Chapter 16: "Mortification in March"

Lukas set his bag down and sat in his seat next to Mathias, who already looked tired enough to have been at school all day. He took out his notebook and his pencil and looked up at the board. The date was written at the top in pretty cursive. March 8th, 2006. But it wasn't the 8th. It was the 9th. Wasn't it? Lukas looked through some of his old papers and looked at the board again. It was definitely the 9th. Yesterday was the 8th.

He looked at the section of the board that said "Objectives!" at the top and read them. They were supposed to write the objective every single day in their notebooks, but today it was the same as yesterday. And the calendar on the wall didn't have the 8th crossed off yet. And where was Mr. Vainamoinen?

Lukas looked at the back of the classroom. He wasn't there either. "Mathias, I think we have a substitute," he said. Mathias looked around and shrugged. "He's probably sick?"

Just then, the principal walked in and leaned against the desk. "Everyone quiet down! Your substitute won't be here for a few minutes. We had to get them last minute," he said. They all sighed and whispered. Mathias raised his hand and was nearly jumping out of his seat with whatever question he needed to ask.

"Yes?"

Mathias cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly. "So why isn't Mr. Vainamoinen here? Is he sick?"

"No need for worry, Mr. Kohler."

Lukas turned to look at Mathias, wondering why he cared so much. Did he know something he didn't? He scribbled on a piece of paper and passed it over.

Why are you worried?

Mathias wrote really tiny, not wanting anyone to accidentally see.

I think I messed up.

Lukas stared at the paper, completely confused.

What do you mean?

"Sorry I'm late!" The substitute said, setting all her things on the desk and frantically scribbling her name on the board. The principal nodded, looked sternly at the class full of anxious boys, and left.

Lukas and Mathias put the note away and looked up at the teacher. She looked old. Very teacher-ish. They didn't pay her any mind besides that. They did their work mindlessly. Lukas scribbled a little on his paper, just little doodles of suns and arrows and things like that. Mathias, though, seemed to be lacking focus. Distracted by something.

Around nine, a secretary came from the office with a green pass in her hand. "Mathias Kohler?"

He looked up at her with wide eyes. "Huh?" She motioned him over, then led him down to the office. Lukas watched nervously, thinking that he'd done something to be expelled again. But his bag and papers was still here, and he thought they would have taken that as well if he wasn't coming back, so he was hopeful.

Mathias made his way to the office. He didn't know what to expect, but he knew for a fact that he didn't expect what he saw.

The principal sat in the seat and was taking out a clean sheet of paper from a yellow notepad, a man in a security uniform was sitting to his right with arms folded over his chest, and Mr. Vainamoinen was sitting in a chair in front of the desk. His cheeks were red and his eyes were puffy. When Mathias walked in, he gave him a weak smile and he visably swallowed a lump in his throat.

Mathias couldn't stop staring at him, and he really, really wanted to stop. He had a wadded up tissue in his hand and his eyes were glossy, so there was no denying that he'd been crying. The principal pointed to a blue chair right in front of the desk and Mathias took a seat, his stomach dropping with him.

"Mr. Kohler, how are you?"

Bad. Terrible. "I'm okay."

"We're going to ask you some questions, and you need to answer truthfully. Okay?"

Mathias nodded and leaned forward, wanting to just get this whole thing over with. The principal clicked his pen and wrote a note at the top of the paper. "Do you ever talk to Mr. Vainamoinen outside of class?"

"Not often." Which was the truth. They had to talk a few times about behavior and other things like that, but besides those times, he didn't. The principal nodded and took out a folded piece of paper, writing down a few things. The officer next to him took notes as well. "Okay. Did he say anything that seemed weird when you talked to him?"

He shook his head. "No." That was also the truth. The principal looked at Mr. Vainamoinen and pointed to the secretaries office. "Could you go wait in there for a moment, please, Mr. Vainamoinen?" The teacher nodded and left, making Mathias even more nervous. "So he didn't say anything that wasn't related to your education? It all was relevant? You know what I mean by relevant, don't you?"

He nodded and shifted uncomfortably in his chair as the officer wrote something. "Yeah, I know. He didn't ever say anything that I thought was weird. If that's what you mean." The principal blinked and looked down at the paper again. "Do you ever feel uncomfortable in Mr. Vainamoinens class?"

He shook his head quickly. "No. Never. He's a really nice teacher." The principal and the officer both looked at each other like they were getting annoyed at his answers. They probably were. "Has he ever made comments about things like relationships? Maybe he said something about what's right or wrong in a relationship?"

Mathias gulped and, of course, lied. "No," he replied quietly. At that, they both wrote down a lot, which was strange because he had only said no. He tried to lean over and see what they were writing, but they were too far away. "Mr. Vainamoinen, please come back in."

The teacher came back in and sat back in his chair. He looked like he'd calmed down a bit. "Mr. Vainamoinen says he told you it was... okay to be gay? Do you remember that, Mathias?"

Mathias looked from his teacher to the principal, mind blank for a second. So he'd lied for nothing apparently because Mr. Vainamoinen had told the truth when questioned. He cleared his throat and said, "I didn't know what you meant."

"Don't lie to me, Mr. Kohler."

Mathias could feel the room getting warmer and he looked over at Mr. Vainamoinen, but nothing was making this situation easier for him. He just didn't say anything until the principal spoke up again. "So you do recall the discussion?"

Finally, and very hesitantly, he nodded. He stared at the blue tiles on the floor and wished he was anywhere but here. He was surprised he'd managed to go this long without throwing up, because he really felt like he was going to. "And what was specifically said?"

"I," He looked at the teacher again, hoping he would give a little nod or shake his head, but he just stared at the floor. "I... think he just said it was okay. He said there was nothing wrong with it."

"And that's all he said about it?"

He nodded and relaxed a little knowing he'd told the truth. The principal took out a green notepad full of hall passes and filled one out. Mathias thought he would be going back to class, but the note went right to the secretary and she left, most likely to fetch someone else.

Lukas looked up when his name was called. He hadn't been paying attention at all. He'd actually been drawing, but now he was going to the office for some reason. He was led to the main office where Mathias, the principal, some sort of officer, and Mr. Vainamoinen were sitting. He didn't know why he was in here or what this was about. He figured Mathias had done something bad and since he was friends with him, he had to be questioned.

He sat in a chair next to Mathias and stared at the floor. He'd never had to go to the main office even at his old school. In fact, he hadn't had to go to any of the offices. He kept his head low and managed to avoid trouble. But this time, trouble found him.

"How are you, Mr.," he paused and looked down at the pass. "Bondevik?"

He gave a curt nod and said, "Fine." His voice was barely more than a whisper. It felt like all the eyes in the room were on him and he didn't know what was going on and he wanted to run, but his feet felt heavy.

"Mr. Bondevik, does it ever make you uncomfortable to be in Mr. Vainamoinens class?"

He shook his head. Well, there was Gilbert, of course. But he didn't mention that. "Mr. Vainamoinen, could you step out again please?" Lukas watched the teacher leave and noticed he looked sad. He'd never seen him sad like that. He looked curiously at the officer and the principal. "Mr. Bondevik, has Mr. Vainamoinen said anything weird to you?"

Lukas shook his head and the principal sighed at having to elaborate again. "Anything regarding relationships? What is acceptable in one? What is normal?"

He understood what he was getting at but shook his head anyways. "You're lying to me," he said. "Your friend here has told me the truth. Even Mr. Vainamoinen has. I'd like you to be honest with me. What did he say?"

Lukas stared with wide eyes and started stumbling between English and Norwegian. "Um, det er... is nothing wrong... med..with liking who, um," he could feel his eyes watering and he was sure he was having a panic attack. "Who du liker?" He breathed faster and looked back at the door desperately. The principal and the officer both stared at him for a moment before writing what he said down. "That's all?"

He nodded and looked over at Mathias, who was staring blankly at the floor. He was still confused. He didn't understand what they were all doing here.

"Both of you, look at me," he said. They hesitantly looked up at him. "Why did you lie to me? Both of you did it and I'm assuming there's a reason." Lukas had already made his decision. He wasn't going to say anything. He was just trying to keep himself calm. His heart was going way too fast. Mathias just shook his head and said, "I didn't know why I was answering."

The officer squinted and wrote that down. "Mr. Kohler, why was he talking about that with you two in the first place?" Mathias turned to Lukas, who was staring at him, too. "Well... someone called Lukas a queer and I..." Okay, so he was definitely going to lie. "I got in a little argument. Mr. Vainamoinen found out and instead of taking me here after the argument, he took me and Lukas back to his room to sort it out, I guess."

The principal gave a little laugh. "You and I both know you don't just have little arguments, Mr. Kohler." Mathias looked down and sighed quietly, not knowing what to even say anymore. That was true. Too true. "So you got in a fight because someone called your friend a queer and Mr. Vainamoinen goes ahead and tries to make light of the situation by insinuating that one of his students, his young students, is a homosexual. Or maybe he was trying to see both sides. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. Avoiding offending either of you."

Lukas began to fit the pieces together. Is that what this is about? Mr. Vainamoinen is in trouble for saying it was okay to be gay? "Where did your 'little argument' take place, Mr. Kohler?"

He shrugged and pointed out the window. "In front of the school by the sidewalk." The principal stood and looked out the window, pointing at a tree. "There?" Mathias nodded. The man sat again. "Mr. Vainamoinen, I'd like you to come back."

He walked sluggishly back into the room and sat back down. He was wringing his wrists and his eyes weren't as puffy or red anymore. He sat back down in his chair and looked like he was exhausted. "Mr. Vainamoinen, you didn't tell me Mathias got into a 'little argument'. Did you forget?" The teachers eyes widened and for a second and he started to speak, but all that came out was a weird sort of squeak.

He raised an eyebrow. "Pardon? You know the rules and it wasn't your place to decide his punishment or lack thereof. It was mine. I'm not reinforcing it anymore, but you should have come to me once you saw he was in a fight. It didn't matter what it was about. I don't tolerate fighting for any reason. Do you hit someone when you don't like their opinion, Mr. Vainamoinen?"

The teachers eye twitched a little and he turned red, not from shame, but from a growing anger. He was mocking him over something this serious. Not that he was surprised.

"No, sir. I don't," he replied quietly. The principal took out the green notepad again and wrote a pass. "You boys are free to go back to class," he said, handing Lukas the pass. They both turned and looked at Mr. Vainamoinen, who looked pained. "What about Mr. Vainamoinen?" Mathias said, looking sadly at his teacher, who gave him a faint smile. The principal said nothing and had them escorted out by the secretary.

Mr. Vainamoinen didn't come back for the rest of the week. When he didn't come back the following Monday, Mathias knew he wasn't coming back at all. And he blamed himself completely, and the guilt was too much for him to stand alone. He didn't want Lukas to think he was awful, but he couldn't stand keeping what he'd done to himself. After orchestra, he pulled Lukas into the library to talk to him privately.

"Mathias? What are you doing?"

He pressed his palms to his forehead and bent over a little. "Lukas, I really messed up. It's all my fault Mr. Vainamoinen is fired." He started mumbling under his breath and sat down at one of the tables. Lukas sat with him, confused. "What? How?"

"I told my dad he said that to us. Well, to me. About how he said it was okay to be gay and he acted really weird about it. He called the school. There's no other way they found out. And he's convincing, too. He's a lawyer." Lukas was speechless, but he wasn't mad. Mostly he was confused as to why Mathias' father would do that. "It isn't your fault," he said, trying to comfort him. Mathias was really beating himself up about this, though.

He had ruined his career. His career. And he couldn't have felt worse about it. Mr. Vainamoinen probably hated him and he didn't blame him. He deserved to be hated for what he'd done to him. He buried his face in his arms and sighed. "It's all my fault. I just don't know what to do. I didn't think any of this would happen, Lukas."

Lukas nodded and patted his back. "Talk to him," he suggested. Mathias sat up a little, then laid his head down again in defeat. "Yeah right. He'd hate me. Probably would push me away."

"No. I'll go with you."

Mathias looked up and he really looked like he might cry, but he was holding it in well, as always. "Yeah, that'd be really cool of you, Lukas," he said. Lukas stared at him for a moment, then reached out and gave him a hug. That in itself almost made Mathias cry. He didn't feel like he deserved a hug from anyone after what he'd done, but he accepted it. "Hug me back," Lukas mumbled. Mathias gave him a weak hug.

"Please," Lukas said, pouting. He gave Mathias a really tight hug and was glad when he did the same. They stayed like that for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything. Just standing there until the motion sensor lights gave out and they had to let go and go home.

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