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Chapter Ten
Eddie healed well over the next few days but the nightmares were back with a vengeance. Neither she nor Jamie had a decent night sleep for three days. At Sunday dinner, neither one ate very much. Eddie tried to laugh and smile but she was drained of energy.
"Are you feeling all right, Sweetheart?" Henry asked her as she helped clear the plate.
"Yeah," Eddie replied. "I'm just really tired. Jamie's been working a different tour than me and I guess I'm getting used to being in a cop to cop relationship."
"You worry?" Henry asked and Eddie immediately nodded her head. "Oh yes, I do. I worry a lot about Jamie and I know he worries about me especially with the nightmares."
"If you want you can stay here, I'm up all hours and can help you with the dreams," Henry offered. He could be a sweetie.
"Thanks," Eddie smiled. "But I need to do this on my own, or with Jamie. He says we have to do those things now."
"He's good boy," Henry tells her. "You take care of yourself."
Eddie and Jamie left before dessert was over. "Why don't you try the sofa honey?" Jamie asked. "If you need me to I'll sit on the floor and your hold hand. I can sleep anywhere but we both need rest."
"No, I'm just going to sit up so you can rest. I have called three therapists and they all say they can't see me until next month. I can't do this for a month, Jamie. I can't."
"I know and you won't have to. I'll talk to my dad and to Danny. He saw an anger management therapist once and he might be able to get a name of someone that will can you."
Eddie nodded, "That's good; I need this to stop. I have to stop being scared but until I know what I'm scared of how can I?"
Jamie nodded agreeing she had a point. "Let's take it one step at a time. Let's get into bed and try some visualization. When we lie down together say to yourself, "I'm in bed with Jamie and nothing is going to hurt me tonight."
Eddie agreed. They got ready for bed early, both of them were so exhausted. When they were both lying in their bed Jamie put his arms around Eddie, "Now shut your eyes and know I am here now and you won't' be hurt again. If I knew who did this Eddie…I would make them pay."
Eddie inhaled Jamie's scent and tried to feel safe in his embrace. She managed three hours of sleep before the demons came and she woke Jamie with shrill screams…"Don't! Don't touch me!"
Jamie woke, afraid not to after what happened the last time. "I'm only going to hold you baby, I'm going to hold you and keep you safe, you're fine. It's fine."
"I can't take anymore," Eddie sobbed into Jamie's chest. "Why won't this stop? What is it?" Jamie could only continue to rock her. Eddie didn't know it but that next morning he was driving with Danny to see her father. Peter Janko would have the insight he needed to help Eddie.
"I don't know baby, but I will find out all right. I will find out, ssh…" Jamie kissed her head over and over again. "Ssh…I'm right here."
"Jamie, go to your Dad's and sleep there," Eddie said suddenly. "You are so tired and I just can't sleep…Why are you shaking your head?"
"If I go, we both go, sweetheart. Last time you burned your skin in a hot shower, what will it be next time? Razor blades? Pills? No, I'm not leaving you. You aren't alone anymore."
"I would never…" Eddie began then broke off. "I'm sorry I scared you Jamie. I think…we need to try more sleep, okay? Let's try more sleep, you are so tired." Jamie wore lines of fatigue all over his face but he would not leave Eddie again, he was terrified he would lose her.
Jamie laid down with Eddie in his arms, "I'm here, and I won't just watch…like I do in the nightmare. I will fight Eddie, I'll fight to my last breath for you."
Eddie sighed and held onto Jamie and his words. She fell asleep and stayed asleep another three hours without incident.
Eddie had to work that day, she dressed for patrol and left Jamie with a hug and kiss. He put on his suit and tie then drove to Staten Island to pick up Danny. He smiled to see his brother off the crutches on a walker. "You look good. Did you have that yesterday?"
"Yeah but you were sleeping walking through the day so you missed it," Danny replied.
"She had another one last night," Jamie confided to Danny as they began the drive to Lincoln correctional.
"She didn't hurt herself, did she?" Danny was beginning to care for Eddie like a sister.
"No, she woke me and I helped her as best I can. Danny, can you get in touch with your old therapist from anger management and see if he can get Eddie a referral. She's calling around looking but no one can see her until a few weeks from now. She is exhausted, I am exhausted."
"Sure thing, Kid, I'll call him tomorrow first thing," Danny promised.
The talk turned to other things until they parked at the jail. Jamie hurried to help Danny out of the car, "So our workouts are helping huh?"
"It's looser, yeah, you're doing great," Danny replied. "I think in a few weeks I'll graduate to a cane."
"Anything else you need from me, you got it," Jamie promised as they walked up to security and checked their weapons and their other belongings. The guards led them to the prisoners' meeting area where a blonde haired man with Eddie's blue eyes met them. He was cuffed but stood when he saw the two men approaching.
"Mr. Janko, I'm Jamie Reagan," Jamie did his best to shake Peter's hand. "This is my older brother Danny."
After pleasantries the three men sat down and Jamie began. "Mr. Janko, I know when Eddie came to see you last time she mentioned I was her partner, but since then I became her boyfriend."
"And you want to marry her," Peter cut in. "It's old fashioned isn't it to be asking my permission?"
"It's not for that reason," Jamie replied. "Mr. Janko, I hope you don't think me out of line by coming to you like this, but Eddie been having horrific nightmares. She wakes up screaming and crying. She, uh…Last week she woke up and I had just had a pain shot for my broken fingers. I slept through her crying out for me. She was in the shower with the hot water on. She said she felt dirty and had to get clean again."
Peter sighed, "I knew it. I told her mother! I told her one day it would come back and haunt her but she just wanted to protect Edit from those horrible memories."
"Well, Sir, uh, she's not protected now because she is being eaten alive by these nightmares. I don't know what to do for her. I can't comfort her and soothe her if I don't' know what she's scared of," Jamie replied turning the floor over to Danny.
Danny outlined for Peter what he'd learned about Thomas Casey and his cousin. "Now the cousin is doing time for aggravated rape and murder, so if he was that bad a guy…"
"That animal is working with my Edit?" Peter was getting upset and angry. "No wonder. No wonder she is having these dreams."
"Wait a minute," Jamie said sitting up straighter. "You are saying that Casey is responsible for this? Did he do something to Eddie?"
"He and his cousin, they were rough kids. They ran a leather jacket gang and the initiation was to score with the prettiest girls in school. My Edit, she was so pretty, but a tomboy. She liked jeans and jackets, no frilly dresses. She wasn't interested in boys or anything at that point. She was a very happy girl, active in her clubs and her school. She denied to date those guys and she denied to have sex with them. Well Casey he didn't take no for an answer. While three of his friends watched from the high school steps, he raped my girl. When she fought back, he slammed her head into the pavement so hard…She was in a coma for a week."
Jamie shuttered, what Eddie had gone through! "And he got off!"
"No, he was never tried," Peter explained. "When Edit woke up she had no memory of the attack or the attackers. My wife and I were just so happy she was our little girl still, that the monster that hurt her didn't cause irreparable damage. We told her she had an appendectomy and had a high fever. She believed us and we let it go at that. I warned my wife one day she'd remember, and now she has."
"How did you know who did it then?" Danny asked. "If you knew who did it why not press charges yourself? If Eddie was a minor you could have. " Danny didn't trust anyone in an orange jumpsuit.
"We found out from one of her girlfriends," Peter replied. "At her graduation party, she pointed him out to us but we would have needed to explain to Edit what happened. She was adjusting and recovering so well. We did what we thought was best."
Jamie was still in shock when he and Danny left the prison. "Oh my God, Danny," was all he could say.
Danny put a supportive hand on Jamie's shoulder, "Hey, now you know what you are dealing with. You focus on Eddie and support her in recovering her memories. We'll fill the shrinks in first so they know how to help her. I will dig in on Casey. If he's got this past he can't be in the uniform. We will get him, Jamie. We'll make him pay for what he did."
Jamie felt a little better with Danny's promise. He wanted to drive to the precinct, find Thomas Casey and horsewhip him within an inch of his life but he knew he had to bide his time, wait, and watch to get justice for Eddie. If he acted in haste it would only serve to hurt Eddie more, she'd already been hurt enough.