Chapter 31: She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah

I stared up at the ceiling of my bedroom, watching the sunlight drift through the holes in the roof. Everything seemed slow and surreal.

Charon sat in a chair by the foot of my bed without moving. He looked at me only when I moved, which was very rare.

My breathing had slowed down after calming myself. My chest ached with the thought of losing the child I was just starting to get used to the idea of having.

The thought of never seeing my child have a chance at life left a hole in my stomach. Never did I once truly regret getting pregnant. I had never not loved this baby inside me.

Charon glanced over as I turned my head to look at the wall. It was my first time moving in an hour. He didn't make any move to comfort me since bringing me home.

"Charon?" My voice was cracking from a dry throat.

He jumped from the sudden noise, sitting upright in the chair with a hard expression. "What do you need, mistress?"

I didn't even acknowledge his attempt at being cold. "Please be truthful with me."

"With what?"

I stared a hole into the wall to avoid looking at him. "Have you lost all the previous feelings you had before today towards me?"

He took a moment to consider the question carefully. The silence was tense and painful. "No, mistress."

"What were those feelings?" I bit my lip in anticipation.

The room was silent again except for Dogmeat wagging his tail at the noise of conversation. The seconds ticked by agonizingly slow. It felt like I was melting into the mattress as the silence dragged on. I risked a glance at Charon.

He wasn't looking at me, but at the floor. He didn't look upset, more confused and conflicted. Whatever he felt for me was nothing he'd felt before, obviously. I was about to give up waiting for an answer until he looked up at me suddenly. A look in his eyes I'd never seen before now.

"I love you, Eleanor. That is what I feel about you. I feel like I shouldn't even look at you, yet you touch me and make me feel human again."

The all familiar lump in my throat grew as I tried to focus on his words. Tears began to well in my eyes as the force of his feelings hit me hard. It wasn't until I could see clear enough through the tears that I noticed he was still waiting for a response.

"I love you so much, Charon." I opened my arms and he practically fell into me.

He tightened his embrace around me with his head resting in my neck. His hand rubbed at my stomach slowly and gently. The entire moment was too much to handle for me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and sobbed.

"Please be the father, Charon." I whispered softly.

He nodded slowly and kissed my throat. This was the most intimate Charon had ever let himself be and it was almost painful seeing how much he wanted it.

I kissed the top of his head gingerly as he nuzzled closer into me. I lifted the covers up and he crawled under. I scooted down and rested my face on his chest. His fingers wrapped into my hair and he pulled me closer with the other hand.

"I don't want to lose this baby." I cried into his shirt, muffled by his chest.

He shook his head and rubbed my arm. "Me neither, Eleanor."

I wiped at my face in an attempt to calm down and only half managed. I laid my head back down, exhausted from today. I fiddled with my Pipboy for a moment and remembered something. I still had the files for old movies from the vault.

"Charon, did you ever watch The Day the Earth Stood Still?"

He whistled with the hint of a grin. "That's something I haven't heard in centuries. I didn't think you'd even know what movies were. Why do you ask?"

I flicked through the files until I got to the several movies. "We watched some in the vault and I snuck in once and downloaded the files years ago. You wanna watch it to get our minds off of today?"

He chuckled, it sounded dry and only half real. "Sure, I didn't watch movies often before the war. I never even thought I'd get to watch one ever again."

After finding the movies, I flipped the latches at both ends of my Pipboy and it popped open. I slid it off and set it on the desk so we could both see it comfortably. As I got situated, Charon held his arms up to keep them out of the way.

"I meant what I said." He muttered.

"What?" I leaned on my palms to look at him.

"I meant it when I said that I love you... I do even when it seems like I don't. I don't want you to ever wonder if I love you or not." He paused momentarily. "I know I'm a shitty person. I should never touch you when you don't want me to and sure as fuck shouldn't be shaking you."

He pushed the sleeve of my jacket up, revealing large purple bruises wrapping around my arm. He closed his eyes after staring at them for several seconds. I rolled my sleeve back down for him and he shook his head again.

"Forget about it, Charon. Let's just watch the movie."

"I'm so fucking sorry this happened. You're in this situation because of me." He whispered. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have been shot, you wouldn't have those bruises, and you wouldn't be unsure if you will have this baby." He seemed to withdraw from me. "I'm sorry, Eleanor. I don't want your forgiveness. I really don't deserve this."

I reached over and pressed play on the Pipboy and nuzzled into him. "I know you are Charon."

He swallowed. "I've never told someone I love them. I never knew what love was so I suspected I would never know what it felt like."

I pressed a slow kiss on his throat. "I never thought a man would love me. I was just there for sex. I didn't have valid emotions." I wet my lips. "Butch didn't even really love me. There were always other girls and I knew it. I never thought I deserved to be loved."

He shooshed me and smoothed my hair back gently. "I am sorry you thought that."

"Let's just watch the movie, okay?"

He nodded and was silent.

The old war previews were over and the movie started.