Kate
It had been over a week and with the help of Tadashi, I moved back into my apartment. I still hadn't found the right time to follow through on my promise to Hiro though. And now that I was sleeping alone, the nightmares were out of control. I woke up most nights crying and struggling to breathe but I never told Tadashi. I have to learn to deal with this by myself. I can't just run to Tadashi every time I have a nightmare.
Tonight's nightmare was worse than normal and caused me to wake up screaming. Tears streamed down my face and I slowly sat up, staring at my hands. I couldn't stop the shaking. I felt my stomach lurch and I rushed to the bathroom. Falling to the ground in front of the toilet, I emptied the contents of my stomach. Panting, I used the counter to pull myself up before rinsing my mouth. I walked to the kitchen slowly, still trembling. There was no way I was going to make it through my classes today. I couldn't even make it to the couch in the living room. I collapsed in the kitchen and leaned up against the wall. I wasn't going to try getting up again.
Two hours later, I was still on the floor. I heard my phone go off in the other room but made no move to get it. I guessed Tadashi was the one texting me. He was probably worried because I wasn't in lab yet. I sighed and crawled to my phone to check the message. I was right. "I'm fine. Working from home today." I sent the message, not being able to think of a real excuse. Another hour passed and I ignored all other messages sent to my phone.
I jumped at a knock on the door. Confused, I slowly made my way to the door. Tadashi? A piece of paper slid under the door and I stopped. I knelt down to read it and my breathing hitched. It's not over. Not yet. I started crying again as I backed away from the door and to the counter. They're here. Of course it's not over. If they get ahold of my project, it will never be over. Maybe I should quit and destroy my data. My project could be used to hurt a lot of people. But it could also help a lot of people. What about the people who need it?
"I don't know what to do anymore!" I dropped to my knees and put my head in my hands. I heard another knock at the door and jumped up, grabbing a knife.
"Kate?" I didn't answer. I just stood there, shaking with the knife in my hand. The voice didn't stop calling for me but I didn't make a sound. My grip tightened on the knife as I watched the doorknob turn. I could have sworn the door had been locked. "Kate? What's going on?" My eyes widened. It was Tadashi. How had I not recognized his voice? He looked at the knife in my hand and spoke gently. "Kate, it's okay. No one is going to hurt you." I stared at him and then dropped the knife. He approached me cautiously and pulled me into his arms.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I should have known it was you." I cried into his shirt. "How did I not know it was you? I heard your voice. What's wrong with me?"
He hugged me tighter and whispered. "It's okay. We'll figure this out, Kate." He led me to the couch and I curled up next to him. "Maybe you should see a counselor."
I hated that idea but he was probably right. There was something wrong with me. "I think I'm going crazy."
"Hey. You are not crazy. We'll get help, okay? You went through a lot." I should tell him.
"Tadashi?"
"Yeah?"
"I need to tell you something."
"So tell me." I pulled away.
"It's not that easy, Tadashi."
"Kate, just tell me. Nothing you can say is going to change how I feel about you."
I looked down at my hands in my lap but spoke, "I remembered. I remember everything but the faces." I paused and took a breath. "Tadashi, they tried—" My voice broke but I tried to keep going. Whispering, I continued, "They tried to rape me." I couldn't look at him but he hugged me close and stroked my hair.
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop them. But I will never let them touch you again." I cried against him and he continued to hold me close.
"It's not over. That's what they said. It will never be over," I whispered. He put his hands on the sides of my face and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears.
"I promise you that I won't ever let them hurt you again. Okay?" I wanted to believe him. I really did. But I just wasn't sure. I loved him but could he really protect me from them? Could anyone protect me from them?
Instead of telling him this, I whispered, "Okay."