Hope you all enjoy this one…see ya next week…
Chapter 33- Don't Lose Faith in Me
The soft sound of rain whispering against the windows of their hotel room pulled Jane from a comfortable slumber. With heavy eyelids, she struggled to abandon the contented dream of her and Maura and the life she hoped they would one day share together. Blinking a few times, it took a minute to adjust to the muted iridescent light that filtered through the half closed blinds across from where she lay. She could barely see the dark, cloudy sky that was obscured by the horizontal slats that hung in front of the windows. 'Glad the rain held off until this morning' the thought passed through her mind as the warmth of Maura's naked body pressed against her own causing tingles to travel over spots where their skin made contact. Lifting her head just enough so she could look down at Maura, Jane saw that Maura was laying half on and half off of her. A leg was thrown over, settling over one of her own and Maura's left arm lay draped over her waist in what seemed like a protective hold. A honey-blonde head was nestled against her chest just under her chin and slow, even breathing indicated that Maura was still asleep.
Jane let out a long, slow sigh as she placed her head back down on the pillow. No matter how many times she woke up with Maura wrapped around her, it just never seemed like it was enough. Reaching down to run her fingers through Maura's hair, she shivered as the soft tendrils slipped through her fingers like silk. She wanted to wake up every day next to Maura, but she knew it was a pipedream at this point. Soon they would graduate and shortly after, they would go their separate ways to the colleges of their choice.
Moving her hand from the softness of Maura's hair, she began to unconsciously trace her fingertips along Maura's arm, up and down in gentle strokes. Even the feeling of soft skin was unable to veer her troubled thoughts away causing her mind to finally wander to the conversation from the evening before. She had meant it when she said it would be hard on Frankie if Cindy left to go to school in San Francisco, but what she was really thinking was that she didn't know if she could survive not seeing Maura every day. Maura had done her best to reassure her that nothing would change but Jane knew that everything would change. Feeling her emotions rising to the surface, she took a deep breath before exhaling shakily. She was so caught up in her melancholy that she didn't realize that Maura was awake until it was too late to hide what she didn't want to have to explain.
It hadn't been the lazy strokes that Jane was tracing along Maura's arm that woke her up, but the shaky exhale of breath that caught her attention. She felt the tremulous puff of air float across the top of her head as well as the unmistakable tremble within Jane's chest, her current resting place. She could almost hear Jane thinking deep and troubling thoughts and it caused her to tighten her arm which rested around Jane's waist. As carefully as she could, Maura tilted her head so she could look up at the very contemplative expression on Jane's face.
The feeling of Maura shifting within her arms had Jane taking a tentative look down to find hazel/green eyes peering up at her through light colored eyelashes. Concern and uncertainty looked back at her causing the dam she had built against her emotions to crack as a single tear slipped from her eye and rolled down her cheek.
"Oh, sweetheart…what's wrong?" Maura reached up to wipe the tear away with her thumb before moving to trace along Jane's furrowed brow.
"I'm…scared Maura…" The words almost stilled in Jane's throat as she struggled not to cry.
"What? Why are you scared?" Maura's voice was soft as she moved further up Jane until they were face to face.
"I'm afraid of losing you…" Another tear trickled from Jane's eye causing her to squeeze them shut in an effort to stem the flow. She threw her right arm over her face hoping the move would hide the emotions she was having trouble controlling.
"What are you talking about? You aren't going to lose me…" Maura cupped Jane's face preventing her from putting anymore distance between them. It forced Jane to move her arm so Maura could look in her eyes.
"Things are going to change when you go off to school…" Jane shook her head in an attempt to release herself from Maura's hold. The panic she was feeling was welling up at a fast pace causing her to want to shut down.
"The only way that is going to happen is if one of us gives up…and I promise you right here and now, I will not give up…" The words were firm and filled with resolve as Maura made the promise. She watched a shadow of uncertainty darken Jane's already dark, brown eyes. Knowing Jane's proclivity to doubt things, Maura knew she would have to convince Jane otherwise.
The heartfelt declaration was almost enough to convince Jane, almost being the operative word. With a strained smile, Jane nodded her understanding doing her best not to reveal her apprehension, not realizing that Maura had already seen it. Capturing one of Maura's hands in her own, she brought it up to her lips and placed a gentle kiss there, smiling against the warmth of soft skin. The calm that washed over her was instant. Her embattle soul lay bare before the only person who could truly understand, filled with the uncertain doubt that only Maura could sooth away.
"What brought this on?" Maura used the index finger of their still joined hands to brush against a damp cheek, her feather light touch moving down to rest in the dimple of Jane's chin.
Jane sank into the familiarity of Maura's touch. As she was prone to do when emotions ran high between them, she struggled to find her words so she cleared her throat instead. It was a feeble attempt to stall, one that Maura saw through immediately.
"Jane…please…just talk to me." Maura's voice held a soft plea as did her eyes as she looked into Jane's.
"I guess the conversation with Luc about Cindy leaving to go to school in San Francisco got me thinking. I really do think it will be hard on Frankie…I know it's going to all but kill me not being able to see you every day." Jane let out a heavy breath as she finally put words to what she was feeling.
"Yeah…I suppose you're right about Frankie, especially now…" The words were out of Maura's mouth before she could rethink them. She could feel her cheeks grow warm with the blush that was beginning to race over her face.
"Especially now what?" Jane shifted so she could sit up, forcing Maura to do the same. Noticing the uncharacteristic blush, Jane raised a questioning eyebrow as Maura ducked her head so she didn't have to look at her.
Maura didn't say anything as she looked away from the gaze that both questioned and sought clarity. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she pulled them close to her chest in an attempt to guard herself from Jane's inevitable questions. With an anxious sigh, she rested her chin on her knees and thought about what she was going to say next.
"Maura…what aren't you telling me?" Jane's stomach was already twisting into nervous knots when she realized that she might already know. With their previous conversation all but forgotten, Jane was suddenly relieved by change of subject. She knew there was still so much left unspoken between them, but she couldn't shake her uncertainty and she wasn't prepared to share it with Maura nor was she capable of keeping it from her either.
"He didn't want me to tell you…" Maura hugged her legs tighter in an effort to protect herself from the guilt that was making it difficult for her to think. "He said he didn't want it to become a distraction…"
"What? Please just tell me." Jane reached over to push a loose strand of hair away from Maura's face so she could see her better. With the position they were sitting in, Jane found herself looking at Maura's back with a glimpse of a troubled profile. She couldn't help but notice the protective way that Maura had wrapped her arms around herself and it broke her heart that whatever it was that had been troubling her, she was trying to deal with on her own.
"I got him and Cindy a hotel room for the night." The words came out in a rush of air as Maura purged her secret. As good as it felt to finally tell Jane, she dreaded the fact that she had kept it hidden.
"Oh…okay…" Jane blinked a few times as she absorbed what Maura was saying. The admission hadn't been earth shattering in Jane's opinion, but she could tell that Maura wasn't taking it lightly. "And he didn't want me to know about it?" Her voice was soft as she tried to convey that everything was okay.
"He said that he didn't want you to be worried about what he and Cindy may or may not be doing." Maura tilted her head so her cheek was now resting against her knees. In doing so, she turned her head so she could look at Jane for the first time since they had moved away from each other. She quietly studied the myriad of emotions that passed over Jane's face taking note that anger hadn't been one of them.
"Hmmm…." Jane reached out to touch Maura's back in an unconscious attempt to comfort. The move caused Maura to sit up again and turn away. As Jane's hands moved up and over tense shoulders, a sudden thought caused her to stop. "Please tell me they aren't staying here…" She pulled Maura back just enough to look her fully in the face.
"No…no…they are staying on the other side of the city…" Maura tried to reassure.
"Whew…alright then." With one final tug, Jane pulled Maura into her. It was a comfortable position, with Maura's back pressed against Jane's front.
"You're not mad?" Maura's voice was tentative, she had been expecting to see some of Jane's temper.
"Nah…I'm not real happy about it, but I guess that's just the protective big sister thing." Jane said with a shrug of the shoulders. The movement caused Jane's breasts to brush against Maura's back. The feeling of warmth seeping from Maura's skin into her own sent tingling sensations throughout her body. The serious conversation from earlier had dulled the fact that they were still naked, but all of that came rushing back as Maura settled further against Jane.
"Well, you are very good at the protecting part…that's for sure." Maura relaxed into Jane's arms when she felt them go around her.
"Yeah…you think?" Jane shivered as the skin on skin contact continued to distract her.
"Um…Jane?" Maura's voice was soft and somewhat hesitant as she leaned her head back against Jane's chest so she could look up at her. "There's something else I need to tell you."
"And what would that be?" Jane craned her neck so she could see Maura better.
"I sorta had to promise your mother that she could come dress shopping with us today in exchange for letting you stay out all night." Maura's words were accompanied by a sheepish smile.
'Well at least she has the decency to look sorry…" Jane thought to herself. This newest confession wasn't news to her since her mother had already informed her that she would be joining them on their hunt for the perfect dress.
"Okay…" Jane said.
The one word response took Maura by surprise. She had been expecting Jane to be resistant to the idea of spending the day with her mother. "You're not mad that I volunteered you to spend the day shopping for a dress with your mother?" Her voice held a hint of awe.
"If it means I get to spend the night tangled up in your arms…not to mention waking with your body wrapped around mine…then no I'm not mad." Jane slipped her hands around the front of Maura's body so she could run her fingers along the warm skin just beneath full breasts. "Ummmm…see…isn't this nice." She hummed against Maura's neck where she placed several open mouthed kisses.
"Yes…I can see that I made the right decision…" Maura closed her eyes against the sensation of Jane's fingers dancing along the swell of her breasts.
"But don't go making of habit of it…" Jane chuckled as she did her best to lightly chastise the idea of spending the day with her mother. "You know what?" She asked as her lips moved higher until her mouth was resting against Maura's ear.
"What?" Maura closed her eyes against the onslaught of sensations Jane was raining down on her.
"I wish every morning could be like this Maur…" The whispered words brushed against Maura's ear as Jane's mouth moved along down to her jaw line seeking a deeper connection.
Maura's only answer was a shaky breath when Jane's hands moved higher, brushing against her nipples in the lightest of ways. The contact was brief as Jane's fingers moved to trace over a collar bone, but the feeling lingered in the most delicious way. She was having difficulty trying to figure out what to concentrate on, Jane's hands or her mouth. In an effort to give Jane more freedom to move, she tilted her head to the side to reveal more of her neck to wandering lips.
"Do you know how fucking sexy you looked last night wearing nothing by my tuxedo shirt…" Jane growled as she lightly nipped at Maura's pulse point with her teeth before running her tongue over the same spot. Maura shivered at the feeling and the memory of Jane using her mouth to bring her to brink several times the night before. "The way it fell open ever so slightly as you hovered above me, giving me the most tantalizing glimpse of these…" She brushed the palms of her hands over hardened nipples again drawing a gasp from Maura. "Feeling you move against me, watching your body respond to my touch…it's such a rush Maura. Especially this…" Jane moved her left hand down, skimming her fingers down Maura's taught stomach before reaching their destination. "Knowing that only I can do this to you…only I can make you this…" Jane paused as her fingers found what she was looking for. "…wet…" She whispered against Maura's ear.
"Oh God Jane…" Maura arched her back as she sought out a firmer touch. If Jane's hands hadn't inflamed her enough, the whispered words had set her on fire.
"Tell me Maura…am I the only one who can do this to you?" Jane continued to kiss her way along Maura's neck as her fingers continued to move, touch, and explore in the most intimate way.
"Yesssss…." Maura ground out through clenched teeth when Jane's fingers moved over a particularly sensitive spot causing her skin to become even more inflamed with a heated rush.
Holding Maura on the brink was a powerful feeling, one that Jane craved every time she touched Maura. The powerful feeling only grew stronger as words continued to flow from her mouth making her feel dizzy. The need to fill the spaces between them with words almost overwhelmed Jane, as she continued. Her voice was breathless with a need that only Maura could satisfy.
"I love touching you…" Jane breathed against warm skin as her fingers moved down to graze the inside of Maura's thigh. "Kissing you…" She said as her mouth moved over Maura's cheek. "Being inside of you…"
Long fingers moved from Maura's trembling thighs to touch her deeper than anyone ever had both physically or emotionally. A wave a heat rolled over her body indicating she wouldn't last much longer as Jane's gentle strokes became firmer, seeking Maura's release. Sweet relief lay just beyond Maura's reach as unrelenting pressure built in the pit of her stomach, carrying her higher and higher until her climax came, taking her breath away in an explosion of sensation causing time to stand still as her body shook and trembled in Jane's arms. Hearing her named whispered over and over again with breathless wonderment is what brought her back from the wave of pleasure that had crested, almost washing her away with its intensity.
"Hey…you gonna come back to me?" Jane whispered against the top of Maura's head where she nuzzled the soft, silky strands of Maura's hair. Her right hand caressed the soft skin of Maura's side, dropping down to lightly brush against her hip.
As fingertips danced their way up and down Maura's luscious curves, the room began to slowly come back into focus. A strong arm wrapped around her waist, pulling their bodies even closer together than before. The feeling of Jane's body pressed tightly against her own grounded her in a way she knew she would never find with anyone else.
"Do you think it will always be like this?" Maura's voice was soft and somewhat hoarse from fatigue. Laying her head back against Jane's chest, she only continued when Jane gave her quizzical look. "These intense feelings…this need…"
"Hummm…" Jane mused as she reached up to run her fingers through Maura's sweat tangled hair, pushing it away from her forehead. "I hope so…" She placed a kiss on the now exposed forehead.
"Ummmm…I want you to know that I really like when you talked to me. It's really erotic…" Maura said as she turned onto her side so she could see Jane better. She smiled when Jane's response was a raised eyebrow. "Have I ever told you how much I love the sound of your voice?" Maura continued when Jane shook her head. "There is this smoky quality to it, almost mystrious. But when you whisper in my ear…it's soft and warm like velvet gliding over my skin."
"Velvet huh?" Jane tried not to smirk at Maura's description.
"Don't give me that look…" Maura gave Jane's shoulder a light smack in an attempt to prove she was angry but the playful twinkle in her eyes gave her away.
"How 'bout I drape this velvet voice over you one more time…?" Jane said as she moved to pull Maura on top of her.
All Maura could do was squeal as strong arms wrapped around her and shifted her weight until she was straddling Jane's hips. "Give me your best shot." She leaned forward and hovered over slightly parted lips before closing the distance and taking a taste. As she touched, teased, and caressed, Maura found herself getting lost in the delightful sensations that eased over her skin as she took pleasure in the feeling of Jane moving beneath her.
"Oh, I intend to…" Jane was more than happy to take on the challenge that Maura had laid out before her. But as she watched Maura's eyes darken with desire, she realized it was time to let Maura take charge.
"We'll see about that…" Maura pressed herself firmly against the body beneath hers rendering Jane speechless for the rest of the morning.
"Really Ma! Do you have to keep barging in on me when I'm changing?" Jane's voice was somewhat shrill as she quickly pulled one of the multitude of dresses her mother had given her over her head to cover herself. This one was a deep, dark navy blue sleeveless dress that Jane liked the instant it dropped down to just above the tops of her knees. It felt soft against her skin, not scratchy like the last few she had tried on. It hugged her in just the right places, accentuating all of Maura's favorite parts.
"Wow…" Angela stepped back as far as she could in the small dressing room to get a better look. Taking in the dark blue dress she let out slow whistle of approval. "It looks really good on you Jane…"
"You think?" Jane tilted her head as if it would allow her a better look in the mirror. Smoothing down a few wrinkles at her waist, she couldn't help but admire her reflection.
"That color looks really good on you." Angela reached out to place a hand on Jane's upper arm. "You look beautiful." She couldn't help but smile at the contrasting looks between the Jane that had arrived home in her rumpled tux and the Jane standing before her now.
"Well…too bad Maura couldn't see it." Jane crossed her arms and couldn't stop herself from glaring at her mother's reflection over her shoulder.
"Don't you dare start with me young lady." Angela mimicked Jane's posture and glared back. "I can't leave you two alone for one minute." Her cheeks colored slightly at the memory of finding Jane and Maura kissing, rather heatedly in her opinion. In an effort to retain some semblance of control over the situation, Angela had banished Maura from coming back into the dressing room.
Jane had the common decency to look away, an embarrassed expression on her face. Running her fingers through her hair, she gave her mother a sheepish grin as her cheeks flushed the same color as her mothers.
"Anyway…it will be a surprise. Won't it be nice to turn the tables on Maura for a change and be the one with the surprise?" Angela inquired with a crooked grin.
"Yeah, I suppose so." Jane said as she took another look at herself in the mirror. "So you think this is the one?"
"I do…I really do. It looks great on you and I think it will take Maura's breath away when she sees you in it." Angela put her hands on Jane's shoulders as she stood behind her. Peering over Jane's shoulder at their reflection, she couldn't help but smile at what she saw.
"Thanks Ma…um and thanks for not getting angry earlier." Jane mumbled as she looked down at her feet. It wasn't an easy thing for her to show gratitude and admit she had crossed a line all at the same time.
"I'll never be angry at you for being in love Jane…but sometimes…" Angela hesitated as she tried to sort out what she wanted to say. She knew she had to choose her words carefully. "I'm just not used to seeing you be affectionate…with anyone…" The last part came before Jane could respond. "I guess it just took me by surprise, besides, you'll always be my little girl. It's hard watching you grow up and drift further away…" The sadness in her voice also glimmered in Angela's light hazel eyes. "Can I ask you something Jane?"
The seriousness of Angela's tone had Jane turning around so she could give her mother her full attention. "Of course…you know you can ask me anything. I can't promise to always answer, but I'll try my best."
"Um…Frankie and Cindy…did they…?" Angela dropped her gaze down to her hands to watch as her fingers twisted nervously around the front of her shirt. "It's just that when he called last night to say he was staying with Giovanni, there was something…different in is voice…"
"I'm gonna be honest with you Ma…I don't know, but probably." Jane took her mother's hand in her own to stop the nervous fidgeting.
"Okay…" Angela let out a shaky breath, thankful for Jane's honesty, but there was still a sadness that radiated off of her.
"Look Ma…I wasn't much older myself…you know. It was bound to happen…they've been dating for almost six months." It was an attempt to reason away something that even she was having trouble accepting.
"I just feel like I'm losing my babies here…you are both growing up so fast. Watching you fall in love and become more independent has been one of the hardest things I've ever experienced in my life." Angela paused as Jane frowned at her in question. "What I mean is that as wonderful as it has been and don't get me wrong…it has been wonderful, it has also been painful to realize that you don't need me anymore."
Realization dawned on Jane as the words sank in. It wasn't that her mother didn't want them to grow up, she just didn't want to feel obsolete. "Ma, we're gonna always need you…" Jane wrapped her arms around Angela and pulled her into a rare hug. It wasn't something Jane did often, but it suddenly dawned on her that maybe she should.
"Um…Jane…can I ask you another question?" Angela mumbled against Jane's broad shoulder where she rested her cheek. She only continued when she felt Jane nod her head. "Does Frankie know…um…how…to protect himself…I mean does he understand…?"
Pulling back so she could look down at her mother, Jane couldn't keep from smiling. It had been a conversation her and Frankie had shared several months back, one that had her flustered and somewhat embarrassed, but one they had had nonetheless. "Yeah Ma…we kinda talked about it…" Jane couldn't stop the blush from returning. "I did my best to explain the things he wasn't sure about, but you how it is with guys." Angela's furrowed brow and the look of confusion gave Jane reason to explain. "I guess Giovanni hit him up about the subject…"
"Oh, no…" Angela couldn't help herself from rolling her eyes at the idea of Giovanni explaining sex to Frankie.
"Don't worry…I think I undid the damage…" Jane tried not to smirk.
"I guess your father and I dropped the ball on this one…too little too late…" Angela's sad expression returned.
"Hey…you've still got Tommy to traumatize with 'the talk'." Jane laughed as she gave her mother a quick squeeze before releasing her from their hug.
"I'm serious Janie…I'm sorry…" Angela dropped her arms in defeat when she felt Jane release her.
"Um…okay…then let's just start from today. If I have any questions…I'll always come talk to you first." Jane sighed in an attempt to make her mother feel better.
"I probably have more questions than you do…" Angela's voice trailed off as she let her thoughts slip past her lips. She gave Jane an embarrassed smile and shrug of her shoulders before continuing. "I guess I'll leave you to change and we can have them wrap this up." With those final words, Angela turned to leave.
"'Kay…and Ma?" Jane reached out to stop Angela from leaving. "Thanks…"
With a small smile Angela nodded before leaving Jane to change alone.
Sitting with her arms crossed, Maura watched the door to the dressing room with a pout on her face. Angela had banned her from going back in and causing further distraction for Jane. But she couldn't blame her, not really. It had been a difficult task to keep her hands to herself as Jane changed from one dress to another. She hadn't really paid much attention to color or style because her eyes were constantly raking over Jane's toned, bare skin each time it was revealed. In a moment of weakness, Maura gave in to her need to touch and be touched when she thought they had been alone. Angela's presence hadn't come to either of their attentions until they heard a stern clearing of a throat at the door of the dressing room.
"You…" Angela took Maura by the arm and gently pushed her towards the door. "Out…and don't come back in…" She had a sheepish, but embarrassed smile on her lips to reassure Maura she wasn't mad.
The memory of Angela's flustered face, red from the embarrassment she was trying to hide caused Maura to laugh. She sat up straighter when someone came from the dressing room but sat back with a 'Hmpf' when she realized it wasn't Jane or Angela.
Taking a moment of her quiet solitude, she pondered the fact that things between her and Jane only seemed to get more intense as time went by. She had expected that they would settle into a comfortable rhythm with each other that wouldn't require the constant need to feel, touch, or kiss each other. Her mind wandered to the fact that even when they did have the time to sate the desires that held them captive most of the time, it only left her wanting more. Wanting was a foreign concept to her, almost as foreign as the boldness she exhibited now by taking what she wanted without shame. Her whole life had been planned out for her since day one, but with Jane came uncertainty, spontaneity, and an excitement that thrilled and scared Maura unlike anything she had ever experienced in her life. Jane's presence had shifted something deep within Maura, something that had once been out of her reach but now lay open to her. She hoped that it would always be this way between them.
As Angela slipped from the dressing room, her mind still on the conversation about Frankie, it occurred to her that even though she and Jane had talked, they had all but skirted around a subject that made them both uncomfortable. She was grateful for the fact that they had steered clear of any details Jane might know or otherwise not know. It just wasn't in her to talk about sex, especially with her children. It wasn't until she was standing in front of Maura that she noticed the contemplative look accompanied by the pout on Maura's face.
"I'm sorry I had to pull rank on you back there…" Angela hitched her thumb in the direction of where Jane was changing. "But I think you'll like the choice we made."
Maura felt like a petulant child for brooding over the fact that she hadn't been allowed back into the dressing room with Jane. She gave Angela a half-hearted smile in an attempt to show there were no hard feelings. "I have no doubt."
"What's with the serious look?" Angela moved to sit next to Maura who uncrossed her arms.
"I guess I'm just sorry about embarrassing you back there." Maura shrugged away her unease.
"Oh, that? I'm fine…" Angela waved her hands as if to dismiss what Maura was saying.
"Well, for what it's worth…I'm still sorry." Maura sighed as she bit down on her bottom lip.
Angela recognized Maura's unease the second she bit down on her lip. It was something she noticed Maura did whenever she was nervous or unsure. What baffled her at the moment was why Maura was suddenly nervous. "What's wrong dear?"
"Nothing…" Maura instinctively crossed her arms again in a protective stance and looked away.
"It's not nothing Maura…" Angela reached out to place a finger under Maura's chin to stop her from looking away. It was the first time that Maura appeared younger to her, like the teenager she was and not the young adult she was always striving to be.
A heavy sigh escaped from Maura causing her shoulders to heave slightly under the pressure that had built and was now being released. "I guess I just feel so unbalanced…" She shrugged again. The move made her look younger still and Angela regarded her quietly. Angela's steady gaze started to unnerve her so she continued to speak. "With Jane I mean…I feel so out of control when I'm with her…"
A small, knowing smile crept along Angela's lips as she continued to watch Maura. "And you're not used to being out of control, are you?"
With a small nod, Maura indicated that Angela had guessed right. "No, I'm not…and I don't know what to do about it, how to handle it…as you can tell by what you walked into earlier." A light blush colored her cheeks as the memory of being caught kissing Jane came back to her.
"You're in love Maura…it's supposed to be that way. Both wonderful and scary at the same time. This thing between you and Jane…it's special in a way that not many people can understand. It's also something that not everyone gets to experience in their lifetime." When Maura didn't say anything, Angela continued to explain. "It's okay to be afraid, just don't dwell on it…if you do, the thing that makes it wonderful at the same time might just slip past you."
As the words hit their mark, Maura looked into sad hazel eyes and realized that Angela was speaking from experience. "Did it slip past you?" The words came out before Maura realized she was saying them outloud. An uncomfortable silence followed Maura's question before Angela gave the smallest nod in response. It had been so minuet that Maura had almost missed it. "You don't have to talk about it…" She started to say but was interrupted when Angela finally spoke.
"Um…no…it's alright. And to answer your question…yes…my something wonderful slipped past me almost too long ago to remember." Angela sighed. She blinked back a few tears as an image of a young man with jet black hair wearing an Army uniform floated just around the edges of her memory. But as the image became cleared in her mind, so did the dull ache in her heart as she tried to figure out what to say next. "It was before I met Frank. I thought that I had lost him to the Vietnam War, but I think what I lost…was faith in both of us."
"I'm sorry…" Maura reached over to touch Angela on the arm.
"I'm not…" Angela placed her hand on top of Maura's and gave it a little squeeze. "I wouldn't have Janie, Frankie, or Tommy." A small smile creased her lips.
Maura could tell that even though there was an edge of sorrow to Angela's words, she meant what she said. She had made her choice long ago and didn't dwell on it now. It was then that Jane emerged from the dressing room stopping only when she saw the somewhat serious expressions on both Angela and Maura's faces.
"Come on Ma…we both said we were sorry. Don't give Maura a hard time…please." She said the last word as an afterthought having misinterpreted what she was seeing. Maura couldn't stifle the giggle when Angela rolled her eyes at Jane's comment and even though Jane couldn't see it, she sensed it. "Hey…did you just roll your eyes at me?"
"Yes…" Angela stood so she could face her daughter. "Yes I did, and I wasn't giving Maura a hard time…at least not much." She gave Jane a light pat on the cheek, followed by a smirk. "I was just telling her how much she is going to love the dress we picked out…"
"Oh…um okay." Jane gave an apologetic smile. Even though she believed what her mother had told her, she could still sense an undercurrent of sadness. Reaching a hand down for Maura to take she tried to push away the feeling that there was something else going on. "Hey…come'er you…"
Taking the hand offered to help her up, Maura allowed Jane to pull her to her feet. She wanted to land in Jane's arms but instead took comfort in their still connected hands.
"Now…let's get outta here, time to feed the beast…" Jane rubbed her stomach to indicate which beast she was referring to.
"It never ceases to amaze me at how much food you consume and still stay so thin." Angela griped.
"Yeah, well…I have a fast metabolism…" Jane griped back as she gave her mother a light shove. "Don't blame me. I get it from Pop…"
"Yeah…well, wait 'til you hit 40…" Angela grumbled.
"Ma…you're not 40 yet…" Jane huffed.
"I will be soon enough…" Angela's huffed back.
Both Angela's and Jane's voices faded into the distance, their light hearted bantering disappearing into the background as Maura followed. Her thoughts drifted away from the conversation and settled on one word, 'faith.' That one word filled her with both hope and fear as she realized that it had the power to ensure her happiness or the potential to break her heart. 'I won't lose faith…' She thought with a firm resolve as they left the story behind.