Chapter 41

Repentance!

Thank you guys for all your support, it means ever so much to me and it's why I've been trying my hardest to get these chapters done for you before my life becomes even more mad. I'm kind of praying that isn't possible, but you know…

Thanks to my lovely Beta, LostSpace for her help. If it wasn't for her then these chapters would not be as good as they are now!

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x

Fenris sat in Varric's suite with the rest of Hawke's misfits all of whom –like himself- were waiting for Hawke's return with bated breath. The dwarf feigned casualness as he scribbled on the blank velum but Fenris saw through his pretences, amused at the sight of the bespectacled dwarf glancing at the door every minute or so.

The blood mage seemed the happiest in Hawke's return but also seemed distant as she stared at the tavern door wistfully. Fenris suspected that a small part of the blood mage hoped that Carver would be right behind Hawke, laughing about the entire expedition as if it was all just a bad dream. He had not seen the blood mage in weeks, she had holed herself up with her demons. It was one of the many reasons Fenris was glad of Hawke's return. The abomination sat next to the blood mage as they drank their ales, all of their eyes on the door as they sat in anticipation. Aveline had kept them all in check with threats of arrests, amongst other things, these past few months but she did not have Hawke's charisma.

The sound of footsteps coming closer to the door snapped him out of his thoughts and Fenris held his breath as the pirate sashayed towards it to open it and let Hawke in. He had only just begun to realise the way Hawke had a hold of their lives.

The door opened but it did not reveal Hawke. A man in his late twenties, donned in pearl white armour stood nervously with an archer's bow on his back. Fenris could tell he did not belong in this kind of establishment; the man's armour was far too clean.

"Well, if this is her present for being late then she's forgiven. Why don't you come in kitten?" Isabela purred as she leant against the wall, smiling seductively at her new prey. Fenris scoffed at Isabela, although he secretly admired her attitude. When she wanted something she got it most of the time…

"Ah, hello, ahem, you must be Isabela. I should have expected that since I was warned," the man replied, his cheeks blushing furiously.

The abomination looked at the man suspiciously before asking "Who warne-"

But the abomination's words were cut off by the window being sprung open and a loud crash as someone tumbled to the floor. Fenris grabbed his sword in instinct. The intruder –who was hooded- dusted their cloak off and readjusted their head piece, the man who had been at the door ran to the hooded figure in panic, helping the intruder up. Fenris found himself bewildered for a moment but a shock of realisation shot through his spine as he saw a pair of jade eyes staring at him from under the shadows of the intruder's hood.

"I'm fine Sebastian, I'm just used to the sensitive glass of Hightown these days," Hawke huffed, gripping hold of the man's arm for a moment and then letting go as she lowered her hood. Fenris' stomach jolted at the sight of her being so at ease with the other man's touch, but put it to the back of his thoughts as he gazed at Hawke.

"I can see why you like Hightown now Hawke, I really can," Isabela chuckled, a catlike grin flashing on her face as she took in the view of the man who was now known as Sebastian.

"It has its… advantages," Hawke agreed in an amused tone. Hawke turned to look at him deliberately for a moment before shifting back to the dwarf.

"Hawke, you're two months late!" Varric cajoled and Hawke's grin got even wider.

"You know how it is Varric, the life of us nobles," Hawke mock-sighed and Fenris snorted his amusement.

"It's so good to have you back Hawke," the blood mage added, her voice almost joyful as she ran to embrace Hawke who held her for a split second and then pushed the mage away as if she was a hot coal. Fenris did not blame her, if the blood mage had tried to embrace him he would surely rip out her heart.

Aveline stood and viewed Hawke for a moment, a firm frown painted on her lips as she looked at Hawke's new clothing with a face mixed with emotion. Disapproval ran the strongest on her frown lines, however, but only for a moment as she grinned at the return of one of her closest friends.

"I should have known you couldn't just settle down in your big fancy mansion and be as complacent as all the others that sit up there in Hightown," Aveline chuckled, walking towards Hawke and giving her a swift pat on the back.

Fenris coughed loudly at her statement and Aveline's eyes narrowed for a moment before she grabbed her mug of ale and scoffed "the ones that are meant to be there anyway."

"Enough with the embracing, I've not been gone that long," Hawke said exasperated, as the man named Sebastian stood in front of her momentarily as if he was protecting Hawke from her own friends. Fenris almost growled at the sight of another man trying to claim her –the abomination was one thing, at least Hawke knew he was an idiot. If anything he seemed like royalty but that was not what annoyed him about the man, it was that Hawke allowed him so easily to stand in front of her and help her up. The Hawke he knew wouldn't allow anyone's help apart from her brother's.

"Shit, Broody, Blondie, you've missed your chance!" Varric cajoled, moving the stool next to him and gesturing to Hawke.

The abomination still looked shocked from Hawke's loud entrance; he sat staring at her for moments before he said anything.

"I thought you'd left us, I thought you'd left me," the abomination said in an unrecognizable tone.

"Anders, surely you know I had some things to deal with. I don't exactly belong to you all, you all know that, right?" Hawke answered, confused by the abomination's upset tone.

Hawke looked around the group that had fallen silent at her words, and even Fenris found he could not deny her words. Comradeship was still foreign to him and yet he found he worked well with Hawke and her other party members. It was comforting and that irked him…

"If it helps kitten, I've been far too busy looking for my relic to even miss you," Isabela added, flinging her legs onto Varric's table with a feigned casual manner that Fenris saw through. The pirate was not as good at hiding her feelings as she thought she was.

"Yeah, and dragging me out to a treasure hunt that ended up to be a box of old love letters and a boot," Varric replied into his jar of ale.

"C'mon Hawke spill why you're here and why you've brought this tall glass of handsome along for the ride," the pirate continued, ignoring the dwarf's jibes.

Fenris could not mistake the grin on Hawke's face. She motioned her head at Sebastian, who uncomfortably took the seat next to her and viewed the other members of the party nervously, a sign he was bred by nobility and not used to people like the ones who sat around the table.

"This is Sebastian, a close friend of mine. His family was murdered by a company we dealt with, and he is now the last remaining heir of Starkhaven and resides in the Kirkwall chantry," Hawke said, gesturing towards Sebastian who nodded politely to everyone around them.

"I ought to go pray more often," Isabela thought out loud.

"Are you Andrastian, Isabela?" the chantry brother asked genuinely, viewing the pirate with surprised eyes.

"I thought I recognised you! Many thanks for the help with the bandits around the chantry the other night," Aveline interrupted, bowing her head to recognise the man's royalty. Fenris bit his tongue, wishing the pompous fool wasn't royalty. The man was everything a woman like Hawke should desire it seemed.

"I am a mere chantry brother, Captain," Sebastian replied with a curt smile.

"A chantry brother that has a dragon bone bow and exquisite white arrows, the same arrows that were implanted in the skulls of many of the thugs that resisted arrest," Aveline replied with a twinkle in her eye.

"Sebastian! I knew the pious attitude was a bit too much!" Hawke exclaimed happily, causing the man to beam for a moment in amusement. Fenris' stomach curled in annoyance at the man's smile. But he remained silent, choosing to glare at the walls of the dwarf's suite.

"I digress," Hawke continued empting a pocket of her belt and revealing several pieces of parchment and handing them to the dwarf who started reading them enthusiastically. "I've been helping Sebastian for some time, and whilst I was away-"

"Roaming the forests as a great wolf you mean Hawke!" the blood mage interrupted, her voice brimming with curiosity.

"Another time Merrill, I promise you. I came across some members of the company we had hunted down a few months back, the ones who had murdered Sebastian's family. The very last brigade of the Flint Company. When I apprehended them I found these curious messages and you see since I know a dwarf who loves puzzles, I was going to ask for his aid," Hawke said, her chin pointing towards the dwarf who looked at her for a moment with a wicked grin.

"I would have liked to have seen that. Did you deal with them as a wolf, sweetheart?" the abomination chortled, his mood distracted from Hawke's tale.

"I did."

Fenris' spine tingled at her words as he viewed Hawke for a moment and as if she sensed his gaze her head turned towards him. For a split second she stared at him then turned her attention back to the dwarf.

"Give me half an hour, and I'll have this cracked, partner," Varric said, pushing his spectacles higher up his face as he viewed the piece of paper.

"As you say, partner," Hawke replied and the dwarf's face exploded into a truly happy smile. It had been odd being with the dwarf these last few months. Fenris had never thought Varric would be the type of man who could be depressed, and that was mostly true, but every now and then he saw the dwarf look at the Hanged Man's door with a sad look on his face. Hawke's absence had hurt the dwarf in more ways than he let on it seemed.

"Welcome home, Hawke," the dwarf said almost absentmindedly as he continued to work on the pieces of vellum Hawke had handed him.

….

The mansion they entered was merely a few yards away from his own and yet he had never even heard anything strange coming from the noble's estate. Fenris watched Hawke lead the group into the unkempt hall of the quiet mansion. He could feel the tingles of magic as soon as he stepped into the Harimann Estate, and watched as Varric readied his crossbow in anticipation.

Hawke's stride was met by the newest addition to the party who walked alongside her. The abomination muttered curses under his breath about Sebastian and Fenris found himself agreeing with abomination. He walked along with their party but his mind was further afield.

Was this something Hawke did? Collect men along the way, the more broken the better? Was he merely a fool, like the abomination, for thinking she could have any feelings for him? Hawke was manipulative and she used that in her favour just like the pirate. Who was this man that he could so easily touch her without her complaint? What a fool he was, that he thought she could ever care for him. Why would she?

"Broody, less brooding, more glowing," the dwarf whispered irritably as they climbed the stairs. Hawke entered the room first with anticipation, unsheathing one of the smoke bombs from her belt in preparation for a battle being ahead.

Hawke froze at the sight of a noblewoman screaming at a large barrel of wine. She turned and beckoned them forwards but Fenris noticed her hands move towards her daggers as she did so.

"WHY DOES NO ONE CARE WHAT I WANT IN THIS HOUSE? MORE WINE!" the woman screamed at the large barrel, raising her hands as if she was speaking to someone else rather than the inanimate wooden barrel.

"Any ideas?" Hawke whispered, edging her way around the deranged woman.

"What can you sense, Hawke?" the abomination asked. He had not changed it seemed, he still wanted Hawke to focus on her so called birth right.

"Enchanted, demons I'm guessing," Hawke replied back, much to Fenris' annoyance.

"Then the Harimanns could have killed my family against their own will?" Sebastian asked, viewing the woman with sad eyes, "Her name is Flora, we were friends once."

"Maybe Sebastian, I promise you I will find out. Go to the chantry, it's safer for you there," Hawke replied, beckoning her head towards the exit. Fenris' eyebrows widened at Hawke's command. She had once asked him to leave for his own safety, but not in such a caring tone.

Fenris felt wrong, something was washing over him, it was as if the magic had begun to tingle and dig into his skin. He felt irritable, more so than usual and watched the man with the eyes of a predator. Why did she care for him? She just used people; Hawke just used other people to get what she wanted.

She was no better than the pirate.

He shook off the thoughts, it was as if they were not his own. He snarled his annoyance, something was wrong in this house. He could taste the blood magic that had invaded every part of the house.

"I am not leaving you to fight whatever evil is in this house Hawke, you have risked too much just by being here," Sebastian said, his tone polite but had an air of a command that obviously came from his royal blood. He took his bow out as confirmation that he was staying and put a hand on Hawke's arm for a moment, she smiled warmly at him.

You were a means to an end. You're no longer useful and now that she is a noble she sets her sights on bigger and better men. Do not take it personally; she plays mind games with all men. See how freely this one can touch her? See how she welcomes his touch but pretends to be the scared damsel? Lies. Your precious Hawke is nothing but smoke and mirrors. She doesn't know your plight or your pain…

Fenris growled his frustration as the bitter thoughts in his head came thick and fast. Alarmed at his growl the other party members stared at him, fingering their weapons as they looked around the hall that was silent apart from the drunken woman, Flora, who was shouting at the barrel still.

"Fenris, are you alright?" Hawke's voice was full of concern.

Lies sweetling… Nothing more than lies. She knows it hurt for you to see that.

"I will endure it," he grunted, rubbing the temples of his head as if trying to will the ill thoughts from his mind.

Hawke remained silent but gave him a nod of agreement. He clenched his teeth as she unsheathed both daggers and moved forward.

It seemed he was a slave, no matter how far he ran…

…

The mansion was a swirling pool of power, each corner a new source of madness greater than the other. The Harimann son had cackled to himself as he threw more coins into his molten gold mixture, the frightened elf girl fleeing the scene had reminded Fenris of the slaves in Danarius' household. His mind would flash back to the slave girl whom Hadriana had forced him to eat. Blood magic was strong in these halls, and the more they moved the more suspicious he was of the origin. The demon had not consumed any of the Harimann family; in fact it had just taken their minds. The patron of the household hid in his bedroom creating wild fantasies with a brothel whore.

But it was not just the Harimanns who seemed to be affected by the magic in the household. He could feel whatever entity resided in the mansion creep into his thoughts, whispering in his mind. He watched Hawke walk alongside her new toy and his blood boiled. He wanted to get angry, to tell her what a whore she was but he resisted. He chanted in his mind that he was strong but the further they travelled into the mansion, the worse the voice held onto him.

What will you do when you are withered and old, still chained by your former master and she is a queen? She could be his princess and have his children and sit on her throne and when that happens she will forget you. You were a fun toy, a good toy… until he came along.

He seethed under his breath as they made their way to the wine cellar; Hawke seemed to be the only one not affected by the magic that roamed freely. Her stride was persistent whilst he grunted and spat as he tried to resist. Fenris noticed the dwarf had gone silent too, every now and then closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. Sebastian, for all his pious pretences looked strained as he followed Hawke, chanting his prayers as they moved further in. The abomination however seemed unfazed by what was happening and Fenris realised bitterly that the fool was already possessed.

"If anyone feels like whatever's down there is getting to them, leave before it's too late," Hawke warned as she stepped delicately down the staircase.

Pretends to be strong but is delicate, I watched her squirm you know. Oh, we all watched and backed away in fear, but she's not as powerful as she makes out. She plays such games with you men, you thought you were the only one with the power to rip out hearts. And she has the potential to be a monster. She needs to end, she will become another magister in her own right… it is your duty.

He almost howled but the words were starting to make sense. The abomination and Hawke were mages that used their freedoms for their own desires. They were selfish, they did what they pleased and never thought of anyone else.

Hawke moved swiftly towards the door in the basement, but stopped at a corpse and moved quickly to pick up something obscure that Fenris could not see in the darkness. She carried on but stopped again, as if waiting for something to come. He grabbed his sword from his back ready for the fight; he knew Hawke's tells better than his own.

The girl, her brother and her father they had seen earlier appeared from the door that they had been heading towards, sickly smiles smeared on their faces.

"Turn back, there is nothing here for you," Flora announced, looking at Hawke with blind eyes.

"I'll decide that, thanks. Why don't you go and sleep that hangover off? You look dreadful," Hawke quipped, but the bodies of the Harimann family had already collapsed to the floor. Fenris gripped his sword ready for the fight he knew was about to happen.

"Finally, I was sick of just thinking there was creepy shit everywhere," Varric shouted, readying Bianca as the shades and demons appeared from the floors below.

"I second that my sweet dwarf," Hawke laughed in delight, her blood thirst obvious as she launched a grenade at one of the shades before diving in to the fray with her daggers.

He let the lyrium burst out of his skin as he swiped his great sword into the demon's path. A part of him expected Hawke to be ducking and rolling next to him like she had done many times before, but Hawke held her own stance in the fight. She was a good fighter. He watched her from the corner of his eye whilst she attended to the desire demon that tried to corner her. He slammed his sword into one of the shades and was about to come to her aid when a white arrow whirred past him and hit the desire demon in the back of the head, making it fall to the floor clumsily.

He turned and growled at the rogue archer who simply turned and dealt with the stragglers that were still trying to fight. Hawke flipped herself over with ease and joined in Sebastian's fight, not even noticing their exchange. It seemed she had become more lethal in her fighting skills, using powerful kicks and underhand punches and other brutal tactics.

When the last demon fell, Hawke did not comment on anyone's well-being. She looked at the abomination who merely nodded his approval of everyone being well and carried on down the steps.

If you got rid of the prince, she could be yours my sweet sweet elf.

….

They fought their way through the catacombs that ran under the Harimann Estate and found themselves in a large dusty chamber, older than any of the mansions in Hightown. The matriarch of the Harimann household knelt at the foot of a desire demon, begging it for more power to secure Starkhaven as her own. The demon stared down at the old woman joyfully as if the woman's pleas gave it deep pleasure.

"Hello sweetlings," it said, floating towards them with a hungry look in its eyes.

"Great, desire. I thought so. What bargain have you made?" Hawke turned her attention to the elder woman who had stood up.

"Who is this? What are- Sebastian?" the elder woman asked, her eyes wide with shock at the chantry brother being alive.

"You were my mother's friend! How could you murder her?" Sebastian snapped, rage painting his features.

"Such an ugly word murder, I prefer removed the only obstacle between her and her dreams," the demon purred, eyeing them all with hungry eyes.

"This was your idea!" Sebastian shouted at the demon's seductive grin.

"I could create such desires if I wished. I can see your desires too, I can make them happen. I know you look at her, chantry brother. I know you feel she would make such a strong princess … You wish you had been there for your family. But now you could be prince, Prince of Starkhaven. All you would have to do is take out your rival, take the lyrium elf away," the demon purred and its words held Sebastian in place. Fenris growled threateningly at the demon, but it still glided towards him.

"And you, my delicious sweet elf. I can feel your desire; you want her as your own. The chantry brother does not want her as badly as you and you would win the battle easily. Rid us of this so called prince and the prize will be yours, I will make it so," the demon's voice slid into his mind, and before he could stop himself the lyrium on his body set a fire.

"I'll rescue you before any of this happens, Hawke," the abomination scoffed, engaging the demon's attention.

"Ah Justice, protecting this one I see. What would happen if I gave Hawke her desires?" the demon asked, sliding to Hawke.

"Hiding them away I see. I saw you years ago. I watched with my brothers and sisters in the Fade when it happened. I could make you stronger than you are, you could have him," the demon purred, floating towards Hawke. Fenris' stomach jolted at the demon's words. He stared at Sebastian, and found the temptation was overwhelming. She was right, the demon was right.

"Not hiding them away at all, you just can't get to them very well," Hawke replied, a grin on her face.

"And why is that sweetling, care to confess to your friends?" the demon purred, touching Hawke's face with one of its long purple fingers.

"Because I desire nothing more than to see you dead," Hawke answered, and in one swift movement stabbed the demon in the abdomen with one of her daggers. The demon howled and the fight began, the fog that covered Fenris' mind seemed to disappear as soon as the demon screamed in its fury.

The fight seemed never-ending; the crowds of demons swarmed them. Bianca sang loudly as the crossbow rained bolts down on the shades, fireballs fell to the ground by the abomination's command and Hawke stood in the centre whirling her daggers in the fray; the rogue archer stood beside chanting the Maker's prayers loudly as he fired arrow after arrow. Fenris joined in to the battle buzzing with blue light. He threw his sword where he was needed and when the fight was over they found themselves standing amongst a sea of ashes and corpses.

Fenris inhaled and exhaled deeply for a few moments. He had not been in a fight like that since the Deep Roads.

"I- I must leave. I must return to the chantry and pray for Lady Harimann's soul," Sebastian whispered, his eyes locked on Hawke.

"Sebastian, I-"

"No Hawke, I must be alone," Sebastian concluded, stepping over Lady Harimann's body before exiting the scene hastily. Fenris agreed with the chantry brother silently, the events of the mansion had drained him more than he initially thought.

Hawke stood there for a moment in silence, looking around at the ash and death that surrounded her.

"I think that went well sweetheart, nobody succumbed to demons, the demons are dead, everyone's happy," the abomination said, a satisfied smile on his face.

Hawke ignored his comment and swirled around to look straight at Fenris. She charged up to him with determination and stood centimetres away from him. He could feel her anger radiating off of her body in waves.

"What in the Maker's undergarments was that about?" she asked, almost hissing.

"Do not question me Hawke, I am in no mood for your games," Fenris replied, annoyed by her temper –something he had not missed about Hawke.

"Games? Oh yes, I play games," Hawke started, her voice loud enough for both the abomination and the dwarf to hear.

"Venehedis! Go and run after your prince, Hawke!" Fenris spat, and before he could watch her run off he stomped off in the opposite direction, praying there was another way out of the mansion. Before he exited however, he heard Hawke howl loudly and for a moment thought she had once again become a wolf.

"Sweetheart, it's already dead but if it makes you feel better keep on kicking it," the abomination's voice simmered from the chamber.

He growled and stormed away from earshot. He was right, Hawke did not want him. And he would learn not to care for her or her games. Tonight he would drink and reside in his own bitter world, where self-hatred was his only bedfellow.