"How'd it go?" Regina asked as Emma sat down in the passenger seat.

"It was... Um..."

"Emma, were you crying?!" the woman gasped, seeing how red the girl's eyes were. Leaning in and quickly wiping the last few tears from her lover's eyes, she kissed her cheeks and said, "What happened, baby? Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine... I..."

"Did she do something to upset you?"

"No! Regina, it's fine. I'm fine. I just... I... had a rough session."

The look the woman gave her was deep and pensive as Regina considered the girl's reaction. Trying to remember her training, which seemed to fly out the window when concerning her lover, she sighed and finally looked away.

"Usually, that means you're making progress. It's a good thing. It's just... It scared me to see you upset."

"I'm... I'm okay."

"Em... Do you want to talk about it?"

Emma thought hard about what the therapist had said, but hesitated. How could she put it into words without making an ass of herself or upsetting her lover? How could she articulate what she was feeling without damaging their relationship further?

"I'm not ready," the girl confessed, lowering her head.

"That's okay, baby. I'm here when you are, okay? Whatever you have to say, I'm going to listen, and it's not going to change anything between us, unless you want it to. You can tell me anything, honey."

Biting her lip, Emma turned her head and looked out the window. With a sigh, realizing that the girl was struggling to come to terms with her own feelings, Regina started the car, pulled out of the parking space, and headed back to her apartment.

"I couldn't do it," Emma told her therapist in a rush, as soon as she'd sat down in the chair in the woman's office. "I couldn't talk to her. She wanted me to talk, and I couldn't do it. I wasn't ready, and... she was so sweet and understanding and I just... I fucked up, and I should have just told her right there, but I couldn't. I couldn't do it!"

"These things take time, Emma," the woman told her with a gentle smile. "You're doing great so far, trying to work through this. That's the first step. It's perfectly normal to struggle with this. It's never easy to talk about the things that make us emotional with someone else."

"But I... I should have... I... She deserves to know the truth."

"She does. That's true. But she deserves to hear it on your terms, when you're ready. Maybe right now, it's not time. Of course, you don't want to wait forever, but you don't have to get it all out there the second you have a thought about it. You have a chance to give yourself time to think, and that's probably better than going in feeling the heightened emotion you were feeling."

"But... But what if I tell her all this stuff and she just... leaves?"

"I really don't think that's going to happen, Emma. I think this woman you're with loves you dearly and just wants to be there for you. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been with you in the hospital at your lowest point. She would have bailed right then."

"But that's not the half of it. That's just my behavior, not my past. I've never talked to her about being... being..."

"Emma... I know you don't feel ready to talk about that part, but I think it's important to face it sooner rather than later. You don't want to spend your whole life tying to shove this away and pretend it never happened."

"I want to pretend it never happened, though! I just want to make it go away!"

With a subtle nod of her head, the therapist nudged the box of tissues across the coffee table towards her patient, whose eyes were starting to tear up with frustration and fear.

"I know."

"How? How do I make this go away?"

"You don't," the woman told her. "You just get better at coping with it."

"She doesn't know this..." Emma started slowly, choking back a sob, "but I... When we have sex... I sometimes have flashbacks. I panic. It's so distracting... I just want to make love to her and enjoy it, you know?"

"Of course. Intimacy is an important part of a relationship, and struggling with that can cause some serious problems. But you say she doesn't know?"

"No. She doesn't. I guess I hide it well. But it's borderline panic attack sometimes. I mean, I do enjoy it... Obviously, consensual sex with someone you love and care about feels good... but... Oh, God... This is so embarrassing to talk about... I can't believe I'm saying any of this..."

"You can say whatever you want to in here, Emma. Sex is a normal part of a relationship, and it's a perfectly acceptable topic to discuss."

"I want to stop thinking about it. About him. I want to get over this and just focus on her when we're fucking. I love it... I never used to want it, but I met her and my hormones just went crazy. But it's hard, you know? When having sex sometimes reminds me of all that... stuff..."

There was a long pause where the therapist waited for her patient to continue, but when the girl stayed quiet, she finally asked, "Do you want to tell me what happened to you, Emma?"

Another long pause followed. Emma felt the words stick in her throat as her stomach tied itself in knots. Before speaking, the sobs finally escaped, and she grabbed the box of tissues and wipe her eyes, which were beginning to soak her cheeks in salty tears.

"I can't," she cried. "I can't."

"It's okay, sweetie. You don't have to. But the sooner you say it... the sooner you get it out... the easier it'll be for us to tackle this."

"He raped me," the girl sobbed. "My foster father raped me. He did it so many times... and now... I'm... I'm disgusting. I'm damaged goods. I'm-"

"You are not damaged goods. The only disgusting person is the man who did this to you. None of what happened was your fault. You need to know that. Nothing he did was caused by you."

"But he said... He..."

"Emma... He said those things to hurt, scare, and control you."

"Well it worked!" Emma screamed. "HE RUINED ME!"

"No. No, he didn't. He hurt you and gave you horrible, horrible scars, but you are not damaged or ruined. Your value doesn't decrease because of what he did to you. You've become stronger because of this. You're stronger than what he did to you."

"I need to fucking cut."

"I understand that feeling, that urge, but you need to resist, okay? You need to do it for you, but also for your friend, and your lover. They care about you, and they want to see you get better."

"No... You don't understand. I need to. I can't... I can't..."

"You're going to get through this, Emma. I'm going to be here for you every step of the way. I know you're strong enough to confront this without punishing yourself for something you didn't do. Everything that happened is on him, not you. This is his fault, not yours."

"Sometimes I just want to die, Doctor Cohen," the girl sobbed. "I can't do this. I feel like Regina is wasting her time on me. Like I'll never be enough and that I'm just going to hurt her."

"Emma..."

"Oh, God," the blonde groaned. "Please don't put me in the loony bin. I don't want to go back to the hospital. Please, Danielle. Please don't-"

"Emma, I want you to take a deep breath. Let's talk this through, okay?"

"I don't want to-"

"Are you planning to commit suicide?"

"No! I just... Sometimes I want to, you know? I don't... I don't have a plan or anything. I just get... urges..."

"We will work through those. As for right now, I don't feel that you are a danger to yourself. I am concerned about your self-harming behavior, but it seems like you have a lot to live for, and that you probably don't want to let go of the people you love. Is that right?"

Emma nodded and wiped her eyes with a tissue.

"I want to get better. I just don't think I can, and that makes me want to just... end this. To set Regina free."

"You think she feels trapped with you?"

"Well... I don't know. Maybe. I guess I just... I'm scared that she feels that way."

"Why don't you ask her?"

"I can't. I can't. What if... What... I'm..."

"I think it's important that you have that conversation with her, at some point. I think you should at least try. Can you do that?"

"I..."

"Just try to talk to her about it, before Thursday when I see you next? If you try and it doesn't happen, that's okay. Just give it a go and see what happens."

Emma sighed a frustrated, "Okay," and hung her head in her hands for a moment before standing up and collecting her bag. "Thank you, Danielle. I really appreciate it."

"Emma..."

"Yeah?"

"If you get that urge... I want you to call me. I don't care what time it is, okay? Just call me. We'll talk it through."

"No promises."

"Alright. Just think about it, okay? If you want to cut, or... or anything else. You can call me any time."

"Thanks. I'll see you Thursday."