A/N: So I'm back, back again. There are probably people keeling over from shock to see this alert in their inbox. It's been too long and I know that more than anyone. I only hope that there's still someone out there to read this. If not, heck, I'm going to finish writing it anyway. This thing has been a labor of love from the start and I refuse to keep my Blair and Chuck from their happy ending. For the sake of honesty, I want everyone to know that I didn't post this chapter until I had a second one written. So keep in mind that there is at least one more chapter out there waiting for you to read it!

This chapter is longer and more expository than most, with a lot more original dialogue than usual. I was hoping it would fill in holes for people who've been reading from the beginning, so that they won't have to go back and re-read the whole story. Unless, of course, they want to and more power to those of you who do. I just hope it meshes with the previous chapters.

SPECIAL THANKS to those of you who are still reading and reviewing, even though it's been over two years since I updated. And extra-special thanks to the person who reviewed a one-shot for a DIFFERENT FANDOM and asked for an If Only update. You're tenacious and I love you for it.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gossip Girl, Chuck Bass, or Blair Waldorf. I just want to prove that two people, who are meant to be together, will find their way back to each other when the timing is right.

If Only – Chapter 41

Runaway Run

Chuck had left Blair in her room, where she'd been shaking like a leaf until he had grudgingly accepted her reasoning for leaving. Her flimsy excuse didn't do anything to convince Chuck that he was wrong about the real reason behind her escape. Although, he still had to accept that the thought that she might be pregnant still made him light-headed. Almost as light-headed as that kiss just did.

On his way to the elevator, he noticed Dorota watching him and slowed his walk. "Dorota."

She nodded slightly. "Good evening, Mister Chuck. You talk to Miss Blair?"

He forced a smile, glad that Blair's trusted companion wasn't mad at him. "I did. But I still don't think she's being honest about why she's going to France."

The woman squinted at him, her mouth set in a hard line. "Smarter than some give you credit for, Mister Chuck. I knew this." It sounded like Dorota was inferring that there was another reason for Blair's trip. One that Dorota wanted him to know, but couldn't tell him.

"The fact is," he sighed, "whatever the real reason is, she doesn't feel like she can tell me. And I'm going to try and change that." Giving Dorota a conspiratorial smirk he asked, "Will you help me?"

"This depends…" she looked around to make sure they were still alone. "Will you be hurting Miss Blair again?"

Chuck shook his head. "I don't want to. I'm going to try my best not to."

She placed her hand on his arm. "How I can help?"

The next night, Blair still feels distraught after her confrontation with Chuck. Something as mundane as supervising the loading of her luggage onto the helicopter bound for the airport can't possibly distract her from her heavy heart. Looking out on the billions of glimmering lights covering New York City, it was impossible to ignore the loneliness; her child's father was somewhere amongst them, lost in the sea of illumination.

Then, from the landscape of tiny lights emerged two headlights, a yellow cab, driving directly toward her. Out sprang her former best friend, the last person she wanted to speak to right now. It was going to take some time for Blair to get past Serena telling the Humphreys about her private relationship with Chuck and it was still hard to imagine that she could ever get past that betrayal. Even if she was scared to death right now, she couldn't trust her best friend with a clear conscious.

She also couldn't be completely civil. Maybe if she was as rude as possible then Serena would leave. This will have to be their shortest conversation ever or Blair will never get out of here.

"Blair!" Serena called her name as she bustled across the tarmac.

"What?" Blair sighed, "You want a lift to JFK?" She kept her tone bored and uninterested.

The blond looked harried and upset, stating, "Your mom said that you're going to France tonight."

"She has a big mouth," Blair snapped at her.

"B, I'm your best friend." Serena huffed, frustrated. "She was shocked I didn't know."

Blair did her best to shrug nonchalantly. "Well, now you do." And hadn't they already covered the fact that she'd been fired as a best friend?

"What I know is how you felt when I left without telling you," was Serena's retort.

If Blair's life left any opening for rationality then it would be a valid point.

Breathing deeply in an effort to stay calm, Blair blinked before asking, "Is there a reason you're here?"

"Stay," Serena practically begged. "Don't let some stupid scandal make you run away like it did me. Like it does everyone in our world."

Blair turned her eyes to the ground, trying to gather the strength to convince Serena she had to leave because of the rumor. Her vision was blurry with unshed tears when she looked at her blonde counterpart again. "Everything's a mess… my whole life is falling apart." Her voice cracked slightly on the last word as she was straining so hard to hold back her emotions. "You shot your reputation to hell a long time ago, it doesn't matter what you do, but I'm a Waldorf!"

Serena reached out and grabbed both of her forearms in a tight grip. "Exactly… so rebuild it. You're a Waldorf, remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them."

A teardrop fell down the brunette's cheek. "I'm so embarrassed…" She gulped back a sob that tried to escape. "I'm so…" Truthfully, there wasn't a word that would adequately describe her anguish. It just wasn't anguish over what their peers thought of her.

"So what?" Serena shook her head. "Start over. It can be done… I should know." The blonde's hands moved from Blair's arms to grip her shoulders. "We'll get through this together. I'm not going to give up on you. Stay and fight and I'll fight with you."

Blair wanted to break down, the promises of support from Serena were like sweet, dependable music to her ears. Support was all that she wanted from her best friend. The problem was, she'd heard all of this before. Heard the promises that they were in this together and that she could be trusted. The idea that Blair might be able to stay in New York and that she wouldn't be alone in this mess was a very tempting prospect. However, it wouldn't help her solve all of her problems.

So it was Blair's turn to shake her head. "I wish it were that simple."

"And why can't it be, Blair?"

"Because I can't trust you!" Blair admonished as she pulled away from Serena's grasp and threw her hands into the air. "You told Dan and Jenny about me and Chuck! You are the one person that I need to know isn't going to blab my business all over the city and…"

Serena cut her off, mid-rant. "We've been over this, B. I found out that Jenny was eavesdropping when she found out; Dan didn't do anything wrong." She poked Blair's shoulder gently. "You're deflecting." Her face changed from frustrated to understanding. "Why won't you tell me what's really wrong? Why the sudden urge to run away?"

Blair wanted so badly to confide in Serena. To take a deep breath and tell her friend that her life was never going to be the same. And, yes, she was angry with Serena for so many things, including Serena's part in destroying the reputation she had protected so vehemently. But the time for skirting around the truth seemed to be at an end.

Damn Serena for seeing through Blair's ruse. For knowing her better than was convenient right now. Telling Serena could be the biggest mistake of her life. But if she was honest with herself, Blair would admit she wanted nothing more than to tell her off-and-on-again best friend the truth.

"I have to leave because he's here…" Blair took a deep breath before continuing, "And he can't find out that I lied to him. Just like I lied to you."

"What lie, B?"

Here goes nothing.

"Let's just say that I hope French designers do a better job with their ma… maternity clothes than they do here." And there would be no turning back now.

"What?!" Serena screeched, predictably. "You're preg—"

Blair cut her off with a raise of her hand. "Do not utter the word!" She just couldn't handle hearing that word out loud right now. Besides, you never knew who could be listening.

"Oh, my god, B! But you said…"

"Like I said, I lied to you. The way you were stalking me with that test, I knew you would just hound me until I faked a result. But I wasn't ready to face reality, so I told you it was negative. The truth is I've known since Cotillion, when the morning sickness started. I already knew when I told you that I thought I might be. I just didn't know if I could trust you to keep it to yourself." Blair rolled her eyes. "We both know how that turned out."

Serena's eyes were wide as she processed the information she'd just been given. Then she asked, "So you figured it out before that morning I found you crying in Chuck's suite? It makes so much more sense now, Blair…"

"Yes," Blair replied. And decided to continue because Serena might as well know all of it now. "I woke up from sleeping next to Nate and that's when morning sickness decided to strike. Then I realized I was two weeks late and I ran to Chuck's, but he'd already left for Monaco. I probably would have told him that night…" It all seemed like a lifetime ago now, but the memory of finding him gone still stung. "When he came back and all we did was fight, I wasn't dealing with it well at all. That's why I had that weak moment and told you that it was possibility. Because I had never felt so alone."

"Oh, B…" Serena cooed, sympathetically.

"You only made me regret confiding in you, S." Serena squawked in indignation as Blair continued. "Because then you told Chuck. And I had to lie to him when he came snooping around." Blair wrapped her arms around her chest protectively. "Do you know how hard that was? You have no idea what it's like to lie to someone you love about something this important!" The tears she'd been forcing earlier came back unbidden, threatening to spill from her downcast eyes.

"I…" Serena stuttered, seemingly at a loss for words. "So what are you going to do now?"

"All I know is that this stupid faux scandal is the perfect cover for why I really need to get out of Manhattan." Blair lifted her eyes to meet Serena's. "That's seriously as far as I've gotten; I haven't figured out what I'm going to do about my… unplanned passenger."

Serena reached out, her hand resting on Blair's forearm. "You know, you do have options."

Blair covered Serena's hand with her own. "And I've considered them all."

"Even…" Serena breathed deeply, like she was afraid to say the words. Which meant Blair could guess what she was trying not to say. "You could just…"

"What?" Blair asked quietly. "Take care of it? That's what my mother would tell me to do, which is another reason why I'm getting as far away as I possibly can. So she can't force me to do anything that I might regret. Which is what she'll do the moment she finds out." The cold air seemed to bite through her coat at that moment because Blair couldn't avoid a slight shiver. Either that or the mere thought of her mother finding out sent a chill down her spine.

"No one would blame you, if you did." Serena squeezed Blair's arm reassuringly, her eyes wide and sympathetic.

Why was it so hard to understand that this was a huge, hard decision to make? Blair shifted back on her feet, causing Serena's hand to drop. "Let me ask you this, S. You love Dan, right?"

"Yes…"

The brunette clasped her hands together and did her best to level Serena with her stare. "What if it were you? What if the baby was half him and half you and you already loved it just because of that? Could you do it? Your baby?" Blair brought her hands down to cover her midsection. "I knew the second that I figured out what was happening that I couldn't kill Chuck's child." Her eyes welled with tears again, her throat tight. "I love him too much. It's hard to explain how much I love this baby just because it's his."

Serena pulled Blair into her arms and spoke over her right shoulder. "I guess you're right; I probably wouldn't be able to do it. Because that's the dream, isn't it? A life and a child with a man that you love..."

Blair's words were muffled by Serena's coat. "And right now I'm halfway there." Then she laughed mirthlessly. "Except I'm not because Chuck and I ruined everything by not telling Nate sooner." She pulled away from Serena, giving her friend a small smile. "But no matter what this baby was conceived out of love and that means I have to seriously consider keeping it. So now I'm a pregnant runaway, who's left Chuck, making him promise to call me while I'm gone so that I can get over not being able to trust him." This time she laughed outright at the sheer ludicrous turn her life had taken. "When did my life get so ridiculous?"

"Then why go to France, Blair?" Serena gave her shoulders a gentle shake. "I told you I'd help you get through this and I meant it."

Exasperated, Blair sighed. "Because I can't think straight around him, S! If Chuck gets within speaking distance my resolve to keep this from him goes out the window. He can't know until I figure out if I'm ready to be a mother. I can't take the chance that he'll know I lied the second I start to show. And you can believe he'll know because he knows my body better than anyone."

Serena looked a little disgusted at her last comment, but only for a moment. "He still deserves to know."

Honestly, no one knows that more than Blair does. Why does Serena think that fact has escaped her? Just because she wants some peace and quiet to think before she tells him?!

Blair's eyes overflowed with tears that refused to be held back any longer. "You think I don't want him to know? This secret is killing me! He's the only one who can possibly understand how scared I am right now!" She sobbed, trying in vain to reign in her emotions. "How do you tell someone that you love that you might not want to keep their baby?"

"I… I don't know, Blair." Serena dug into her bag and handed Blair a tissue. She looked as helpless as Blair felt. "It's an impossible situation."

"Exactly." Drying her tears with the tissue, Blair sniffed. "So my impossible situation and I are fleeing the country to put some breathing room between us and him. So that I can clear my head long enough to think rationally." She spread her hands wide in surrender. "God knows that I can't do that when he's made it his mission to try to get me back. I just can't handle it, Serena."

Serena nodded, "You need time."

Relieved that the message seemed to finally be sinking in to the blonde's head, Blair clutched the tissue in her hand against her chest. "I need time to figure out if I can do this… and whether I can do it alone, if necessary."

Right now that didn't seem at all within the realm of possibility. And Blair Waldorf never thought herself incapable of achieving anything.

"You're not alone, B." Serena was shaking her head. "You may be leaving, but that doesn't mean I'm not here for you. Even if it's only by phone." She gave Blair her best effort at a smile. "We'll get through this together, whatever you choose to do. When are you coming back?"

Blair did her best to concentrate on the simplest answer, trying not to think too much about it: "If my decision is adoption, it'll be the end of the summer. Otherwise, I should be back much sooner." Good. No more tears so far. Keep it up.

"My mom's wedding in May," Serena mumbled out loud.

Blair groaned softly, knowing that if it was possible she would be there for her friend. "I'm so sorry, S. I didn't realize it would be that soon."

"It's… it's okay. I understand if you can't be there, B. You've got a lot going on."

"Listen," Blair tried to give her a reassuring smile, "If I can hide the evidence I'll chance the trip back for the wedding. But I can't promise I won't be as big as a whale by then."

Serena actually giggled before pulling Blair into another hug. "I'll take it. "

Wrapped in her best friend's arms, Blair tried to feel at ease. Getting so much of the weight off of her chest by telling Serena really was helping her feel a little lighter. But she still needed to make sure it went no further. "You promise you won't say anything?"

The blonde huffed, as if there shouldn't be a question. "Yes, but you can't hide this forever."

Her friend's response wasn't at all reassuring. Blair's tone grew quiet, unsure. "I'm serious, S. Promise me."

In response, Serena sighed. "Yes, I promise. This isn't my secret to share. I'll even pinky swear if you want me to."

The brunette released herself from the hug and asked, shyly, "And I've already asked Nate, but would you help keep an eye on Chuck?"

Serena rolled her eyes. "He'll be okay, B."

"You didn't see his face last night." Blair worried her lip with her teeth. "Please just check on him, use this if you have to." She reaches into her purse and grabs her key to 1812, then presses it into Serena's palm. "Make sure he doesn't imbibe all of the scotch in Manhattan."

The blond takes the key and puts it into her purse. "I'll do what I can."

Blair grinned. "That's all I ask." She has a thought. "And…" She digs into her coat pocket to retrieve a small jewelry box. "It may help if you ask him to take care of this for me."

It wasn't the ideal time to give it to Chuck, but it was the only time she had. Their biggest problems had always been timing and communication. And this gift would communicate to him loud and clear what her hopes were for her time away and for after her return. She had no doubt that Chuck would get the message loud and clear.

Serena takes the box from Blair and cracks it open when Blair doesn't protest. Inside she sees that there is a folded note along with Blair's heart pin. She looks up at Blair in shock. "I didn't know you'd gotten this back from Nate." She frowns. "Does Chuck knows what this means to you?"

Blair thought back on the day that she'd asked Nate for her heart back. She remembers it so clearly. Him placing the cold metal in her hand. The way she felt so much happier, already knowing that she would give it to Chuck. That was before their fight over her Cotillion escort and before planning to tell Nate about their relationship after they'd survived Cotillion. She had thought she might give it to him on their first public date.

Even though none of her plans had worked out there was one thing that remained the same: he owned her heart. There really wasn't any reason to put off giving it to him anymore. She'd made sure to have Dorota pack the Erikson Beamon necklace, holding his heart, for her trip to Lyon.

"He absolutely does," Blair replied, smiling softly at memory of that long ago morning where he had given her his heart.

The blonde smiled in response. "Then I'll make sure he gets it."

Blair suddenly noticed that the flight staff was no longer loading her luggage. It was time for her to leave. She twisted the strap of her handbag up, over her shoulder. "I've gotta go, S… I gotta get the jump seat so that I can tell the pilot if I have any thoughts on his flying."

Serena smirked knowingly at her best friend. "And why is that, B?"

The brunette shrugged in response. "Because I need to feel like there's something in my life that I can still control." With a small wave Blair walked toward the waiting helicopter, climbing inside just as Serena's phone rang.

A/N: This chapter was short on the Chuck POV, but that will change next chapter. Which, as I've already pointed out, is already written! YAY! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and you'll hang in for the next. Please let me know what you thought!