CHAPTER TWELVE

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT

I wake up to the sun streaming in through a gap in the curtains drawn around my bed. And a splitting headache. It takes a minute for me to register the fact that I have a hangover. I'm so glad it's a Saturday. After running to the bathroom and throwing up, I took a WWW Hangover Potion that I found under Rikki's bed. Her bed and Mel's bed was empty, so either they got up very early, with hangovers, and made their beds, or they didn't go to bed it the first place.

I don't even remember how I got to bed in the first place. At first I don't remember anything about last night but then slowly it comes to me, piece by piece. Catching Mel and Louis together, Getting drunk, Crying to Caleb, Kissing him ... ugh, then throwing up on him. After that I don't remember anything. I can only imagine what I did. I remember telling James to come and get me if he got too drunk - ironic. I try to sleep off my headache but I can't sleep not knowing the whole story. Besides, I had to find Mel. I have decided, even though I was hurt, to apologise and tell her I don't mind if she dates Louis. She has been so happy lately and if Louis is giving up his player ways for her then it's obviously serious.

I also have to find Caleb. I remember kissing him. And I remember how amazing it was. It was my first kiss and even the thought of it makes my toes curl and my lips tingle. I've never felt like this before in my life and it's strange but good. All I remember though, is kissing him. I don't remember who started it. I'm guessing that in my drunken state it was me. He was probably just humouring me because I was sad and drunk and vunerable. He didn't want to hurt my feelings. Thinking about him not wanting me, my first kiss being out of pity, makes me want to curl up and cry. I really don't want to find him and have the akward "I-don't-like-you" conversation. And it's now that I realise I've put way to much of my heart into this. I'm too involved, I like him too much, it's dangerous. This is one of the reasons I like being invisible - no broken hearts. If boys don't notice me then they can't steal my heart and if they don't steal it then they can't break it. But he did notice me. And he has stolen it. And I know that if I talk to him and he tells me he doesn't like me then it'll break.

But I know I have to have this conversation. So I get dressed in a pair of ripped-knee jeans, a red tank top, a black cardigan and black ballet pumps and head downstairs. I have decided I will find Mel first - put off the heartbreak for as long as possible. My first kiss and my first rejection in the space of 24 hours. Weird.

When I get down to the Great Hall I see Mel sitting alone, eating toast. The Great Hall is pretty empty, with 4th years and above suffering hangovers and people sleeping in since it's the weekend. I walk over to her and sit down. She looks up at me, her ocean-eyes red and puffy, apologetic. I give her a small smile and suddenly she lights up.

"I'm not saying I understand the attraction" I laugh, "But I'm sorry for reacting the way I did. I don't actually have a problem with it ... I was just mad that you didn't tell me I guess. No more secrets ok?" Mel jumps up and reaches across the table to hug me, knocking over pumpkin juice in the process.

"I'm so sorry, Lil. I promise I won't keep anything from you ever again. I just thought well - I don't know what I thought. It just sort of happened the week before school ended and we weren't boyfriend/girlfriend or anything. And we send letters over the summer and when we started officially going out ... it had already been weeks and I knew you'd be mad I didn't tell you so I just ... didn't. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. So -um- did you see what exactly I did last night." I ask her, embarassed.

"Oh that's right, you got wasted last night." She laughs. "No I didn't see you do anything. Rikki told me that Lucy asked her to take you back to the dorm and put you to bed. She says you were hilarious and kept talking about flowers or something?"

"Flowers?" I ask her. She shrugs, "And how did Lucy find me? I didn't even see her there." Mel shrugs again.

"You'll have to ask her. I was with Louis." She says, and starts stuffing her face with bacon, ending the conversation. The idea of food was making me feel sick so I went in search of Rikki to ask about last night.

Luckily I bump into her outside the Great Hall. She opens her mouth, obviously about to confront me about making Mel cry and I interrupt.

"It's fine, no need to start. Me and Mel are fine now." She looks relieved, "So -um- what did I do last night?" I ask her, akwardly. She laughs.

"You got so drunk, it was funny. Well, all I know is that Lucy found you passed out on a sofa in the corner. I have no idea how you got there but anyway, she woke you up and brought you to me, asked me to take you to bed. You were hilarious. Kept talking about how much you like firewhiskey and how "violets are my new favourite flower". It was funny. Then I tucked you up in bed and right before you fell asleep you said, "Mel's shagging my cousin." and passed out." I blushed scarlett when she mentioned the violet thing. I know why I was saying that but apparently I haven't said anything to anyone about kissing Caleb, thank Merlin. I can't believe he would leave me passed out on a sofa though. I could have had alcohol poisoning and died for all he knew. I wonder if I passed out right after we kissed or if I did anything else embarrassing. I know the only way to find out is to find Caleb and ask.

I go out side and look for him where Al and his friends usually hang out. It's freezing so I pull my cardigan tighter around myself and shiver. I finally spot him, sitting under a tree beside the lake, reading a book. He's alone and there's nobody else outside but us. I consider going up to him and demanding to know if he left me lying, passed out and drunk on a sofa where anyone could have found me but my shyness gets the better of me.

"Em - Hey Caleb." I say. He looks up at me and smiles slightly.

"Hiya Brown-eyes." He says and pats the ground next to him. I sit down.

"What happened last night?" I ask him, "Y'know after we ..."

"After we kissed? Which we need to talk about by the way. Well, you puked on my shoes. And then you told me I was an amazing kisser. Then you threw up again. Then you tried to convince me to dance with you, luckily the rest of your family were too drunk to notice how drunk you were. I tried to make you sit down because you were trying to get on the table and dance then you jumped off and twisted your ankle in those stupid shoes. So you sat down and kept stealing sips of my firewhiskey when I wasn't looking. Then you passed out. Everytime I tried to wake you, you told me to piss off, so I went to see if I could find a sober member of your family and when I came back you were gone."

"Oh ... sorry for causing you all that trouble. And for kissing you. And for puking on your shoes. And telling you to piss off." His smile fades.

"Are you really sorry for kissing me?" He asks me, seriously. I blush.

"Well`no, but, well - aren't you." He's quiet for a while, obviously thinking of the best way to reject me.

"I - er, guess that's my answer. I'll just go." I say trying to stand up. He grabs my hand and pulls me back down.

"No wait. I don't know how to say this. It's just ... last night you were so upset because you caught your cousin and your best friend kissing. Well your brother is my best friend. Imagine how he would feel if he found out I had kissed his little sister." Wait, Caleb had kissed me? I though it was the other way around. "But despite you being my best friend's sister. And a whole year younger than me. And knowing that I shouldn't ... I want to kiss you again. I like you, Lily, a lot. More than I should. You're smart and sweet and gorgeous. And you don't know how much. But ..."

"I get it." I say, nodding, "My brother's your best friend. You don't wanna risk it. It's fine."

"No, Brown-eyes, you obviously don't get it. I want to risk it." He whispers. Then he grabs my face in his hands and smashes his lips to mine. Last nights kiss was slow and soft. This kiss is desperate and passionate. After a second my instincs kick in and I run my fingers through his hair. He moans in my mouth and pulls away. He looks into my eyes and rans his hand down my face, resting it at the back of my neck. Then he kisses me again. Once, softly,sweetly, and we stay there, at the tree under beside the lake, all day long.