Chapter Thirty-Eight: Girl Meets Fish
"Where's Chelsea? Why isn't she back yet?" Auggie asked from the front of our classroom as he stood next to mom and dad. "Honey, I'm sure Farkle took very good care of her," mom reassured Auggie. "Hey, Matthews, why are you making us do the whole class mascot thing anyway?" Maya asked from her seat. "Don't ruin this for me and Caroline, Maya," Riley told our best friend. "Everybody got the chance to take Chelsea home for a week," I continued. "And now it's our turn and we're looking forward to it," Riley and I finished in unison. "It's creepy when you two talk in unison," Maya told us and I just shrugged. "Good because if you bring her back safely, Chelsea will have survived the whole class," dad said.
"Then it's as good as done. You know I'm fantastic with pets," Riley told him and I laughed at that before turning to look at her. "Mr. Puffles," Auggie and I said in unison. "That was sad," Riley commented. "Don't worry, I'll make sure Chelsea doesn't become another Mr. Puffles," I told dad. At the moment, Farkle walked into the room, stopping in the doorway. "It's Chelsea!" he exclaimed. "It is." For some reason, I felt that he was trying to convince himself of that fact rather than announcing that he brought her back. He placed the fishbowl on the desk as my dad reached back to grab a fish sticker. "Nice job, Farkle. Here's your sticker," he said as he put the sticker on Farkle's shirt. Farkle quickly made his way to his seat.
"Chelsea!" Auggie exclaimed as he stood in front of her bowl. "Are you ready to come to our house? He, Farkle," Auggie said as he turned around, "did you go to Phil's Fish Store?" "Why would you ask me that, Auggie? Why would you think that? Why would you say that? Why?" Farkle kept quickly firing questions, proving that he was, in fact, nervous and that he was hiding something. "Elementary, my dear Farkle. There's a new castle in the bowl," Auggie told him as he pointed back to the bowl. "Very impressive, Auggie," Lucas commented. "Yeah, he watches 'Owl Detective' every day," mom explained. "He always knows whodunnit." "Hoooo-dunnit!" Auggie said sounding like an owl. "Every day," mom commented with a fake smile on her face.
"Okay, Riley and Caroline, she's all yours. Now all you have to do is feed her once a day and every once in a while you throw her a compliment," our dad told us. "You are talking about the fish, right?" mom asked him. "No," he answered. Mom scoffed in disbelief as she tilted her head. "All right, is she all ready to go, Auggie?" dad asked. "All fed and ready to go," Auggie answered as he picked up the fishbowl and made his way towards me and Riley. "Riley and Caroline here's Chelsea. She means the world to me," he told us as he placed the fishbowl on Riley's desk. "Don't blow this." I moved my chair closer to Riley's desk so I could get a closer look at Chelsea. "This fish is in good hands," Riley and I told Auggie. "Let me get our first picture together," Riley said as we both leaned closer to the bowl to take the selfie. Riley took the picture and that's when I noticed something and I'm pretty sure Riley noticed in too.
"Um..." Riley said as she continued to look at her phone. "What?" Auggie asked. "Let me take another one. Chelsea's upside down," Riley said. "Um, Riley," I whispered. "Oh, boy," mom commented. "Day One: I Died!" Riley announced loudly. Everyone besides Riley, Auggie, mom, dad, and I gasped at what Riley had said. "Chelsea!" Auggie cried. "No, I'll cry for you later. Right now, there's a mystery to be solved." "What mystery, Auggie? I killed the fish," Riley said. "No, you did not kill this fish," Auggie told Riley. "This fish was the victim of foul play. Somebody here is responsible." Auggie looked around the room at everyone. "The only question is..." he trailed off. "Oh, no," mom said when she realized what was coming. "...Hoooo-dunnit?!" everyone in the classroom except for me, Riley, and our parents said together.
After school, Riley, Maya, and I made our way to Phil's Fish Store. Riley wanted to see if there was anything he could do. I knew it was pointless, but I wasn't going to tell Riley. Maya opened the door and we followed behind her. "Maya," the owner greeted my best friend. "Phil," Maya responded with a smile. "Oh, you two know each other?" Riley asked. "Actually, I'm familiar with your whole class," Phil told Riley. That strange feeling I had earlier when Farkle was acting strangely was starting to make sense now. "Oh, do you have a son or daughter at John Q. Adams?" Riley asked. "Well, you might say I have a whole school of kids at John Q. Adams," Phil replied motioning to the fish around him. With that comment, my suspicions were confirmed. Everyone in our class had killed at least one fish and had come to Phil's Fish Store in order to replace it. That's why Farkle acting weird because he killed his first fish and had to replace it. I shoved Maya and gave her a look that told her I knew.
"What a random and curious comment to make, Fish Store Phil," Riley said. "Oh, she doesn't..." Phil started. "No, no, this one's very trusting and sensitive," Maya told him. "Ooh, I like people like that. Do you have your own debit card, young lady?" Phil asked. "Phil," Maya said. "Sorry," he apologized then he looked at me. "What about this one?" "She's trusting and sensitive too, but not as oblivious. She catches on real quick," Maya told him. "Oh," he said. "It's our class goldfish, Chelsea," Riley started to explain as she placed the fishbowl on the counter. "She made it through the whole year, right up until it was me and Caroline's turn to take her home and then she- and then she- is she dead?" Riley asked. "Because either she is dead or she is so so very tired. Can you wake her up, Fish Store Phil?"
"Uh, what do I do?" he asked Maya between his teeth while he continued to look at Riley. "You wake her up, Phil," Maya told him. "Okay, I see how it is," Phil said. He leaned down towards the bowl. "Well, it's a bright sunshiny day. Time to wake up and have some french toast and get to the ol' fish job." He hit the top of the bow and said, "Dead." "Well, he tried," Maya said. "Yes, I tried really hard," Phil told Riley. "Well, I guess I always knew, Fish Store Phil. Chelsea did not survive Riley and Caroline," Riley said. "Hey, don't pull me into this. I can keep a pet alive," I told her. "We know sweetie," Maya told me.
"What will happen to her now?" Riley asked. "Oh, she'll go in the potty," he told her. "The potty?!" Riley exclaimed in disbelief. "Uh, whoop whoop, da party!" Maya and I cheered until she joined in with us and we all started to giggle. "Okay, we'll go that way," Phil said. "Uh, young lady, how would you like to watch your goldfish loved one swim to that great fishbowl in the sky?" "I would like that very much, Fish Store Phil, yes. How does she get there?" Riley asked. "Well, the 4:15 express is leaving right now," Phil told her. "Get her on it! Get her on it!" Riley said. "Close your eyes with us, Riley and let's bow our heads," Maya told her as she grabbed our hands. "Of course," Riley said and we bowed our heads. "Is he going to do what I think he's going to do?" I asked Maya quietly so Riley wouldn't be able to hear. "Yep," she answered quietly. I heard the sound of splashing water followed by a toilet flushing.
"What was that?" Riley asked as she quickly lifted her head. "That- that was the sound of Chelsea's fish soul swimming up to fish heaven," Maya explained to her as we lifted our heads. "But it sounded like a toilet-" Riley started, but Phil cut her off, "Who are you to question the ways of fish heaven?" "Do you think you might possibly have another one that looks like Chelsea?" Riley asked. Oh my gosh, she can't be serious right now? They all look the same, that's why everyone has gotten away with the fact that they have killed at least on fish. After a short pause, Phil said, "Why don't you have yourself a little looky see and maybe you'll locate another unique and one of a kind orange one." Riley started to walk around the store looking at the goldfish before she stopped at one. "This one," she said pointing at the goldfish she chose. "It's a miracle," Phil said softly.
We were back at the house with our new goldfish and Riley had everyone from class come to her room. "Chelsea is replaced. So, ends the long, glorious reign of Chelsea the First, long live Chelsea II!" Riley said. I just shook my head at Riley. I honestly love her, but sometimes she can be so oblivious to certain things. Auggie walked into the room. "Nobody miff," he said with what I suspected to be a French accent. "Miff?" Austin questioned. "No, don't miff," Auggie said with his accent. "Don't miff?" Lucas questioned. "Too late. You miffed," He told them. Austin and Lucas both laughed before grabbing Auggie and placing him so he sat on both of their laps.
"The reason you have all been summoned here today is that Chelsea the First is dead," Riley started. I could help but notice that people were sharing looks, "which means that one of the people in this room is-" "A muh-deh-her," he said in his French accent. After Auggie said, everyone started to look a little more guilty and worried than they did when they first walked into Riley's room except for Yogi. "I wanna talk to Farkle first." Auggie declared. "Why?" Farkle asked. "'Cause you think I'll crack? Well, I'm not the one who's going to crack, Pally Boy. It's going to take a lot better than you to crack me."
Auggie had Farkle sit in dad's chair with him and Ava on either side of him. They were leaned against the table as they crunched on their graham crackers. "Okay, um, I just need the sound of graham cracker crunching to stop," Farkle told them, but the two did not stop eating their graham crackers. "It's just that uh particular sound that really bothers me. I need it to stop, please." Auggie and Ava continued to munch on their graham crackers much to Farkle's dismay. "Look, I don't even know if you know you're doing it, but I really need it to stop. I really do," Farkle told them. Both Auggie and Ava stopped eating their graham crackers. Farkle sighed then said," Thank you." But he spoke too soon because they started right back up.
"I can't take it! I confess!" Farkle cried. "What?" Riley questioned. "I killed Chelsea!" Farkle cried. He picked up a graham cracker and took a bite of it. "These don't taste as good when you're a muh-deh-her ." Farkle took off his fish sticker while saying, "I'm not worthy of this sticker. I'm not worthy." "I can't believe that you killed me and Caroline's fish, Farkle," Riley said. "No, not your fish," Farkle told her, "my fish. You weren't the only one who had to replace Chelsea. I replaced her too." "What? When?!" Riley asked. "In the middle of my week. Everything went so well on Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday, I decided to give her a bath," Farkle explained. "What?!" Riley and I questioned in shock. "On Thursday-" Farkle tried to continue, but I cut him off, "Wait, wait, go back."
"I took Chelsea to the birdbath. She looked like she was having such a great time. I didn't think anything when the first bird sat on the telephone wire. Before you knew it, I couldn't see the sky anymore," Farkle explained. You know for a genius, I can't believe Farkle thought it would be a good idea to put a bird in a birdbath. "Did you know goldfish can scream?" Farkle asked us. "They can't," Riley and I told him. "Then it was me!" he exclaimed. "I scream like a goldfish." There was a pause of silence before he continued on, "Anyway, all the birds swooped down at the same time in a fascinating migratory pattern. It was like a National Geographic special. I caught a little on my phone." Farkle pulled out his phone and played the video. The main thing that was heard from the video was birds squawking and then Farkle screaming.
"And surprisingly, as smart as I am, you would think I'd have learned my lesson not to put the next Chelsea in a birdbath. This one I put in my cat's water dish," Farkle told us. "You didn't?!" Riley questioned. Farkle nodded his head and showed us another video. "No, Fluffy, new Chelsea's taking a bath!" Farkle on the phone shouted and the cat meowed. "Anyhoo, I replaced my new Chelsea with another Chelsea and came right to school. So as you can see, I had nothing to do with the death of you Chelsea." Farkle told us. "So the current Chelsea isn't Chelsea #2 at all. She's Chelsea #4," Riley stated. Farkle groaned, "Five." "How?" I asked.
"I was too ashamed to tell you about our trip to the Empire State Building," Farkle started. I honestly can't believe what I'm hearing right now. "I took her all the way up and sat her on the ledge. And then I said, "Lean back a little." And she listened to me," he finished and then he started to wail.
"So this is the hot seat, huh?" Lucas questioned as he sat in the chair that Farkle was previously in. "It is when you're in it, big boy," Ava told him with a wink. "Ava!" Auggie said. "Lucas," I said to my boyfriend. "Me?" he questioned and I shot him a look that said 'try me'. "Alright." "Okay, Lucas, spill it," Auggie told him. "Spill what?" Lucas questioned. "The beans," Auggie said. "What's does that mean?" Lucas asked. "It's what owl detective says," I answered. "Thank you, Care," Lucas said. "You're welcome. So what about those beans?" I asked. "I don't have any beans," Lucas told me. "Then sing like a canary," I said. "I don't sing so good," he said. "Yeah, I know," I said and he shot me a look. I shrugged him off before continuing, "Then let the cat out of the bag." "I'm more of a dog person," he told. "Aw, me too," I told him, "and that's why you're my boyfriend." Lucas wrapped his arm around me and pulled me on his lap. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and I did the same to him. "Caroline, focus!" Auggie and Riley yelled at me.
I sighed before saying, "Just tell them what happened. I'm sure you have nothing to hide." After I said that, Lucas looked very uncomfortable, so I questioned, "Do you?" "Let me take you back to the week of the 15," Auggie said. "I don't want to go," Lucas told Auggie. "You took Chelsea out of the classroom," Auggie said. "I took her straight home," Lucas replied. "No stops?" Auggie asked. "I wouldn't call it a stop," Lucas said. "So what would you call it?" Auggie asked. "I'd call it a pause," Lucas answered. "So you paused," Auggie said. "Okay, I stopped," Lucas admitted.
"We had a baseball game against Einstein Academy. Tiggleman was on the mound," Lucas said. "Curve-ball Tiggleman?" Ava questioned. "Best in the league and no one can hit it," Lucas continued. "Except you," Auggie said. "Except me," Lucas agreed. "And he knows that, but he is proud, see? So I says, I says, "Tig, please. I put Chelsea in the bleachers 'cause it's nice and shady over there, so lay off the curve because you know where it's going."." "The bleachers," Riley said. "Yeah, the bleachers," Lucas said. "Guess what pitch the jerk throws." "The curve," Auggie said. "The curve," Lucas repeated. "So where'd you hit the ball, Lucas?" Auggie asked. "It was impossible. Impossible, I tells ya. Chelsea caught my home run ball… in the head," he told us sadly. "The sound of her fishbowl shattering has haunted me ever since."
"Yeah, I was at the game," Farkle said as he came into the room, "I caught it all on my phone!" Farkle came to the table and showed us his phone. Lucas hit the ball. "Oh, no, run! Chelsea, run!" Farkle shouted. "Chelsea!" Lucas shouted and then Chelsea's bowl shattered as the ball hit it. "Oh, you absolutely hate to see this, folks. You're swimming around, enjoying a great game and then boom! Dead! Meanwhile, Lucas Friar crosses home plate and Quincy wins!" the announcer said. I looked at my boyfriend in disbelief, "You ran the bases?" "I had to otherwise she did for nothing. But I had nothing to do with what happened to your Chelsea, Caroline and Riley. I promise," he told us. "You mean Chelsea #6," I said. "Have I told you how much I love you?" Lucas asked me. "Why are you asking me that?" I asked. "Seven," he corrected me, talking about the fish. "I had a doubleheader."
It was now Austin's turn. He took a seat in the chair that his cousin had previously sat in. "Okay, Austin, we can do this the easy way or the hard way," Riley told him. "What's the easy way?" Austin asked. "You just tell us what you know," Auggie told him. "And what's the hard way?" Austin asked. "We let Care deal with you," Auggie told him. "What's so scary about Caroline?" Austin asked. "Oh nothing, except the fact that she's been taking karate and taekwondo since she was six," Riley answered nonchalantly. "I'll take the easy way," Austin said quickly. "So how many?" Riley asked. "Three," he answered sadly.
"How?" Riley asked. "I had three soccer games during my week," he started to explain, "I thought that Chelsea would want to see my games and I didn't think anything of it at the time. But then…" he trailed off. "Then what?" Riley asked. "I miscalculated my kick and Chelsea ended up getting hit by my ball," he explained. "And you didn't think that maybe it would be a good idea to not bring the next Chelsea to your game?" I questioned. "I did, but I had gotten her when I was on my way to my next game," Austin told us. "Are you serious?" Riley asked him. "Sadly, yes," Austin told her. "And like Caroline said, I should've learned from the last two times, but I didn't." "Sometimes, I just can't understand boys," I commented walking back to Riley's room.
"You'll never break me, Auggie," Maya told Auggie. "Oh, you'll blink first," he replied. "What makes you so sure?" Maya asked. "I'm an owl," Auggie answered seriously. "All right, I went through seven fish," Maya admitted and for some reason, I wasn't even the slightest bit surprised that she went through so many. "What?!" Riley questioned. "Riley, they're goldfish. We're kids. Kids are the natural enemy of goldfish and the natural meat ticket for 'Fish Store Phil' who makes a fortune off of us," Maya explained. "How can he make a fortune, Maya?" Riley asked. "They cost a dollar each." "He sells them to every kid in every school in every class in the Tristate area. You do the math, 'cause you know me and math," Maya said.
"Wow, Phil the fish guy, cleaning up on the heartbreak of the class mascot business," Lucas said. "Riley, I hate to break it to you, but Chelsea hasn't survived any of us," Maya told her. "Every kid in the class replaced her," Farkle added. "I am not gonna believe this. I know my classmates and they are a loving and caring group of children, who place value on the spark of life even in the smallest of living creatures," Riley ranted. "Okay," Maya said while rubbing Riley's shoulder. "Yeah, Riley, you put too much faith in our classmates," I told her.
Riley, Maya, and I walked into Riley's room, where the rest of our class was waiting. "All right, how many of you knocked off a fish?" Maya asked. Everyone in the room raised their hand. "How many fish you all knocked off?" Maya asked. Everyone raised the number of fingers that represented the number of fish they went through except for Yogi who raised both hands and feet. "Et tu, Yogi?" Riley asked and Yogi held up three fingers. "No, he had three," Maya said.
"Go on, get out of here! I can't even look at you guys anymore. Just get out of here!" Maya told our class as they left through the windows. Once they left, Riley, Maya, and I made our way back to the kitchen.
"Chelsea 105," Riley started as we all were around the kitchen table, looking at Chelsea, "on behalf of all my fellow human beings, I am so sorry. You and your little fish friends all deserve to be safe in your goldfish bowls. I wish there was a way you guys could all take care of each other somehow. But you're only stuck with us. I am sorry." "Okay, you're all free to go," Auggie told us before he started to walk away. He stopped in between Lucas and Farkle and told us, "Don't nobody leave town."
"What about me and Caroline's Chelsea, Auggie?" Riley asked. "Her killer still walks among us. I just don't know hoooo!" Auggie told her. All of us except for Auggie and Ava got up and started to make our way to the door. "Auggie, stop. What are you doing?" I heard Ava ask. "I'm feeding Chelsea 105," Auggie answered. "You can't feed a fish graham crackers," Ava told him. We all turned around with a gasp to look at Auggie. "You can't?" he questioned. "No!" Ava answered. "Well, this seems like the real problem," Auggie commented.
"Oh no, I-I-I-I-I-dunnit!" Auggie said.
Auggie took off his hat as he sat on mom's lap. "Aw, honey, don't be sad. You solved the case!" mom said. "I fed Chelsea graham crackers," Auggie said. "Maybe that wasn't it," mom said trying to make Auggie feel better. "Oh, it was it!" Ava said. "Ava!" mom said. "She's right, graham crackers expand in water," Farkle explained. "Farkle!" mom exclaimed. "He's right," Lucas said, "so the crumbs expanded inside of her." "Lucas!" mom exclaimed. "He's right," Maya said. "Maya!" mom exclaimed and Maya made an exploding sound. "I 'sploded Chelsea 104. I feel bad for what I done. Will I ever feel better?" Auggie asked.
Riley and I shared a look before I grabbed the bowl. We both made our way over to Auggie. I placed the bowl on the table and Auggie said, "No, you probably shouldn't put her near me." "Why not? She's yours," Riley and I told him. "She is?" Auggie asked. Riley held her hands out for Auggie to grab and pulled on the floor in front of us. "Yeah, you take this one," I told him. "We're going to pay Phil the fish store guy one more little visit," Riley added. "But I made a mistake," Auggie said. "But we know you, Auggie. You won't do it again," I told him. "It is no mystery to us that you'll take very good care of her," Riley added. Riley and I pulled him into a hug, giving him a kiss on both cheeks.
"My sisters are some dames, aren't they?" Auggie said. "They know just how to pick up the spirits of a heartbroken little detective like me." Riley and I got up and made our way back over to Maya. "This wraps up the case of the fish who ate the graham cracker. Now that I heard the title of the case. I should've known what happened," Auggie said.
The next day, our whole class made its way to Phil's Fish Store. "How ya doin', Phil?" Riley asked as we all walked into the store. "Well, my my my. What have we here? All my favorite customers here at the same time. Ooh, excuse me a minute while I consider which chateau in France I'll be staying at this summer," Phil said. "One goldfish for our whole class, please," Riley and I said. "Looks like you finally met your match on this one, Phil," Maya said looping her arms with my arm and Riley's. "Hmm! Y'all gonna keep this one alive, huh, birdbath?" Phil asked, looking at Farkle. Lucas and Austin laughed at Farkle. "What you laughin' at, slugger and out of bounds?" Phil asked. "Nothing," Lucas and Austin answered quickly.
"We'll take this one," Riley said pointing to the first bowl on the table next to the counter. "Okay," Phil said as he got up to get the bowl. "How long are goldfish supposed to live?" Riley asked. "Well," he started, "with proper care, they can go 15, 20 years." "Then that's when we'll see you next," Riley told him. "Right, guys?" Riley and I asked our classmates and they all nodded in agreement. "I hope so, kids. I'll miss you," Phil told us. "You will?" Riley and I questioned. "Yeah, you're sincere, you're honest. You changed me today," Phil told us. "Really?" we questioned again. "Yeah. That'll be $17,000," he told us. "Phil," Maya said. "Okay," he said. He handed the bowl to Riley and said, "This one's on me." "Thank you, 'Fish Store Phil'," Riley replied. Riley took the bowl from him and we all left.
"Okay, dad, so what was the purpose of this horrible lesson?" Riley asked as me, Maya, and Riley stood at the front of the room next to our new goldfish. "There was no lesson," dad told her. "Oh, come on, Matthews. There's always a lesson with you," Maya said as the three of us moved to our seats. "You wouldn't have put these goldfish in our hands for no reason," Farkle pointed out. "Sorry, guys," dad apologized as he made his way to the front of the room, "no lesson here. Except whatever you came up with."
"This goldfish is going to live 15 years," Riley and I said. "Why is that?" dad asked. "Because there's supposed to be that much life in her," Maya added. "And everything alive deserves to be-" Austin and Lucas started. "Cared for the right way," Farkle finished. "Very good," dad said. "Oh, by the way…" "I knew it!" Riley, Maya, and I said. Dad picked up a pile of papers and turned back towards us. "Permission slips for the class retreat. We're going to the Berkshire Mountains this year. I want you all to watch out for each other. Let's bring everybody home safe and sound. You think you can do that?" he asked. Instead of giving him an answer we all got up and hugged our friend groups. "Yeah, I think you can too," he said.