A/N: This will be the last T rated chapter of this fic …
Saturday mornings in prison always made Emma feel particularly lonely. Her friends all disappeared off to see their family and friends and the blonde was left alone. Even French's father was making his rare visit this week. The only person Emma knew who wouldn't be at visitation was Regina and the older woman had deliberately avoided the blonde every time they had seen one another since their kiss and subsequent conversation in the broom closet that Monday.
Emma was angry. It wasn't that Emma didn't like Regina. She did. More than she should. But the older woman was infuriating her by refusing to allow Emma to make her own choice. Regina had all but shut their budding relationship, or whatever two heavy make out sessions qualified as, down without asking the blonde what she wanted. Emma didn't like to be told what she could and couldn't do and she certainly didn't like being told who she could or couldn't be with. Sure, she understood Regina's reasoning, but Emma wanted the opportunity to properly speak to the brunette about what was going on between the two of them. Instead, Regina had declared they couldn't see each other and had managed to avoid talking to the blonde all week.
As Emma lay in her bed, her hand drifted subconsciously to her stomach. It was doing that a lot lately. The blonde thought about the tiny human growing there. She realised she had next to no idea what was going on inside her. Remembering French was at visitation, Emma figured now was the best time to go to the library and look for books on pregnancy without letting on to her friends that she was expecting.
Making her way towards the library, Emma enjoyed the quiet of the corridors which always came with visitation days. Slipping into the deserted room, Emma glanced around, wondering where to start. She had never been inside the library without French and hadn't paid any attention to the way the books were organised. She ran her finger along the nearest shelf, scanning the titles before her. They appeared to be legal books, stereotypically common in prison. Moving further into the room, Emma found books on history, science, text books for school, and collections of other random subjects. Nearing the back, she spotted a small stack of books. The top one had a baby on the front of it. Picking them up, Emma thumbed through the titles. They covered pregnancy, birth, and early childhood. Looking around, the blonde confirmed she was still alone in the library before taking a couple of the pregnancy books and settling herself on the floor, her back resting against the shelves. Opening the first title, she began to read.
Emma jumped when the door slammed shut. Dropping the book she had been reading to the floor, she peered through the shelves, looking for who had entered the library. Frowning, Emma squinted, trying to work out what she was seeing. Two sets of legs, both clad in prison issue trousers stood close together, against the door. A moan echoed through the open space and Emma's mouth fell open as she realised what was happening. As quietly as possible, the blonde placed both books back on the pile and crawled to the end of the shelving unit, peering around the edge and looking towards the door.
Red's hair was unmistakable, the namesake stripe obvious from Emma's hidden position. The brunette was pressed up against another woman, locked in a passionate embrace. As Emma watched, Red's hands drew up from the waist of the woman before her to tangle in brown hair. The hands of the other woman slid around, pulling Red closer.
Emma gasped as the two women broke apart and she saw the other girl's face. Red's head whipped around at the sound, staring into the green eyes of her bunkmate.
"Emma!" she exclaimed, wiping her mouth as she stood in front of the woman against the door.
"Sorry," Emma stuttered as she clambered to her feet. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll leave."
Red moved away from the door, the shorter brunette following her. Emma walked past, cheeks tinged with embarrassment at having been caught watching her friends making out. As her hand reached for the door, its progress was stalled.
"Please don't tell anyone," French said, her eyes wide and pleading.
"I won't." Emma assured and French released her grip on the blonde's wrist.
When Red walked into their bunk an hour later, Emma was sitting on her bed immersed in The Great Gatsby. She had read the book in school but wanted to reread it after watching the movie. She loved Carey Mulligan's portrayal of Daisy and enjoyed the book even more as she pictured the actors from the film within the prose.
"Hey," Red muttered, sitting down opposite Emma.
"Hi," Emma said, grinning happily at her friend.
"You really won't say anything?"
"No," Emma repeated. "But I don't think you should be ashamed of it. French is great and you guys would be good together."
"Thanks," Red smiled shyly. "Belle's amazing, I'm just not sure I'm ready for people to know about us."
"How long has it been going on?"
"Two weeks," Red admitted. "It's easier to keep secrets in this place than people think. You're the first person to find out."
"You haven't told Snow?" Emma asked, surprised. The two women were very close.
"No, Snow's terrible at keeping secrets," Red laughed.
"Well I'm not so don't worry," Emma said.
"Thanks," Red grinned. "You wanna go for lunch? I said I'd join -,"
"Red." came an abrupt voice from the doorway.
Both women turned to look. Feinberg stood there, arms crossed. The platinum blonde wore her usual sour expression but Emma though she looked even more surly than usual.
"Yes?" Red replied, questioningly.
"Come with me," Feinberg said, stepping backwards into the corridor to wait for Red.
Frowning, Red got up from her bed and walked out of the room and followed the tall blonde. Emma watched her go, just as confused as her bunkmate.
Emma waited twenty minutes for Red to return. When she did, the brunette had a steely look on her face.
"What did Feinberg want?" Emma asked.
"Nothing," Red snapped. "I'm going to skip lunch. I'll see you later."
Red sat down on her bed and picked up one of her new magazines. Despite their room being shared, Emma got the distinct impression she was being dismissed. Annoyed at Red's behaviour, Emma nevertheless got up and walked out of the bunk, glancing once more over her shoulder before heading to the dining hall.
She didn't mention Feinberg's visit to French when the brunette asked Emma shyly where Red was a few minutes later. The two of them joined Snow and Boyd for lunch, the three other women exchanging details of their visitation whilst Emma sat listening to family feuds and friendship problems.
The four women headed outside after lunch, all of them enjoying the increasingly warm sunshine and the arrival of spring. Flowers peeked through the grass, offering a splash of colour and hope to the prisoners. Boyd and French sat on a bench, joining a game of cards whilst Emma and Snow decided to walk the perimeter again.
"Where's Red?" Snow asked.
"She wasn't hungry," Emma said, simply.
Snow frowned. "Never known that girl to turn down food before. I hope she's ok."
"She seemed fine, just didn't want lunch," Emma assured the pixie brunette.
"And how about you Emma?" Snow asked. "Red mentioned you'd been ill a few mornings. Are you better now."
"In a manner of speaking," Emma said. "I'll dealing with it," she added at Snow's confused expression.
"Ok," Snow said slowly, deciding not to press the issue.
The two walked on in companionable silence, enjoying the feel of the sunlight on their skin. Birds flew overhead and a gentle breeze rustled the trees surrounding the fenced enclosure. Emma sighed contently as she soaked in the nature around her.
"Miss Swan," called a familiar voice from behind her.
Emma took a deep breath and turned around. "Mills," she said, almost coldly.
Regina raised an eyebrow at the tone but continued to walked towards the two women. When she stopped in front of them, she looked pointedly at Snow, waiting.
"I'll catch you up," Emma muttered. Snow nodded and stepped away, turning to continue her walk alone. When she was out of earshot, Emma spoke. "What do you want Regina?" she asked, her arms folded.
"I need to talk to you," Regina said earnestly.
"So talk," Emma said.
"Not here," Regina shook her head. "Can you meet me tonight, when the movie is playing?"
"Why should I?" Emma asked.
Regina sighed, running her hand through her long hair. "Because I owe you an explanation, an apology, and I want to give them to you."
Emma looked at the woman before her. She looked tired again, her face was paler than usual and her hair had lost its usual bounce and lustre. Her chocolate eyes however glinted in the sunlight, looking pleadingly up into the blonde's face as she waited for her response.
"Ok," Emma nodded. "Where?"
"Our place," Regina said, reaching out to squeeze Emma's hand briefly before turning and walking away.
As Bridesmaids started playing, Emma slipped out the back of the movie room and made her way down the corridor to the chapel. Pulling the door open, she entered the dark room and waited for her eyes to adjust slightly.
"Emma?" came Regina's voice from the far right corner.
"Yes," Emma called as she began to walk towards the voice.
"Shit!" she exclaimed, rubbing her shin where the chair had hit it. "Why do you have to be so far away from the door in a pitch black room filled with hard obstacles?"
A deep laugh echoed at the blonde's complaint. Emma swore again and continued down the aisle, holding onto the back of each chair to avoid any further injuries.
"Come to the far end," Regina said as she heard Emma stumbling closer.
The brunette reached out her hand as the dark outline of Emma moved towards her. Grasping the blonde's arm, Regina gently guided Emma into the chair next to her and took hold of her hand.
"Sorry, I know meeting in a place with no lights isn't ideal but we don't really have anywhere else to go."
"Except broom closets," Emma pointed out. Regina chuckled.
"Look, I'm sorry about Monday and running out on you like that. Again. Especially after dumping all my emotional wreck of a life on you. That wasn't fair."
"It's ok," Emma said, rubbing her thumb over Regina's hand which was still in hers. She had meant to stay angry with the brunette but she seemed incapable of doing so.
"No, it's not ok Emma. You deserve better."
"But I don't want better," Emma said. "Shit, no that sounded wrong. What I mean is, you don't have to be better to be deserving of me. You're incredible and I can't get you out of my head Regina. You're infuriating, don't get me wrong, but I really like you and I wanna … I don't know what I want. But I know it involves me and you. Together."
Regina leaned forwards, capturing the blonde's lips in her own in a sweet, gentle kiss. Pulling back after a few seconds, Regina squeezed Emma's hands before continuing.
"You do deserve better Emma, believe me. And I want to be better for you. So … Ok I have something to tell you and you have to promise me not to interrupt before you've heard the entire story. Deal?"
Emma nodded slowly before realising Regina couldn't see her. "Yes."
Regina gripped Emma's hands tightly before beginning.
"For the past two years, I've been supplying inmates with cocaine."
"Wh-"
"No interrupting," Regina said, sternly, tapping her finger disapprovingly against Emma's hand before continuing. "I forced Athena to accept delivery of it through the catering business that supplies the kitchens. I'm in charge of ordering the food through my administrative job and one of my old contacts struck a deal with a truck driver. The guards never cottoned on as I was allowed to be in the kitchen because of my admin role. Trident and Feinberg both use, that's why they work so loyally for me. I've been supplying them for half price the entire time. Faery doesn't use but she takes a percentage of the profits made from anything she deals out of commissary. At least she did before that dopey Rose took over. Then she switched to selling from her bunk. That's what Red wanted from me the other week. I was low on supply as something had gone wrong with a delivery and she needed a hit."
"Red uses?" Emma blurted out before she could stop herself.
"What did I say about not interrupting? And not any more she doesn't. I refused to sell to her after your lecture in the yard that day. You were right, Emma. I wasn't thinking about the consequences of these girls taking drugs. Which is why," she took a deep breath, "I've shut the business down. As of today. The deliveries have stopped and Trident got the confirmation from Athena that everything is out of the kitchen. The last of the cocaine we had has been split between Feinberg and Trident in exchange for their continued loyalty to me until I get out in six months. And Faery's bank account has seen a significant increase after she agreed to join them."
Emma's mind whirred as Regina finished speaking. She had so many questions for the brunette. So many things had been explained but there was so much more left to know. She opened her mouth and closed it again several times before finally forming a sentence.
"Why did you start dealing again in the first place?"
"Money," Regina shrugged. "The Feds took everything when I was arrested and I wanted to have a nest egg to come out to."
"Do you?" Emma asked.
"Yes," Regina nodded. "Six figures, but I'm not sure of the exact amount."
Emma whistled, impressed and sickened that Regina had made so much money from young women's addictions.
"So how many girls in here use?" Emma frowned. She had been unaware of a drug problem in the prison but now felt stupid, thinking perhaps she had missed the signs.
"More than you'd think. But cocaine doesn't have such an obvious come down as heroin or other hard drugs so it's difficult to tell who's using unless you know. The girls come to me whenever they need a hit and, until yesterday, I had a steady supply for whomever had the money."
"How did they pay you?" Emma asked, curious. "Surely you don't need hundreds of thousands of dollars in your commissary account?"
Regina laughed. "No, I have a mobile phone hidden behind a loose brick in the bathroom which has a money transfer app on it. The clients signed in, transferred the money and I handed over the drugs."
"Clever," Emma nodded, reluctantly impressed by Regina's business arrangement.
"It served me well, yes. But it's over now. I've stopped everything."
"Because of what I said to you?" Emma asked.
"Not exactly … I stopped for you, Emma," Regina stated, simply.
There was a pause, Emma's mind trying to process everything she had learned.
"What am I meant to think Regina?" she asked at last. "I like you, you know that. But you've been so confusing about … whatever we are. Running away after our first kiss, then leaving in the middle of a conversation and ignoring me afterwards. And now you tell me you're a drug lord who's responsible for leaving my addicted bunkmate to go cold turkey. I'm not saying you should have continued dealing but … Why are you doing the right thing now?"
Regina hesitated before answering. "I have been inside for two and a half years Emma, and until a month ago, I cared about no one but myself. And then I met you. Everything changed. The risks I was taking, the immoral decisions I made. They all started to matter. You're a good person Emma." Emma snorted. "Ok you're in prison but that isn't really your fault and you don't deserve to be labeled a criminal. In fact, you deserve the best in life. I knew I couldn't give it to you if I continued to deal and exist in the shady underworld of drugs. So I decided to do the right thing because I want to be worthy of you. I want to give this, us, a try. If you want the same thing…" Regina's voice trailed off as she waited for the blonde to answer.
"Us?" Emma asked.
"Yes," Regina replied, lacing the fingers of their still joined hands together. "Me and you. I want to see if we could be something because I've never felt the way I do about you before. Not even with Danielle."
"I've never felt this way either," Emma admitted.
"How do you feel Emma?" Regina asked. The blonde shivered at the seductive sound of her name on the brunette's tongue.
"You make me feel alive. Like anything is possible. You make me feel special, wanted, beautiful. My heart beats faster when I am near you and when we're apart, I can't get you out of my head. You're consuming every aspect of my life and it scares me. But in a good way. The warmth I feel when I'm around you is addictive. I want to be closer to you. I want to know you, really know you. And I want you to know me too."
Emma stopped speaking, afraid she had said too much. She bit her lip, waiting for the brunette to respond.
Emma gasped as Regina's lips clashed passionately with her own. The brunette clambered awkwardly into Emma's laps, straddling her thighs and wrapping her arms around the slender neck, never once breaking the kiss. The blonde grasped Regina's waist, squeezing slightly before sliding the older woman further up her lap, drawing their cores closer together as their mouths moved sensuously against one another.
Pulling away after a minute, Regina rested her forehead against Emma's, breathing heavily.
"I'm so glad you said that Emma," she husked, "because I feel exactly the same way."
Both women were smiling as their lips joined once more.