Lou's is the weirdest place to eat, which is why everyone loves it. The décor revolves around one thing: the name Lou. Pictures of people named Lou cover the walls like plaster; Lou Reed, Lou Dobbs, Mary Lou Retton, Lou Ghrig, King Louis the Fourteenth, Emmylou Harris, Louis Gossett Junior, Lou Costello, Louis L'Amour, Louis Armstrong, Lou Rawls, and Lou Pavarotti - just to name a few. There's a running bid that if you can name a famous Lou that isn't on the walls, you get a free appetizer. But no one has ever been able to. My favorite thing about Lou's restaurant, however, is the fact that the owner's name is Fred. Don't bother asking him how he came up with the idea for Lou's, though. He'll just shrug and toss a basket of warm garlic bread at you, and the bread is so good, you stop asking questions. I hardly ever get to go to Lou's, which is a shame because I enjoy it. Valon is barely speaking, and I can't even begin to think of a coherent conversation starter - so here we are, sitting in long, awkward silence as we nibble out food.

"Don't you like Italian?" Valon finally asks, his fork halfway to his mouth. The question almost sounds like an accusation. I pick up my own fork, which I had just set down, and lift a lasagna noodle to look at the filling underneath it.

"This is really good." I comment. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"With all that tension between you and Jou, there would be something wrong with you if you didn't want to be with him." He stabs angrily at his own pasta, and I know my charade is useless. It had been so obvious that he'd interrupted something between Jou and I. Acting like the opposite was just an insult to him.

"I'm sorry-"

"But I'm just some guy you met. Not even worth considering." He sets down his fork and stares glumly at the wall.

"You are worth considering. That's why I'm here, in this mess."

"Flattery will get you nowhere." He says.

"I didn't know this would happen." I plead.

"Why did you let me kiss you yesterday?" His eyes burn into me. I get a flash of our kiss from yesterday from his mind - what it had meant to him. He had been so happy... And now he was miserable, because of me. And Jou was miserable, too.

"Valon, I wanted to know what it would be like to kiss you, you know?" I can't look at him, so I focus on my plate. "You're so sweet and open with me, and I know I can fall in love with you..."

"But...?" He prompts.

"It's just-" I give a ragged sigh. "-so much is going on between Jou and I. History. And I can't move on without addressing it, first. But I know, if I had met you before it all...I would've been in love with you. And we would have worked. And we would have been happy."

"Tell me the truth, Kujaku." He says. "Are you two dating?"

"No."

"But you like him."

"Yes."

"And he wants to date you?"

"I'm not completely sure, but I think so."

"Which is it? Yes or no?"

"I think yes. But we haven't really talked about it."

"One more question..." He leans forward. "Do you like to hurt people?" The question isn't asked in malice, but it isn't kind, either.

"Of course not." I defend. "It kills me to know how much I'm hurting you - and how much I've been hurting Jou. It really does. But there was no communication, so everything just...got messed up. I made assumptions. I tried to not like Jou and fall for you - but look where that got us. I honestly didn't know Jou liked me in that way."

"What, are you seriously telling me that you didn't see how badly he wanted you?" Valon is flabbergasted. "You never noticed the way he looked at you or how he hung around you - even when you, as you said, tried to avoid him? I saw it. Kendra saw it. Everyone could see it, Mai." He shook his head. "And when you had told me that you weren't interested in him, I thought it was my chance. I thought you wanted me instead of him."

"I tried to." I bite my lip. I'm not going to fight back - I'm going to let him take his hurt out on me. It is the least I could do after the mess I caused. "I'm sorry." I feel so terrible, all I can do is stare at my food. The cheese has become inert matter. A deep gnawing pit is growing in my stomach, eating me alive.

"I'm sorry, too." Valon says. He places a twenty dollar bill on the table and gets up to leave. I watch as he slams through the door and trudges down the sidewalk, probably heading home. Now that I am alone, I remember that the restaurant is full of people. No one is talking, and they all are pretending not to look over at me. I can feel their thoughts slip by. What was that about? Did they just break up? Poor boy... Poor girl... I feel sick, listening to the bystanders.

Since it's impossible to hide between my noodles of lasagna, I do the next best thing. I quietly leave.

I come into class super late on Thursday morning so I miss the morning meeting altogether. I can't face Valon, and I sure as hell can't face Jou. I'm so strung out from my lack of sleep that I didn't even raid my wardrobe like I usually would. I simply threw on a black V-neck and old pair of jeans. I even went - as Jou called it - "natural" with my makeup.

Maybe I'm dressing this way to avoid detection - but, really, maybe I just don't have the energy anymore. When I get into Science and Nature class, I find that everyone has already paired up and is working noisily over their classwork. I spot Valon, and he spots me. We look at each other for a moment, but then he shakes his head - at me or at himself? - and goes back to work. He's with Kendra. It's a strange alliance between them.

Mr. Fredrick is leaning over Janice, explaining something to her in great detail. She straightens up as if he's the most interesting humanoid she's ever encountered. He goes to stroke her shoulder, but catches himself in time and instead strokes his chin.

I walk up right behind him and clear my throat. He jumps.
"Mai Kujaku! You're coming in here pretty late."

I give him a wicked grin as I go to touch his shoulder, but then exaggeratedly stroke my chin, just as he did. He blanches, averting his gaze. Poor bastard. "Janice," He says extra briskly, to show that his relationship with his student is completely non-lecherous. "Please show Mai today's lesson." He's barely finished talking before he leaves us. Janice stares at me coolly, and I narrow my eyes right back.

"So, Jan," I begin, sitting in the chair right next to her. "What were you and David discussing?"

"Will you grow up?" She asks.

"Such a great teacher he is, right Janice? He really cares for his students."

Now it's her turn to pale. A guy sitting near us snickers, and Janice looks at him nervously.
"You should keep your mouth shut, Mai!" She whispers. "Everyone knows what you did to Jou and Valon yesterday. You are no saint."

This hurts, but I was already expecting rumors.
"Valon and I are friends. Jou and I are...complicated."

"That's not what Kendra says."

"The only time Kendra should open her mouth is to eat something." I say, just loudly enough for Kendra to hear. She gives me a dark look, but doesn't retaliate.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Janice shoots an almost desperate look to Mr. Fredrick, who has detached himself from her and is staring at the ceiling. "Kendra is having a tough time with things, so lay off her."

"There are tough times all around." I say simply.

"Why do you always assume the worst in people?"

"Because then I'm not surprised or let-down." I could cry right there. I could lose it any second. What am I doing? Janice has never done anything to me. I abruptly stand up. "No, Janice. I'm sorry. I'm just...I don't feel well." Janice's mouth is hanging open in surprise. Mr. Fredrick comes up to me.

"Is there something wrong?" He asks.

"I thought I could do this." I admit. "I thought I could come in today. But I can't. I feel terrible. I need to go to the campus nurse or something." I grab my things.

Mr. Fredrick is looking at me with concern.
"Shall I have someone go with-"

"No. I'll be okay. Thanks." I look back to Janice. "And - yeah. Sorry." I slink away from them and out of the room. If I had a fluffy tail like Harpy's, it would be tucked between my legs.

As I walk down the empty halls, fate pays me a visit in the form of Jou. I round a corner and - boom - there he suddenly is. Sudden like lightning. My first thought is, why now? and my second is, of course. And, finally, my third, How hurt is he?

"Hi." Jou says. He makes himself smile. He really tries.

"Hi." I whisper. Very hurt, is the answer. He sends glances to me, but doesn't look me fully in the face. "Jou, I'm-"

"Don't apologize." He interjects. The corners of his mouth are turned down. My heart feels suddenly weak, and I can feel my face melting as I look at him. He feels so far away, and I try to reach my mind out - but all I get is a sence of regret.

Jou edges around me, slowly - like he's too sad to do anything quickly.
"I have to get back to class, but..." He finally looks at me with those amber eyes. "Let's talk. Later?"

"Okay." I say, and I watch him head down the hall.

If I'm so damn phychic, why can't I see the truth? My mind keeps turning it over, analyzing. I always thought I was kind of special, but I never actually felt good about being able to read minds. I felt freakish and got my feelings hurt most of the time. The voices I hear in my head are not my own - I'm not crazy. This I know for sure. I thought I always knew exactly what people were thinking, and what they meant. But, maybe sometimes...I just interpreted the thoughts wrong, is all. Whether that made me less psychic than I previously thought I was,who knew for sure?

I felt so safe when I was fully sure of my powers; I had everyone figured out, and they couldn't hurt me. But, really, not much of what I guess is right, and I still got hurt. A lot. And I hurt other people in turn. I never wanted or imagined things could turn out so...wrong.

"Do I even want to be psychic anymore?" I mutter, scrubbing at my eyes with the heels of my palms. I have never actually asked myself that question before. How was I supposed to go through life not knowing what people are saying in their heads? That's how normal people do it... but, for someone like me, it's impossible. What would it mean to go through life without my ability? I'd have to guess about everything. Guessing on whether I could trust people was scary.

But trust isn't a black and white thing, even with my gift. Everyone has the capacity to let others down at one time or another. Knowing this, I shouldn't trust anyone. But if I can't trust, I can't love. And, as much pain as it has caused, loving Jou was something I never wanted to give up. It was the only thing that felt real.