quickly, then stopped himself. There had been a slight halt in his speech, but if he thought he'd said too much, it didn't show in his face.

Blair knew he had.

She jumped on the opportunity: "We were friends once, Chuck. Why don't we just give up the game and admit we both lost? Isn't there someone else you can torture?"

His eyes burned her skin, traveling up her figure in an attempt to disconcert her. The feel of that hot gaze on her skimpily covered body only caused a familiar warmth to pool in her belly, remembering that he'd seen, touched, and tasted every inch of her wearing much less. She had spent a great deal of time scrutinizing herself in the mirror before choosing this tiny red and white bikini, taking great pains to make sure her body didn't show the trouble she was in.

Most likely in spite of his great effort, the desire he still felt for her was reflected in his passionate eyes.

Climbing down from his throne, he stood within inches of her and whispered throatily, "There probably is, but I choose you. So unless you want dear Nathaniel to find out that you lost your virginity to me in the back of a moving vehicle, I encourage patience and restraint."

Then he walked away from her without another glance and without giving her the chance to tell him that Nate was the last thing on her mind.

Walking away from Blair was getting increasingly harder. Chuck had only been within feet of her twice in the last week and both times he had lost his control over his mouth. Apparently he would need to continue to avoid her completely until he could figure out how to hold his tongue.

He had been so preoccupied with getting away from Blair that he didn't notice he was about to run into her best friend. Literally.

When they collided, Chuck had to save face as always, so he asked, "Why don't I turn that one-piece into a no-piece?" It was an attempt to annoy her, which was a favorite pastime of his and yet it would distract her from his fault in their little accident.

Serena rolled her eyes at him and responded, "Find a floaty to talk to Chuck." Mission accomplished; she didn't notice his bemused demeanor or that he had run into her.

Of course, he couldn't leave well enough alone, now.

"You know," Chuck began, "if my dad and your mom come back from South Africa tomorrow engaged, we'll be brother and sister. You know what they say: the family that plays together, stays together."

"Ah, incest: the universal taboo," her response caused him to chortle at her attempted nonchalance. "One of the..." she tilted her head, "only ones you haven't violated yet."

Lowering his eyes to her body and then looked back up at her through his lashes he lowered his voice and said, "Well I'm game if you are."

Serena leaned forward as if to kiss him, but then knocks the drink out of his hand and grabbed the whistle hanging around his neck. The same one her best friend had just been tugging at.

She gritted her teeth, "Listen, Chuck, I'm tired of your games. And not even the ones that affect me." Releasing the whistle from her grip, she sighed, "I'm tired of seeing my best friend so miserable."

Chuck stood bewildered as she strode determinedly away from him.

Blair? Miserable?

Looking into the pool, he could see her laughing and rolling her eyes at something that Cati had said. She didn't look in any way miserable.

Then what was Serena talking about?

Chuck's attention was grabbed by Nate right before a tussle broke out next to the pool and someone went headfirst into the water.

There was an assembly with the majority of the Junior class of Constance and St. Jude's. There was a long essay assigned to explain why they were on school grounds after hours. There were threats of expulsion.

None of this worried Chuck. Not even the fact that the key that got them into this situation was currently in his possession.

It wasn't the first time he and his group of friends had been in this situation and they knew how to keep any details quiet. And he knew Serena could find a way to keep her Brooklyn charity project's mouth shut if necessary.

He was actually having a pretty decent day, all things considered. Even though he was separated from Blair. Even though seeing her hurt him as usual. Even though he was confused by both Blair and Serena's words the night of pool party. There were things wrong with his life that he didn't have the power to change, but he wasn't worried about anything at all...

Until he found Nate sitting in the courtyard the next day, seemingly engrossed in the writing of his assigned essay.

Chuck slid onto the bench next to his best friend and scoffed, "You're taking that paper seriously."

There was some furious eraser scrubbing before Nate replied, "This isn't a paper, it's a heartfelt letter to Blair."

"A heartfelt letter?" Chuck's stomach dropped to his toes, but he asked in disgust, "Who spayed you, man? Blair doesn't even want you; she's been crystal about that."

Surprisingly enough, Blair was staying away from the blond as he asked, now that he'd come back. It was puzzling that his presence changed that, but it wasn't something he was going to complain about. Keeping them apart had been the plan and it was working perfectly.

Until it wasn't.

A satisfied smirk lifted Nate's lips as he taunted, "Didn't seem that way when she kissed me at the pool."

"She kissed you?" Chuck asked, his stomach turning over rapidly as he suppressed a nervous gulp.

"Well, I kissed her..." Nate thought for a moment, then answered, "but, yep."

There was a cold hole growing in Chuck's chest as he stared at his clueless best friend. Clueless as to Chuck's connection to Blair. Clueless as to how much this knowledge was hurting him.

His morbid curiosity not yet satisfied, Chuck couldn't help asking: "Well, was she, like, into it or was she more like-"

"Of course she was into it, man, what'd you think?"

"Yeah, I know, but uh," Chuck stuttered, "you know Blair."

"Yes, I do," his best friend replied, a strangely mischievous look on his face. "I just think she wants me to suffer a little more, you know? Even the playing field? It's worth it..." Nate leaned in and winked, "believe me."

Now Chuck's skin was crawling all over and it was getting a little hard to breathe. He got up from the table, quickly muttering some excuse about something vague, then stalked away from the table and around a corner to catch his breath.

It was one thing to believe that Blair had gone straight from his arms to his best friend's, but entirely another to have that friend confirm it.

Everything in Nate's tone and manner oozed debauchery regarding his knowing with Blair. A part of Chuck had denied the possibility that Blair hadn't given herself to Nate after Cotillion, but the lengths she went to in order to prove that she had chased after him, Chuck, had given him some hope. She had been so remorseful about hurting him that he was twisted even more firmly around her finger, leading him to believe that her infidelity had extended only so far as her mouth.

She had betrayed him with her body; the one that she had given him for the first time and over again multiple times. She had given it to his best friend without a thought to how much it would hurt him. She had made him her only and then made that mean absolutely nothing.

To say that she had crushed him was an understatement. To say that he was heartbroken wasn't enough.

Chuck began to grow numb, the welcome feeling overtaking the crushing sensation in his chest. He held out no hope now that Blair would be anything more to him than a mistake he shouldn't have made. He would make it through the pain of that knowledge and live to make her regret it.

Whomever said that hope springs eternal was sadly mistaken.

Contradiction seemed to be his lot in life now: he was upset, but he still loved her; he wanted to punish her, but he still wanted to take her in his arms and take away her pain.

With what he knew now, he had no idea why Serena thought Blair was miserable. It sounded like she had all she wanted, actually. A pang inside his battered heart longed to be that thing she wanted so badly. No matter how much his heart loved her, his pride was winning out this time.

If it didn't hurt so much, he might admire her ingenuity. He'd fallen for her ruse hook, line, and sinker. Giving him hope that she wasn't truly the tramp she turned out to be had almost won her the war. He'd almost conceded the victory to her and forgiven her for her treachery.

Now he was going to make Blair regret the hope she'd given him.

He was going to make her pay.

Blair was leaving the Headmistresses office, inwardly cringing at her time in the hot-seat. She didn't mind trying to pull the wool over the older woman's eyes, but more words came out than Blair planned when she sat across from Ms. Queller.

"I'm innocent," she had said, and it didn't seem like she could stop herself from qualifying it. "Well, except for a crime of passion. I did something stupid with someone and even worse than doing that stupid thing, I almost did that same stupid thing with someone else and pretended I had never done that thing before..." Noticing the bemused expression on the older woman's face, she tried to act like she meant to confess. "You look confused... should I walk you through it?"

Blair had been so mortified at her outburst that she almost forgot her planned response to the expected questions. Luckily, her mind caught up and the rest of the interview went smoothly.

But she was left with the feeling of unease at her inability to keep her mouth shut. Blair told herself so often that she should have done things differently that night, but now she had accidentally started confessing it. Out loud. To a stranger. What if she had told Queller that the key was Serena's? What if she'd told every secret that the four friends had between them?

What if she had blurted out that she might be pregnant?

It seemed that her lack of sleep was starting to catch up with her.

Of course, it could have something to do with Chuck's return and how unsettled she'd felt since taking his hand. That first skin-to-skin contact after so long and so many days of longing had shaken her deeply. His absence had been excruciating, but his presence in her life now made had her more disoriented than ever. The attitude with which he treated her was confusing, conflicting with what his eyes told her each time he glanced at her.

Something big would have to happen to put an end to this awful mess they were in. The script that they were acting out need a major re-write.

Hopefully it would come before the status quo destroyed her completely.

A/N: Let me know what you thought!