A/N: Do not adjust your set, this is an update within two weeks. Although it's short, I didn't want to leave you all without an update this weekend. I hope you enjoy this part as it's one part I was dreading actually writing. And I know that it's been skimpy on Chuck point of view, but that should change in the next few chapters. There's just a lot going on with Blair right now.

This hasn't been beta'd, but my wonderful co-mod Isa did preview it to make sure you'll like it. ;)

SPECIAL THANKS to everyone who's still with me!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf, I just want to prove they can stand by each other through anything.

Chapter 36

"I Am (All That I Fear)"

Blair woke with a start and reached for the empty side of her bed for the first time in weeks.

She'd had a terrifying dream that she'd lost Chuck to some unknown force and needed to feel him safe beside her. When she realized her dream was actually a warped version of her reality, she burst into tears. The more she cried, the more sick she felt and soon she was running for the bathroom, losing whatever was left in her stomach from yesterday into the sink while she ran the water.

Staring at herself in the mirror, taking in her dark eyes framed in even darker circles, above her colorless cheeks, she looked like a ghost. That wasn't Blair Waldorf, Queen Bee looking back at her from the glass, that was a terrified little girl who didn't know what the hell she was doing. Someone who had no business being pregnant. Someone who should do the sane thing and stop the madness before it went any further.

But she couldn't.

No matter how much her instincts screamed at her to save herself from the heart break of what her future held, it didn't change the fact that this was a life growing inside of her. A life that was part of her and part of the boy she loved. God help her, the boy she still loved so much it made it hard to breathe. No matter what he'd done, she still held their happiest memories inside her otherwise hollow heart. She still cherished every moment they'd spent loving each other.

Which meant she loved this baby, too.

The thought hit her like a ton of bricks, causing her knees to buckle slightly. She had to catch herself on the counter to keep from falling. Threads of the vehement denial she'd been clinging to unraveled and she saw her situation plainly for the first time since Cotillion: she was pregnant. She was a junior in high school and she suspected she was having Chuck Bass's baby. This was her reality.

It was time to make sure this wasn't a figment of her imagination.

Her hands were shaking as she reached into the drawer in her bathroom counter and took the box in her hand. She'd hidden it there the night before, just after breaking up with Nate and just before collapsing from exhaustion.

After doing what was required to get the test going, she dashed into her bedroom and grabbed her phone to time it. She barely registered that it was four-thirty in the morning, that she'd slept for about twelve hours before waking up from that horrid dream. The dream which started the strange chain reaction that had her taking a pregnancy test in the middle of the night.

Lying back on her bed in the dark, the silence in the room haunted her. Like every second of her life was ticking by, begging her to ignore this turn her life was taking. Echoes of her memories in this room reminding her what she'd be giving up if she went through with the hand she was dealt. The silence was deafening, reminding her that she was alone.

It was the longest five minutes of her life.

When her phone began to beep, Blair sat up like a shot and stared at the open bathroom door. The test was lying where she left it on the counter, holding her answer; no more waiting for this to go away on it's own. For her body to have been mistaken. Her life was literally about to change and she had to was make herself stand up to confirm her condition.

It was quarter after five when Dorota found her there, still sitting on the edge of the bed, still staring at the open bathroom door. The maid looked at her warily and then walked slowly crept toward the bathroom. When Blair didn't stop her, she peeked inside the door, where Blair knew the test was in plain sight.

The woman turned her kind face to Blair and asked softly, "I check?"

Blair considered this for a moment, then, with her lower lip quivering, she nodded and whispered, "Please." The woman who had been everything to her that Eleanor never could be, who had practically raised her, was the right person for this job. She'd never been so grateful to have Dorota in her life than right then, proving that she was never totally alone. Then she closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing while the decision to check the result was taken from her trembling hands.

When Dorota's steady hand touched her shoulder, Blair eyes snapped open and she started to sob. She didn't really need to hear the answer spoken, she could see it on her long-time companion's understanding face.

"Positive, Miss Blair."

It was as bad as she'd thought it would be. No better, no worse. Even though she'd been holding onto that last shred of hope, she'd never expected that hope would prevail. She'd lived in a world of hopelessness since Chuck fled to Monaco; it was a place she'd learned to navigate very well. It wasn't going to beat her when it came crashing down.

But right now she was wrapped in her maid's arms, quietly crying, desperately wishing that Chuck was there. In this moment she'd give just about anything for him to be holding her right now. That he could be part of the moment she knew for sure they were going to be parents.

Once her shudders stopped, Dorota pulled away and looked her in the eye, the older woman's cheerful brown eyes as serious as Blair had ever seen them. "You tell Mr. Chuck." Then Dorota walked out of her room without another word, leaving Blair to follow her downstairs for breakfast. There was no explosion of anger, no forcing her to make a decision that she wouldn't. Just an admonition to tell Chuck that they were bound together for life at only seventeen years old.

Another tear fell down her cheek as she decided that she couldn't burden him with this.

Chuck could never know.

A/N: Again, I'm sorry this was short, but I'm trying not to lose momentum. Next chapter should be longer and very eventful. Here's hoping you liked what you read!