A/N: My "new chapter resolution" is to write shorter author's notes, but I did want to tell everyone that the first section is going to be different than what I usually write for this story. I've tried very hard to make this a Chuck or Blair point of view piece, but I wrote a conversation between two other characters that helped me get this chapter written for you and I really liked the way it came out. I've left it at the beginning of the story in italics, hoping that you'll enjoy reading it. I think it also lends itself to catch-up for those who haven't read parts of the story in years.

SPECIAL THANKS to by brand-spanking-new beta, Anjumstar and everyone else who reviewed the previous chapter. Y'all reminded me that I'm not the only one who wants to see how this thing ends! Your kindness and dedication are more than I could ever ask for.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gossip Girl, Chuck Bass, or Blair Waldorf. I just want to prove that two people, who are meant to be together, will find their way back to each other when the timing is right.

If Only – Chapter 42

Watch Over Me

Serena answered her phone as she climbed into the cab. "Hi, Nate." The helicopter blades were whirring in the background as it took off.

"Where are you, Serena? What's that noise?"

"I'm at Teterboro. That's the sound of Blair running away from her problems."

"Oh, so she did tell you."

"Not exactly… she told you she was leaving?"

"Yeah. She found me in the park after everything went down yesterday. Wanted to set the record straight. Let me know she didn't technically cheat on me."

"Oh."

"But that doesn't really change the fact that it sucks. And it doesn't explain why you didn't tell me, when you had to know what was going on."

"Nate, it wasn't my place. I kept telling Blair that you needed to hear it from them. That it was the only way that the friendship between the three of you might survive. But they just didn't listen to me."

"Well, how long have you known?"

"I caught them saying goodbye the morning after her birthday party. They were kissing in the elevator when she was coming down to my place."

"So you've known since the beginning."

"Basically. And I knew when it fell apart. She was heartbroken the morning after Cotillion. When you called asking where she was, I found her in Chuck's suite, with the door wide open. She'd been laying there crying all night. She was heartbroken."

"They really care for each other, huh?"

"Nate, they've both told me how they feel when they couldn't even tell each other. They really love each other. I don't see that changing."

"I'm starting to understand that."

"What they're going through now… It's temporary. There were some fights about what happened at Cotillion, with Blair running to you and that hotel room, and Chuck not believing her when she said nothing happened. But they're clearing the air. Once they can rebuild that trust, I'm sure they'll be back together. It's something you're going to have to get used to."

"That's why they aren't together? God, Chuck's an idiot."

"They both are, sometimes."

"I just want Blair to be happy, you know?"

"They make each other happy, Nate."

"I guess that's good to know. It's still hard to wrap my head around. It might take me some time to get over it."

"And you have the right to be upset with them."

"It's not as bad as I thought it would be, but it's still not easy. Before Blair left she asked me to check in on him. It's her way of trying to fix things."

"She told me. She asked me to watch over him too."

"I just can't go over there yet, Serena. I'm still angry about him going behind my back. Can you take over for now and I'll... work on it?"

"Yeah, I can. I'll think I'll head over there now."

"Thanks."

"No problem. It looks like he's going to be my brother, so I've got to get used to it."

"How you dealing with all that?"

"It's not as bad as I thought it would be, but it's still not easy?"

Nate laughed. "Gotcha."

Chuck was sitting in front of the bar in his suite, staring down an untouched glass of scotch and wondering how he ended up there. He wanted so much to numb the pain of Blair leaving, but he had no faith that his favorite vice would even put a dent in his agony. And if it did, he would only be hiding in denial. The pain in his chest made it feel real and made it easier to see exactly why he hurt so badly: Blair was gone and he was powerless to stop her.

He didn't deserve to end his suffering when he was solely to blame for his own misery.

Pushing aside the warming glass of alcohol, he reached behind the bar and felt around until he found what he was looking for: a small silver frame. It contained the only photographic evidence that he and Blair had been happy once. They'd taken it with his phone on one of those long ago afternoons when they'd belonged to each other. They were laying in her bed, still in their school uniforms. Blair's hair was loose against the pillow, a beautiful smile lighting her face. His head was turned in the shot as he grinned at her.

He remembered wondering why seeing her happy made him so happy. That was before he'd realized how deeply he'd fallen for her.

It was entirely too easy to see it now.

The frame had been hidden behind the bar to keep it from Nate's eyes and it had stayed there after Cotillion because it hurt too much to see how happy they'd once been. This was the first time since that disastrous day that he'd allowed himself to look back on that time. Wallowing in his grief over Blair's departure didn't seem complete without twisting the knife a little. It was, after all, mostly his fault that she felt the need to run halfway around the globe.

Yes, she'd told him she wanted to work on them by phone while she was gone. He was trying to take comfort in that because they'd been so good at talking to each other during their relationship. But then the bad thing happened and he'd started avoiding her calls out of self-preservation. He wondered if they would be able to get it back after being so long out of practice.

It definitely was time that they got back to the beginning. He needed to remind her of how well they worked together. How perfectly they fit.

Doing that over the phone would be difficult, but not impossible.

The comforting silence was disturbed by a soft knock at the door and he decided to ignore it. The only person that he wanted to open the door to right now was on her way out of the country. And no one else could convince him to move from this spot right now.

He was taking a well-deserved moment to contemplate the next few months without Blair and try to picture his life without her there each day. By removing herself from the country, she'd removed the hope that he'd harbored, knowing that he might end their separation at any moment.

She'd taken that from him when she left. It was something that he hadn't truly known that he'd been clinging to.

When a key clicked in the lock, he quickly laid the frame down to cover the picture. The invader slowly entered the room and announced herself before the door was fully opened. "Chuck? Chuck, are you here?"

It was his soon-to-be stepsister's voice.

"What do you want, sis?" he asked, keeping his eyes glued to the bar. He would have to find out where Serena got a key to his room from and have the lock changed. It wouldn't be fitting for her to interrupt his depression whenever she deemed it acceptable. Hadn't he earned the right to wallow in peace?

"I knocked first."

"And I didn't answer it."

"I needed to come by and check on you." Serena scooted up onto the stool next to him. "And let you know that Blair's plane boarded; she's officially on her way to France."

At this news, he grabbed the glass and threw the scotch down his throat, then stood to refill it. He heard the scrape of the frame against the wooden bar top and knew exactly what Serena was staring at: himself and Blair, together and happy.

"Why are you so concerned all of a sudden?" he inquired tersely. Trying to express his annoyance at her prying without actually acknowledging what she saw. Because he didn't want to talk about it. Ever.

She took the hint and replied only to his spoken question. "Nate thought you'd be holed up in here, drinking through Manhattan's supply of single malt."

His previous indifference was somewhat forgotten at the sound of his former best friend's name and he looked across the bar, directly at her. "Nate sent you?"

"Yeah…" she replied, taking in his room's state of manic disarray." Something about Blair asking him to look after you? Do you know anything about-"

"Yeah. I know. Let me guess…" he trailed off for a moment, "he sent you because he still can't stand the sight of me."

"He isn't sure what to say to you, yet." She sighed. "I think he's trying to understand, though. That's a good sign."

"It was so important for Nate to forgive me a couple days ago, but it's hard to remember why right now." He couldn't feel relief at Nate's attempted change of heart when the burden of Blair's departure was crushing him. Yes, it would be easier if his former best friend would forgive him, but it wouldn't bring Blair back. It wasn't like he would be able to talk to Nate about Blair. That subject would probably always be taboo, if Nate ever did forgive him.

The best chance for talking about Blair was probably the blond currently occupying the stool across from him.

"I know," she replied with tension in her voice. "Things are very different than they were last week."

Hearing her worried tone he turned his head to face her again and really look at her: there was a darkness around her eyes, like she'd spent her evening creating the new worry lines on her forehead instead of pursuing her precious beauty rest. "You look like hell, S. What's gotten you so worked up?"

She looked at him then, studied him, like she was searching for an answer to a very important question… The perusal reminded him of his interaction with Dorota the previous night. Like there was something that he should know, but didn't. It all lent weight to his theory that Blair was running to France for more than just the reason she gave.

Serena's face fell a little, as if she didn't like the answer she found. "I'm just worried about Blair," she sighed. "We didn't leave things in the best place."

Could the best friend and the maid both know something that he didn't? Did it have something to do with Blair and that Gossip Girl post about Serena buying a pregnancy test?

He gave Serena a half-hearted smirk, deciding to prod her for information as gently as possible. "I'm sure it's rougher between me and Blair than where the two of you left it." Then he rubbed his hand through his hair wearily and eyed the blond warily before stating: "She demanded I let her go and basically nothing I said could make her rethink leaving. I know I'm a large part of the reason she left, but she didn't even take a second to consider staying. It's like she couldn't get out of town fast enough."

"She's hurt, Chuck." Serena's attempted smile turned to a grimace, like she wished he would just drop the subject. "Her worst nightmare came true and she needed to get away to think, to get some perspective… after all that you've gone through together over the past few months she needs time to heal."

"Then why are you so upset?" When Serena started to reply, he cut her off. "It can't just be that she left." She looked a little lost as he continued, "There has to be more… is there another reason that France was the only answer? Something that she's afraid to tell me?"

By the time he allowed her to respond, he was leaned over the bar as far as he could be, keeping eye contact with her. He was going to make it as difficult as possible for her to avoid the question he was asking. He needed another hint as to what was really going on with Blair. It could be months before Blair decides to reveal her true reasons, if ever, and he couldn't wait that long. He needed to know how serious this situation was.

Serena leaned back slightly, to escape his intense gaze. Then she her eyes flicked downward as she answered: "No, Chuck. There is no other reason."

Liar.

She couldn't look him in the eye. She was lying! Could it be that Blair was pregnant and confided in her best friend?

This was big. So big that he would have to be satisfied with that hint for now. He didn't want to push Serena away by pushing too far. She could prove to be a valuable ally.

He backed off himself, giving them both a little space. "I suppose I should take comfort that her feelings for me are still strong enough to require the separation only an ocean could provide."

Serena looked relieved at the change in topic. "You could." She reached over and took his hand, squeezing it comfortingly, then pulled it away again. "She told me repeatedly that you damage her ability to think."

"Did she really?"

"Yep." Serena nodded.

"Well… at least there's that, I guess." It was good to know that she was still so affected by him. And if she had an important decision to make that involved him, it would make sense for her to want to be as far away from him as possible. While their current separated status was the foremost issue on his mind, there could be another more pressing one on hers. He would have to keep this in mind in the future when talking to her. If he pushed her too hard it might not go the way he wanted it to. Which would push her further away from him. "I just wish she would've been less vague about why she was leaving."

"Listen, Chuck." Serena put her hand on his arm, squeezing it reassuringly. "She's not running from what you had, she's trying to get back to a place where she can restore it. She needs to step away from the temptation so that you both can figure out how you became those tiny, happy people in this picture." She tapped her nail against the frame, where the two brunettes were still smiling, frozen in time. "She needs you to understand that and be willing to put in the time to get back to that place." A small smile grew on her face as if she just remembered something, then reached into her handbag to pull out a small jeweler's case. "She gave me this to give you, to show she's serious."

She handed him the box and he cracked it open in confusion. Lying on the black velveteen was a small, golden pin, in the shape of a heart. Turning it over in his hand as he stared at it in awe he almost missed the little piece of paper that had been folded into the lid of the box. He gently unfolded the note and read the few short words, which flowed over the page in Blair's delicate handwriting.

Chuck,

This belongs to you. It has since the morning you gave me yours.
I wish I could have given it to you sooner. I'm counting on you to
keep it safe until I get back.

All my love.
Blair

The note was shaking in his hand as the words blurred in his eyes. He swallowed, trying to keep himself from overflowing with the relief Blair's words brought to his heart. She loved him. She still loved him. They still had a chance. If they didn't, she would've kept her heart to herself. It was everything he needed to know in this moment and he was going to hold as tightly as possible to her proclamation of love as he could.

This made everything they'd been through worth it.

Serena was talking and he had to shake his head to clear it, just to hear her words. "She wants you to take care of it for her and said that you know what it means."

"I do." He refolded the note and put both it and the charm it back into the case, closing it. He had done his best to keep its effect under wraps, but Serena still looked a little uncomfortable.

"Okay." She looked around the room aimlessly. "Well, she'll be back before school starts in the fall. It's not that far away."

"Only a large portion of the year." He rolled his eyes sarcastically and shrugged for effect. "Whatever."

"If you care for her, you'll understand."

"Serena, I can understand and oppose it at the same time." Sighing, he poured himself another glass of scotch. Taking a sip he admitted, "I just miss her, okay?"

"I miss her too, Chuck." She pulled the scotch glass away and nudged it down the bar. "Now let's get some room service… Blair would kill me if I let you starve yourself."

A/N: One more chapter written and out the door! I hope you were as happy to read it as I was to be able to share it with you!