A Dragon's Crimson Cry
By: Tippi
A/n
Ch 80 Competition
LS and Jake climbed back through the hotel window.
"Fu wake up dude" Jake said to Fu who was in bed with a pillow over his head.
"No I'm the prettiest" Fu said in his sleep.
"Fu pageant time" Jake said pulling the pillow off Fu. "Ow my eyes" Jake yelled seeing Fu in a beauty mask.
"Give a dog time to get his face on" Fu said.
The three were sitting around the breakfast table contemplating what to do next.
"So we got to find out what Pandarus is hiding under the auditorium" Jake said.
"There's a trap door center stage I almost go my heel stuck in it nearly took a face plant" Fu informed.
"Sweet, we can sneak in through that" Jake said.
"Yeah the problem is the whole arena is guarded the only time anyone can get on stage is during the show" Fu explained.
"Then that's when we make our move" LS replied.
"Yo Fu something funky with your eggs" Jake asked seeing that was just moving it around with his fork and not eating.
"No but my unhealthy relation with food is over. Hear that eggs I'm breaking up with you and that's no yolk" Fu said pointing at his food.
"Uh Fu you are really starting to scare me" Jake said.
Later that morning the Miss. Magical World beauty pageant continued. Monty Hall was on stage doing his host thing. While in the dressing room Pandarus walked in having one of his guards whistle to get every one's attention.
"Ladies I just wanted to wish you all luck in the finals today" Pandarus said.
"I'm not ready, I need time to get my glam on" Fu said gripping Jake's collar.
In Fu's haste he jumped off his chair only to bump into Pandarus.
"You" Pandarus said with anger.
"Who me I'm just a girl" Fu responded.
"What do I except from a dizzy dame" Pandarus said walking off.
"Dizzy dame what he think I am a piece of meat, if you poke me do I not giggle" Fu said. "It's like he doesn't even see the real me."
"Who does he think he is" one girl said.
"We get no respect" another said.
"Some men are such dogs" Fu said.
"You said it girlfriend" some girl said.
"Places, every one places" the stage hand yelled into the dressing room.
"Well I'll be it's the dance of the southern bells" Monty said as the girls walked on looking like their own version of little bow pep.
Fu was walk on and tripped getting back up.
"Keep us" Fu whispered to Jake and LS who were hiding under the dress.
"Sashay, sashay" Fu said as he walked on.
"Uh, we should have had him shave his legs" Jake said.
"Okay go" Fu said getting in front of the trap door and lifting up the back of his dress so Jake and LS could slip in un noticed.
Jake climbed halfway down the ladder till sprouting dragon wings and gliding genteelly to the ground.
"Come Jake we must hurry" LS said walking off into the water floor system of caves.
"No arguments here" Jake said hearing a growl echo off the walls.
On top the swim suit portion of the pageant was going on. All the girls were walking with their best swim wear on.
~In New York~
Al was in his room watching the pageant on the TV with a bowl of popcorn and soda.
"Auntie Lisa, my eyes" Al yelled spitting out his soda and shielding his eyes from his middle aged, water type, aunt in a two piece.
~Again at the pageant~
Fu was walking on stage when he tripped and dropped his pal on top the tooth fairy's head.
Under the stage in the maze of caves Jake and LS were looking for… well they weren't sure what yet.
"A fork in the road" LS said as they came the two tunnels.
"This way" Jake said taking the left tunnel after see the shadows appeared on the walls of the right.
On stage the girls were still going in a circle in swim wear letting the judges get a good look. Then Fu stepped on one of the tentacle legs of the girl in front of him who knocked the girl in front of her down, who also knock the girl in front of her down and went on like that till all girls were down. Fu only went whoops as they went down.
In the tunnels LS and Jake came to a stone door way lit by two torches.
Upon entering the room it looked like the inside of a stone church. There was a row of stone benches on either side and an alter in front. The two walked to the front of the room.
"It looks like an alter" Jake said looking at the alter seeing a stone with weird symbols on it.
"The prophecy of Cannabis" LS said looking at the stone and reading. "He who weds the fairest creature of them all at the stork of midnight, the day to planets align will become the most powerful wizard in the land."
"So Pandarus is gonna…" Jake was saying when a growl from beyond the door way interrupted him.
"G we got company" Jake said as the two transformed. "Okay ogres lets see what you got" Jake said as two ogres entered.
Jake and LS easily defeated the ogres but just as they did a net fell on them.
"This net is made of sphinx hair" LS yelled as the two reverted back to human.
"The only substance that renders a dragon absolutely powerless" Pandarus said walking up to their side. "Now if you excuse me I have to go marry the winner of the pageant and become the most powerful wizard in the land not to mention the most evil" Pandarus said giving an evil chuckle.
With the net all Jake and LS could do was give each other a worried look.
"What's taking gramps and Jake so long" Fu asked as he was in the dressing room. "I mean it's just so hard find reliable stylist these days" Fu then said in a girly voice.
Fu went on about fashion problems while Iris, the Cyclops, started to tear up then all out cry.
"Hey what gives Iris" Fu asked going over the crying girl.
"I… I can't go on, I'm not pretty enough I'm awful, awful" she said turning away continuing to cry.
"That's not true," Fu started. "You're beautiful, smart and funny. Here dry your eye" Fu said handing her a tissue.
"Thanks Furella" Iris said hugging him and blowing her nose.
"Places people it's time for the personality portion" the stage hand announced. "Furella you're up."
"But I'm not ready" Fu said as he was forced on stage.
"Ready beautiful" Monty asked Fu as he was pushed on stage.
Fu just nodded.
"Nervous" Monty asked.
"A little" Fu said with a giggle.
"I'm sure you'll do great" Monty said. "And our fist question comes from the master of the deep freeze him self Jack Frost" Monty said pointing the Jack him self.
"Okay I'm going to keep my questions simple," Jack said sounding board. "What's your favorite season?"
"Umm winter" Fu responded.
"Oh I like her, do you like, I like her" Jack said a bit more interested now.
"Next a quarter for her thoughts the tooth fairy" Monty announced.
"O I lllove this job. Let's see those pearly whites" the tooth fairy said flying up and opening Fu's mouth.
Upon opening his mouth… let's just say Fu didn't brush much nor make to many dentists appointments.
The tooth fairy looked ready to throw up.
"I'm sorry…I just… wasn't … expecting that" the tooth fairy got out before flying to the bathroom to throw up.
"O tough break Furella" Monty said. "Now on next judge Santa."
"Sorry kid you're on my naughty list and my ugly list" Santa was said. "You should donate that body to science, science fiction you know what I mean?"
Fu stated to tear up.
"Enough with you no matter how hard I try I just can't look like those girls in thoughts fashion magz" Fu said starting a speech. "My personality is more then about my teeth or my figure. You know what I see when I look around? I see the smartest most accomplished dames I've ever had the good fortunate enough to know. Did you know Gannet has a PHD in molecular biology" Fu said as they saw a pointed eared nymph looking into a microscope.
"Felicia she designed the ancient pyramids" Fu went on as a mermaid showed a blue print of a pyramid.
"And Bertha… well she's as dull as a spoon but she makes a mean pie" Fu said as the giant was sniffing a fleshly baked pie.
"And what have you done with these amazing women? Pinned them against each other and threaded them like pieces of meat. Well let me tell you, you women are all better than that. And me I'm already a winner just for getting to know them. Because you're all beautiful in here and that's all that matters" Fu finished as all the women were tearing up.
"Get this sniveling nobody off my stage and crown a winner already" Pandarus said walking on stage.
"You can take this pageant and stick it up your ear Pandarus" the first head of the three head dog said pushing the card with her contestant number into his hands.
"See ya" the second head said. "Wouldn't want to be ya" the three head finished.
"Yeah, this pageant is whack any way" Iris yelled. "Pageants should have opportunity for women like scholarships and giving mine numbing speeches about world peace."
"Face it Pandarus the only way you can pull this sham of a pageant off is by naming a really woman a winner. I say we give the crown to Furella for telling the truth" the three head dog said.
All the women cheered 'Furella' as Pandarus looked at his watch seeing it was almost midnight.
"Okay enough, judges we need a winner if every one else with draws then make it her even if she is a totally dog" Pandarus said.
"Ooo Furella it is" Jack Frost said.
"I present to you the new Miss. Magical World and fairest of them all Furella" Monty announced as Fu was crowned and given the plaque.
Monty started to sing but was cut off my Pandarus grabbing Fu.
"Hey where we going" Fu asked.
"Well since the pageant is over I can tell you the good new. We're about to fulfill an ancient prophecy. When I marry you I won't only become the most devilishly handsome wizard in the world but the most powerful" Pandarus explained.
"O good for you," Fu said then pulled off his wig "just one problem I'm no woman."
"Look it's that jerk that was hitting on us the other day" the centaur girl said.
"That's right how's that prophecy looking now" Fu asked.
"Just fine. It only says I have to marry the fairest of them all and according to your tiara and plaque is you" Pandarus said picking up Fu and jumping into the trap door. "Farwell ladies."
Two ogres stood guard over the trap door as all women gasped.
Pandarus dragged Fu to the cave room with the alter where a freighted and chained leprechaun was waiting.
"What luck I need two witnesses to our blessed union and here they are just hung around" Pandarus said mentioning to LS and Jake who were chained by their wrists to the wall with sphinx hair nets over them.
"Watch out Fu Pandarus is going to kidnap the winner of the pageant and force her to marry him" Jake informed.
"You're looking at her kid" Fu said.
"No way" Jake responded.
"You won" LS said.
"O is it really that hard to believe" Fu argued.
"Enough lets get on with this" Pandarus said as the leprechaun stepped up to the alter.
"Welcome we are chained here together, I mean gathered here together…" the leprechaun was trying to get out.
"Just get on with it" Pandarus demanded.
"Dearly beloved yada, yada, we are gathered here yada, yada, does any one have any objections" the leprechaun asked.
"We do" a woman's voice said behind them.
They all turned to see all the contestants' storm in to the room.
"Guess they couldn't stand to see me off the market" Fu joked.
Pandarus summoned a bunch of ogres to fight them. While the girls fought some freed both LS and Jake.
"You girls rock" Jake said.
"It's no use there's to many of them" a girl said.
"Leave it to me" the mermaid said as she raised a high enough note to shatter glass and it shatter her tank of water washing away the ogres.
"Take him just don't hurt me" Pandarus pleaded.
"What coward" Jake said.
"Now that's what I call girl power" Fu said to the ladies.
Back in New York all contestants were getting off the boat.
"Ladies I've got to a hand it to ya you really saved my tail back there so thank you" Fu said.
"Yeah well were still pretty mad for lied to us" the fairy said.
"But we're awful proud for standing up for us and speaking the truth" Iris said.
"And I meant every word of it" Fu said. "I was a better dog as woman then I ever was as dog."
"Looks like Fu Dog has really turned around" Jake said.
"I got to say this entire weekend has been a test for me a test I'm happy to say I passed" Fu said hugging some of the women.
As Fu was hugging the humpback he squeezed the hump.
"Hey hands off the hump" the lady said.
"I said I passed I didn't say I got an A or a B, or a C, I didn't get a D either or an E" Fu said.
A/N I'm so sick of writing Pandarus and pageant I also not so fond of Furella.
I also been wondering where the oracle twins came from at the end of the episode.