Chapter 41
"...So then he's nagging me fo non stop. It's like he's regressed another ten years. He's like some fifteen year old boy who just learnt the values o n!" I exclaimed. "Why has he suddenly decided he's going to be an immature selfish little arse that doesn't seem to really giv about me unless I' y, or throwing up on his carpet?"
"Well..." Danny looked a little confused. Maybe my words were to big.
Dad seemed to get the jist of what I was saying.
Tom just looked a little bemused throughout the non stop rant I'd had for the past ten minutes.
And Dougie?
Well, I haven't got a clue where th was.
"Can you say that again?" Danny asked.
"Doug's acting like you before you were with Gabrielle." Tom muttered in to his ear.
"Oh." Danny looked a little concerned. "Well, it can't be so bad."
"I can't believe you're saying that!" I shrieked. "He... Dad?"
"I don't know." He shrugged, looking a little disinterested.
Something's not right.
Not in the slightest.
For a start, none of them were offering me any kind of advice..
And another, Dad hadn't gone off the handle and drawn a sword yet.
"What is he up to?" I asked suspiciously.
"Absolutely nothing. Why would we know? We don't know anything do we Tom?" Danny snorted suddenly, trying to keep a straight face.
"What makes you think he's up to something?" Tom asked ignoring Danny's laughter as if it weren't there.
"None of you are comforting me like you usually would." I complained. "And dad hasn't started a hissy fit or declared Dougie's penis to be separated from his body yet."
"You let the side down again." Danny sulked, shoving Dad off the sofa. "You're no good at going undercover."
Sometimes I wonder how Danny copes in society.
And how Gabrielle manages to cope with a thirty four year old boyfriend who has the mental capacity of a six year old. I admire her. I really do
"It's all part of the plan." Dad shrugged.
"He plans to make me hate him?" I raised an eyebrow. My jaw dropped. "He's not trying to dump me is he?"
"You think he'd still be intact if that was the case?" Dad laughed.
Okay, guess not then.
"Well someone better tell me or I'm going round there to ask him myself." I stated, looking around at the three men.
"You cant go to Dougie's! That'd ruin everything!" Danny gasped.
I smiled and stood up, hearing Danny yell out when both dad and Tom smacked him around the back of the head.
Off to Dougie's it is then.
"Car keys." I spoke, turning to face them again.
They all shook their heads.
"No." Dad folded his arms.
"Why not?" I frowned, totally ignoring the fact I don't even have a driving license.
"You can't drive in your condition." Tom stumbled for words.
"Oh. How original." I rolled my eyes, then turning to Danny. He's weak. He'll break. "Danny. You're driving."
"I am?" He asked.
"Yes. You are." I pulled him by his wrist out of the room.
"Okay." He gave in.
"Traitor" Dad yelled as we walked from the house. "Now look who can't play undercover! I'll tell Gabrielle about your Porn Stash. And about the girl in Florida!"
"I'll tell Beth about... " He stood still. "Umm... I'll tell Beth the real story about Elijah's nappy!"
"You wouldn't dare!" Dad stepped forward.
Danny simply grinned and walked ahead of me, opening the car door.
"M'lady" he smiled allowing me to sit inside.
"Thank you Mr Jones." I laughed.
You know.
Danny may be one of the simplest of people.
But he's too good at blackmail.
Lord knows what would happen if mum found out that it was dad who accidentally catapulted their son in to the air and the only thing that stopped him from falling to the floor in a heap, was the fact his nappy had got caught on the coat stand.
Thing is, Elijah didn't make a sound.
Took them ages to find him.
How hard is it to miss a toddler hanging 5 foot of the floor?
That's men for you.
"If Dougie ask's why I drove you here, tell him you hypnotised me." Danny spoke as we pulled up in front of the house I had grown familiar with two years ago. I looked it up and down, seeing a light in only two of the upstairs rooms. His bedroom and one of the other rooms. How odd. I'd never even been inside that room. And what the hell was he doing in bed at seven in the evening?
Peculia-
In bed?
Seven in the evening?
"He's napping?" Danny seemed to read my thoughts.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the car door, making my way up the drive, watching the door open.
"Brenna!" Came a squeal. I didn't have chance to see who it was hugging me. "You're not meant to be here. Dougie will go berserk!"
I pulled away and looked up at the woman who had me in her grip. "Jazzie? Good grief woman! Your suffocating me. What are you doing here?"
"Doug called and asked for help. So I'm giving him some help." She smiled.
"Help with what?" I asked.
"I'm not allowed to tell you."
Typical.
What is it with all this secrecy?
I'm going to smack that man when I see him.
"So where is he?" I looked past her. She moved in my view. What are they all hiding from me?
"Who's at the door, Jazz? Is it The bloke with the paint? He's late. Just-" I watched as Dougie walked down the stairs his gaze catching mine. "Awh sh|t."
"When I say I'm going to answer the door, you don't need to follow me." Jazzie hissed out the side of her mouth and moved aside.
"Well, how was I to know she was going to get nosey!" He exclaimed, shooting a glare in my direction.
"Dougie!" Jazzie shoved her brother in the arm.
"No... It's fine. I've got a lift home anyway." I said, smiling and then turning back to get in to Danny's car.
Bad Brenna.
Very bad.
Why can't you keep your big nose out of things?
"Wait!" Dougie called, stepping out of the house, grabbing my arm so I swung around, facing his chest, flat up against him. I didn't dare look up. "Who told you what I was up to?"
"No one. I don't have a clue what you're up to." I folded my arms, still looking to the floor. "But it'd be nice if I knew what everyone else did. It's like you're up to something ridiculous like planning a proposal or something."
He winced slightly.
Oh god.
"You're not, are you?" I gasped.
"Is it really that ridiculous?" He asked quietly.
"Yes!" I exclaimed.
What?
I'm only being truthful.
"Oh."
Sh|t.
He was going to propose.
To me!
He was going to propose to me.
He was...
Wow.
Kinda f*cked that one up.
"I wasn't going to ask you that tonight.." He trailed off. "We had it all set up so tonight would be really special. And I'd ask you to move in."
"Oh."
It's amazing what the word 'oh' can mean with the different ways you say it.
I would explain.
But I can't.
Not in writing anyway.
Just imagine that I can, and that the explanation was so overly amazing, that you could only say 'Oh' in response to it.
There.
Done and dusted.
"And Jazz was helping me decorate..."
"Isn't it a little late to decorate?" I asked incredulously.
"I wanted it done by tonight so you could see it." he shrugged.
"Let me see it!" I smiled. "What is it?"
"It's one of the spare rooms..." He said.
"You wanted me to see the spare room?" I raised an eyebrow. "Wow. That really is the way to my heart. Paint the spare room and I'm yours..." I rolled my eyes.
"I turned it in to a nursery."
"Oh."
See!
What did I tell you about that word!
"Sorry." I looked down, my hand rubbing the back of my neck as I stared contently at my feet. Wow, Brenna. You've really done it this time.
Talk about ruining the moment.
"I'll just go. And umm... I'll pretend I don't have a clue." I remained still.
Okay, Bre.
Turn around.
Good grief!
Legs, work!
This is not going well.
So far we've made it quite clear I'm frozen to the spot, and not a muscle will work.
Dougie's not helping much.
Sure, just stand there and look at me you moron.
"I'd like it if you'd see it." He spoke, his hand reaching out for mine. Oh yeah, now my body starts to function again. "I... I want to know if you'll be using it."
"Why wouldn't I be using it?" I asked, frowning when I noticed he was stammering.
"If you don't want to move in." He let out a small nervous laugh. "You might want.. want to stay near your parents. A.. And what would b...b...be the point in having the nursery here if you're living th...there."
"Shut up." I stated. "Just, seriously, shut up. Can you hear yourself?" I laughed, holding on to his hand tightly and walking towards the house again. "Of course I want to live with you. You're mistaken if you think you're getting yourself out of nappy duty so easily. And early morning feeds. I'm not doing everything."
"Close your eyes." Dougie smiled, standing between me and the door to the half decorated room. "I still want it to be a surprise."
I nod and do as I'm told.
I'm doing what he says.
For once.
Don't think it'll be a regular occurrence mind.
"Step forward." he instructs.
I do so.
This is rather tedious.
Next thing you know he'll be telling me to do the cha cha slide.
Or the Macarena.
"Now open your eyes."
I opened my eyes as he instructed. Silent as they adjusted to the site before them.
"You did all this?" I asked, stepping further in to the room, my fingers hovering over the paint. Some dry, some fresh and wet. A scene had been painted upon the four walls I stood enclosed in.
"No.. I.. Jazzie did some." He stammered.
"I gave him the dust sheets!" His sister called up the stairs with a laugh. "I'm not taking credit for his work."
"I urm.. Yeah... I did." He mumbled. I turned to face him, his eyes cast to the floor below his feet. I smiled and turned back.
"I really can't believe you did this. How long have you been working on it?" I stepped closer to the walls, slowly walking around the room.
"Ever since I found out you were pregnant." He answered.
"But, Doug... I was still in hospital. I wasn't even aware of..."
"I know." He grinned sheepishly. "Do you like it?"
I looked around again before I replied.
My eyes traveling over the detail that had been painted.
I'd walked in to an imaginary meadow.
A rainbow was poking through strikingly white clouds as the sun shone over everything in it's vastness.
Good grief!
I bit my lip.
My eyes spying something familiar.
Something connected to my own childhood.
I got to my knees, pulling a dust sheet away from where it was hiding something on the wall.
"You did my smurfs." I smiled, a small laugh edging in my voice. "How did you know?"
Dougie sat behind me, pulling me on to his lap, arms securing themselves around my waist.
"I did some research." He replied, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end as his breathe tickled at them. "Your mum gave me all the knowledge I needed."
"Was she in on this?" I ask.
Dougie nods.
"So she was just making all that up to wind me up?" I ask.
He nods.
"Even the bit about my boo.."
"No. I'm looking forward to that." He grinned, rubbing his hands together rather elatedly, before smoothing his hands over his own imaginary inflating boobs.
Yeah.
Real mature.
"Three words. Dirty Old Man." I stated, shuffling around on my bum, legs either side of him. I looked down to my stomach, before meeting his gaze. "But you're my dirty old man. Even if you do sometimes refer to my boobs individually as if they're two blondes in a greasy spoon. And when you talk to me like I'm a five years old. And when..."
"And when you call me grandpa, old fuddy duddy, and even when I'm referred to as 'Old Man Doug from up the way'." He raised an eyebrow.
"I love you." I smiled.
"Thank you." He grinned.
I rolled my eyes. "And when you're an arrogant tosser."
"I love it when you're pissed off." He groaned, lips brushing against mine.
"I love it when you're p|ssed off." I mimicked Dougie as I pulled away from our lip lock.
"Why would I be p|ssed off?" He asked, a grin tugging at one side of his mouth.
"Because you're not getting any." I smiled and placing a kiss on his nose when his jaw dropped in disbelief.
"Are you serious? I do all this, and you don't give me anything in return?" He exclaimed.
I think he's joking.
I'm taking it that way.
"You forget that I'm giving you the baby to put in the nursery." I replied, now feeling a little bit uncomfortable with sitting on his lap. Maybe he wasn't joking. Although, would a guy really go to the trouble of this just for one shag? I looked to the floor at the side of me, biting my lip anxiously.
"Brenna?" His voice edging on being a whisper. I looked up, his lips meeting mine again. "I'd wait forever for you." He smiled, placing his hands on my hips.
I blush and smile sheepishly.
I move my arms around his neck, drawing us ever closer.
"What do you want?" He asked. I frowned and raised my eyebrow in the hope he'd elaborate on the initial question. "Baby wise."
"Umm.. A baby preferably, no tentacles or antlers. They're not in season." I mused, trying to look thoughtful.
"No, what kind of baby?" Dougie continued to smile.
How annoying.
Ever noticed that?
When someone smiles too much?
It can be a tad un nerving at times.
"A healthy one?" I suggested. "That's always a good thing."
"No..." He whined frustrated.
How am I supposed to know what he means by that?
"Like, boy or girl? You know, what do you want them to be like?" He urged.
"Oh... Well... I don't care." I stated and felt my cheeks heating. "But..."
"But what?"
"I have this feeling." I said. He squeezed my hand, a sign for me to continue. "I have this feeling that it's a boy. I don't know why... I just... I don't know." He nodded, silent. "What about you?"
"Well..." He grinned.
Oh dear..
We may be here some time.
"Well.." He began again. "If we have a boy, obviously, as I said, he'll be sh|t hot. I'll teach him to skate board. He'll be dark like you, but he'll have my eyes. Girls always like that; The contrast. He'll probably be gay. He'll have me and Danny as main influences, we are the gay icons of the year..."
Seems he's got this pretty planned out already.
I've not even given this a second thought.
I mean, of course I've thought of it, just not in so much depth.
"And if we have a girl..." He smiled gently as his fingers trailed over my stomach. "She'll be so beautiful. I'll do all the stuff Harry did to you. I'll ban her from dating b*stard's. I'll protect her at all costs. She'll have deep brown eyes. The kind that you can't help but stare in to. Yours. She'll definitely be a tom girl, and brainy. She'll be a millionairess by the time she's twenty five, with or without my income. And she'll marry a prince."
I laughed a little, falling forward so I leant against his chest.
"Which do you want more?" I asked.
I mean, come on..
If he's thought about this much, he'll have had to thought about which he'd prefer.
"Ideally, I want both." He nuzzled in to my neck, seemingly wanting to be a little quieter when answering the question. "I always wanted a daughter... Who had an older brother to look out for her."
I looked up, past Dougie, to where Jazzie stood smiling in the doorway.
"Do you two want anything to eat. Or are the insides of each others mouths adequate?" She smirked, a giggle escaping when Dougie jumped, me falling off his lap in to a heap on the floor in front of him.
"Jazz, do you know how to knock?" He scowled, turning to face her before pulling me up off the floor.
"How was I to know you were going to be getting it on in your unborn child's bedroom." She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure he or she will be pleased to know in the future that mummy and daddy had sex up against the painting of a smurf sitting on his mushroom."
"Great. First time I've ever been made to feel guilty over having an erection." Dougie grumbled, standing up as I did.
Both blushing to such an extent, Jazzie seemed to looked rather impressed with herself.
"Well, Doug, this is the first time you've ever made me feel like I'm mum and you're the sexually frustrated 'I want to get my c*ck wet' teenager that I have to keep under wraps." She stated, folding her arms. "Which reminds me… Me and Hayden are going out tomorrow night. And you owe me a favour."
"I'm not looking after them." He replied quickly.
I watched on puzzled.
Look after who?
I looked between the brother and sister, both scowling.
"You said you'd do anything for me if I agreed to help you. Stop being a pussy." Jazzie pugged.
"But… They're demons!" Dougie exclaimed. "They're… evil! I remember last time. Never again!"
"They really didn't mean to set your eyebrows on fire." She said, smiling slightly in amusement.
"They lit an aerosol can in my face! While I was asleep!" he almost yelled.
Okay..
Tension.
I sense tension!
Let me out!
Someone!
"I'm sure Brenna wants to meet her future nephews.. Don't you, Brenna?" She turned to me..
Jazzie's kids.
I get it now
Jazzie has kids?
Learn something new everyday.
You really do.
I looked to Dougie who was miming a finger running across his neck, a rope around his neck, a knife plunging in to his stomach, a gun to his head. I think he's trying to tell me something.
"It would only be for the night." Jazzie continued. "And you do need the practise, Doug."
"Those twins are not human!" he scorned.
"Those twins have names!" Jazzie spat.
"Yes. I know." Dougie smiled. "Tweedle-Daft and Tweedle-Damned."
"Joey and Liam." Jazzie spoke to me, ignoring Dougie, who's arms were now folded as he leant against the wall looking like a five year old boy sent to stand in the corner. "They're Eight. I'd be so grateful."
"She did go to all this trouble, Doug…" I mused, looking on at him as he stared back at me in disbelief.
"You're possessed. You've been brainwashed." He sulked.
"But Doug-"
"Fine. But I'm doing this for you. They'd be living on the bench in the back garden if I didn't love you so much." He grumbled.