Michonne attempted to give Rick his space. She understood that he was hurt and angry about what she'd done, but his anger wouldn't stop her from checking on Carl.
The next morning she entered the infirmary and waved to Denise. She placed two covered plates on a table in the kitchen, and when she walked through the waiting room she spotted Judith sleeping on the couch.
Michonne knocked on Carl's room door twice, and Rick who didn't know who it was, said to come in. When he saw it was her, he quickly diverted his eyes and said nothing.
Ignoring Rick's silent treatment, Michonne walked over to Carl and ran her hand through his hair softly, not trying to wake him up. She stared at him for a while, noticing that his color was a little less pale than it was the day before, but he still had bandages all over his face.
After a few minutes of silence Michonne said, "I brought breakfast for you and Judith. It's on the table outside."
Rick didn't respond to her, and twiddled his thumbs.
"And Judith shouldn't be sleeping on that couch when she has a room with a perfectly good bed at my house," Michonne continued.
"You don't know what's best for my children," Rick snapped. His words found their intended target, but Michonne kept calm and took a breath.
"I will be back in a few hours. If Carl wakes up and asks for me, tell him I'll be back soon."
Rick stayed quiet, so Michonne kissed Carl on the forehead and stalked out of the room, being sure to close the door gently behind her.
Michonne had dealt with the silent treatment before. It was Mike's number one way to punish her after she did or said something that made him upset. She had thought it was childish and not the way an adult man should handle his problems, but she'd learned to ignore him back, and go about her business.
But with Rick it was different. She was different. She didn't survive what she'd survived to deal with foolishness like the silent treatment.
She understood Rick's anger at the revelation that she let Negan go. She couldn't deny that if she were him she'd feel the same way. But she couldn't do anything about that decision now. Negan was gone, and she was here, trying to heal what Negan had broken.
She sighed as she walked through the streets of Alexandria. She wasn't going to do this with Rick. Not after the level of understanding they'd earned. Not with the level of vulnerability she'd shown. She was done taking breaks, and she would make sure Rick was too.
***can08writer***
Rick fed Judith one of the plates of pancakes that Michonne had made for them that morning, as Rick devoured the other. The food was amazing and warm, and he was truly grateful for what she'd done for them. And guilty about how he'd treated her.
He was still angry about what she'd done. Letting Negan go put him and Carl in danger, as well as took away his chance at revenge. Letting Negan go put Negan's safety over his sense of justice. But he understood her viewpoint, and he understood what it was like to feel like you owed someone. It was the same reason he turned a blind eye when Shane tried to kill him twice.
And although he was angry at her, he knew Michonne didn't deserve this treatment. She had told the truth, better late than never.
He knew not speaking to her was a dumb way to deal with the situation, and he resigned himself to talk to her when she came back to check on Carl.
After eating, Rick made his way back into Carl's room and was shocked that Carl's left eye was open and looking back at him.
"Carl?" Rick asked, pressing his face close to his son.
Carl didn't speak but he tried to move his hand. Rick quickly grasped it and planted a kiss on the back of Carl's hand.
"Hey son" he said, "good to see you awake."
Carl's eye looked towards the table which held a glass of water with a straw.
"Thirsty?" Rick asked, and he quickly grabbed the glass and straw and held it to Carl's mouth.
Carl took one sip, then another, his dry mouth screaming for water.
"Hold on, slow down Carl, take small sips," Rick coached. He got Carl to slow down the rate in which he drank, but Rick could tell the boy was thirsty.
"Denise, he's awake!" Rick called, "bring us more water."
"Coming!" Denise, who was babysitting Judith at the moment, called from the next room.
When Carl finished the glass, he fell back into his pillow, his eye searching the room.
"How are you feeling?" Rick asked.
"Hearts" Carl said softly.
"What?" Rick asked, confused about what Carl just said.
"Hit hearts" Carl said, his hand rising to his bandage.
Rick grabbed his son's arm and slowly brought it down to his side. "Don't… don't touch it Carl" Rick said.
"Bitch" Carl said, reaching for his eye again.
"What?!" Rick yelled, taken off guard.
"Bitches" Carl responded.
"Denise! Get in here now!" Rick demanded, holding on to Carl's hand to stop him from scratching the wound.
"Carl you're not making any sense" Rick said, "I don't know what you're saying."
Carl tried pulling his hands out of Rick's to get to the bandage. "Oh God, hearts, bitch dad."
It seemed like Carl was trying to communicate. He thought he was communicating, but Rick had no idea what he was saying.
Denise ran in with a glass of water in one hand and Judith in another. She thrust Judith into Rick's arms and took up the task of keeping Carl's hands away from his bandage.
"Hey Carl, it's doctor Denise. You have to stay still okay? You can't touch the bandage on your face."
"Fire" Carl said, his face contorting while he reached upwards again.
"Fire?" Denise asked.
Carl let out a frustrated groan. "Murns", he tried again.
Denise's eyes got wide.
"It burns?" she asked.
Carl nodded and looked at both of them like they were stupid. "Murns, bitches, hearts."
"What's wrong with him?" Rick asked Denise.
"Carl, are you in pain?" Denise asked.
Carl gave a frustrated sigh and nodded.
"Why can't he talk?" Rick asked Denise.
"I… I don't know" Denise said, taking the blood pressure strap and wrapping it around Carl's arm.
Judith stared at Carl curiously and pointed at him. She then flapped her arms in excitement seeing her brother finally awake after so long.
Carl smiled, temporarily forgetting about the bandage on his face and whatever Denise was doing. "Hey Judy, mist tool."
Rick's brow narrowed in concern.
"Denise, what the hell is going on?" Rick asked.
"His blood pressure is good. I don't think he's having a stroke." Denise leaned over Carl to look in his remaining eye.
"Carl" Denise said, getting his attention. Carl moved his eye and looked up at her. "Do you understand what I'm saying to you right now?"
"Yea" Carl said.
"I know you're still hurting, but I need you to repeat after me, okay?"
Carl nodded.
"My name is Carl."
Carl stared at Denise for a moment as if he thought she were crazy. He looked at his father for confirmation, and Rick nodded nervously to encourage him to do it.
"Mars nose is Carl" he said, almost rolling his eye at the ridiculousness of the request.
Denise and Rick exchanged concerned glances.
"What?" Carl asked.
"C-Carl, you're not saying what you think you're saying" Rick said. "The words are not coming out of your mouth right."
Carl frowned. "What do loo moon?"
Rick leaned in closer. "Carl say that again, more slowly this time."
"What. Do. You. Moon?" Carl asked.
"Carl honey, you just said 'what do you moon'" Denise explained.
Carl looked shocked. He tried again. "What. Do. You. Moan."
"Mean" Rick said.
"Main" Carl repeated.
"Not quite, son. Mean," Rick said again.
"Mmm... mean" Carl tried again.
"There you go, that's it," Rick encouraged. He turned to look at Denise, "tell me what's happening."
"I'm… I'm not sure" she said. "It sounds like the results of a brain injury. His eye socket and parts of his skull were shattered, I tried my best to clean up the fragments during surgery, but it's possible there was damage to his brain. There's definitely swelling and irritation. It seems to be damaging his ability to speak, but not his ability to understand."
Carl let out a moan, and pointed to his eye socket. "Hearts and bitches bad."
"I think he means it hurts and itches" Denise said, making her way into a cabinet and pulling out some pills. "I only have a small supply of painkillers left, not nearly enough for what he'll need until he recovers. I'll have to give these to him sparingly."
Carl groaned again and reached for his bandage. Rick grabbed his hand and rubbed it gently. "It's alright Carl, we're getting something for the pain right now, okay. You can't touch those bandages or it'll hurt more."
Carl put his hand down, but the side of his face not covered in gauze was furrowed showing his obvious discomfort.
"Maybe Hilltop has more. Maybe they have strong painkillers. I'll have someone go ask," Rick said. "We'll find something to make you feel better, okay?"
Carl looked at his father and then Judith who was nestled in his arms. His undamaged eye searched the room again. Carl's brow furrowed, and Rick could tell he was putting all of his concentration into the next thing he said.
"Where's... Mich… onne?" Carl asked.
***can08writer***
Michonne approached the infirmary for the second time that day. She was set that she wasn't going to let Rick ignore her any further, so she was shocked when he met her at the door. Her heart dropped.
"Is Carl okay?" she asked, her eyes widening.
"He's okay" Rick assured. "He's awake, actually. I was with him for a few hours, Denise is changing his bandage and I saw you coming so… I um… I thought it'd be a good time to talk to you."
Michonne swallowed, suddenly nervous. "Okay" she said.
Rick sighed and crossed his arms.
"He started talking..." Rick said.
"That's great!" Michonne interrupted, "that's so…"
"Something's wrong" Rick said, "The bullet injured his brain somehow. He can understand, but its hard for him to say sentences that make sense. He can't find the right words."
"What?" Michonne asked.
"Denise thinks he has brain damage. We don't know if its permanent or not yet."
Michonne placed her hand over her mouth. "Oh my God."
"I don't know what to do" Rick said, shaking his head. "There's nothing I can do. But I know what he needs. He needs you. Especially now. He needs his best friend. I'm still angry about what you did. How could I not be? But it doesn't matter. What matters is Carl."
"Rick I… I said it already, but I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought I was… I thought it was the only way to pay Negan back for his kindness towards me, and end the conflict between you two. With all of what's happening with Carl I'm wondering if I made the right decision. But either way, I'm here. I want to be here for you, and Carl, and Judith. To be honest, you're the only people I have left" she said with a shrug, and Rick could see the moisture starting in her eyes. "I shared things with you I haven't shared with anyone. Not even Negan. Please don't push me away again."
"Maybe I overreacted, maybe not, but I need you too. I realized that as soon as I pushed you away." Rick smiled and shook his head. "When Carl woke up and you weren't there, he asked where you were. I didn't know what to tell him. I was ashamed of what I said to you. You don't deserve that."
Michonne nodded, smiled, and playfully bumped her shoulder into Rick's. "Let's go see him."
Two Months later
"Okay, repeat after me" Michonne said, leaning towards Carl at the dining room table, "Judith is my sister."
Carl sighed and fidgeted in his chair. He looked at Michonne with a look that said 'do I have to?'
"C'mon" Michonne encouraged, "Denise said your Aphasia may be temporary. The more you work on your words, the better you'll get."
"Judith is my sass... siss…" Carl stopped in the middle of the word sister and sighed.
"Look at my lips" Michonne said, "sis-ter."
"Sis-ter" Carl repeated.
"Good, now try it again."
"Judith is my sister" Carl said perfectly.
"See?" Michonne said, giving Carl a toothy grin, "no big deal."
"But I sh… shound… sound stupid" Carl said.
"Says who?" Michonne asked.
"I do. And I look like a m… mon-ster."
Michonne's chest tightened at Carl's words. It had been hard for him the past few weeks. Not only was he recovering from a brain injury, but he had a physical injury as well. He had lost ten pounds from his coma, and was very weak. The first few days he'd needed help walking, feeding himself, and using the bathroom. He was in constant pain from his missing eye and horrible headaches, and slept the majority of the time.
Rick had sent Carol and Sasha to the Hilltop for pain pills, and to his relief they came back with 3 bottles full. They had told him the people at Hilltop were happy to help, and wanted to thank Rick as well as Alexandria for the food they'd given them. It had kept them alive, and they were just beginning to replant their damaged crops.
The first time Carl saw his own face in the mirror he'd thrown up. He'd cried and asked Rick why he hadn't let him just die. He was depressed for a few weeks, and at one point refused to eat.
Rick had dealt with Carl's unpredictable mood swings, and had taken the brunt of Carl's anger. Michonne looked on sadly as Carl screamed at, ignored, blamed and pulled away from Rick. Rick understood that Carl wasn't really angry at him, but he felt the rejection anyway.
Denise had told Rick and Michonne that the mood swings were a result of the brain injury, frustration at his limited ability to communicate, his huge lifestyle change, and being a teenager with a life altering face injury. She was the one that had suggested speech therapy to help Carl communicate his feelings better.
Rick and Michonne had both had sessions with Carl, having him practice and repeat common phrases to train his brain into accessing those words again, but after a few days they'd found the only one who was actually making progress with Carl was Michonne.
Michonne placed her hand on Carl's, and leaned towards him.
"Look at me" she said.
Carl refused, staring at the wall behind her head.
"Carl Elliot Grimes, if you don't look me in the eyes…" Michonne threatened, using Carl's full name to show she was serious.
A smile burst across Carl's face. "I never should've told you my middle name," he said.
"Yea, well, you did" Michonne said, "Now look at me."
Carl focused his eye on Michonne.
"You are not a monster. You don't look like a monster. You don't act like a monster. You are the bravest boy I know. No one has been through what you've been through. No one knows what you're feeling, and everything that you're feeling is valid, but one thing I know is that you are good, and kind, and strong, and one day this will be the past. And you'll realize how far you've come… and you'll have a badass story to tell about that eye."
Carl lifted his chin slightly at Michonne. "You think my… eye… sto-ry is badass?" he asked.
"Uh… yea! Shot in the eye and lived to tell the story. You're just as much a survivor as your dad."
"Judith true… too."
"Yes, Judith too" Michonne confirmed.
Carl reached up and adjusted his dad's sheriff's hat slightly, which was still too large for him.
"I g-get angry with dad sun… some-times, but I don't…" Carl paused, suddenly searching for the words to express himself.
"Mean it?" Michonne asked.
"Mean it" Carl repeated, nodding his head. "I can't stop it. Tell… tell dad I don't m-mean it?"
"He knows that Carl," Michonne said, "but I think it would help if you told him that yourself."
"Mich-onne?" Carl asked, looking into her eyes.
"What is it kiddo?" she asked.
"Will I… always… be luck… like… this?" he asked.
Michonne's heart broke at the fear in the boy's one remaining eye. She stood and came around the table to him, pulling him to his feet. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into her.
"I don't know Carl" she said honestly, "but either way, no matter what, you will be okay. You will survive and thrive. And no matter what, you'll have your dad, and Judith, and me supporting you. Okay? You're my buddy, I won't let you go through this alone."
Carl sniffled a little and Michonne knew he had shed some tears, so she turned away from him as she let go to give him time to wipe them from his cheek. She knew he didn't want her to see them.
"So I think we're done with therapy for now," Michonne said. "I'm gonna go meet your dad at the church, the big meeting with Hilltop and The Factory is supposed to happen soon, I have to make sure we have enough chairs and water and food for everyone."
"Can… I... come?" Carl asked, taking his time to make sure all of his words were correct.
Michonne was shocked he'd asked. Carl hadn't left her house since they had moved him there a week ago. He'd been too self conscious about his eye to even go out on the front porch, and whenever someone from The Factory came to visit him he'd hide under the bandages and his father's sheriff's hat, most times refusing to speak because of his speech issues.
"Of course you can" Michonne said excitedly, "you really want to?"
"My dad… as-asked… me to… come this murning… morn-morning. I didn't want to. Now I do," Carl explained.
Michonne patted him on the back. "C'mon then, go put your shoes on."
***can08writer***
Rick and members of The Family, Michonne and the Alexandrians, and 10 members of Hilltop all gathered in the church. Although everyone was a little wary of the other groups, the general mood was one of hope that the conflict and adversarial relationship between The Family and everyone else had come to an end.
Rick was overjoyed when Carl arrived with Michonne. Carl was the reason why all of this was happening, and he deserved to see peace more than anyone else.
"I'm glad you came," Rick said to Carl, giving him a hug.
Carl shrugged his shoulders and gave Rick a brief nod. Rick looked over at Michonne and she smiled and winked at him, letting him know Carl was alright.
"Y'all can sit right over there" Rick said, pointing to a few empty chairs close to the front. "We're about to begin."
Rick walked to the front of the church and turned towards the crowd.
"I want to thank you all for being here, whether you had to travel from the Factory, or Hilltop, or if you live here in Alexandria. I want to thank you for having an open mind to peace, and realizing like I have, that working together will create a better more secure future for us all. Before I start, I want to give credit to the person who imagined all of this, my son, Carl."
Carl's head snapped up to look at his father in surprise. He didn't expect to be mentioned.
"Carl told me that sometimes it's nice if everybody wins. He was the one that encouraged me to send that food to the Hilltop when we heard they needed help. Carl is the one that made me realize I needed to make peace here at Alexandria. Carl has been through more than anyone could imagine, yet here he sits to see the beginning of a brighter future."
Before Rick could continue speaking, Michonne began clapping for Carl, joined in by people from The Family. Within seconds he had a standing ovation, and people he didn't even know were clapping him on the back, or patting his shoulder.
Carl, overwhelmed by the attention just nodded, but inside he almost wanted to cry by the acceptance he felt from all of these strangers. This was his first time out and around other people since he was shot, and it was helpful that no one was staring at him in disgust, or making him talk.
Rick continued once everyone was seated again.
"Fair and equitable trade is the only way our communities can all benefit from a partnership. Each of our communities have some things that the others don't and need, making all of us valuable. If we work together, and share our resources, we can get to a place where no one goes without, no one goes hungry, and… and no one group is more important than the others. Without Doctor Denise and Michonne from Alexandria, my son would've died after he'd been shot. Without pain medicine from Hilltop, my son would be in horrible pain right now. Without donations of food from The Factory and Alexandria, Hilltop would be starving. And The Factory and Alexandria have both benefited from Hilltop's food stores. We all need each other. So I now open the floor for anyone who has an idea of how we can make a trade route that will work."
The meeting lasted two hours. Everyone who wanted to contribute was allowed to speak, and by the end of the meeting there was a plan for how and what each community would trade with the others. Once the meeting was over, there was a large community feast outside the church, and Rick was more relaxed than he had been in a long time.
Michonne and Carl were sitting together underneath a tree a small ways away from the larger group of people, each with a plate of food. Rick knew it was because Carl still was anxious about his bandages and having conversations. Michonne was whispering something to him and Carl's cheeks turned slightly red. Rick knew immediately what was going on when he spotted a pretty girl about Carl's age, who was with the people from Hilltop.
Rick, holding his plate of food made his way over to his son and Michonne.
"Hey" Rick said, plopping down in front of the pair.
"Hey back" Michonne said, giving Rick a brilliant white smile that made him freeze for a few seconds in awe. His face turned red and Carl immediately picked up on it, looking at his dad and then Michonne. A small smile played across Carl's lips.
"So what did y'all think about the meeting?" Rick asked.
"I think this is finally going to work" Michonne said, still smiling. She turned to Carl and noticed he was staring off in the direction of the girl. She nudged his shoulder and he jumped a little. "What did you think about the meeting, Carl?"
He shrugged his shoulders and gave a thumbs up sign.
"C'mon, use your words" she said, gently prodding him. Rick knew if he said the same thing Carl might have given him attitude, but Carl wouldn't do that to Michonne.
"It went… great" Carl said, speaking just to humor Michonne.
"Once we set up the trade routes we'll be seeing new faces more often. Maybe you can meet some friends, Carl," Rick said, gesturing in the direction of the group with the girl. "Why don't you go introduce yourself?"
"No. I'm fine," Carl said, utterly embarrassed.
"I was just telling Carl I found out that girl's name is Ella. She seems nice," Michonne cut in.
"Nope. Nope. Nope," Carl said as he got to his feet. "I'm done… oating… eating, I'm gonna p-pick up Judith from the bed… bubble... babysitter... and go home."
Rick laughed that Carl was in such a rush to get away from the two of them, but he also noticed Carl's Aphasia got worse when he was tired. It had been a long day for him. Rick was just glad Carl got out the house.
"Okay son," Rick said.
Carl stood, nodded at them, and made his way back towards the houses.
"How did you get him to come?" Rick asked Michonne.
"I didn't, he just wanted to on his own" she answered, watching Carl who was still in sight.
"Well thank you. I'm glad he has you. You're the only one he'll really talk to about what's going on in his head, and I'm glad he has that. For some reason I piss him off" Rick said shrugging his shoulders, but Michonne knew there was hurt beneath that gesture. She knew Rick wanted to be there for his son just as much as she did.
"He talked to me about that today," Michonne said, crossing her legs to get more comfortable. "He wanted me to tell you that the anger he shows sometimes, it isn't directed towards you. He said he can't help it and he doesn't mean what he says."
"Oh I know" Rick said, "I know those flashes of anger out of nowhere is a result of frustration, and his injury, but I still want him to be able to talk to me about it, y'know?"
"Yea. Yea, I do" Michonne said softly while nodding, "give him time."
Rick and Michonne both looked over at the gathering of people from all three towns. Many people were mixing and mingling, and getting to know new people.
Merle was in loud, raunchy conversation with two women from the Factory, and after one of the women quickly whispered in his ear, Merle put his arms around them both and headed off in a direction devoid of the large crowds.
Aaron and Eric had found another pair of men from Hilltop who seemed to be a couple, and they were talking animatedly.
Carol and Sasha were off to the side by themselves, seemingly watching and observing everyone silently. Spencer approached Sasha and spoke to her briefly as the women stared at him with lack of interest all over their faces. When Spencer finished speaking, the women both walked off, leaving Spencer alone, but within seconds he was off in another direction making his way to another woman who was sitting by herself. Rick shook his head, 'some people have a one track mind' he thought.
Michonne was observing the others as well, and while she was distracted he used the opportunity to study her. He took in how gorgeous her dark skin looked in the bright sunlight. How beautiful she looked with the small smirk on her face as she watched Spencer get rejected by each woman he threw himself at, but undeterred he walked to another one.
Rick loved studying Michonne when she wasn't looking. He'd done it a lot while she was sleeping when Carl was staying at the infirmary. He'd been living with Michonne for weeks now in the same home. The kids loved her dearly, she knew practically everything about him, but since that night she cooked dinner for he and Judith, and they held hands on the couch, nothing further had happened between them.
Rick wanted to take a chance that their relationship could move a little closer than friendship. He had forgiven her for what she'd done concerning Negan, and as much as he'd wanted to dislike her, or hold a grudge since he may never get his revenge on Negan, he couldn't. There was so much about her that he just wholeheartedly loved. He'd been thinking about it for a while, but the relaxing atmosphere and beautiful setting gave him the boost of confidence he needed.
"Michonne" Rick called, and she turned to face him. "I uh, was wondering if, you'd like to spend some time with me, tomorrow, out… outside the house."
"Why? Is there something that needs to be fixed?" Michonne asked, thinking work had to be done somewhere.
"Uh… no. I meant the two of us doing something together that's not work."
Michonne paused for a moment, realization finally taking over.
"You mean like a date? You're asking me out?" She asked with a hint of a smile.
"Only if you're saying yes," Rick replied with a full blown grin.
Michonne tilted her head towards Rick. "Where do you have in mind?" She asked.
"Your backyard?" He asked. "I mean it's literally out of the house, but not too far away. Sasha is here and she said she would go back to retraining Carl to shoot again, I know he wants that badly, so while she's practicing with Carl, Carol can take Judith, and we can have the backyard to ourselves.
"Um… okay, sure. Sounds good" Michonne said.
***can08writer***
For almost three months he'd wandered through the woods, eating wild berries, and animals that occasionally wandered into his traps. Racoons, dogs, rabbits, and coyotes were all on his menu. He'd slept in abandoned houses, caves, or most times holes he dug in the ground. He'd moved from place to place with no destination in mind. No future in mind.
During the day his thoughts were occupied with not being captured by Rick's people. He could see them patrolling the roads, and walking through the woods. He'd hear their vehicles and their footsteps, but they never found him.
At night, his thoughts turned to her, the only other person that really mattered in this world. His thoughts turned to how he'd hurt her by shooting Carl, and how she protected him one last time by letting him go free. She'd chosen Rick, yes, but she obviously cared about him. She was the only one who did.
In the beginning he thought he was strong enough to carry on like this, surviving day to day. Doing what had to be done to keep breathing another 24 hours, but to be honest, he was tired. He was tired of living, tired of breathing, tired of looking for food, tired of looking for water, tired of hunting, tired of hurting, tired of moving on. He was done.
He realized he was back in the place he'd been right before he'd met Michonne, and she wasn't going to come back to save him now. He was ready to die, and he'd thought about how he'd do it. Wander into a herd of walkers? Way too painful and dramatic. Jump off a cliff? With his luck he'd survive with broken bones. He couldn't find a gun with bullets to shoot himself, and stabbing himself in the head was way too tricky. He went through all the options that were available to him, and then he thought of one more.
Going back. He'd die, but maybe he'd get to see Michonne one last time. It was a win win situation either way. Negan nodded to himself. That was it, that was his only choice.
Taking only enough water for a one way trip back to Alexandria, Negan headed home to her.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews and the excitement around this story. It will come to a close in a chapter or two. I appreciate everyone's readership and feedback.