Chapter 34- The dark at the end of the tunnel
Well, I am so sorry for dragging it out but here is one of the closing scenes for act one! Hopefully you'll forgive me for what I've done! Poor Hawke!
Thank you ever so much for your reviews/follows/support it's great to hear you're enjoying reading this!
As always, I would be nothing without a beta helping me and I would like to thank LostSpace for this chapter.
Enjoy!
Fenris never saw himself as an optimist, and for that he was glad. Too often he saw fools looking on the bright side of the darkness that encumbered their short lives. And yet, right now, he felt hope as they walked onwards. The air around them was no longer inhabited by dust motes, and the smell of rotting corpses became more and more diluted as they journeyed on.
He glanced over at Hawke as she spoke to the dwarf and found the knots of tension loosen as he viewed the corner of her mouth turned up in a grin. It was still worrying for him that he would look at her and feel as he did. During the past few weeks he had done everything in his power to keep Hawke alive. In the first time in his life, Fenris felt as if his freedom was not about running from one place to another. Hawke soothed his inner demons. It was unsettling that this woman had walked into his life and was now changing his ways. Ways he had thought had been set in stone by the trail of blood he left behind.
His stomach dropped as he remembered the goal of this expedition. They had indeed found treasure, thanks to the dwarf's rogue skills. The Hawke siblings would fulfill their purpose for the trip. Hawke would soon be nobility with dozens of men far worthier than he was vying for her attention. Whilst he could not even come to terms with his own emotions; he was birthed in hatred and gore. How could he –an ex-slave, an elf with no income and no real home- stand against the pedigreed nobles of Kirkwall?
Fenris was snapped out of his thoughts by the dwarf who was caressing the ancient stone walls as if they were his damn crossbow. The abomination stood by Hawke viewing the dwarf with amusement on his face, occasionally looking at Hawke in the corner of his eye and smiling at the sight of her small grin. Fenris clamped his mouth shut in a bid to recover his self-control. The way the abomination looked at Hawke was as if she were a prize and not a woman.
A wheezy cough came from the back of him and Fenris looked over at the younger Hawke, who was sitting on a boulder attempting to hide his cough. Fenris did not blame him. If he had a sibling that was as overbearing as Hawke had been these past few weeks, he would most likely be driven to insanity. As much as he agreed with Hawke's concern, he was almost sympathetic to Carver in his plight to have a moment away from his older sister.
"Well? Give it to me bluntly, Varric. I don't think anything can shock me anymore," Hawke said, much to the abomination's amusement.
"Demons, dragons, darkspawn and a giant ancient rock wraith all in one trip? You'll have a bloody good time trying to embellish on that, Varric," the abomination cajoled, much to Fenris' displeasure. He preferred it when the idiot was silent.
"I'd say about a week or so to the surface that way if we're unlucky," Varric said, his voice grim as he looked at her. Fenris knew the dwarf felt as if it were his own fault for the acts of his kin.
"And if we're lucky, Varric?" Hawke asked, rubbing her temple as she tried to feign her usual wit.
"Then we'll step over Bartrand's corpse on the way out," Varric grumbled, as he carried on walking.
"We've been stepping over every other fucker's corpse, why not his too? That would definitely make things seem a little better than they are now," Hawke snapped, raising her arms in defeat as she followed the dwarf.
"Sister? Do you think, we, we could take a break?" Carver asked as he moved slowly towards Hawke, who had frozen at his words. Fenris had seen Hawke express many things whilst he travelled with her, but never afraid. Hawke was not a woman who was easily taken aback; she laughed in the faces of her enemies.
"Anders, take a look at him," Hawke whispered, losing her voice as she stared intensely at her brother. But before the abomination could make his way towards him, the younger Hawke collapsed onto the ground, his legs no longer strong enough to support him.
Hawke charged towards Carver, knocking the abomination back in her desperation to get to her sibling. She fell to the floor, putting her brother's head between her knees and cupped his face with her shaking hands as if he were a small child.
"ANDERS!" she shrieked, and Fenris felt the hairs on his spine raise at the sound.
The abomination walked towards Carver and Hawke, but Fenris could see the abomination's steps were nervous. His arms shook, and Fenris wondered if the abomination already knew what Carver had. He could almost smell the cowardice that rolled off the abomination as he examined the younger Hawke.
"I'm so sorry, Hawke. It's the blight I can-"the abomination started to say, but stopped at Hawke shaking her head in disagreement with him.
"Heal him Anders," she ordered. Her voice was colder than ice and her green eyes like steel as she looked up at the abomination.
"I can't," the abomination replied gently.
The dwarf lingered further away; his words lost at the sight of the two Hawke siblings embracing each other, the older one cradling the younger like an infant.
"It's like Wesley, sister. It's okay. It's fine. Bethy and father will be with me," Carver rasped, his eyes tearing up as he looked at his sister.
"And why could they not take me? Y-you have so much to live for. Why did the blessed Maker not take me? I am tainted already. You've got, you've got…" Hawke began, her voice failing her as she tried not to weep.
"Aria, it's about time, that night you need to move on. I- if you don't I'll- have, have to come back and haunt you sister," Carver wheezed.
Fenris felt as if he did not belong here, viewing the intimate scene before him. He was an idiot. He had spent his energy on watching Hawke, in the attempt to save her life, and forgotten to watch Carver. He had begun to realise how much Carver was Hawke's life.
Fasta Vass! Everything breaks at the touch of my hand!
"Fucking haunt me then, Carver. I can't do this without you," Hawke sobbed.
Carver Hawke was a good man. He protected his sister to the death. And though Fenris disagreed on his preference of women, he knew that without Carver, Hawke would surely crack and break. He was her voice of reason, forever reining her to the ground.
"SOMEONE FUCKING DO SOMETHING! FUCKING DO SOMETHING!" Hawke screamed, looking at them all, her eyes moving to each of them wildly. Fenris wished he could ease her pain. His stomach panged at the sight of Hawke, wild and desperate, and it struck something deep inside of him. He felt useless. He was useless. He could offer her nothing. None of them could. It was disconcerting, to see Hawke in her current state, he could only compare it to seeing a lion stripped of its mane.
Hawke's eyes focussed on her brother, her breathing quickened at the sight of her brother's weak form. Fenris could not imagine the pain coursing through her at that moment.
She peeled off her black gauntlets, and attempted to steady her breathing as she stared down at her brother. Her eyes were narrowed in concentration. After a moment she pressed her hands close to her Carver's chest. The blue glow that emitted from her hands died as quickly as it came, but that did not stop her. She continued for what seemed like forever, and for a moment Fenris wanted to believe that it was possible for her to heal him. He wanted to believe that she could make the taint in her brother's veins leave and they could move on.
Fenris knew her desperation, he thought to himself bitterly as he recalled the empty box that was used to bait him the night he met Hawke. She seemed wild, feral almost, as she attempted to heal him over and over again. When she finally realised it would do nothing, she hugged her brother tight, shrieking into the deep emptiness that surrounded them.
"You must do it sister. You know what you must do," Carver whispered, his skin becoming paler by the minute. Fenris knew what the younger Hawke spoke of, and if he knew Hawke as well as he thought he did, he knew she would not allow it.
The silence screamed back as Fenris stared at the two Hawkes as they embraced each other silently. Hawke would never forgive herself for the act her brother begged her to commit; it would be more than a bitter pill for her to swallow. Fenris knew it would be a dagger to her heart; Hawke would not walk this world without her brother in it.
The abomination's head shot up straight from its defeated bow and he searched around the area with wondering eyes. It reminded Fenris of a deer sensing its hunter before the arrow hit.
"Grab him and come with me. There might be a chance," the abomination said, beckoning Hawke to follow. She looked up at him in shock, but did not question what the abomination had in mind. With feigned ease, she picked her brother up and even though he was twice her size she did not complain. Her back was straight and her face unreadable. Fenris did not dare to offer her aid. Hawke was unpredictable at the best of times, and to offer her such a thing would be to call her weak in a moment when she needed to be strong.
She followed the abomination as they journeyed backwards into the hell they had just escaped from. Fenris promised himself if whatever fool plan the idiotic mage had did not work, he would take it upon himself to rip the abomination's heart out without a moment's hesitation.
The abomination's eyebrows were furrowed together and his eyes were strained as if he were seeking something which was not visible to others. Fenris continued to keep his silence, but with every moment of following the abomination into the pit they had just escaped from the urge to let his temper unravel became harder to resist.
"What are we doing?" Hawke hissed as she strode alongside the abomination, carrying the weight of her brother.
"I can sense other wardens around here. They may be able to help Carver- it's a fate better than the one he's close to now, Hawke- he can become a warden," Anders said timidly, as if he was scared Hawke would return to her outburst.
"He would, would become a warden? Carver is that what you want? Brother?" Hawke asked, looking down on her younger sibling. Regret was painted all over her face, guilt smearing along the lines. Fenris knew these emotions well, for they were painted on his face every day.
"Sister, it burns, it burns. I don't want to die. I don't want to," Carver cried, his voice nothing more than a whisper, but in the silent halls of the Deep Roads it sounded loud, echoing amongst the rubble and debris of dwarves long forgotten. Their legacies tarnished by darkspawn.
"Shhh, Carver, it will be alright. I'll sing to you, shhh," she whispered back. Fenris could see the tears falling from her face as she marched alongside the abomination. The abomination walked quickly, like a hunter searching for its prey. It unnerved Fenris how much he found that in this moment in time he hated the abomination a little less. If he could save Hawke's brother, who held his older sister together, he may not wish to kill him every second of the day.
Just the majority of them.
"Heruamin lotirien
Alai uethri maeria
Halurocon yalei nam bahna
Dolin nereba maome
Ame amin
Halai lothi amin
Aloamin Heruamin,"
Hawke sang her lullaby through the Deep Roads. Her words bounced and echoed throughout the vast passageways. It still surprised him that she was a human who spoke in the elvish tongue well. He did not comment on it however, for now was not the time to try and unravel the enigma that was Hawke. Her lullaby was solemn; it made the already cold Deep Roads seem almost peaceful at the sound of her voice. She was a ghost, gliding onwards as she sang.
The abomination froze to the spot and raised his hand to silence the rest of them; Hawke ceased her singing and stared at the abomination, who seemed to be waiting patiently. The abomination had begun to infuriate Fenris. Why could he not explain himself to Hawke to ease her pain?
The silence seemed to last forever. Hawke began to hum to her brother, who had become silent. His sweat gleaming in the light of the orbs that danced about him. The abomination stared at the doorway they were waiting by expectantly.
Fenris let out a growl in his impatience; did the abomination not understand the foundation of his own brotherhood? The taint would overcome the boy soon enough, and then Hawke would never forgive the abomination.
Fenris' ears pricked up at the sound of footsteps coming closer. They all stood waiting for whatever the abomination said would save the younger Hawke's life. Anticipation ran high in the silence; the only noise was the loud struggling breaths of Carver Hawke.
"Hello Anders," a high and melodic voice from the passageway called as it drew closer.
"It brings me to the Deep Roads to fight darkspawn and now it seems we have found more fleshy things."
A.N here's the translation of the song, it's taken from the dragon age wiki and I do not own it whatsoever!
I feel sun
through the ashes in the sky.
Where's the one
who'll guide into the night?
What's begun
is the war that will
Force this divide.
What have to come
are fire and the end of time.