You had left your room only a few times in the past few days. It all seemed a bit too much.
Jack came in every once in a while. He always came in and talked softly to you, giving you hugs and holding your hand, but you knew he felt helpless. You wished you could be fine for him, but even looking at him seemed like a chore nowadays. So, he did what he could and waited patiently for you to recover.
Dean and Sam had started a routine. Sam would come in every morning and bring you breakfast. He always offered for you come out and eat with them, but you always refused. Dean came in in the evenings and brought dinner. He was much quieter. He didn't try to ask you questions or make you come outside, just simply put it down in front of you and gave you a quick kiss on the forehead or a pat on the shoulder and left.
Jack explained to everyone, including yourself, what had happened. How David had prayed to him, telling him you needed help and when he showed up Jesse was already dead. He also told you that David had called him afterwards, to let him know that after the fight, Kim and him burned the body and packed up their things. They were on their way east now and hoped that they could talk to you after you had recovered.
You were sitting on your bed, knees pulled to your chest when Cas walked in.
You were a bit shocked to see him, but figured one of the others put him up to it and didn't say anything.
He moved forward and sat on the end of the bed, just staring at the wall.
You glanced up at him a couple of times, still not speaking. He sighed, "Hello Y/N."
You still didn't respond. He tried again.
"I'm sorry about your friend. I'm afraid I won't be much help, as I don't experience human emotion like you do, but I do understand what it feels like to lose someone."
You felt like crap. Your whole body was weak and sore. Your eyelids were heavy, your throat dry and hoarse, and your head fuzzy. But you let go of your legs and sat up to face Cas.
He waited for your response.
"I'm sorry," was all you could say.
He gave you a sympathetic smile. "You don't need to be sorry. I'm here to help."
You nodded, stretching out your neck and arms for the first time in the past few days. For some reason, the change in routine was nice for you and felt a little bit better.
"Thank you, Cas."
He shrugged. "It's no problem. I thought maybe if the other boys tactics weren't working, I could give it a shot. I mean, they're just worried about you. We all are. And although I've learned everyone works differently, your coping mechanism seem just a bit abnormal to me. So, I wanted to see if I could figure out what the root of the problem is."
You appreciated his forwardness. You knew Cas didn't realize he was doing it, but when he put it so simply, you were starting to understand how simple it was yourself.
"How am I different?" You asked him.
He looked at you for a moment, his head tilted slightly as if evaluating you. "Well, it's just been quite a long time for you to be mourning. Especially someone who wasn't really a close friend of yours. The boys here always seem to mourn for a day or two, and then push their feelings aside, which isn't very healthy, but I think you want to do that too. You just can't seem to put these emotions on hold. Why is that?"
It was your turn to be confused. "What makes you say that?"
"I've been monitoring you, Y/N. The boys asked me to check in on you when I could and I've realized that you don't cry all the time. It seems random when you burst into tears and when that happens, your heart rate goes up. I studied what most people do when upset like this and I found that the crying wasn't as straight forward. It didn't specifically start or stop at one time, it just kind of… got better or worse. So why is yours so sudden?"
You had to think about it. Why did you keep bursting into tears?
"I don't know," you conceded. "I just… it's like one minute I'm dealing with it, and the next… I can't stop thinking about Jesse. He was defending me. Now what's going to happen to him?"
Your heart rate sped up and you could feel the tears coming again.
"I don't know-"
"We destroyed Heaven!" you interrupted. "And even if we hadn't, it's not like he was going there anyways. We're demons. So… do we go to Purgatory? Or the nothingness?"
Cas opened his mouth to explain, but stopped again. He licked his lips. "Y/N, is this really about Jesse?"
You gasped. But not like you were offended. And not exactly surprised either. It just felt like something had been preventing you from breathing these past couple of days. A shadowy figure, haunting you, but you could never figure out what it was and Castiel had solved it after being with you for five minutes.
You put your head down again. "I'm next Cas. I'm going to die. What's going to happen to me? I don't want to go back to hell. I don't want to go where my father is and possibly see him again. I just… I just want what I can't have."
"What can't you have?"
"A Heaven. A happy eternity, where I'm not lost. Not tortured. Not hunted. But I lost my privilege to a happy ending when I was born under a person like Asmodeus. It just doesn't seem fair, does it?"
Cas put a hand on your shoulder and made you look him in the eyes. "Y/N, you'll go to Heaven. I promise."
You shook your head. "Cas you can't do that. Will Heaven even function anymore?"
He smiled. "I'm sure Heaven will do just fine without the angels."
"Looks like it's just you and Adah now… well, and Michael."
He hesitated. "Actually, just me and Michael now."
You froze. "Cas, I'm so sorry-"
"I told you not to be sorry," he repeated. "It was time for us to go anyway. But Y/N, I swear to you. As long as I'm still alive, I'll make sure you make it to Heaven. You deserve this."
And although, you weren't sure he had any power to do that, you nodded. "Thank you, Castiel."
You shrugged on a jacket, following Dean and the rest of the gang out of the bunker and to the impala. It was getting difficult for all of you guys to go on trips, now that there were five of you living in the bunker. But, you clamoured into the car, at Dean's request, unsure of where you were going at 9:00 pm.
You all chattered amongst yourselves: the two brothers having a stupid argument about movie references in the front seat and you, Jack, and Cas inputting into their conversations when you could, while telling brief stories to each other in the back.
Jack held your hand basically at all points during the day now. Jesse had died over two months ago and you noticed that Jack really missed you while you were recovering, so he had grown a bit more affectionate when you were back to normal again.
The car rumbled to a stop in front of a large forest-y area. You all started to file out and Dean said, "Okay guys. We still have a little farther to go."
He walked to the back of the car opening the trunk and Sam immediately ran around to help.
"Is this a hunt?" Sam asked excitedly, but Dean shook his head.
"Nope," he said, revealing the blankets and food he had compiled in the back of his car. "It's a picnic."
Sam chuckled, almost disbelievingly. "Seriously? A picnic? At night?"
"What?" Dean asked. "Is there a problem? Should we just go back home?"
Sam quickly shook his head. "No! It sounds great I just didn't think…"
Dean nodded in understand, picking up a handful of blankets and dropping them on his younger brother. "Take these."
He then continued to do the same to the rest of you, handing two tupperwares of food to Cas, a pack of beers and some firecrackers to Jack, and a few pillows to you. He grabbed the last couple of blankets, and then set off, leading the way for the rest of the confused and excited group.
You walked for another three or four minutes, stopping the middle of a clearing.
"Here we are!" Dean said proudly, starting to lay the blankets out evenly on the ground. "What do you guys think? One of the days I was being possessed by Michael we came through here and I really wanted to come back. It's just peaceful and I thought we could all use a break."
You guys quickly set everything up, lying down blankets and pillows and taking out some food. Dean had made burgers, which he had packed tightly into a plastic tupperware, hoping they'd stay warm. There was also some cut up watermelon. You couldn't help but giggle at the idea of Dean carefully slicing a watermelon in the kitchen.
Jack pulled you down next to him, on a blanket, as Sam pulled out the beers, passing them around.
Dean and Cas had already started talking with one another on a different blanket as the night started to settle, getting darker.
Jack smiled at you and handed you a burger, before starting to eat himself. He scarfed the food down so quickly you were worried about him throwing it back up. He smiled, his mouth full, when he saw you staring at him.
"What?" he asked innocently.
"Don't make yourself sick," is all you said, before taking a bite of your own dinner.
He finished his food, downing it with a sip of beer and studied you for a minute. You raised an eyebrow, but he didn't say a word, just leaned forward and kissed you on the nose.
"I love you, Y/N."
You grinned and he did the same, both of you sitting there in blissful silence.
He reached out and grabbed your arm. "Well, aren't you going to say it back?" he joked.
You started to, but something else came over you. Your smile dropped slightly, but you weren't any less happy.
"I don't know who I'd be without you."
He looked at you curiously, but didn't argue or question your choice of response.
"Hey guys!" Dean called.
You didn't realize that while you two were talking, Dean had set up one of the firecrackers and was ready to set it off.
It glowed orange as it went off, sparking and bright. You heard Jack laugh in wonder. Everyone's eyes were trained on it.
As it slowly fizzled out Jack jumped up begging to light off another one. He ran over to the package of them and Sam and Cas rushed over to help him set it up.
You were so distracted, watching your boyfriend run around, excited like a puppy, that you didn't see Dean come up next to you, until he sat down.
You quirked an eyebrow, but he didn't look at you, watching Sam explain to Jack what to do.
"Look at the sky," he spoke up.
You glanced upwards, and were overcome by the beauty. The valley was almost completely dark now and the stars were visible. They were so amazing, you couldn't take your eyes from it. You felt right then and there that the universe could swallow you up whole and your whole body felt lighter.
You knew why Dean had done this. It wasn't because he thought they needed a break or because he desperately wanted to take his family out for a picnic. It was for you. And you knew why. Your time was up. You were already a month past your expected death date. You were living on a thread, trying desperately to hold on for just a little while longer.
You had to tell the others soon, or you would never get the chance, but Dean was doing this to take you away from all that. Away from the pressure of telling your family that you were on death row. Away from the hiding, and the lying, and the bleeding, and bruising. And to give you a wonderful night to remember.
You finally brought your head down and was startled to find Dean had left. Jack was calling to you and waving his arms.
"Come on Y/N! Light up a firecracker with me!" He ran forward, grabbing your arms and helping you to your feet. As he went to grab another one, a tear slipped down your cheek, but you were quick to swipe it away. You were not going to be sad tonight.
What you didn't see was the similar tear in Dean's eye as he watched you laugh along with the group and wondered what they were going to do when you were gone…
A/N: Oh No! I'm afraid we're reaching the end you guys! I hope you've been enjoying the story and I would love to hear from you!