Chapter 46.
So guys, I know everyone was expecting some Hawke and Fenris fluff time, but I think this seems a lot more in character for them. Would Fenris or Hawke really open up about their feelings and their past experiences so easily? Their relationship moves, but sluggishly it seems. But it will happen. I promise!
Love to my beta LostSpace for her amazing work, and all my reviewers, positive or negative I value everything you tell me. Please drop me a message anytime, even if it's to criticise, I admire honesty. And to everyone who just reads this, you silent guys are awesome too!
X
Hawke gathered her belongings and walked towards the Viscount's Keep happily. She tried to move as fast as she could without looking suspicious, but no one seemed to bat an eyelid at Aria Amell walking through town in her usual pretty gown and a bag in her hand. She froze to the spot when she heard someone call her.
"H- Mistress Amell," a curt voice called from behind her.
She turned around to see Knight Captain Cullen moving towards her, the heavy armour seemed almost weightless as he sprinted towards her quickly for a man in such heavily clad armour.
"Good day, Knight Captain," Hawke said, curtseying to him as he blushed at her furiously.
"Good day, Mistress Amell. I apologise, sometimes I call you by your old name, it suits you better," he added with a blush on his cheeks. Cullen was handsome but he was too nervous, too fidgety around any dame, never mind her, yet she could see why her mother admired him so much.
"Yes, well we all have to do things we do not like in order to get things we want out of life," Hawke said, gripping her bag tighter under Cullen's gaze.
"Indeed. I was wondering if you needed any assistance with your bag. It seems quite heavy," he asked shyly, a small smile on his lips.
"Yes, if you don't mind, thank you. It's for the Guard Captain. She does not do things by half that is certain," she agreed, passing him her heavy bag which he took in one hand as if weighed nothing more than air. She smiled warmly at Cullen, he was sweet enough.
They walked along quietly for a moment, and Hawke waited for whatever Cullen really wanted to say.
"Your mother has asked me to take you out for dinner sometime, I did not know you were looking for a suitor," Cullen said, trying to make the question seem nonchalant but failing miserably.
"I'm not, my mother is. The joys of being a prisoner in your own skin," Hawke laughed, but Cullen looked worried for her.
"I hope that one day you may have the courage to be yourself despite what your family thinks," Cullen said, a little too honestly.
"I have my ways, Cullen," Hawke laughed at him as they ascended the stairs to the Keep.
"Good. Too many maidens think that men love dresses, frills and allure. I have been in the Templar Order for some time and can safely confirm it is normally the opposite. You are a good woman," Cullen said, one of his hands flying straight to the back of his neck which he stroked uneasily whilst the other held her bag pack tight.
"I thank you, Cullen. I can see why Amber speaks so fondly of you now," Hawke said, stopping at the door of the Keep.
"Amber-the Hero of Ferelden- she spoke of me? I did not know you corresponded with your cousin," Cullen said, his cheeks turning a shade of pink. Oh, Amber had spoken about Cullen in Ostagar, about how she had nearly seduced him there and then if it was not for other things getting in the way.
"I don't. I was in Ostagar," Hawke said, her lips mashed together at the memory of the blood, sweat and carnage all over the battlefield. She had almost died dragging Carver out of the fray of the blight horde.
"I see, I am glad you are safe and well," Cullen concluded, passing her the bag-pack.
"Thank you Cullen, good day to you," she said, turning towards the door.
"Is it possible we may go for a drink sometime?" Cullen blurted out, making her turn back to view the Knight Captain curiously.
"A drink?" she asked, perplexed, staring at the awkward templar and almost laughing at the irony of it all.
"You'll have to ask my mother," she laughed, and entered the Viscount's Keep.
….
No one seemed to look at her as she walked through the Keep to the Guards' Quarters. The nobles were far too busy demanding to see the Viscount and the guards were unperturbed by her presence. It was odd to her that barring her hair she was almost considered normal in such a busy place. She moved quickly and elected to move stealthily as she got closer to the Guards' Quarters, -waiting a moment to ensure she was not seen- and then rushed into Aveline's office.
The Guard Captain was waiting for her at her desk and smiled at her warmly for a moment before returning to her paperwork. "Hurry up and get dressed before someone knocks on the door, Hawke."
"As you say, Aveline. Wouldn't want them to walk in on something that looked like something it wasn't and back up those rumours that you bat for the other team, would we?" Hawke chuckled, cladding herself in her black armour quickly. She clipped each of the buckles tightly, and then attached her hood- this time going for a deep crimson- and veil. The veil was a must in broad daylight, where others were sure to see under her hood. She sheathed her daggers quickly and her belt to boot and threw her other attire in her satchel, kicking it under Aveline's desk almost joyfully. She flexed one of her gloves and enjoyed the feeling of being back in her own skin. She had worn her armour a week ago, but each time she put it on it felt as if a weight had been lifted.
Something lingered this time and as much as she tried to shove it away it pushed back. She denied him every thought she possibly could, but he kept simmering to the front of her mind like he had done the past week. Fenris was stubborn, even the imaginary version of him it seemed.
"We're going to need Anders and Varric, too," Hawke said, adjusting her hood for a moment before turning to look at Aveline.
"I know-"Aveline began but was interrupted by the knock at the door. At the sound of the door knocking Hawke jumped onto one of the arm chairs that resided in the office, perching on it as if she were a bird and waiting for the arrival with anticipation.
"Enter."
A guard walked into the office and Hawke instantly recognised him as Donnic, the man they had saved almost a year ago now. Donnic looked at Hawke for a moment and then turned to face Aveline.
"Guard Captain, I have the report from the Coast for you," Donnic said, handing over a piece of vellum as he flashed Hawke another curious stare.
"Thank you Ser Donnic, how does it fair?" Aveline asked, her cheeks going as red as her hair as she stared at the man. Hawke rolled her eyes at the sight of them. It was easy to see a mile off they were attracted to each other; she didn't understand why they just didn't admit it. Her face dropped as she realised the hypocrisy of her thoughts. She had no right to criticise Aveline's love life when her own was only real when she had too much to drink.
"Well the Coast is spitting up some feisty tides, but all is well Captain," Donnic replied, his tone curt and a small blush on his cheeks, not quite as vivid as Aveline's, as he spoke to her.
"Nothing wrong with that, I enjoy getting wet," Aveline answered, and Hawke had to bite her tongue so she would not howl with laughter at her friend's words. Both Aveline and Donnic seemed to realise what had been said too, as Aveline went completely crimson and Donnic stared at her for a moment completely stunned.
"Guard Captain," he said, bowing his head and then exiting the office quickly.
Aveline turned to Hawke with a stern look on her face, "not a word Hawke, not a single word or so help me I will tell your mother everything."
"You like him," Hawke teased.
"I do."
"Do something about it?" Hawke asked.
"Like what? You're a fine one to talk too, declining every offer you get. I was going to do something about it actually, and maybe you could help me," Aveline said out loud.
"Oh Maker, take me now," Hawke said as she looked up at the ceiling.
"Honestly, it's not that bad. I just need you to give him this," Aveline said, taking something out of the drawer and handing it to Hawke.
Hawke stared at the copper relief for a moment, gingerly fingering the marigolds that had been engraved around it. She thought she was bad at relationships…
"And what is he going to do with this? Apart from think I'm a crazy masked figure giving him pieces of copper?" Hawke complained. It was true; he couldn't even see her face.
"Hawke, I have never asked much of you until now. Remember that," Aveline said.
"Fine, one slightly unnerved and probably paranoid guard coming up," Hawke conceded.
"Good. I'll get Varric and Anders here whilst you do that. Shall I call for Fenris, too?" Aveline asked.
"NO!" Hawke blurted out, much more violently than she had intended.
Aveline looked at her for a moment; Hawke could almost see the gears turning as the Guard Captain began to think of the many possible reasons that Hawke and Fenris wouldn't be that close anymore. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime the Guard Captain nodded and Hawke exited the office hastily.
She found Donnic in the guards' quarters sitting down with a mug of water and a book in his hand. As she approached him he turned and smiled at her which startled her for a moment.
"Your secret it safe with me," he said after a while, bowing his head to her in respect.
"How did you know?" she asked, sitting opposite him.
"You should have changed your armour, back then you didn't wear a mask," Donnic said, taking a sip of his water, "How may I be of service to you?"
"I've brought you something, actually. It's my new hobby, delivering confused romantic notions it seems," Hawke replied.
"Here," she said, passing him the copper relief gingerly. Donnic stared at it for a moment utterly confused about what he had just been given. And Hawke couldn't blame him, she'd be the exact same if someone had just randomly handed her a copper relief.
"I don't understand, what am I meant to do with it?" Donnic asked, looking at her perplexed.
"Uhm, throw it in the bin, use it as a coaster so you don't get tea stains, maybe it's a riddle. I don't know, I was just told to deliver it to you, and that is my job done," Hawke said, nodding her farewell and leaving the guardsman to stare at the copper relief completely bewildered.
She sat in the office for a moment and awaited the arrival of her friends. It almost felt like old times, except for the absence of both Fenris and Carver. Carver was far away and Fenris was most likely in no mood to speak to her, especially after her false promises. She was a coward who was unwilling to let herself trust in another.
And the only one she truly trusted was roaming around out of her shadow, just like he always said he'd be.
…..
"I cannot believe you Hawke," Aveline said as she followed Hawke in tow as they trudged down the stairs leading to the docks.
"Not many people can, it's a gift and a curse," Hawke replied mockingly.
"The Hanged Man is not exactly the place where I would want to meet him," Aveline said, in a high pitched voice that didn't seem to belong to her.
"Look, you go for a drink without the armour on, you laugh, you realise you both fancy the pants off each other, it's rather simple," Hawke said.
"No Hawke, you make it sound simple," Aveline scolded, almost stampeding alongside Hawke.
"Relax, we've all got your back here, Hawke was just trying to do you a favour," Varric pitched in, moving as quickly as his short legs would permit.
"No, Hawke was just trying to be a hypocrite. It's what Hawke does, daily," Aveline bit back, stopping at the bottom of the stairs and waiting for the other members to catch her up.
"Anything to input here Blondie that can help this situation? You brag all the time about the ladies you've bedded, surely you must have some charm to help Aveline?" Varric joked, looking at the healer wickedly; Hawke could tell he wanted to know how Anders was so close to her cousin, the Hero of Ferelden, and Varric being his usual self refused to let a good story go unspoken.
"Be yourself, that's basically all I have," Anders chimed in sincerely whilst trying to smile at Aveline warmly.
"Shit, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I miss Broody! Actually, where is our hate riddled former slave today? Wouldn't it have been better to have brought him, since he speaks the same lingo as these guys?" Varric asked curiously.
"We didn't need him Varric, and I hate a smug know-it-all, it's cringe-worthy, "Hawke lied.
Varric stared at her for a moment with narrowed eyes; of course he knew she was lying. Varric was the most perceptive person she had ever met; it's why his tall tales were so believable. They stared at each other for a moment and Hawke thought he was going to question her on the matter further.
"That explains the self-hatred then doesn't it, Chuckles?" Varric replied, a wicked grin slapped across his face.
"Mature, Varric, very mature," Hawke sighed, turning back to Aveline who seemed to have calmed herself down as they stood in front of the gates that led to the Qunari Compound.
Hawke nodded to the others and they made their approach towards the tall brown gates that were guarded by the usual – she didn't know whether it was the same she had met as last time or not, the Qunari all seemed to look similar- hulking Qunari guards.
Aveline took the front of the group then, her stance unyielding as she said in a voice full of authority. "I wish an audience with the Arishok."
The guard gritted his teeth in annoyance as though Aveline had been asking him the same question almost every day. "The Arishok speaks with the Hawk only, only the Hawk is worthy," the guard said in a disgruntled tone.
"Well, it's good that I decided to come this time," Hawke said, moving her veil so that the guards could see her face. Hawke expected a gasp of shock- or at least something- but the two Qunari guards seemed unfazed by her dramatic appearance. Maker she was becoming like Isabela…
"You may pass," they said, moving to the side and allowing the gates to open.
The Qunari hadn't changed from the last time she had walked into the Compound, none of them seemed to age or even move from where they were standing when she had last arrived here. She walked up to where the Arishok sat and bowed her head for a moment.
"You asked for an audience with Hawke, Arishok and I have brought her to you," Aveline said, bypassing the greeting.
"You did. You are not as unworthy as I thought. And yet I sit here viewing the Hawk hiding behind a mask, your society disgusts me," the Arishok said, looking down at Hawke with his usual angry eyes.
"I wear this mask not for my own sake Arishok, it's for the sake of others," Hawke replied, walking closer towards him. "How may I offer my aid to you?" she asked, pulling off her hood and veil.
"The last time I spoke to you, you were nothing but a blade that had been hired to do another's dirty work, but you have changed your fortune. The Qunari have not," The Arishok spat bitterly, pausing for a moment. "I offer you a courtesy, Hawke. Somebody has stolen the formula to what he thinks is the formula to Gaatlock, you will want to hunt him."
Hawke arched her eyebrow at the word being emphasised and almost shuddered to think what the formula was for really. The Qunari were renowned for their methods in war. She remembered Sten that had locked himself in a cage for the crimes he had committed in Lothering. The Qunari forced loyalty so far that those under the Qun did not need punishment; they were already their own executioner. They were crude, to say the least.
"This sounds like the recovery should be worth something to me," Hawke said casually.
The Arishok nodded his agreement, before adding "a thousand lives."
Hawke tried to feign casualness as she ignored her stomach dropping at his words. She almost cursed Aveline out loud for dragging her here. She had promised she was done with all of this, and now she was being told that a thousand lives relied on her getting hold of one of the most coveted formulas in Thedas?
The Arishok spoke again, noting the silence for a moment.
"The stolen formula is a decoy,Sar-Qamek, a deadly poison, not explosives. A small amount is dangerous enough to your kind, but made in quantity, perhaps by someone making it to sell it," the Arishok said, staring at Hawke intensely.
"Javaris!" Hawke exclaimed.
"Would he remain cautious? Or would he assume success and make enough to threaten a district?" the Arishok asked rhetorically. "A courtesy Hawke, you will want to hunt him."
"Thank you for bringing this to me, Arishok," Hawke said politely, bowing once again.
"I have long thought this city would destroy itself, this would only hasten the inevitable. Panahedan Hawke, it will be interesting to see if you die," the Arishok said in his usual dull voice.
"I hope it's amusing for you if I do, Arishok," Hawke said, turning to leave and feeling the eyes of the Qunari watch as she departed.
"You don't have to do this Hawke, we've found out the information we need, let the guard deal with this," Aveline pleaded, as Hawke quickly pulled down her hood and veil as she stepped out of the Compound.
"Guards have to adhere to rules Aveline, I can cut corners. Besides, if you didn't want me to be involved, you shouldn't have asked me to come. Deal with your guilt and let's move on," Hawke snapped, trying all she could to remain level headed with the Guard Captain.
Aveline stopped for a moment and viewed Hawke with an unrecognisable expression then nodded at her.
"Good, anyone else have any problems? Varric? Anders? Justice?" Hawke said disgruntled.
"Nope, Bianca's ready as always, Hawke," Varric replied, a grin on his face.
"Justice has no qualms with saving people, sweetheart," Anders said, throwing her a smile.
"Good, thank the Maker for that. Aveline, rally the guards, and then return to us if you can," Hawke said, nodding a farewell at the Guard Captain as she turned promptly and charged up the docks' stairs.
"Shouldn't we go get Broody, now?" Varric asked, looking at Hawke almost humorously.
"I think we should go find ourselves a pirate actually, this task requires a great deal of stealth," Hawke replied calmly, glad her face was covered from Varric's view as she was cringing.
They made their way towards the steps and Anders groaned loudly.
"What's wrong with you, Blondie?" Varric asked, curiously.
"I just remembered the last time I was surrounded by a mage and two rogues. I woke up two days later with a bow in my ponytail and a bell tied to… well let's just call it my other tail."
Hawke couldn't hold back the tears of laughter that streamed down her face as she carried on walking up the stairs.
…
"I do love it when you invite me to come and play, kitten," Isabela laughed heartily as she slashed the Carta thug's throat with one of her daggers.
"I should most definitely invite you more then," Hawke said with forced breath as she flipped and sunk her daggers into the assassin that was making his way to Anders' back.
"Not as good a view as last time, I have to admit. Where's Shiny?" she asked, kicking her opponent in the throat and staggering him.
"In his mansion, dancing probably," Hawke replied, hitting the thug straight in the groin and stabbing him in the chest.
"Do you think he needs a partner? I do love to dance," Isabela shouted as she ran to cover Hawke's back.
The two women stood back to back slashing the remainder of enemies, their cuts healing as quickly as they were made and a stream of bolts aided them. It was in the thrill of the fight that Hawke missed her old life the most.
There was nothing left but a sea of corpses in the end, and thankfully none of them belonged to her friends. Hawke smiled as she sheathed her daggers in satisfaction.
"I don't think either of you dance the same kind of dance you know," Hawke replied finally.
"Well, you know me kitten, I'm adaptable," Isabela laughed as she began to loot the bodies around her.
"I'll give you that," Hawke conceded.
"Now, honestly here, Hawke. Have you and Fenris fallen out? Was it over who could be the most pretentious?" Isabela asked.
"Fuck you, Isabela," Hawke snapped.
"Anytime Hawke, any place, you can fuck me all you want," Isabela winked, "but the sexual tension that's been breeding around you and our delicious former slave is maddening. If you don't do something soon, someone else will," she said, with an obvious smile.
"And someone else might get angry. The hypothetical situations are endless, Isabela," Hawke said, an insinuating smile on her lips. She did not like the way Isabela casually threw the idea of having sex with Fenris around. It annoyed her.
Hawke stormed off towards the exit of the cave, cursing herself for thinking bringing Isabela was a good idea. Next time she would have to bring Sebastian or Spike with them.
Spike, definitely Spike. Mabari over rants about the Maker any day.
…
"Oh, calm yourself Javaris, you're not dead yet," Hawke said as she sauntered up to the cowering dwarf.
"You? Granny's garters she would get you involved! I can't buy a break on a discount!" Javaris cursed, "You know what? Go ahead, take my head and put it on a pike for the sodding elf! I need the rest!"
"I'm going to cut this pleasant reunion short Javaris as you know I am a woman of little patience. Start talking or I'll take your nether region as a sweet souvenir," Hawke threatened, unsheathing her daggers. She was tired of running around, dealing with the Carta on both sides of the spectrum-killing and working alongside them- all to find this to stupid dwarf.
"Wait-you don't know? Then what, you're tracking for the Qunari? Then she did it, that elf got the Qunari after me for nothing!" Javaris exclaimed, ignoring Hawke's threat as he reeled in anger.
"So, the obvious thief claims innocence," Aveline chimed in, viewing Javaris with disgust.
"Not all those who claim innocence are truly innocent, however," Anders pointed out, narrowing his eyes at the dwarf.
"Look, I'm minding my business and then that elf tries to kill me, said she's got the Qunari powder and I'm her cover. I slipped her and hired some guards and ran for it and now you're here. Great," Javaris admitted sarcastically.
Hawke viewed the dwarf for a moment and knew he was speaking the truth. Javaris couldn't have the formula and Hawke knew this because there wouldn't be just her seeking him out. The Qunari explosive powder was coveted in every part of Thedas.
"You know Javaris, if you're innocent you could plead your case to the Arishok rather than running like a maggot," Hawke spat, disgusted at the walking emblem of cowardice that stood in front of her.
"Let me break this down for you, Hawke. An elf with explosives wants me dead. Part two, the Qunari think I'm a thief and also want me dead. Either option seem promising to you? I don't exactly run around the rooftops with pen knives like you do," Javaris replied.
Javaris sighed, running a hand down his face as if he was trying to wipe away the fatigue.
"You wanna drag dark into light? I had a man follow her- the elf is in Lowtown. I just wanna get out with my dead guards, thanks for that," Javaris continued, looking around at the corpses that were littered on the coast like shells.
"Better luck wherever you are bound Javaris, the further the better," Hawke said, not wanting pointless blood on her hands. Javaris was annoying and pig headed, but so were many others that she knew. At least this one would be leaving for further shores away from her.
"Right, got me a rosy future planned out. Think I'll start by selling some boots!" Javaris said, his voice dripping with the same antagonising wit that annoyed and humoured Hawke at the same time.
"Grateful for your life as always, you ass," Hawke sighed, turning away to walk back through the cave, leaving Javaris to curse her whilst looting the guards' corpses for anything of value.
"What's the plan, Hawke?" Varric asked, seemingly merry despite the present situation.
"We need to go find that elf and you all need to cover your faces. Whatever the elf is making isn't explosive but it will definitely be poisonous," Hawke concluded.
"I don't have a scarf and I don't want to rip my clothes," Isabela interrupted, making everyone else in the group turn around and stare at her incredulously.
"What?" Isabela asked looking down at her dress which was already ripping in protest due to her large cleavage.
"I don't mean right now you dolt, I mean in a few hours after everyone in my house has retired to their evening activities. Aveline, I expect you to be at the Hanged Man waiting for Donnic when I arrive," Hawke said, her voice almost scolding as she looked at the embarrassed Guard Captain.
"Wait, Lady Man Hands has bagged herself a date, so she's excused? So the rest of us have to go traipsing through Qunari swill whilst she gets to cop a feel of some man?" Isabela asked, just as incredulously as everyone else had sounded moments ago.
"Yes, that's right. And when your dates aren't a quick fumble in your room and are actually of feelings that don't come from your small clothes you can be excused," Hawke replied coolly.
"Well, I'm never going to get excused," Isabela sighed, and started walking towards the cave.
Hawke silently agreed with Isabela and followed her towards the cave.
This is never going to end well.