A Dragon's Crimson Cry
By: Tippi
A/n
Ch 79 Eye of the Beholder
Jake was trying to do his math homework but math wasn't his strong suit and Fu's complaining about the TV transmission wasn't helping any.
"Darn thing never gets the magical channel" Fu complained as he hit the TV's top. "Jake I need ya for a minute" Fu said grabbing Jake.
"Fu I'm trying to do my math" Jake tried to protest.
"You can do that later right now their doing the miss magical world beauty pageant" Fu said placing Jake on top of the TV in K position with an antenna in his hand, a metal hanger on his foot and a tin foil dunce shaped hat.
"Perfect don't move" Fu said finally getting a good picture on the TV. "Oooo those are some fine looking ladies" Fu said looking over the contestants barking.
"Call me old school but a fine looking lady should only have one head" Jake said as the camera switched to creature with the body of a lizard and the upper half of two girls.
"Yeah whatever you're blocking my view" Fu said pushing Jake's head away from the TV.
"Big girls, big dreams which one will Pandarus pick" the announcer said as Pandarus walked on stage.
"Ellie, Ellie" Fu chanted.
"Ellie as in Ellie Pandarus" Jake asked.
"Yep, he's hosting the pageant on his private island" Fu explained.
"Uh Ellie Pandarus lying, cheating, evil wizard ring any bells" Jake said.
"Come on the guy who organized the first every magical beauty pageant can't be all bad" Fu said then howled.
"Think again genius" a moody voice said.
Jake looked up and Fu turned to see the oracle twins.
"Hi" Sara said waving. "We had a vision about the pageant. Pandarus is up to something unspeakably horrible" Sara explained. "Oh and Jake's going to fall" she added.
"Ahhh" Jake yelled as he lost his balance and fell. "Aw man" Jake responded.
"Fu have you been messing with the antenna again" LS asked smacking the side of the TV to get the picture back.
"No of course not" Fu said kicking Jake away.
"Boy she's going to have a hard time running for her life in those shoes" Sara said pointing on screen.
"You know I could find out what Pandarus is up to no prob" Jake was saying putting his arms over the twin's shoulders "but since you got future vision why don't you just hook me up."
"It doesn't work that way" Terra said removing Jake's arm. "We know something bad is going to happen we just don't know what or when it's not an exact science."
"Enough" LS yelled. "We must go to Pandarus island."
"Yo G his island is sealed up tight and I'm pretty sure his mortal enemies aren't on the guest list unless he's having a moral enemy party with I seriously doubt and if he is then…" Jake was going on.
"We're going to Pandarus island" LS said and that was final.
Jake, Fu, and LS walked down the sea side into the shipping yard.
"We're not allowed onto the island but pretty girls are" LS was saying.
"Now there's a face that could launch a thousand ships or just one headed for Pandarus island" Fu said pointing to a brunette girl waiting for them.
"Fu dog I haven't seen you in a gnome ages" the girl said as Fu jumped up onto the create to lick her cheek.
"Jake buddy you remember Vah-vah-vah-ronica" Fu said.
"Uh I don't know" Jake said looking her over. "Fu I'm sorry I just don't remember…" Veronica walked out from behind the create. "Whaa, yep it's all coming back to me" Jake said seeing Veronica had the lower half of a spider.
"Veronica will be entering the pageant as Miss. Magical New York and we will be traveling incognito as her stylists" LS said placing a beret on Jake.
"How about a game of footsy before we save the world" Fu asked Veronica.
"O you" Veronica answered.
While on the boat to Pandarus island Jake was looking over the railing to the sea when his cell phone rang.
"Hello" Jake said picking up.
"Jake are you really going to the Miss. Magical pageant" Al yelled on the other end.
"Yeah but only cause Sara had a vision that Pandarus is up to an evil plan" Jake explained.
"But still can I come" Al asked.
"What, no, besides I'm already on the boat" Jake said.
"Aw man, thanks for crushing a dream" Al said then hung up.
"This is going to be a long three days" Jake said slumping on the railing.
Minutes before arrival Jake and LS were changing into their disguises to pass the island's security.
"Now when we arrive we must…" LS was saying before he was cut short by seeing what Jake was wearing. "What are you wearing that not the outfit I got?"
"Yeah the one you picked out, not going to fool anyone" Jake said standing in front of his grandfather in loafers, tight black leather pants, white button up shirt with the top button un-buttoned, shades, and a black beret.
"Really you think a real stylist would wear a disaster like that" Jake mentioned to LS's outfit.
LS was wearing fake eye glasses, a orange vest, purple bow tie, a green t-shirt with lime polka dots, jeans, and platform shoes.
Weather LS agreed or not didn't matter as it was too late to change when the boat came into port at Pandarus island in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle on an island oddly shaped like a skull.
Upon entering the hotel for the contestants you were shoulder to shoulder with the female gender complaining, primping, and/or gossiping.
"I and Veronica will check in, you learn the way of our enemy" LS said walking off with Veronica.
"Let's see four guards, two exits…" Jake was saying looking around.
"And 100 chances for romance" Fu said giving a howl.
"Fu get a hold of your self" Jake said clamping a hand over the dog's mouth. "I'm going to go check out the stage."
"And I'm going to check out Miss. Bermuda Triangle and baby if I come up missing don't send a search party" Fu yelled to a retreating Jake.
Fu went around to every girl in record time getting rejected at an equal speed. Jake had just pulled him out of a sauna with a three head relative of Cerberus before all three sets of teeth could rip him apart.
"Fu you can't go around treating women like this, you got to have a little class" Jake said.
"Hey they're the ones that put them selves on display I'm just enjoying the view" Fu said howling again then panting. Fu then tried to hit on a purple fairy flying by. At his comment she slapped him.
"Hm, what do I expect from a dizzy dame" Fu said as Jake just rolled his eyes at Fu's actions.
Monty Hall was giving his grand interdiction to the pageant on stage as the women behind stage rushed to put on last minute touches. Monty introduced the judges being the tooth fairy, Jack Frost, and Santa. Then he interdicted Ellie Pandarus and stated the rules of the pageant were if they were eliminated they were kicked off the island then brought on the first contestant Miss. Magical Atlantis.
Jake and LS were busy getting Veronica ready where as Fu was more into watching the women.
"Yo Fu, some help over here" Jake called pulling Fu attention.
"So how do I look" Veronica asked.
Fu whistled and then said "with those looks in them heels the other girls don't stand a chance."
"Steady, steady" Veronica was chanting to her self. "Poise, confidence…" Veronica got out before falling. "Ow" Veronica exclaimed.
"What's wrong" Jake asked coming to her side.
"My leg" Veronica answered.
"Well that narrows it down" Jake joked.
"Veronica doll are okay" Fu asked coming to her side. "Can you get up?"
Veronica just shook her head in response.
"Yo G she's next what are we going to do" Jake asked in a panic.
"Do you know in Chinese opera women were played by men" LS said seeing the blonde wig behind Fu.
"That's nice gramps what does that have to do with the price of tea in China" Fu asked.
"Now Miss. Magical New York" Monty announced as Fu was pushed onto stage in heels, a dress, and wig.
"I'm a 600 year old Shar-Pei I've got wrinkles on my wrinkles I'll never pull this off" Fu said coming off stage.
"Come on Fu just go with it" Jake said.
"Yeah easy for you to say you're not the one squeezed into a pair size 6 heels" Fu complained pull off a shoe. "What does a dog have to do around here to get some pumps that fit?"
"I need all contestants in the dressing room please" a pageant hand announced.
"And another… dressing room" Fu said looking into the open door of the dressing room. "You know on second thought I'm just the dog for the gig." Fu made his way to the dressing room saying "Hello girls Furella has just arrived."
As that was happening two trolls came over with a stretcher and lifted Veronica on it.
"Don't worry beautiful I'll get you the best medical care money can buy… as long as it's off the island" Pandarus said as Veronica was carried away. Pandarus then looked at LS and Jake. "Who are you two you look familiar?"
"We are Furella's stylists" LS answered.
"A stylist in that outfit" Pandarus asked skeptical as he took in LS's attire.
"Enough my assistant's outfit isn't important he is merely here to carry my equipment and keep my schedule" Jake said in a French accent in hopes of throwing Pandarus off his suspicions. "And let me just say you're using the wrong brand of hair spray for your hair."
"And what brand should I use" Pandarus asked.
"Nay, I only give my styling secrets to paying clients and right now my client is Furella" Jake said keeping his accent as he walked off to the dressing room followed by LS.
"He must be a great stylist of be that arrogant" Pandarus said.
"Told ya that outfit wasn't going to fool anybody" Jake said.
"What was that back there" LS asked ignoring Jake's last comment.
"In the movies as the great stylists are French" Jake answered.
"So girls lets say we start a sorority and have a pillow fight" Fu said in a girly voice as he hit a hump back girl smearing her make up. "Oops" Fu said with a giggle.
"Ahem" Jake said behind Fu.
"This is my stylist …Vincent" Fu said mentioning to Jake.
"O no split ends" Jake yelled looking at the hump back's hair to keep up the charade.
The hump back screamed and ran off.
"This is no time for pillow fights" Jake said turning back to Fu.
"Bit your tongue" Fu demanded.
"Remember what Monty Hall said if you're eliminated from the competition we're out of here" Jake explained.
"So I got to try and actually win this thing" Fu asked.
"Well no just stay in the running till we can figure out what Pandarus is up to" Jake answered.
"I'm on it, you can trust Fu, from now on no more distractions my one and only focus will be staying in the game" Fu said.
"You're my dog" Jake said as they began to walk off with Fu.
"Hey Furella could you zip up my dress" a girl asked.
"Sure thing what are girlfriends for" Fu said once again using the girly voice.
"Sorry Furella has a date with beauty boot camp" Jake said pulling Fu away.
"Face lift, I thought you meant face drop" Fu said as Jake was in their room lifting Fu's wrinkles.
"Face drop" Jake asked.
"Yeah these wrinkles are my calling card, I thought I could a little more around the neck there" Fu was saying. "Oh, can't touch that" Fu said looking at him self in the mirror while Jake rolled his eyes.
The rest of the day Fu was spending with the other 'girls'. First there was massage that turned into a hair removal and a work out in the gym that was also painful.
"O everything hurts" Fu said lying out on the bed.
"Hey G it's sundown how about time for a little dragon recon, ya heard" Jake said looking out the window.
"Yes it is time" LS said.
"Come on Fu lets put the pain in Pandarus" Jake said.
"Uh no can do, Aphrodite magazine says beauty sleep is essential. I got 600 years of bags under my eyes to sleep off" Fu said getting comfortable in bed.
Jake and LS were both thinking 'okay that's not right.'
"That's got to be Pandarus's crib" Jake said as he and LS were lurking in the bushes. "Look's like it's dragon time."
Both of them transformed and used their claws to climb the wall.
"Is everything ready" Pandarus asked as he and Monty were sipping drinks.
"The secret alter is under the stage just as you asked" Monty said.
"Soon I'll be the most powerful wizard in the land" Pandarus said.
"And I'll be the most powerful host in the land" Monty added.
Unknown to them Jake and LS were hang out the window listening. Then a troll closed the window right on the dragons' fingers.
Jake tried to pull back his fingers in pain but they were a bit stuck. The force that he used to free them made him loses his grip on the building and fall to the ground, in the process knocking out two guards.
"No problem I'm on top of it" Jake said.
"Not all of it" LS said pointing to a group of guards headed their way.
Both dragons took off to the sky.
"What are dragons doing here" Pandarus asked seeing the two fly off.
"Want me to take them out for you, Monty's got a big bowl of pain behind door number three" Monty asked.
"No, it doesn't matter, I'm one night from being all powerful and then not even the American dragon can stop me" Pandarus said going back to his drink.