Chapter 57: Woe is Me

Everyone sat down at the table and Gretta set the bowls of noodles and mash potatoes down with a grunt. Freddie had avoided locking eyes with me and Charon. Charon, however, couldn't take his eyes off of me. Every glance I caught from him brought a shy smile and a light blush to my face. It hadn't gone unnoticed by everyone at the table. What also hadn't gone unnoticed was his large hand on my thigh under the table.

Dogmeat nudged Charon's hand up and onto his head to pet him. Freddie cleared his throat and was the first to actually start eating. Charon shot him a knowing glare. Freddie made the mistake of looking up and shrunk when he saw how intense the glare was. Charon nodded slightly with narrowed eyes. Freddie understood what Charon had been hinting and nodded and looked away.

I leaned in close to Charon. "What was all that about?"

Charon tilted his head to whisper into my ear. "I'm not stupid. I know you two fucked. He doesn't know that I know. I told him I would kill him if I found out you guys did anything. I could have sworn you were there. It was that night in the bar."

My mouth made an "o" and I rolled my eyes. "Then why torture him like that?"

He shrugged. "I have to keep that scare factor up. If he's not scared of me, then he's incredibly stupid and he could get bold and make a move on you."

I scoffed. "This isn't some kind of pissing contest! What am I, a trophy?"

Charon shook his head. "That is not what I mean. This is not about winning you, this is about being the alpha male. If it comes down to it, we can whip our dicks out or something and measure. I would probably win by a landslide." He gave me a look, daring me to comment.

I smiled coyly and nodded. "You would."

His jaw set straight and he glared at me. There was no malice or anger in this glare, only irritation and badly hidden pride. "Yeah. I'm sure I would," he bit out.

Freddie kept his head down as he ate and Carol fawned over me, asking questions about the baby and my father. She was shocked when I told her of his passing and shook with anger. Lunch had passed slowly and I thanked Gretta and Carol for the company, but I had to go get my hair fixed. Freddie tagged along to get his signature Tunnel Snake look retouched while Charon stayed behind to clean our guns.

Snowflake sat in the corner of the exhibit, surrounded with empty jet inhalers. He looked dazed but sobered up immediately when he registered me standing in front of him. "Smoothskin! You're back! Finally. I was getting lonely."

I smiled widely and sat down in front of him and turned my back to him. "You're gonna have a field day today. I need a new cut and my friend needs a trim or something. You feeling good enough for the job?"

He wheezed out a laugh and held up the scissors he never puts down. "As always."

I sat still as Snowflake turned my head different directions to get it even. "What do yo feel like today?"

My hands tousled my hair. "I want it gone. I hate seeing my roots. Cut all the pink off."

Snowflake forced me to turn around and I let out a surprised gasp. He and Freddie were giving me incredulous looks. "You want me to cut it all off? You mean, cut it to only three inches long?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, is that a problem?"

He shook his head and ran his fingers through my stringy hair. "I can do it, but are you sure?"

"Yeah, I hate seeing brown and pink. It looks bad this way."

He crossed his arms and tapped the tip of his scissors to his chin. "I'll get it done, smoothskin."

After about an hour of Snowflake's severe perfectionism, the haircut was finished. I felt lighter and fluffed my hair out. It was still stingy, but not being weighed down. I had to wash this before Charon sees it. "Freddie?"

Freddie looked up from the floor as Snowflake's comb sorted through his dirty hair. "Yeah?"

"I'm going to the bathroom to wash my hair for a few minutes. I'll be back in a bit."

I didn't wait for an answer before I left, soaring down the stairs and making my way through the ghoul city. I opened the doubled doors and ran past the mammoth and fallen dinosaur to the bathroom. I stopped in front of the cracked mirror, taking in my look.

The girl staring back at me wasn't the girl I saw in the mirror long ago. This girl had hallowed cheeks and sunken eyes. Her hair was what I wanted, short and curly. It was dark brown with streaks of darker orange. She looked absolutely awful. I turned to the side and looked at how big I was getting. I was so fat. How could Charon love this girl?

My appearance was unsettling and made my eyes sting. Before I new it, I was crying again as I ran cold, irradiated water through my hair. The water was brown as I scrubbed my scalp with abraxo I found under the sink. It couldn't be good for my skin but it was better than nothing. My scalp burned and itched until I washed out the powder. Now it only burned like my throat. I hadn't stopped crying for a second.

I turned the water off and wrung as much water out of my hair as possible. I shook my head quickly to get air through my hair and wiped my face as I took a last look in the mirror. It was obvious I had been crying.

When I got back to Freddie, Snowflake was just about done with his trim. Freddie seemed relieved to see me and darted from Snowflake as soon as the ghoul put the scissors down.

"Elle, thank god you're here," he whispered. He glanced at my eyes, looked back at Snowflake, and did a double take. "Were you crying?"

I shook my head and thanked Snowflake for his services before heading back to Carol's. My hair was mostly dry now due to the length. "What happened when I was gone?"

"He tried to solicit to me."

I held back a laugh and opened the door to Carol's. Charon was still in our "room". Carol gasped at my hair and ran from behind the counter to touch it. "Eleanor, you look so much better!"

I thanked her in an attempt to get to the room. I just wanted a nap and to see Charon. She took the hint and backed off. I sighed and pushed the divider open. Charon had already fallen asleep. I smiled sadly and shrugged my clothes off and laid them over the thin divider for privacy. I slid onto the bed next to the large ghoul and settled in. He subconsciously wrapped his arm around me and buried his face into my neck. He let out a small groan and I felt something poke my leg. I chuckled and slapped his arm.

"Mmm... wait," he shoved me back, knocking me off the bed. "Who the fuck are you? Get out!"

He reached for his shotgun and cocked it, aiming at me. I turned around with a frightened looked. "It's me, Charon! I cut my hair!"

The gun dropped and Carol practically knocked the divider over and sent my clothes all over the room. I shrieked and threw my hands over my body. "What's going on here, Charon?" Carol was furious.

He stuttered and coughed before leaping over the bed to help me up. "I... I thought she was an intruder," he muttered.

Carol looked me over before setting the divider and my clothes back in place, leaving us alone. Charon held me close and took my head in his hands. "You've been crying. What happened?"

I shrugged him off and crawled back in bed and pulled the covers over my head. I felt him lift the blanket and get in bed next to me. I buried my face in the pillow and bit my lip to keep from crying again.

He kissed the back of my neck and ruffled my hair. "Please, Eleanor. Tell me what happened so I can help."

I sniffled and pulled my head out of the pillow. "Why do you love me? I'm not pretty. Not like I used to be. I'm fat and I look like a fucking feral ghoul. I haven't seen my reflection before today in months."

Charon rolled me onto my back and gave me a confused look. His brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to speak before I stopped him.

"I wish I never looked in the mirror today, Charon."

He sighed and moved my bangs out of my eyes. "You are single-handedly the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on in my two hundred years of living and nothing you can say will change that. I love you because of who you are on the inside. You're funny and caring, too caring for your own good."

I shook my head as another sob forced its way out of me and I turned back on my side. "I don't feel like any of the things you say I am."

"You don't have to feel it. You have to know it. Sure, you've lost weight in your face and it all went to your stomach but you need to know that the weight will go back to normal after you have the baby. For now, you just need to focus on taking care of yourself."

He wiped my face with the blankets and held me until I stopped crying. "Thank you, Charon."

I felt him nod. "Eleanor, please love yourself. Take care of yourself. There are some things even I can not do for you."