A few weeks later Bilbo received a letter from Erebor. Fili's mother, the Lady Dis, had arrived at the Lonely Mountain. Balin had told her that Fili was supposed to join her caravan. But of course he never did. Now she worried about her son. Bilbo knew that she had lost her mother and grandmother when the dragon came to Erebor. Her grandfather, her brother Frerin and her husband Vili had died in battle against the orcs at Azanulbizar. Also her father had died as a prisoner in the ruins of Dol Goldur.
Thorin, Fili and Kili were the only family she had left. Bilbo frowned and worried about the dwarf woman he didn't even know. He wondered if she might go mad with grief like her father. From what Fili had told him, she was a tough person. But at some point even the strongest would fall apart. He needed to talk to Fili. They had tell her the truth.
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Fili read the letter and tore at his hair. He moaned in despair. His poor mother was alone in Erebor with a mad brother and a love struck son. And now she thought that something had happened to him. Fili felt terrible for doing this to her. She had already lost most of her family. She should live a peaceful and happy life surrounded by her loved ones under the mountain. Fili sighed in distress. He had no idea what to do. He wanted to tell her that he was alive but on the other side he feared his uncle. What he had done was a kind of treason. He didn't follow his king's orders to marry the Lady Liz. This could be punished with the death sentence. And this wouldn't help anybody. He still couldn't be with his mother and she would hate her brother for killing her son.
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Fili was still sitting in one of the chairs in the living room when the hobbit came back home from the market. "Bilbo, I'm so sorry for my mother. But we have to stick to the plan. I worry that Thorin would send guards to get me back. He would either force me into a marriage with a woman I don't even know or he'd charge me with treason. I can't leave the Shire. These last weeks with Poppy have been some of the happiest in my life."
"Fili, you should tell her the truth. I'm sure she'd understand. Don't let her think you're dead. A parent isn't supposed to mourn their children." Bilbo tried to convince the young dwarf with a frown.
"I know and I'd love to tell her the truth. But what if the letter gets into the wrong hands. They would also recognise my handwriting on the envelope." Fili worried.
"Hmm, well, I could write a letter and we could include yours. In that way no one would notice anything and your mother would stil know the truth." Bilbo suggested.
Fili's frown turned into a smile. He jumped up and hugged the hobbit "That's a wonderful idea. I'm going to write a letter to her tonight and explain everything."
After dinner Fili retired into his room to write the letter to his mother. This would be very difficult and emotionally straining for him. So he wanted to be alone. It was still strange and embarrassing for him to show his feelings to others. He took a piece of parchment and a quill and started to write.
Dear Amad!
First of all, I'm sorry that you worried about me. I'm fine.
I have to tell you something important. I know that you're not going to like this but I hope that you'll accept my decision.
I'm going to stay in the Shire with the hobbits. I'm happy here.
I'm not sure how much Kili told you about our journey. When I left, he had only eyes for his elf. So I'll try to explain.
When Kili and I arrived in Hobbiton, we were too early to meet our burglar. So we drank some ale at the local inn. We talked to one of the maids there and within seconds I knew that she's my One. I tried to forget her but I couldn't. I dreamed of her every night on the quest. I knew that Uncle Thorin would never accept me courting her but I couldn't get her out of my mind.
As you may know, the king plans to marry me to the Lady Liz from Orocarni. I cannot do that, especially not without Kili at my side. I was desperate and wished to have died during the battle. But then I decided to go to the Shire to win my One's heart. We have spent much time together during the last few weeks. She never told me so far but I'm pretty sure that she loves me, too.
I miss you and it troubles me deeply to leave you behind. I hope you can understand me. As you know, it's often difficult for me to express my feelings in words.
Please don't tell anyone where I am. Thorin must not find out!
Bilbo included another letter in which he explains that I have been killed in an Orc attack near Rivendell. You can read this to one of the others if you wish. The elves from Rivendell will confirm this attack if someone should want to investigate my death any further. Though I don't think that this will happen.
If you want to write to me, please address the letter to Bilbo.
I would love to hear from you! But I'd also understand if you don't want me as your son anymore.
I love you Amad!
Your son Fili
Fili laid down the quill and wiped away the tears that streamed down his cheeks. Several tears had landed on the parchment. He prayed to Mahal that his mother would understand.
Thanks again to everyone who read, reviewed, followed and favoured my story! I will be on a holiday in New Zealand from Wednesday until the end of November. I still have a few chapters written and I hope to continue writing and updating as often as possible :)