Chapter 7: "Panic! At The Playground"
The nurse at school required that every student have a check-up in her office once a month. She checked the basics. Eyes, ears, mouth, hair for lice, etc. Things of that sort. But this time, she was coming in to talk to the entire class for an hour. She rolled out an old television set and took out a tape. Despite her not having said anything yet, they all knew what was going on.
"My brother told me about this," said a student in the front with a sneer. "I don't even need to watch it. I'm still gonna, though."
Mathias and Gilbert were giving each other stupid looks from across the room and Lukas just rolled his eyes, not at all surprised. Gilbert was sticking his index finger into his fist and Mathias was laughing at him from across the room. Mathias knew the gist of sex and puberty and all that, just not in detail. Lukas knew about the same amount, but in a different way. What Mathias knew was based on science while what Lukas knew was based on emotion.
Soon enough, though, they'd be on a similar page. The nurse smiled and said, "Good afternoon, guys! How are you all today?" There was a collective groan, but she continued. "Glad to hear it! I'm sure you guys already know quite a bit about puberty and sexual education but today we're going to learn more. I have a video to show you and then I'll take questions afterwards. Sound good?" Another collective groan. "Good!" She turned the lights off and pressed the play button on the film.
". . . Billy has a short friend who may begin to grow later."
Mathias nudged Lukas. "Hey, that's you!"
The video talked about sweat and acne, which all sounded terrible to Lukas, who reached up to touch his face to make sure there were no bumps on it already.
". . . and there is an increase in hair growth."
"Mathias, what do you think I'd look like with a beard?!" Yelled Gilbert, who was practically out of his chair. Mathias grinned, shook his head, and said, "Ugly."
"Why did they draw a knob like that? What the hell."
"I heard the girls video is worse."
"What the holy hell is THAT?"
Mr. Vainamoinen gave them a look and they stopped talking for a moment. Lukas was glad they were finally shutting up. Everything they were saying just made this puberty thing a lot worse.
"Wait, so HOW deep does it gotta be if it's shooting out into there? Like, all the way in the girl?" Gilbert yelled, turning to the nurse, who made him sit back down.
". . . or during a wet dream. Or he may handle himself to cause an . . . "
Lukas stared at the screen, watching the odd looking drawing with a weird sort of intensity. He glanced over at Mathias, then back at the screen again. It ended in a few minutes with a cheesy fade. All the boys seemed to collectively lean back in their seats when it was over and the nurse stood up at the front again. "Any questions?"
Gilbert's hand shot straight up along with his entire body and he was nearly standing on his chair. "Yeah I have one. So how far do you have to stick your penis into the girl to get her to have your baby? Like all the way or just partially? Or what? Do you use the entire penis?"
The nurse blinked, turned to Mr. Vainamoinen, who gave an apologetic shrug, then turned back to Gilbert. "Well, you don't need to use the entire penis, I suppose. But most men would use the entire penis, Mr. Beilschmidt. Thank you. More questions?"
Lukas timidly raised his hand. "Yes. Does it hurt?"
She looked at him curiously. "Does what hurt?" Now Lukas regretted even speaking. Everyone in the class was looking at him and he felt his face burning. "Does it hurt to . . . " Oh, great. Just say it. It's just a silly word. "To ejaculate?"
The nurse smiled for some reason as did a couple of boys in the classroom. Even Mr. Vainamoinen smiled at that. "Nope. Doesn't hurt a bit," she said as she took out the tape and put it back in its faded box. "Those were good questions! Thank you, guys!" With that, she left and it was time for recess.
"Why are we here?"
Gilbert had taken Mathias to the side of the school out of view of everyone else and they were pacing around the same square on the sidewalk. "I heard you beat up that kid because he pushed Lukas. Did something happen when I was gone?"
Mathias looked around and shrugged awkwardly. "I think he's pretty cool. He's nice." Gilbert starting circling him suspiciously, saying "hm" and "I see" every so often. "Mathias, you didn't even punch that guy who tripped me in the hall that time."
"Yeah, that's because you got up and punched him yourself. You didn't need me."
"You think he needs you to fight for him or something," he sighed, rubbing his forehead. "But I don't think he needs you. Plus, there are plenty of people who get treated like crap. Why aren't you defending them, too?"
Gilbert had made a really good point. He was smart at the worst of times. He didn't really have an excuse if this was the argument. I mean, what was he supposed to say? "He's really nice," he said, hoping that would be enough. Gilbert still circled him, though. "Well if you like him so much, maybe he should be your new best friend!"
Mathias was taken aback. "What? Gilbert, I don't want him to be my best friend. You're my best friend." It was like Gilbert wasn't even listening. He turned away and crossed his arms. Mathias sighed loudly. "Look. I don't like him like that."
This caught Gilbert's attention and he faced Mathias again, one eyebrow raised. "What? You don't like him like what? What the hell does that even mean?" Mathias thought over his words, wondering what they meant himself. I mean, it was weird, but he didn't feel the same way for Gilbert that he did for Lukas. It was weird that he defended him the other day. Why had he even done it and not defended anyone else before now?
He hadn't even defended his best friend but he was defending someone he'd known for almost three months? He thought about it for a second. Liking Gilbert was like enjoying a good television show or fast food or a video game. But liking Lukas was like enjoying the way snow looked after it had just fallen or the taste of a warm pastry or the way it felt to be going down a steep hill on a sled.
"I just think you are both really different and have different nice things to offer," he said, not knowing how to explain it any better aloud. Gilbert nodded slightly, but didn't look happy. "Fine. I guess I see your point," he said at last. Mathias let out a breath, relieved. "Good. We should probably go back. I don't want to get in more trouble."
After the sexual education video, Lukas didn't really feel like talking to anyone or hearing about it anymore, but that's all the boys were talking about. Everywhere he went he could hear them muttering things about penises and sex under their breaths and he couldn't deal with it anymore. He finally sneaked away to the side of the school. He breathed out a sigh of relief and slid down the wall.
The minute he sat down, he heard talking and saw Mathias and Gilbert turning the corner. He hid behind the nearest tree, not in the mood to be harassed by Gilbert at the moment. He watched them silently, listening to their argument, which was surprisingly about him. It seemed that Gilbert was jealous.
That was just great, too, because it gave him another reason to be mean. But Gilbert did bring up a good point when he mentioned Mathias defending him. It was really nice to have him there to help him, but on the other hand, why was he doing it? Perhaps he should have been a little more wary, but he seemed honest enough, didn't he?
"Look, I don't like him like that."
Lukas peeked out from behind the tree, staring at Mathias. How did he like him? What? Did that mean he wasn't really interested in being his friend or... ?
By the end of the conversation, Lukas didn't know what to think. He wanted to ask him why he had defended him, but he didn't want him to know he'd been eavesdropping. He looked down, not knowing what to do, exactly. Maybe he could find a way to casually bring the question up.
He waited until school was over to tap Mathias on the shoulder. Everyone was already out in the hallway, as it was Friday and they were eager to go home. "Mathias, I need to ask you something," he said, making Mathias raise an eyebrow. Was Lukas mad for some reason? Had he said something wrong?
Lukas began to speak, but he noticed Mr. Vainamoinen was still at his desk, so he grabbed Mathias' hand and led him out to the empty playground. Once they were outside, he sat on a swing so he wouldn't just be standing there awkwardly. He'd at least have one form of distraction. Mathias seemed to be growing impatient. "What's wrong?" He said, standing in front of him. Lukas stared at the woodchips on the ground, not knowing how to begin.
"How come you beat that boy up?" He said, gripping the chains on the swing tighter. Mathias stuttered for a moment before actually answering. "Wh... ? He pushed you."
Lukas nodded and tightened his scarf. "But you didn't have to. Plus, lots of people are pushed when you guys play and I never see you help them," he replied, looking up at Mathias for a brief second before looking back down. It made no sense, really. Mathias had no real excuse.
"I... well, I just like you. You're really nice and stuff," he said as he kicked around the woodchips. Lukas watched him and pulled on the chains of the swing a little, pumping his legs a bit.
"I like you, too," he replied. Mathias smiled slightly, but wouldn't look at him for some reason. Finally, he said, "Lukas, does it feel weird to like me? I mean, not that it feels weird for me to like you or anything stupid like that, but just like... weird?" Mathias wished he would have been able to explain himself better, but he wasn't even sure what he meant. Lukas shook his head, pumping his legs harder. "No, I don't feel weird. Is it a bad weird?"
That was a good question. It didn't feel like a bad weird to Mathias. Actually, it felt like a good weird. "No, it doesn't feel bad at all. I think this is a really good feeling," he said with a smile as he watched Lukas drag his feet a little in the dirt as he slowed the swing down. He stepped off and looked up at Mathias, who didn't know what else he was supposed to say.
Lukas just stood there, hands in his pockets and face half buried into the scarf on his neck. It was absolutely freezing outside and he couldn't even feel his nose anymore. He looked up at Mathias expectantly, but Mathias just stood there, not knowing what to do at all.
Hug me, you idiot. Why are you just standing there? He thought to himself, stepping a tiny bit closer to the taller boy, who still stood there like a dummy, eyes fixed on Lukas. Please hug me, please hug me, please hug me . . .
Mathias reached out and patted his shoulder awkwardly, not wanting to scare him with a hug or anything like that. I mean, could he hug him or would that be weird? Should he ask? He probably hated being touched. But then again, he hated a lot of things. It was worth a shot, he thought as he gave Lukas an incredibly awkward hug. Little did he know, Lukas was enjoying the hug like it was the best thing that had happened to him since he'd been in Copenhagen.
Lukas was so caught up that he almost didn't even hug him back. It was a nice hug, too. It felt safe and warm and happy. And he smelled like a pine tree a little. Sort of sugary but also a little cold. The hug didn't last as long as he'd liked, but it was still really pleasant and it made Lukas feel so nice and happy that he didn't even care.
Gilbert was chatting away to Ned, who grumbled occasionally but listened nonetheless. They were headed out to the playground to look for Mathias. They hadn't noticed that he wasn't following them until they were almost out of the school. They immediately turned around and began to search for him, not finding him anywhere inside, so they figured he must have been on the playground.
Gilbert was the first to walk out and Ned trailed closely behind. Suddenly, Gilbert whispered, "Look! Quick, behind that fence!" He leapt behind a wooden fence put up to close in a little garden and peeked through the slabs. "Look, he's with Lukas!"
Ned squinted and peeked out at them. "You mean that pretty boy?" They both stared over the fence for a second.
"Look! He's getting off of the swing!" Gilbert smiled and nudged Ned, who slumped down and said, "Just tell me what's happening." Gilbert continued to watch, a stupid grin on his face.
"He's really close to him! Like, RIGHT in front of him. Ned, Mathias touched his shoulder!" Gilbert laughed. "He looks like he's going to be sick or something! Now he-"
Gilbert stared with big eyes. "Whoa. Ned, he TOTALLY just hugged him. Not a side hug, either. He gave him a good solid hug." Now Ned was scrambling to get a look, but he just caught the end of it. "Whoa, you weren't lying. Weird."
They both stared at each other, then started to laugh. "I can't believe it! Did you see? Wow. I've gotta ask him about this. Ned, what if he likes him? You know, like maybe he's gay for him. That would be so weird."
"I have a gay uncle. He's cool but he really likes Madonna and Vogue magazines."
"What is Vogue?"
"It's like, this magazine for gay men, I think."
Gilbert shrugged. "Oh. Let me go ask him if he likes that stuff! HEY, MATHIAS!"
I've always relied on the reviews of strangers.