A/N: There were days when I didn't think this chapter would ever make it to you. Please accept my sincerest apologies for the eight month wait between chapters of this story. -sigh- Before you plan your flames, please understand that four days after the last chapter was posted there was a death in my family. I am very close to my sister-in-law. Her pregnancy was a source of incredible joy to my family and we were glued at the hip, shopping and planning. A week before her due date her daughter stopped moving inside her; she had passed away before she could be born. It took me a very long time before I was able to even consider getting into a writing mindset for If Only again, before I could look at a pregnant woman or a beautiful baby again without bursting into tears. This is not an attempt to gain sympathy; I was only explaining why it took me so long to update and I hope I still have readers out there. I am incredibly sorry for leaving everyone hanging for so long.

Thank you to my girls at FanForum, on my board, for all the support you've given me during my time of grief. Your love was immeasurably valuable.

SPECIAL THANKS to my darling Isabel, the best co-mod ever, who gave me her permission to hold onto this while I wrote another chapter after she'd read it to make sure it meshed with the previous chapter. :P Wasn't that gracious of her? LOL. LOVE YOU ISA!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gossip Girl, Chuck Bass, or Blair Waldorf. I just want to prove that two people, who are meant to be together, will find their way back to each other when the timing is right.

Chapter 38

"(We May Not) Make It Out Alive"

With his back grinding against the harsh brick wall, Chuck had an odd thought run through his head: if it wasn't for this coat, his back would be pretty scraped up by now. Here he was, with Nate's hands around his neck, Blair watching the scene with that terrified look in her eyes, and he's thinking about his wardrobe.

Maybe it's the lack of oxygen.

Upon that realization Chuck made the attempt to push Nate away, and the other boy loosened his grip slightly, but not much.

"Did you sleep with her, huh?" Nate accuses.

How do you tell your best friend you've screwed his ex-girl seven ways from Sunday, not realizing you were falling in love with her in the process? Chuck knew this was a betrayal. He deserved whatever punishment Nate wanted to dish out. It was actually a relief to give up the charade, yet he couldn't bring himself to utter the words that would further damn himself in his friend's eyes.

When Chuck didn't answer, Nate's grip tightened again, reading the truth in his friend's silence. "You son of a bitch, I oughta kill you." Staring into Nate's livid face, Chuck resigned himself to taking this justified punishment like a man...

Then Blair took those two steps forward, like she was going to break this up herself, and shouted, "Stop, Nate! You're hurting him!"

Chuck flicked his eyes over to meet hers for a second, saw the fear she held in them for his safety, and grabbed Nate's hands, pulling them from his throat. "Look, could we talk about this without your hands around my neck?" He straightened his clothes a bit, trying to appear unfazed by the situation for Blair's sake. He couldn't have her doing something stupid; she could get too close and get hurt, which would be even worse if he was correct about her hypothetical condition.

"What'd you do?" Nate asked as he shoved Chuck back into the wall, "Did you get what you wanted, like with all those other girls?"

Chuck went willingly against the wall as it put him further from Blair, keeping her out of the fight. Crossing his arms over his chest, Chuck slowly shook his head. "No, Nathaniel." He met Blair's eyes, "There's never been a girl like Blair... It's not my fault you didn't see it."

Nate followed Chuck's gentle gaze over his shoulder, growing exponentially angrier when he saw the expression reflected on Blair's face. "Oh, so somehow you screwing Blair for sport is my fault?"

Unable to control his anger, it was Chuck who shoved Nate this time, but he made sure to push him in a direction opposite of Blair. "It wasn't for sport! Blair's too important-"

"Oh, so you cared about her?" Nate scoffed, incredulously.

Scrubbing a hand through his hair, Chuck could see the argument being its final tailspin. "You guys were broken up..."

"For how long, a week? An hour?" Nate grabbed the lapels of Chuck's coat and shook him. "How long had you been waiting for your chance to steal my girlfriend, Chuck?"

Knowing that no matter what he said, there was no way to salvage a friendship that was closer to brotherhood. He sighed and met Nate's eyes. "I'm sorry, but she wasn't your girlfriend anymore." He reached out, tried to pat his friend on the arm. "I know how long you and I have been best friends-"

Yanking his arm away, Nate spat, "From now on, you stay away from me."

"Nate..." Chuck began cautiously, putting forth one last effort to calm his former best friend.

Nate, still shaking with his rage, shouted, "Did you hear what I said? You stay the hell away from me, Chuck!"

After watching Nate storm off, Chuck noticed that he and Blair were still surrounded by a crowd of onlookers, filling the courtyard of the school. Class must have released while they were wrapped up in their own personal Fight Club. Giving everyone in the vicinity his most threatening glare, he barked, "Show's over!"

It's then that he notices that everyone in the courtyard is holding their phone... everyone except he and Blair. Taking into account that no one scattered at his demand and that they were still staring at him and Blair, something had obviously hit Gossip Girl about the fight. He quickly grabbed his phone from his pocket and from the corner of his eye he saw Blair following his lead.

Her gasp echoed in his ears.

Looks like the virgin queen isn't as pure as she pretended to be. If Blair Waldorf lied about that, what else might she be lying about? Who's your Daddy, B? Baby Daddy, that is. Two guys in one week? Talk about doing the nasty, or should I just say being nasty?

After reading the snide words, he glanced over at Blair, whose hand was shaking as tears welled in her eyes. Knowing their cover was already way past blown, he took her hand in his to comfort her and led her away from the gathering of gawkers. Once they were alone she broke down, her tears staining his coat as she clung to him. He didn't know what to say, only that it seemed that between his fight with Nate and the Gossip Girl blast, she'd forgotten she was still mad at him.

She seemed to remember herself after a moment because she straightened up and wiped her tears. "Sorry, I'm just so... humiliated." She pulled a tissue from her bag and dabbed at his coat. "And by reacting to lies like that, I've only made it worse..."

Knowing this was his opportunity to both get the truth out of Blair about the possible pregnancy and gain some ground in winning her back, he lifted her chin gently, forcing her to meet his eyes. "I know it's part-lie, but the rest of it, Blair?" He sighed in preparation, "Serena came to me yesterday..."

"Serena needs to mind her own business." Blair squared her shoulders and rolled her eyes. "If you must know: I had a scare. I made the mistake of sharing it with her, but it was quickly rectified. Then Serena the Google Queen just wouldn't believe my body until it was proven unfertilized by an official testing method. I personally have no doubts, therefore I'm ignoring her." She hugged her body and looked away. "Which was a lot easier before she involved you unnecessarily and before someone decided to broadcast unfounded gossip for everyone to read."

Chuck wrapped his left hand around the small of Blair's back and smoothed his right hand's knuckles along her cheekbone. "I just wish you'd been able to come to me," he whispered tenderly, "that we'd been on speaking terms. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me." He felt her body's answering shiver at his tone of voice; her eyelids were hooded, her lips were parted.

When he brought his mouth against her cheek to leave a light kiss he felt her entire body stiffen and knew he'd overdone it.

She backed her way out of his embrace. "Fact is, you weren't. There isn't anything that can be done to change that, Chuck." The bell chimed in the distance, signaling that they were late for yet another of today's classes. "I really should get to class."

Blair started to walk away, but he couldn't stop himself from giving her one last thing to think about. "I just hope this isn't some story you've cooked up because you're afraid to tell me you're pregnant, Blair." She turned towards him to protest and his hand was in the air to stop her words before they left her mouth. In two strides he was beside her again, putting his right arm around her and pulling her close, speaking directly into her ear. "Just so you know, for the twelve hours it was a possibility, knocking you up wasn't the nightmare I once thought it could be."

With that, he kissed her on the neck and walked to his next class, leaving Blair rooted to the spot he'd left her.

There was a cloud of numbness enveloping Blair.

Chuck told her that being a father wasn't his biggest fear and now she didn't quite know what to do with herself. Part of her was resisting the urge to find the nearest dark closet and cry until her lungs gave out; the rest of her was bursting at the seams with joy at this revelation. Then there was a whole different part of her suffering through the anguish of lying to his face about not being pregnant and him accepting that lie as the truth.

All of her needed to keep it together until she could get out of school and this disaster of a day, to privacy and a place where she could sort her feelings out.

So, really, numb was the safest place for her right now.

Ever since the Gossip Girl blast that advertised her deepest, darkest secret for the world to speculate over, she'd been floating from class to class amongst whispers along the lines of what a slut and I can already see a bump. She was trying to appear as if she was paying attention to the few lessons she was managing to attend today, but, in reality, she was soaking up even fewer details than she'd been in her previous heartbroken fog.

By the time that lunchtime came, she was thankful for the respite. Glad to escape to the Met steps, where the hierarchy would rule and she was Queen B, she hoped her brain would start functioning again. Sure that being back in her element would show her that something about her life was still normal.

Approaching the steps, she immediately saw something wrong that she could right: the presence of Little J. Hadn't she banished her in a faraway land where Blair still cared about something that the younger girl had supposedly done to offend her?

"What are you doing here?" Blair sneered at the blond, doing her best impression of her former, more royal-feeling, self.

A tiny bolt of glee lanced through her as Little J muttered, "I was just leaving," and immediately turned to go.

But then it all came crashing down around her again, as everything was lately.

"No," Penelope said to the retreating blond, "stay."

Then the other brunette turned piercing eyes onto Blair and looked her over as if she was wearing an outfit from somewhere dirty. Like Chinatown. "Blair, given you can barely manage your own messy affairs, surely you're not in a position to tell people where they can and can't eat."

Trying to stand firm and maintain her ground, Blair said the first thing that came to mind: "Do you realize who you're talking to?"

That was when Hazel joined the lynch mob. "You mean a self-righteous bitch who always sat on her own high-horse judging everyone else?

"Pregnant little hypocrite," Penelope added, drolly.

Resisting the urge to throttle both girls for perpetuating the rumor that she was trying to kill with the same lie she'd grudgingly told Chuck, she balled both her hands into fists and answered strongly, "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not pregnant."

"Nate must be thrilled," Hazel smirked.

Penelope added, "Chuck, too."

Blair stood silently as the two twits continued to dress her down in front of her subjects. She couldn't refute either Nate or Chuck's involvement; there had been that very public display earlier. And only she needed to know that Chuck was the only possible father of any possible pregnancy. These girls weren't worthy of that information. They never had been. They were only supposed to adore her and do her bidding. Follow her lead, not lead the mutiny against her.

"The whole school saw them throwing down over your cheap ass," Hazel continued, joyously.

Penelope stated, matter-of-fact: "The boyfriend and the best friend."

"Pretty classy," Hazel declared, a satisfied smile on her face.

"Consider yourself dethroned, Queen B," Penelope concluded and walked up the steps, the rest of the girls following her. Kati and Iz at least had the decency to look ashamed at the way they were abandoning Blair. Jenny, however, stayed behind, her cautious eyes on Blair.

Frustrated, Blair rolled her eyes, "What do you want? To gawk? Run along; there's nothing else to see here."

The girl's eyes sharpened indignantly. "Even when you have no one else, I'm still not good enough for you?"

"You don't get it, Little J." Blair smirked, feeling a little of the power she'd been robbed of still flowing through her veins. "You will never be good enough. You can pretend all you want, but you're always going to be a wannabe. No thrift store Manolo's or hand-me-down Prada will change that. You will always be a knock-off version of me."

"Ugh," Jenny cried out in frustration, "You're such a bitch, Blair! I'm so glad I sent that tip!"

Blair reached out and grabbed Little J's arm, squeezing it. "You what?"

"Let go, Blair!" Jenny screeched, trying to escape Blair's grip.

Releasing the blond's arm, Blair took a deep breath to calm herself. "I'm going to ruin you now, obviously." Jenny didn't look sufficiently scared, but this didn't bother her. "If you tell me where you got the details for your little fabrication I will be more lenient."

Fixing Little J with her most determined stare, the younger girl really didn't stand a chance of missing Blair's point: she was going to get this information. It belonged to her. Seconds ticked by as Jenny's resolve weakened under the weight of Blair's will and the girl fessed up with a defeated pout. "Fine! I saw you and Nate go into a hotel room at Cotillion." Then she smirked. "And you really shouldn't throw up in the school bathrooms, no matter how bad the sushi was."

Resisting the urge to smack the smirk off the girl's face, Blair asked, "And Chuck? How did you know about Chuck?"

Jenny straightened her back and squared her shoulders in resolve. "You can threaten me all you want, but I'm not telling you where I got that information, B." She gave a little wave as she walked off. "Enjoy life at the bottom."

Seething with rage at Jenny, the answer to her question floated effortlessly to the surface of her consciousness: there was only one person who knew about Chuck besides Chuck and herself.

Obviously Nate was not the only one betrayed by his best friend.

A/N: Well, there you have it. After all your waiting... another cliff-hanger. Not too bad this time, I hope. :) And, yes, I did take some artistic license with the episode time line to fit my story. I hope you liked it!