Sometimes I need to put pen to paper, which actually sped up the process. Of course, that means a smaller chapter as a result. There was one particular review I wanted to address. Yes, Marie was completely OOC in the last chapter (compared to the rest of the story). This chapter is an explanation of sorts for it. Thanks to Elli-Wyatt, Agoddamnlovestory, Fawkes Devaue, The Doctor Rose, Lord Anubis Judge of the dead, and starlite22 for the reviews! A special thank you to Mezza999 for reviewing AND reading this chapter and giving me some feedback before I posted! :D
Thanks for reading! Also once again I was lazy, and did not proofread this chapter. Blame it on my excitement for the season 2 premiere of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. because that show is my second favorite thing on tv. Of course, my first is Supernatural.
Logan was concerned, that much Marie could tell. They were summoned to Xavier's office once more, like errant school children disciplined for their misdeeds. And she could see the worry about how uncharacteristic her treatment of Kitty had been. She wasn't feral, bold, or the least bit aggressive. And yet, for a moment, for more moments then she wanted to admit, she was all three.
And she still felt the tingle of her skin, an itch that was bone deep, with no amount of scratching could resolve. The itch to touch someone, however briefly. How had this happened? She'd never felt this aching temptation before. Not with anyone she'd touched briefly. It was only after...and she paused at the thought. After she'd touched Logan. After she'd admitted that he was to her, safety. And for those moments after she'd feared she'd killed him, she'd been him, just a little. Strong, dominant, feral.
There was too much of her mutation she didn't understand. But she understood the hunger for power, the seduction of strength. She'd been hopeless for so long, helpless in a way that many people had tried to take advantage of.
Her troubling thoughts were interrupted by Logan's light squeeze of her shoulder. She smiled in reassurance but she could still read the concern in his eyes, hidden by the predatory pride he'd felt at her actions. Would he always be this conflicted? The man in him: rational, somewhat levelheaded, warring with the animalistic Wolverine? For a moment she doubted. For a moment she stared at the man she surely loved, and wondered.
But the thought was dismissed instantly. Her smile a little more genuine as she nodded her head as if to confirm that was okay. Logan smiled back uncertainly before facing the professor with a smirk.
"I wonder how often we will find ourselves here?" The professor didn't seem concerned with the answer. He shook his head at the thought, smiling at them before motioning for them to sit on the chairs in front of his desk.
Marie took the right chair and considered simply writing her name on this one. Or maybe Logan could carve their names with his claws.
"No reason for us to be here," grunted Logan. "The girl deserved it and you know it."
The professor sighed, tenting his fingers in front of him. "You know I cannot condone violence between students."
Logan shrugged. "They were in the danger room, weren't they? So why not call it training and we forget it?"
"Katherine is not known for hysterics, and yet Rogue's actions drove her to them. This is something that needs to be addressed. Rogue?"
Marie stared at the wall behind the professor, only the ache in her chest confirming the disappointment she felt at the next statement. "We'll leave, of course. Logan and I can be out within the hour."
Logan grunted in apparent agreement, already getting to his feet.
"And that course of action is one I would like to avoid if at all possible."
Logan didn't look surprised, falling back into his seat with a scowl.
"Why?" Marie questioned. She was naive perhaps too often, about too many things, but she still felt hope. How many months, years had she been searching for a home? Logan was home, but she felt often out of place with him. Slow, dumb, naive next to his years of experience. Something in her yearned to finish school, to learn to defend herself, to gain some form of equality in their relationship. How else could she do that? She could never graduate. Not on the road, earning their living from one cage match to the next. But what if she could contribute somehow? What if she could be more than Marie the homeless, uneducated southern girl? She simply wanted the chance to try. That didn't mean that despite all of Xavier's reassurances that the opportunity came with strings. Invisible threads that had perhaps more to do with the feral by her side than Marie herself.
The professor sighed, as if expecting this question.
"I want you to reach your true potential. I want to help you understand your mutation, to gain control if that is possible. I never lied about that Rogue. I am a wealthy man, so money isn't an issue. And yet, I have a dream. I have made no secret of it. I want equality for mutants, peace between humans and us. But there are too many people that see us as freaks, as dangerous, and they are afraid of what we can do. So I have my X-men. We rescue mutants from labs like the one Logan was held in. We have skirmishes with those like Erik, who are after a very different agenda, mutant supremacy. I cannot say our work is without risk, or even legal. I'd hoped in time, that Logan, or even you might join our cause. We need allies, and friends more than ever."
It was a pretty speech. It was what she'd expected. Her education and training for her abilities and allegiance. It was a fair trade, and yet she felt just a little disheartened. Surely the professor hadn't meant for all the children in his care to join his cause? There were so many, and they were still so young. But with them, in less than a decade he would have an army. Unless he didn't mean to wait that long?
"Are we all just pawns to you?" Marie wondered. "Our value measured in the abilities you nurture and build up to use for your own purposes?"
The professor looked wounded. "You misunderstand me, Rogue. I would never expect any of my students to join my cause. It is a choice, one that I would never pressure anyone to make. The children learn, as any child in public or private school learns. The curriculum is perhaps a little more advanced as they grow older and a focus placed on developing their abilities, but I do not preach my cause here. I fight for my beliefs, in the courts, in the media, in front of CEO's and religious leaders alike. And yes, the children may see. They may believe what I am doing is right, or glamorous, or they may believe as Erik does, that what I do is useless. That is their right. But I see those like you and Logan, mutants who have a reason to fight, if not for me, then for yourself. In Logan, I see a man without direction until he met you. A man tormented by his past. In you, I see a young woman, lonely, underestimated, but bound for greatness. You are strong, your abilities are strong, though you may not see it. So yes, I hope that you will one day fight for equality by my side. But it will always be your choice, and Logan's to make."
Logan swore under his breath, a rapid-fire burst of oaths that Marie could barely distinguish. She knew he didn't believe what the professor was saying, or maybe he just didn't want to believe. But she believed him, and she wanted to help in anyway that she could. She'd seen the cruelty people treated mutants with daily, had experienced it from her parents own mouths, felt the pain from their own hands and clenched fists. It was people like her parents that the professor was hoping to change. And in her parents' case she thought it might be hopeless. But maybe it wasn't. Maybe there was a chance. She could fight for that chance. In the hopes that no one would ever go through what she did.
"Logan?"
"Your mind is already made, darlin'. I go where you go, stay where you are, simple as that."
Marie was pleased. The statement might have worried her, if she felt she was forcing him to do something he didn't want to do. If she thought she was doing that, she would leave the mansion without question. But she could read him, could see the yearning hidden behind his stony gaze. Some part of him agreed with the professor. He was just being stubborn.
"We'll stay, for now."
The professor nodded with a relieved smile. But soon his expression turned serious once again. "I know that Katherine did provoke you. I am not called a telepath for nothing. But your reaction was severe, very unlike the girl that I've seen thus far."
It wasn't really a question, but Marie still felt as if he was accusing her of something. "I didn't mean to hurt her! I was just...so angry. I wanted to...to rip my gloves off and hold on..." She ducked her head in shame, still not sure how to explain the urge to steal the girl's abilities, to frighten her into submission, or hurt her, if it was necessary. The emotions were foreign to her usually humble nature.
"Hmm...have you ever wanted to hurt someone before? Maybe as a defensive gesture?"
"No!" Marie was horrified at the thought. If she'd touched even half of the people who'd tried to hurt her, or steal from her, she would have been driven insane by all the voices in her head by now. She avoided contact at all costs.
"I see." Xavier rubbed his temple, his eyes closing in concentration. "If I may, Rogue. I would like to take a look at your subconscious, to see what triggered this change. It is a little worrying."
Marie nodded reluctantly. "If you think it'll help."
Marie closed her eyes, but not before she looked to Logan for support. He was watching her with an inscrutable expression, but he gripped her hand in his and squeezed. It was all the reassurance she needed as she waited for the professor to probe her mind.
It wasn't unfamiliar, the pressure in her head as he sought entrance. It was still foreign, and she gripped Logan's hand harder as the professor pushed passed the defenses her mind had erected.
She was suddenly gone from the room, the area surrounding her dark, except for the unearthly glow that surrounded the professor and her as they stood side by side.
"Your standing."
Xavier shrugged. "I am not here physically so my physical disabilities have not followed me."
Marie nodded and looked around them apprehensively. "Where are we?"
"Your mind, of course."
"But it's so dark." But it didn't feel like an empty void. It felt as if energy pulsed all around them, just out of sight within the darkness.
"It is your mind, Rogue. Why don't you try thinking of what you want to see?"
It was a simple enough thing, wish Logan was here, and there he was. Except he was no longer wearing the X-men sweats. Instead he was wearing the jeans and wife-beater she'd met him in. She resisted the urge to run into his arms, barely.
"Well, it seems I can't escape his presence, even in here. Or perhaps especially in here." The professor's tone was teasing and Marie could feel herself blush. "Now, we just need to see what you were thinking the moment you attacked Katherine. Can you think back to that moment? It shouldn't be too difficult to find, since it is very recent."
Marie brought up the memory, for a moment seeing it as if from behind a window. But in a moment she was sucked in, reliving every emotion. Emotions that hadn't felt wholly hers. As the scene replayed, she was aware of the professor's presence somewhere behind her, watching the altercation.
When it had run it's course, Marie found herself once again in the chair in front of Xavier's desk.
He was watching her, and smiled when she blinked in confusion. "It takes a little getting used to, to return from your own consciousness." He cleared his throat. "As for your encounter with Katherine, I believe that what you felt wasn't entirely your own emotions. Have you ever touched someone for as long as you did Logan?"
Marie frowned. "Not really. I've never wanted to." She blushed at the implication, but she knew that the first prolonged touch wasn't so much about what she'd wanted, as what she'd needed. She'd needed his ability to heal. She hadn't really expected the consequences.
"I thought so. I don't think you were aware, but the small amount of Wolverine that you'd borrowed was influencing you."
Logan growled, rising in his seat before Marie's hand gently pressed him back. "But it felt different from the last time."
The professor nodded. "Maybe it did, but he was there. The desire to punish Katherine was your own. A desire I don't think you would have ever acted on, at least not quite so violently. Logan, if you could enlighten me, your feral nature is simply your baser urges without filter? Or am I entirely wrong?"
Logan scowled. "You're not entirely wrong. But if Marie's issues are what you think, then I'll help her. My fault, and I'll fix it."
"It's not your fault, Logan."
Logan shrugged. "Maybe not, but I can still fix it."
"I could simply suppress her feral nature until the urges fade," the professor suggested calmly.
"No, won't work. You can't simply get rid of instincts and hope your cured. Don't work that way. I said I'll fix it."
Marie could see by the stubborn tilt of his jaw, that there was no arguing with Logan. He'd made up his mind. So she nodded. "I think Logan's right, professor. He can help me better than you can right now."
The professor conceded with a nod. "If you wish."
"I think we'll start on that right away." Logan stood up, pulling Marie to her feet with him.
Marie thanked the professor over her shoulder as they walked out the door.
Did I mention it would be a small chapter? Yeah, but at least I updated, right? Right!? So the muse is now functioning again for this story so the next update shouldn't be too far away!