Michonne couldn't hide her devastation at the way Negan had reacted to her words. She had never seen him so upset in all the time she'd known him. The way he wouldn't even look at her as she left Alexandria plagued her with guilt.
She'd said what she had to say to get him to calm down. If she'd returned his sentiments she knew he'd never rest until he saved her from Rick. Negan would've stopped at nothing to get her back if she even hinted that she had romantic feelings for him. And Negan would've died, and so would other Alexandrians.
She'd meant what she said. She didn't feel for him the way he felt for her. Maybe with time she could learn to love him, she certainly enjoyed his company, but she couldn't force something just because she didn't want to hurt his feelings. She just hoped her words wouldn't destroy him.
Michonne placed her palms against her cheeks, and slowly rubbed them across her eyes. The events of the day were weighing on her, and so was the stress of being the bridge between her people and Rick. She didn't even want to begin processing how she felt about Rick.
The way her body responded the two times he'd touched her was shocking. There was no doubt that she was attracted to him. Who wouldn't be, with his baby blue eyes, his gray stubble, the muscles in his arm, that southern swag, his bowlegged strut…
Wait what?
Michonne's head shot up. When did she have time to notice all these things about Rick? She certainly wasn't trying to study him, but somehow she'd memorized all these things about him without even trying.
'Stop it' she scolded herself. A school girl crush was the last thing she needed.
Suddenly she got that feeling, that heat she always felt when Rick's eyes were on her. Slowly, Michonne looked up to find him staring at her from the door a few feet away. She felt her face turn red. Did he know she'd just been thinking about him?
Rick knew Michonne had been sulking ever since they'd returned from Alexandria a few hours ago. He thought she was upset because she wanted to stay with her people, but he couldn't help but think her sadness had something to do with the man who'd tried to save her. He had heard their whole conversation, how the man, Negan, had expressed his love to her. How she'd rejected him, and how broken he'd been after that.
He knew he shouldn't care about her personal business and her relationship with that man, but he was curious to know who Negan was, how he'd ended up with Michonne, and what relationship they may have had.
Seeing she had noticed him, Rick slowly walked over to her cage and placed left hand on the wrought iron bars.
"You're upset" Rick stated.
"I'm not" she mumbled, not knowing why she even bothered to answer him.
"I did what you asked. I let him go. I didn't punish him. He's fine."
"I know that" Michonne snapped. "I know you did."
"So what's your problem?" Rick asked, more harshly than he meant to.
"I don't have a problem Rick. I'm fine" Michonne said, dismissing him.
Rick stood before her cage and gazed at her as she actively avoided his eyes. He then reached into his pocket for his keys, causing her eyes to flick upwards towards his. He unlocked her cage and swung it open.
"You're not a prisoner here. Not anymore. You're a diplomat. What I said to your people is true, the only reason I didn't wipe them all out for what that prick did was because of you. Because you convinced me they deserve a benefit of a doubt." Rick shook his head slightly as he spoke. "I think I can trust you. Carl trusts you, and he doesn't trust just anyone. He'd be dead without you, and you were right before. We do owe you."
Michonne's eyes widened at Rick's words.
"You're free to explore the inside of this place. No one is going to lock you up. But, I can't control the nasty looks you're gonna get from my people. They don't want you here. They don't understand why I didn't just make an example of you."
"Why didn't you?" Michonne asked softly.
Rick paused for a moment, taken off guard by her question. He didn't expect her to ask that.
"I think… I think we need you."
As Michonne looked up at Rick, she felt a warmth in her chest, something that was unfamiliar because she hadn't felt it in so long. Her heart rate sped up as she gazed into his eyes. She was needed. He said he needed her. It was a simple sentence, but it made her feel good. She gave him a small smirk.
"You do" she replied matter of factly.
The corner of Rick's lip curled upwards. "I said I think" he emphasized, tilting his head to the side.
Michonne smiled again and Rick returned it. He then took a few steps away from the cage and stopped.
"There's a library we're starting, down the hall and to the left. We only have a few dozen books, but there might be something there you like."
Michonne stood up from her bench, slowly rubbing her jeans with her hands. "Thank you Rick" she replied.
Rick nodded and left the room.
***can08writer***
Michonne had been in the library for a few minutes when Carl loudly made his entrance.
"Dad said you'd probably be in here" Carl said, leaning against the door frame.
"Well he was right" Michonne said, sitting at a chair near the only table in the room, one of her legs tucked underneath her while the other swung off the side of the chair.
"What are you reading?" Carl asked.
"Something amazing" she replied, "full of adventure, weird creatures, distant places, and interesting people." She turned her head to look at Carl slyly, "the Encyclopedia Brittanica."
Carl let out a snort as he laughed. "That is so boring!" he exclaimed.
Michonne smiled. "I grew up reading these y'know. It was before my family had a computer or the internet. The encyclopedia is how I learned about the world. My dad had a full set of 30 books about almost anything you could think of."
"Still sounds boring" Carl said, but he moved closer to peek at the page Michonne was looking at.
"It's fascinating stuff. Look" Michonne said, turning the book so Carl could see, "did you know a Blue Whale's tongue can weigh 8,000 pounds?"
"Really?" Carl asked, "how does it move it?"
"Well considering the Blue Whale weighs 400,000 pounds or more, I don't think it has a hard time."
"I remember learning about them in school" Carl said, "we did a project on marine mammals, but I got stuck with Manatees. The whales were so much cooler."
"Hey, Manatees are cool too. I saw one once. I went snorkeling in Florida and one of them came a few feet from the boat I was on."
"Did it look like a Mermaid?" Carl asked, plopping himself into the chair next to Michonne.
"Not at all. I don't know how anyone could get them confused. Sailors must've been pretty drunk to think they looked like women, but it was pretty cute though."
"That must've been cool, to see that. I kinda wish I got to go more places when the world was normal. I'd never even left Georgia before we came here." A dark look spread across Carl's face. "I'll never get to do any of those things, like snorkeling and going on vacation."
Michonne felt a pang in her heart at the boy's tone. Probably because he was probably right. His life would never be what it could've been without the walker virus.
"Hey" she said softly, drawing Carl's attention from his depressing thoughts. "There's plenty of fun things you can do. And you can certainly go snorkeling one day. All you need is a snorkeling mask and some water."
"Yea" Carl said, but she could tell she wasn't being convincing.
Trying to change the subject, Michonne asked "are there any other kids around here?"
"Besides me and Judith? No. I mean, Maggie is gonna have her baby soon, but… yea. Kids don't survive long."
Michonne's heart dropped. She knew how true Carl's words were. More than he realized. Carl noticed how quickly her mood changed.
"Are there kids where you're from?" he asked.
"Yea, there are a few. Some teenagers, and some kids your age too. If we get this trade deal going and it works out well, maybe you can come visit. Meet some of the kids from my town. Would you like that?"
Carl shrugged his shoulder and his cheeks turned red.
"What is it?" Michonne asked, noticing his discomfort.
"I don't know" Carl said, staring at the encyclopedia.
"You don't know what?" Michonne asked, prodding at him gently.
"I don't know if I'd like that. I haven't been around other kids a lot. What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm weird? My last friend, Sophia, we went through a lot together. She was Carol's daughter. She was my best friend but she died. The walkers scared her and she got lost, and then she got bit. So, I don't know if other kids my age would like me, 'cuz I'm not really a kid anymore, you know?"
Michonne gave Carl a sad smile. This kid had been through so much.
"How could they not like you? I'm sure you'll be fine. All you have to do is tell them some Blue Whale facts. That's a real conversation starter."
Carl gave Michonne a wide grin that she returned, and then his stomach rumbled.
"Man I'm hungry, it's gotta be dinner time" he said, quickly hopping up from his chair, "c'mon."
"Where are we going?" Michonne asked.
"You can come to my house, Dad's cooking tonight."
***can08writer***
Carl walked Michonne down a series of hallways until they reached a closed door.
"You sure this is okay?" Michonne asked nervously.
"Yea, Dad won't care" Carl said confidently, "he said you're free to walk around, right?"
Carl opened the door and entered, tentatively followed by Michonne. They walked into a large open room, with a few armchairs on the left, and a table and chairs on the right. In the corner was a queen sized mattress laid on the floor which sheets were neatly made, and another door that was open slightly, revealing the light on in a small bathroom.
The first thing Michonne heard was a toddler crying and then the sound of a running shower. She turned her head towards the sound which was coming from the bathroom. She got a brief view of Rick, naked from the waist up, wearing nothing but sweatpants as he paced back and forth in front of the cracked open bathroom door. The view of the muscles rippling on his bare back caused her to blush in embarrassment, and his pants hanging just below his hips revealed the two adorable dimples in his lower back.
Despite Rick's body, what really stole Michonne's heart was a tiny face peeking out from over her father's shoulder. A little girl with big brown eyes that were full of tears, and curly blond hair. Rick had his back to the bathroom door as he rocked his daughter from side to side and paced the room with her.
Michonne's heart swelled from witnessing this tender moment between a father and his daughter. The little girl was obviously not feeling well, crying and fussing loudly as Rick patiently held her, talking to her gently as he paced. The deep love Rick had for his daughter was obvious.
"Carl, I think she's comin' down with something" Rick called over Judith's crying. "Her nose is all stuffy. I'm hoping the steam'll do the trick."
"Yea, she was sneezing earlier. Dad…"
"She's been cryin' for the past half hour. I didn't have time to start dinner."
"Ok Dad, but…"
"Do me a favor, go to Carol and see if she knows any tricks I can do to make her feel more comfortable. She probably knows more than I do."
"Dad! I…"
"Oh man, she feels a little warm too. I hope it's not a fever. Okay sweetheart, please stop crying. Daddy doesn't know how to make you stop crying."
"Dad!" Carl yelled.
Rick, finally realizing Carl was trying to get his attention, opened the bathroom door fully and was surprised to see Michonne standing in front of him. His eyes widened, dropped to her breasts, and then quickly diverted back up to her face.
"I invited Michonne over for dinner" Carl said softly.
"It… it looks like this is a bad time" Michonne said quickly, her eyes flicking from Rick's muscled chest, to his crying daughter, and back to his face.
"Uh… uh no. I… um, well you see what's going on" Rick said, gesturing to Judith who was whining piteously.
"Yea" she said. "The steam is good, that'll work if you keep her in there long enough, and try a warm towel on her neck, that might help with the congestion too."
"Really?" Rick asked Michonne, stepping backwards into the steamy bathroom a little so that Judith could continue to breathe it in. "You know about babies?"
"Just a few things" Michonne said with a shrug. "Here."
She joined Rick in the bathroom and picked up a small towel that was resting on the sink. She turned on the hot water and submerged the towel in the steaming water. She then removed the towel and squeezed the water out over and over again until it was just damp and warm to the touch.
"Put this warm towel around the back of her neck. Hopefully it'll decongest her sinuses and her chest. At least if it doesn't it feels nice and warm, it may put her to sleep."
Rick nodded and took the towel from Michonne, wrapping it around Judith's shoulders. He continued to bounce her up and down in the humid bathroom as Michonne stepped out and closed the door behind her.
Carl was in the kitchen removing a loaf of bread from one of the cabinets. Michonne could tell the bread came from Hilltop.
"You like peanut butter and jelly?" Carl asked, holding up a jar of peanut butter.
"I love peanut butter and jelly" Michonne replied. "I haven't had it in over a year."
"Well, you came to the right place. We don't get to eat it often, peanut butter is hard to find. We only eat it on days like this when dad can't cook." Carl leaned in closer to Michonne and lowered his voice. "I like it better than dad's cooking" he added, "don't tell him."
Michonne chuckled and grabbed some plates from the cabinet above Carl's head. "Your secret is safe with me."
Carl lay the slices of bread on the plates as Michonne spread the peanut butter on. Carl then washed the knife and added the jelly. By the time they finished making three sandwiches, and a half one for Judith, and set them on the table, Rick emerged from the bathroom with Judith who was sleeping deeply, her head resting on Rick's shoulder.
"Finally" Rick whispered with a relieved smirk on his face. He slowly lay her on the mattress in the corner of the family's little studio apartment. Rick glanced over at the table to see Carl and Michonne already seated. He grabbed a shirt from a nearby table and slid it over his toned body to Michonne's slight disappointment.
"I think she really needs the rest, but she probably won't be down long" Rick said, joining Carl and Michonne at the table.
Carl slid Rick's sandwich over to him.
"Hey, I'm sorry I couldn't make dinner tonight" Rick said, "Judith wouldn't let me put her down."
"It's okay dad" Carl said, shooting Michonne a small smile, and Michonne smirked back, knowing he was thinking of their little secret.
"Did you get a chance to look around?" Rick asked her.
"I just made it to the library. It's been a while since I had spare time to read."
"What were you reading?" Rick asked.
"The encyclopedia" Michonne responded, biting into her sandwich.
"Did you know a Blue Whale's tongue weighs 800 pounds?" Carl asked Rick.
"It was 8,000" Michonne corrected.
Rick shook his head and laughed. "No, I did not know that" he said, "sounds like a fella I don't wanna mess with."
"Do the kids in your town go to school?" Carl asked Michonne.
"Yea, I mean there aren't many kids but the youngest go to school in the mornings, the older ones in the afternoon. It's just the basics, reading and writing, math, and sometimes history, and science."
"It's been a while since Carl has had school lessons. My wife used to…" Rick began, but his words faded away. He often tried not to think of Lori and what happened to her, but Judith was a living reminder of Lori's death. He knew he hadn't dealt with the grief and guilt that his wife's death had left, but he had more important things to handle. His two children and his community were more important. He'd pushed down his own feelings about the past in order to deal with the present, but those feelings were still there, simmering just underneath.
Carl noticed his father's pause, and then how he began to unconsciously twirl his wedding band as he thought.
Michonne noticed too. And how did she never notice that he had a wedding band on? His wife must've died recently, maybe a while after the baby was born? Michonne kicked herself for being so stupid as to have developed a crush on a grieving widower who she was also trying to negotiate with in order to keep him from slaughtering her whole town.
An awkward silence fell on them as they took a few more bites of their sandwiches.
"My mom used to do school with me and Sophia. Just math problems and stuff, but I haven't since Sophia died."
Michonne nodded. Math problems take the back burner if there are walkers outside your door.
Michonne turned to Rick. "I was telling Carl earlier that once this is all settled between our communities, he'd be welcome to come to Alexandria to hang out with some of the kids his age, or even go to school."
"Would you want to do that?" Rick asked Carl seriously. He had yearned for some semblance of a childhood for his son, but it didn't seem possible. Now, Michonne was offering Carl school, friends, and an education. Things Rick had wanted for Carl but gave up on him ever having.
"I dunno" Carl admitted, "maybe. I'll think about it."
Judith interrupted their conversation with a congested cough and a whine. The sleepy girl pushed herself up from the mattress, seemingly grumpy that they were having a nice meal without her. She whined louder and reached out her arms to her daddy. Rick quickly stood and scooped up the girl from her spot on the mattress.
"Hey sleepyhead" Rick said softly, and Michonne melted at the tenderness in his voice. Rick ran his hands over Judith's hair, and checked her forehead as the girl buried her face in her daddy's neck.
"Still a little warm" Rick said as he carried Judith over to the table and let her sit on his lap. The girl was awake but was no longer crying, so Rick tried to get in a few more bites of his sandwich before he had to tend to her again.
Carl and Michonne carried on a conversation about comics that Carl had read as Rick watched cluelessly, and he was intrigued at how close Carl had grown to this woman in a matter of days. It was like she related to him in a way that Rick never had, and although it was perplexing, he was happy for his son. Rick also couldn't help but notice how well Michonne fit in with his children, and he wondered if she worked with children before the apocalypse, or if she'd had any.
Once everyone had finished their sandwiches, Rick placed Judith in Carl's lap, and got up to clean the plates in the bathroom sink as Carl and Michonne continued to talk. He smiled at himself in the mirror when he heard Carl's hysterical laughing coming from the other room. Soon, there was a knock at the front door.
Rick finished the dishes as he heard Carl open the door and talk to someone.
"I gotta go Dad!" Carl called, "Sasha said she has some free time to train me if I meet her in a few minutes by the gates."
Rick left the bathroom to see his son standing impatiently at the door with Judith in his arms. Carl had been begging for more responsibilities like he'd had at the prison and on the road, but with The Family's numbers ever growing, and the surplus of adults around, Rick was attempting to keep him away from the killing as much as possible. He'd said that Carl could do watch on the gates if Sasha trained him on proper sniping technique thinking Sasha wouldn't have the time or will to do it. To Rick's surprise and Carl's delight she'd agreed.
"Hold up, I was gonna come with you" Rick said.
"You can't, Judith's sick, I'll be fine. I'm gonna be late, see you later Dad, bye Michonne!" Carl called. He dumped Judith into his father's arms and was out the door before another word could be said.
Rick sighed and looked down at Judith, forgetting Michonne was still sitting at the table.
"Just me and you, huh sweetheart?" Rick asked Judith.
Michonne cleared her throat from behind Rick and stood from the table. "I should get going too" Michonne said, although she was fully aware that she had nowhere else to be.
"You… you don't have to" Rick said quickly. "We can uh… talk about the logistics of our trade deal, y'know… how many clothes would be a fair trade for bullets."
Michonne opened her mouth to say that could wait for another time, when Judith projectile vomited all over Rick's hair, shirt, and sweatpants.
Rick and Michonne both froze in shock for a moment, but Judith's cries stirred them into action.
"Shit!" Rick said in shock, causing Judith to get upset and scream louder. "Oh it's alright, it's alright" Rick comforted her.
Michonne ran over to the bathroom and brought Rick a towel so he could wipe some of the dripping vomit from his hair.
"Can… can you hold her for a minute? I'm covered in whatever Carl gave her for lunch."
Michonne froze like a deer in headlights. "I don't… I don't think that's a good idea" Michonne stammered, but Rick was distracted by the vomit and he pushed a crying Judith into Michonne's arms.
"Thanks! Be right back" Rick called as he carefully scurried to the bathroom, trying not to drip the contents of his shirt on the floor.
Michonne held Judith stiffly out in front of her by her armpits, her heart racing. She had no problem helping Rick out with clearing Judith's congestion earlier, but holding her was another story. Judith was the first child she'd held since her son's death, and holding the girl was bringing back memories she'd tried so hard to ignore.
She got a flashback of holding Andre the same way she was holding Judith now, except she was happily lifting the boy up to the night sky so he could pretend to catch stars. Judith's crying snapped Michonne back from her vision.
The girl's tearstained eyes were pleading for comfort, for security. She didn't feel well and she needed someone to take care of her.
Michonne's lip trembled as she looked into Judith's eyes, and she slowly brought the toddler towards herself, tucking one arm under the girl's bottom, and another around her back.
Judith instinctively rested her cheek against Michonne's and that was Michonne's breaking point. She let out a sob and pulled Judith closer, rubbing her cheek against Judith's. The child's crying slowly faded away as Michonne held her, rocking her from side to side as memories of Andre flooded her mind.
Rick had just finished scrubbing the vomit out of his shirt and hair when he noticed Judith had quieted down. He peeked through the bathroom door to see what was going on when he spotted Michonne holding Judith tightly and sobbing almost soundlessly. He was so shocked at what he was seeing that he stared. He felt like a voyeur, a witness to something he didn't think Michonne would've wanted him to see. He watched his daughter who was silently allowing Michonne to rock her, and the woman who a few days ago had been his enemy get something they both needed from each other.
He didn't want to ruin their moment so he slunk back into the bathroom, waited a few seconds and then called "thanks Michonne, I'll be out in a minute!"
Michonne quickly wiped her face and nose at Rick's words. She definitely didn't want him to see her like that. She hurried over to a mirror that was stuck to the wall and tried to hide her tears when Rick re-emerged from the bathroom shirtless. He headed to a clothes chest and pulled out a new T-shirt that he quickly pulled on and then took Judith from Michonne's arms.
He gave Michonne a small smile, still wondering what her mini breakdown was about.
"Thank you" Rick said, "I'm sorry for just throwing her at you like that."
"It's okay" Michonne said quickly, reflexively wiping at her eyes.
"And thank you for saving Carl the other day. I know I said it already, but you deserve to hear it again."
Michonne nodded.
"And also, thank you for getting to know him. I heard him laughing with you when I was washing the dishes. This life, it's hard for kids. I can't be his father and his best friend. It's nice that... that he feels comfortable to talk to you about things he can't talk to me about."
Michonne was surprised at Rick's words. She wasn't really trying to get along with Carl, she just did. He stole her heart without even realizing it.
"I think he sees you as a friend, and I… I appreciate that. But that's a lot of pressure, I realize that. And if you need your space, or you want to take a break…"
"I'm done taking breaks" Michonne said, and her words surprised herself. That's what she'd been doing for a long time. Taking breaks. Breaks from friendships, breaks from reality, breaks from facing her shit, breaks from love. But she was finally done. Holding Judith made her remember that she was still alive, and she could still live, even without Andre.
Rick just nodded. He didn't understand what breaks Michonne had been taking, but he figured it had to do with her therapeutic moment with Judith.
"I'm gonna try to get her to drink somethin' and put her back to sleep" Rick said.
Michonne nodded. "Thanks for dinner."
"My pleasure" Rick said.
Michonne turned and made her way to the door, Rick watching her the entire time. She turned back and looked at the father and his sick daughter one more time before closing the door behind her.
***can08writer***
By the end of the week Judith's illness had run its course, and Carl was spending most of his free time with Michonne. It felt great that he finally had a friend. It had been a long time since Sophia, and he needed someone to talk to, even if she was an adult, but Michonne didn't feel like an adult to him. She was funny, and cool, and always had interesting things to say.
When he wasn't on watch he'd be in the library with Michonne, seeing who could find the most random facts from the volumes of encyclopedias, reading comic books, or telling jokes or stories. It was almost easy to forget the circumstances that brought Michonne to be here with them in the first place.
Maggie had reluctantly accepted Michonne's presence at the factory, although she made no attempt to talk or interact with her. Sasha and Carol had accepted her as well, and although they were nowhere near friendly with her, they didn't scowl in her direction as much.
When it was time to go back to Alexandria for the first trade between the towns, Michonne left with Rick and other members of The Family. Carl was nervous, he didn't know what could happen if his Dad went back to a town that clearly wasn't friendly, and he was worried about Michonne too. He was relieved when the two of them returned hours laters with 6 boxes of bullets.
Rick was smiling from ear to ear, clearly happy about how the trade went, and Michonne seemed relieved as well, although Carl noticed a hint of sadness on her face. Later, Carl went looking for her and found her in the library, where he figured she'd be.
"Hey" he said, plopping next to her.
"Hey" Michonne said, looking up from a paperback book.
"Dad said the deal went well."
"As well as it could go I guess" Michonne said unenthusiastically.
"Do your people even want to trade with us?" Carl asked, his brow furrowed.
Michonne tilted her head to the side and looked up at the ceiling. She really didn't know how to answer that. Her people were doing what they had to do to not get attacked.
"My people don't want war with your people" Michonne answered.
"So my dad is making your people trade?" Carl asked.
"Well… the trade is not exactly equal" Michonne said honestly, "my town is taking a lot of time and effort getting bullets for your people, but all they get in return is clothing. Some people aren't happy but, there are lots of people in your group. More than we have."
Carl looked at Michonne and then glanced down at the table.
"If I ask you something, will you be honest?" Carl asked.
"I'll try" Michonne said.
"Do you really want to be friends with me, or are you pretending? Are you doing this to get in good with my dad? Are you talking to me because you think things will go better for your people? It's okay, you can tell me."
Michonne squinted her eyes at the boy and leaned in close to him. The look on his face touched her heart. His brow was furrowed and his eyes flicked back and forth across hers, anticipating her next words.
She touched Carl's hand on the table.
"I'm not pretending. I like to spend time with you. You are my friend. I know things are complicated between my people and yours, but I wouldn't lie to you about that. You're actually the best thing about being here", Michonne admitted.
Carl nodded. "Thanks for being honest with me. What's happening with your town and my dad isn't fair. Your people did a horrible thing. Glenn and the others that they killed were good people. I hated all of you at first, but getting to know you made me realize that you're not all evil. We can be more fair, I'll tell my dad that."
"Okay" Michonne said.
"Anyway, Sasha's gonna teach me how to hit long range targets today. Do you wanna come?" Carl asked hopefully, he wanted to show off his new sniper skills to Michonne.
Michonne nodded. "Okay sure. Let's get out of here."
***can08writer***
Michonne had now been at The Family's factory for a month. Michonne continued her morning workouts to keep her strength and athleticism up, and now Rick watched her openly, not even trying to discreetly hide his fascination. Carol and Merle had poked fun at him about his obsession with watching Michonne, but the teasing didn't deter him.
True to his word, Carl convinced Rick to double the amount of clothing given to Michonne's people to better compensate them. After two successful exchanges of goods between The Family and the Alexandrians, tensions between the groups seemed to be lowered somewhat, and Michonne now itched to go back to her home.
As much as she adored Carl, and how well Rick was treating her considering the circumstances, she had to settle things with Negan. She hadn't had a conversation with him since he was in the cell, and she didn't want their relationship to be completely damaged. She wanted to make amends with the man who had saved her life and became her friend.
"Do you want to go home?" Carl asked her. The two of them were in an open area in front of the factory's loading docks. Although this area was completely gated in, a walker or two could be seen wandering through the surrounding forests that bordered the gates. Michonne had been practicing with her katana as Carl watched.
Michonne sighed. Why was this kid so curious all of a sudden.
"I do, but I might not be welcomed by everyone" Michonne said, practicing a swing with her left hand. She had been trying to strengthen that arm seeing as though she usually used her right.
"What?" Carl asked, totally not expecting that answer, "why not?"
Michonne thought back to her last trip to Alexandria. How her people scowled as they handed over the bullets that Eugene had scrambled to make. And how Negan finally looked at her with a glance of hurt and betrayal.
She'd tried to talk to him, but he walked away, and it had hurt her. And she knew he'd wanted to hurt her.
"Some people are not happy with what I'm doing here. They don't think we should've made a deal. They don't like that I'm here."
"Is it that guy that came here?" Carl asked, startling Michonne with how accurately he'd read her. "My dad should've killed him. I know he'll cause trouble."
"Hey, didn't you say you realized we're not all evil?" Michonne said.
"Well he's a jerk. Especially if he's mad at you. You basically saved him. If you didn't make a deal with dad, he would be dead."
"Maybe" Michonne said distractedly. Carl could tell she didn't want to continue the conversation, as she busied herself with putting her katana back in its sheath.
"Well, I'm glad you're still here. You're the only one that doesn't treat me like a kid, or try to protect me all the time. I know my Dad does some things that scare people, thats why so many people join us I think. They're scared of my dad but they think he can protect them. Since my mom died and we lost our home at the prison, something in him changed. The only time he acts like how he used to be is when he's with me and Judith, and…"
Carl paused for a moment as he thought. "And when you came over for dinner. He acted like he used to when you were there." Carl looked up at her. "You're gonna leave soon, but I liked having you here. And I think my dad does too."
"Well… um…" Michonne said.
"Can you come over for dinner again?" Carl asked, his blue eyes hopeful.
"I dont think thats a-"
"Yea" Rick said, suddenly appearing from the direction of the doors that led back inside the factory. Michonne's head swiveled to see him appear from behind them. She had no idea how long he'd been there. "We'd appreciate it if you'd come over for dinner again."
"I can't" Michonne said.
"Other plans?" Rick asked with a smirk, knowing that she didn't.
"C'mon please Michonne?" Carl asked, "I'm making lasagna". He leaned forward and whispered in Michonne's ear, "dad's not cooking."
Michonne tried to hold in her smile, but she couldn't stop it from streaking across her face.
"Okay" she said.
***can08writer***
Carl proudly held up the vegetable lasagna he'd made for the family. Michonne had to admit it smelled really good. Hilltop hadn't figured out how to make cheese yet, so it was mostly pasta, tomato sauce and vegetables, but Carl was proud of it so she gave him a wide grin.
"It smells great" she said.
Carl carried the lasagna pan over to the table that she, Rick and Judith were sitting at.
"When did you learn how to make lasagna?" Rick asked intrigued. It was the first time he'd seen Carl cook something so elaborate.
"I watched mom make it a few times" Carl said, "I just put vegetables instead of meat and cheese."
"Well this is a welcome surprise" Rick said, "maybe this could be a regular thing. I think I'd like coming home to some hot food."
"Uh, this could be a sometimes thing dad" Carl said with a smirk, but he was glad his father was impressed.
Rick cut everyone a slice of lasagna and placed it on plates that he slid in front of them. He then sat down, and everyone began to dig in. It was quiet except for the scraping of forks on plates and the sound of chewing.
"Do you and Carl sit down to dinner all the time?" Michonne asked, just trying to make conversation.
"Actually, no" Rick said, his face dropping. "Not… not as much as I'd like." Rick looked over at Carl who was chewing his piece of lasagna but purposely keeping his eyes on his plate.
Michonne realized she'd breached a sore subject, and she picked up her fork and took another bite. They continued to eat in silence.
After a few moments of silence, Judith, who was sitting on a high chair next to Rick, picked a carrot out of her small piece of lasagna and held it out to Michonne. Michonne looked up from her plate to see the little girl smiling at her mischievously.
"For me?" Michonne asked Judith in surprise. Judith leaned closer to Michonne, shoving the carrot towards her.
Michonne glanced at Rick whose eyes were bouncing from her to Judith and he had a slight lift in the corner of his lip. Michonne focused on Judith again and leaned forward so that the little girl's hand with the carrot was almost touching Michonne's lip.
"Mmmm, yum yum" Michonne smacked as she pretended to eat the carrot from Judith's hand. Judith let out a shriek of laughter and snatched the carrot back towards herself, making Michonne laugh.
"Aww, you're going to take it away now?" Michonne asked her. Judith laughed again and placed the carrot in front of her own mouth.
"What about me?" Michonne asked, poking out her lip. Judith, sensing the new game, once again stuck the carrot towards Michonne's mouth.
"Mmmm, yum yum yum" Michonne said again, this time pretending to snack on Judith's hand.
Judith roared with laughter, closing her eyes and throwing her head back at Michonne's game. Rick and Carl both were smiling ear to ear at how happy Judith seemed. Even Carl, her favorite person, had never gotten her to laugh that hard.
Michonne and Judith went back and forth a few more times, each time Michonne pretending to eat more and more of Judith. Her arm, then her belly, and finally the top of her head.
"Looks like Michonne's got you beat for Judith's funniest person" Rick teased Carl.
"Nah, Judith's just being nice 'cuz you're leaving" Carl said to Michonne, and then his eyes quickly flicked to Rick with a look that clearly said he'd let something slip. Michonne looked at Rick as well, confused about what Carl was talking about.
"Well, it seems like Carl jumped the gun, but yes, you're leaving. Carl had a talk with me, and he convinced me. He can be persuasive but he also was right about what he said. Alexandria hasn't tried anything since we gave Negan back, and they've so far kept their word with the bullets, so as a gesture of good faith, we're letting you go home."
Michonne was confused about the emotions she was feeling. On one hand, this was what she'd been waiting for since she was brought here. Being set free. She'd completed her mission of creating a somewhat begrudging peace between her people and The Family, and now she could be assured that her town was safe. On the other hand, she'd become attached to Carl, more than she'd ever expected. And by extension, Rick.
She'd seen him at his scariest, shoving a gun in her face, putting her in handcuffs, and murdering Jesus in front of her. But she'd also seen his other side, his relationship with his son, and how he'd lovingly cared for his sick daughter. She felt connected to this little family, and she was afraid of how much she'd miss them.
"So that's it? I'm free to go?" Michonne asked, her brow furrowed.
"I told you, you're not a prisoner here, at least not anymore. I was wrong for treating you like one, I'll admit it. I know why I did it, I was trying to keep my people safe. But once your people started cooperating, and I realized who you really were, I realized I wasn't keeping you to keep my people safe.
"Then why were you?" Michonne asked softly.
Carl had long stopped eating and froze, his eyes flicking from Michonne to his father and back again.
"Carl, can you take Judith outside for a little while?" Rick asked.
"What? Why?" Carl asked.
"Carl" Rick said again more firmly. Carl let out an annoyed sigh but stood and scooped up Judith. He did as his father asked, but was sure to close the door as loudly as he could as he left.
Rick's face turned red and he rubbed the back of his neck. Michonne was leaving and he probably wouldn't have much interaction with her after this, so he didn't have to lie.
"I enjoyed your company. You're an amazing woman, and I was selfish, so I forced you to stay. But I don't have that right. Even if Carl wants you here, I was wrong not to give you a choice."
Michonne was shocked at his honesty. She'd never expected him to say that, and as much as she didn't appreciate doing anything against her will, she'd wanted to stay.
"Well, thanks for admitting that" Michonne said awkwardly. "To tell you the truth, it wasn't… horrible."
"Well thanks" Rick said with a smile. There was a pause and Rick looked down at the floor while Michonne gazed at him. "So um… I'll have one of my men drive you back to Alexandria tomorrow."
Michonne nodded. "Okay."
"Carl won't be happy, but he'll… he'll be okay" Rick said.
"Yea, he will" Michonne agreed, but she continued to stare at Rick.
Rick nodded his head two times, but he couldn't pull himself away from Michonne's brown eyes. Her eyes wandered from his eyes to his lips, and back to his eyes again. He didn't realize he was moving closer to her until he was a few inches away, staring down at her plump lips. He wanted to kiss her so badly, her lips were like a magnet pulling him to her. Michonne could feel Rick moving closer to her, but surprisingly she didn't mind. It shocked her that after telling him to never touch her again that she wanted this. She wanted to see if the inexplicable feelings she was feeling towards him were real.
Rick was so close now she could feel the heat radiating from his body. He leaned in for a landing just as Michonne pulled away, breaking the trance. Her sudden distance startled Rick.
"I should be going" Michonne said, her voice raised a few octaves as she backed away. This couldn't happen. She couldn't do this, even though she wanted to.
"Yea, I… sorry… you're right" Rick said, flustered. He flushed a deep shade of red. He didn't know what took over him, he just knew that he wanted to kiss her. Badly. He still did.
Michonne was shaken as well. What just happened? This was her former enemy. This was the man who'd basically held her hostage for days. She was curious about what she was feeling, but she knew this, whatever it was, wasn't a good idea right now.
She backed away from Rick further and then turned around completely. "Thanks for dinner again" she said as she walked out the door.
Author's Note: Hey, sorry about how long it took to get this chapter out. I was obsessing over it and struggling over how to develop the relationship between Carl, Rick, and Michonne the way I wanted it to go, but I figured I'd stop worrying about it and just get it out there. To the anons that messaged me on Tumblr about when I was going to update, I sped up this process for you. Hope you like it! Please leave me a review and tell me what you think.