Clarke

After she was given a proper room, clean clothes, and regular food and drink, the queen started to treat Clarke like a guest rather than a prisoner, but she couldn't shake the sick feeling in the pit in her stomach. She knew it was a farce, and that she was absolutely still a captive here, and she also knew that the only reason she was being treated well at all was because the queen had broken her.

That knowledge filled her with such shame, such wretched guilt, that she had trouble even getting out of bed in the morning. The fact that she even had a bed ate away at her. Every night she dreamed of going home. She dreamt of Camp Jaha, of what the people she loved and cared about might be doing, and those dreams were all that got her through each new day.

Clarke knew no one would be coming for her, because no one knew where she was. She was determined to get out of this place, just like she had been determined to get out of Mount Weather. No one was coming here to save her- so she would just have to save herself.

Every time she went to see the queen, she played along with her- acted broken, acted defeated, answered the questions posed to her. But every other moment was spent trying to find a way out. Her guards were careful, and she was never taken outside or left alone unless she was with Elody or in her own room, which was always locked.

The queen's chamber also seemed secure, and Clarke knew that she didn't have enough information to make an escape attempt, not knowing what was waiting outside that room. The queen was heavily guarded, so she knew there had to be people posted at every exit, ready to kill her if given half a chance. And so she waited, biding her time, always watching for any opportunity.

She ate and drank whatever was put in front of her, wanting to keep her strength up for what was coming.

Today, after eating in silence for a little while, Elody asked conversationally, "So how did you feel when Lexa left you to die?"

The way she questioned Clarke, the tone she used, it was like she was asking about the weather, yet what she said most of the time was totally outrageous, intrusive, and often painful. Yet Clarke knew she had to take it all in stride, and she had learned not to react to the questions and answer them without emotion. She was determined not to give Elody any further ammunition against her.

"It hurt," Clarke said calmly, reaching for her cup of water and taking a long drink as she looked into the queen's dark eyes. "I never saw it coming."

"You must feel very deceived," she replied.

It was easy for Clarke to tell the truth this time. "I do," she said softly. "A few hours before, we were talking about going to Polis together. And then she abandoned me at the entrance to Mount Weather… the door was open. We could have followed through the plan." The bitterness was clear in her voice.

"And so she has betrayed us both," Elody said, nodding.

Realisation dawned on Clarke that through their mutual anger at Lexa, they could bond- that she actually had something in common with this woman. She met Elody's eyes as she nodded carefully and said what the queen wanted to hear, "Lexa only does what's best for Lexa. I wish I'd had the strength to kill her for what she did to me and my people."

"She is the reason you are so bitter?" Elody asked.

"Yes," Clarke whispered, glancing down at her hands. "She is."

"You should hold your head up," the queen said to her. "You are a leader in your own right, Skaikruheda. Lexa should not have done what she did to either of us."

Clarke shook her head and said softly, "Don't call me that… I'm no one's leader. I walked away from all that."

"You cannot walk away from something you are born to," Elody said, shaking her head. "You may run away from it, but responsibility will always chase you." She fixed Clarke with a thoughtful look and said, "But perhaps you are right… you are not Skaikruheda. You are Wanheda now."

Clarke looked up at her, brow furrowed, not recognising the term. "What does that mean?" she asked apprehensively.

Elody seemed somehow pleased that she had something to teach Clarke as she answered, "'Commander of death.' It is what they're calling you in the forests. It's partly what led me to bring you here."

That revelation made Clarke's face drain of colour, but she couldn't decide if the queen was lying or not. Looking at Elody's face, she couldn't help but believe her. "Because of Mount Weather?" she asked cautiously.

"Because of everything," the queen replied, giving her a thoughtful look. "How many people have you killed, Clarke? There isn't enough skin on your body to mark all the deaths you've caused."

The paleness in her cheeks was replaced with flaming red as she whispered, ashamed, "It was war. We did what we had to do to survive." She forced herself to look strong, impassive, as she added, "You should understand that."

"I do," Elody assured her. "And this is also war… so you must understand me doing what I have to do to survive."

Clarke wanted to curl her lip in anger, wanted to yell and rage at the queen, insist that it wasn't the same- far from it. But somehow she kept her voice calm and she asked, "So is that what you want? War with Lexa?"

Elody said nothing for a moment and Clarke's heart started beating faster because she realised she'd asked a direct question and she was scared that Alek would be called back in to deliver a punishment. But then the queen said simply, "I'm considering it."

Clarke shook her head. "She won't go to war over me."

"No?" Elody asked, sounding intrigued, as though the statement surprised her.

"No," Clarke confirmed. "She washed her hands of me when she took her army and left me at the doors of Mount Weather."

"So what is it that Lexa will go to war over?" the queen pressed. She seemed genuinely curious, truly interested in her answer, and Clarke knew that whatever she said next would be important.

"I don't know," she admitted, because she really couldn't think of an answer to that question.

Elody looked disappointed, but not angry. "I would like you to give it some thought," she said. "You and I are both angry at Lexa, and we both want her to suffer, is that not so?"

It wasn't, not completely, but Clarke nodded, and she let the anger for Lexa she did carry come through in her voice as she said, "Yes."

The queen nodded her head. "We should not be enemies. We should be allies."

Clarke took a drink of the fragrant water in her cup while she considered how to respond. Finally she said, "Where are we?" Her voice was cautious, and as she met Elody's eyes she held her breath, not sure whether the queen would be angry at her asking a second question, but at least in that moment Elody seemed sincere in her desire to be Clarke's friend.

"Tawa," she answered. "It's a beautiful place… it sits on a wide river, teeming with fish. The sky is large. It is cold, but it is light."

"I'd like to see it," Clarke said carefully. "I hope I get to sometime."

"Perhaps you will," Elody said, her dark eyes intently on Clarke's. "We will see."

Clarke's heart soared- it was a brief reply, but it wasn't a 'no.' It was hope.