I stood still in front of my mirror, staring at my reflection. Despite the fact that my slate was wiped clean and I got to start over, I wasn't this girl anymore. The fragile Clarke Griffin who lived on the ark with her loving parents was gone inside. I still felt the burden of what I'd done in Mount Weather on my shoulders. For all I knew, I could wake up on the ground tomorrow with all of my scars restored. If I was thrust back onto the ground, the first thing I would do is come home to Bellamy. I never should have left him.
"Clarke! Bellamy is here!" My dad called out from the kitchen. I ran my fingers across the soft cotton fabric of my shirt. It was a gray tank top with blue swirls embroidered in it that my parents got me for my birthday last year. I paired it with black leggings and my standard boots. The masquerade ball wasn't a formal event, but we were still expected to look better than we would on a normal day.
I headed towards my door, only to realize just as I was about to open it that the mask was sitting on top of my dresser. I turned around and made my way over to pick it up. It was so intricate and beautiful; it must have cost Bellamy so many ration points. It almost felt wrong when I placed the mask over my tired eyes. This was supposed to be for Octavia, it was supposed to be her night. She deserved to be free and find love like she had on the ground. Bellamy and I would do anything to make sure she gets to go to Earth again.
I heard a faint knock on my bedroom door, startling me for a moment. I shook my hands to try and calm my nerves before opening the door and coming face to face with Bellamy. He wasn't wearing his guard uniform, instead, he had on a nice blue collared shirt that matched my mask and black jeans. His mask was almost identical to mine but it was completely black.
"You look stunning." He said, holding out his arm to escort me with. I linked my arm around his and walked side by side with him out into the kitchen.
"Let me get a picture really quickly." My dad said while he fumbled with the camera. I felt a blush creeping up my cheeks. Bellamy and I never had a picture of us taken together before. The last picture of my that I saw was one that Octavia found in the hands of the Mountain Men. It was of Lexa and I riding our horses.
Lexa.
I was angry with her at first. The fact that she left me, Bellamy, and all of my friends to die at the hands of Mount Weather was so heartbreaking for me. We were beginning to fall in love and talk about our future. I was going to go with her to Polis and then who knows where, but she left and she never came back.
After awhile of sitting on my own and reflecting on what had happened, I realized that if I were in her shoes and if I felt like making a deal with the mountain was the only way to save my people, I couldn't say that I wouldn't do the same thing.
Maybe it's a blessing that Lexa and I never worked out. We would have always had to choose between our love for each other and our love for our people. Lexa wasn't ever going to change. She would always be the ruthless commander of the grounders that devoted her life to keeping her people safe. No amount of my love would ever be able to change that.
The camera flashed, snapping me out of my thoughts. I glanced over at Bellamy who was in the middle of telling some joke to my father and smiled. Bellamy was always at my side, no matter what choices I made. Even if he disagreed with me, he would stand by me and defend me until the bitter end. I know I broke his heart when I left him, just as Lexa had broken mine when she left me. Maybe what I didn't realize on the ground was that everything I needed was right beside me all along. Bellamy was my other half whether I liked it or not. The bottom line was that no matter what obstacles we faced, even obstacles like returning to space, he would always be there for me.
"Are you ready to go, Clarke?" He asked. I smiled and nodded. My dad waved to us and told us to be careful. Bellamy opened the door for me and lead me out into the hallway. The masquerade ball would be taking place in the main hall in Alpha Station. Every teenager on The Ark was invited to this ball that was held in honor of Unity Day. Unity Day was tomorrow and the masquerade ball was the kick off for it.
"So you went as a member of the guard last year, why aren't you this year?" I asked. It was a reasonable question considering the fact that just because Octavia wasn't going didn't mean his cadet unit would change as well.
"Back when I brought Octavia to this thing, I'd spent the entire day trying to convince Shumway to allow our cadet unit to patrol the event. This time I didn't have to do that, I had the night off." He explained. I smiled at how sweet it was for him to go to the moon and back for Octavia. It was such a shame that the night had to end on such a horrible note. He never meant to hurt her.
I realized that we were getting closer to the ball as several teenager ran past us towards the thumping music echoing through the halls. Bellamy's smile widen and suddenly he was pulling me down the corridor towards the room. When we got there the music and lights surprised me. I forgot what a party on the ark was like. There had to be several hundred of us dancing around the room. My eyes scanned the crowd, trying to find members of the 100. The first person I saw was Jasper. He was easy to notice because his 'mask' was simply his goggles.
Bellamy could tell that I wanted to reconnect with Jasper again, so he lead me across the dancefloor and towards Jasper. When he arrived, he lifted his goggles off of his eyes in confusion.
"Jasper!" I exclaimed. He pulled me in for a hug. My heart started racing at the thought of him finally recognizing me.
"Itssss the doctorrr girll." He slurred. I pulled away and noticed how bloodshot his eyes were; he was stoned. Of course he was high, that's what he and Monty got locked up for. They were growing drugs in Agro Station.
"Do you want to dance?" Bellamy asked, sensing my disappointment. I shrugged my shoulders as he pulled me away from Jasper. The song was face paced, causing everyone in the room to cheer and jump around.
Have no place to go,
Have no place to go,
Darling.
Have no place to go.
Have no place to go
I felt like my heartbeat was thumping at the sound of the bass echoing off of the walls as I danced my way towards Bellamy. I began to sway my hips and flip my hair back while my body connected to the music. Bellamy seemed unsure of himself at first, keeping at least an inch between us at all times, but when I wrapped my arms around his neck, his hands suddenly found my hips. I started to get lost in the music, almost like I was high on the sound. I closed my eyes and focused on the sensation of his hands gripping my sides.
Goodbye baby
Yes I'm going
Haha
Yes I'm going
Everyone in the crowd started to get closer together as the song transitioned into the chorus. Before I knew it I was chest to chest with Bellamy, dancing up against him. All of the stimulation from him and my surroundings just made me let loose even more. My fingers laced through his hair and then traveled down to his chest. He let his hands slip slightly underneath my shirt and grip onto my waist. I grinded up against him, shimmying down towards the floor and then back up again. When the crowd parted slightly, he took the opportunity to send me spinning outwards. Once his arm was completely extended, he spun me around again so that my body would crash back into his. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tightly against him. His shirt was now wet from sweat, making this dance ten times sexier.
Have no place to go
Have no place to go
Darling
Looked into his eyes through his mask, longing for him. We were in a trance, completely mesmerized by each other and connected by the music. For a moment, I thought he might kiss me, but instead he lifted me into the air and spun me around. I threw my head back laughing and extended my arms so I could feel the air rush past me. As the song started to die down, he slowly brought me back down to the floor.
We took a moment to catch our breath as the song changed. I didn't know what came over me, but I'd completely lost myself for a moment. I was dirty dancing on Bellamy Blake. My cheeks blushed as I thought about how close we had been to one another. I never meant for things to go that far, but surprisingly he didn't seem bothered by it. He looked like he'd do it over again in a heart beat.
"We are going to slow things down for a bit." The DJ announced as he flipped on the next track. Bellamy held out his hands, asking me to dance again. I accepted, placing my hands around his neck while he wrapped his arms around and swayed with me to the song.
And meet me there, with bundles of flowers,
We'll wade through the hours of cold
Winter she'll howl at the walls,
Tearing down doors of time.
Shelter as we go...
I rested the side of my head against his chest and closed my eyes, focusing on the sound of his heart beat. It was quick at first from the dance before, but as we continued to sway back and forth it slowed. He rested his chin on top of my head and hummed to me with the music.
And promise me this:
You'll wait for me only,
Scared of the lonely arms
That surface, far below these birds.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll come home...
I thought about every moment I'd ever spent with him. This song reminded me of the peace we felt after he'd saved me from Dax and admitted his insecurities. We'd slept under that tree for hours, my head finding his shoulder at some point during the night. I'd woken up before him and pretended to fall asleep with my head against the tree so that I wouldn't ruin whatever was starting between us. That was the first time I'd ever felt close to him.
Who am I, darling to you?
Who am I,
To tell you stories of mine
Who am I?
Bellamy pulled me closer to him and placed a soft kiss to my forehead. I nuzzled my head against his chest to tell him that I'd liked that. He took one of his hands and brushed the hair out of my face. I my head away to look up at him. He was about a head taller than me and I'd always liked that about him.
Who am I, darling for you?
Who am I
To be your burden
Who am I, darling to you?
Who am I?
I come alone here
The song began to wind down and I took the opportunity to take a mental picture of this moment. If I woke up tomorrow and remembered nothing like everyone but Bellamy and I, I'd want to remember this moment.
"Princess…" Bellamy whispered. I smiled and pulled him in for a hug as the song ended. The silence quickly ended as the party picked up again, but Bellamy and I stayed in a hugging position for a few moments longer. He was about to say something when the song caused his body to tense.
When a fire starts to burn, right, and it starts to spread
She gon' bring that attitude home
Don't wanna do nothing, what they like
"Bellamy, what's wrong?" I asked. He gulped and glanced around the room. People started to bump into us and Bellamy clenched his fists. I knew that if I didn't get him out of there soon he'd end up getting arrested and floated for assaulting someone. I clutched onto his arm and drug him off of the dancefloor. He reluctantly allowed me to pull him into the corner of the room.
When a fire starts to burn, right, and it starts to spread
She gon' bring that attitude home
Don't wanna do nothing, what they like
"Bellamy. I need you to talk to me. What is wrong?" I asked desperately as I caressed his face. He pulled his mask off and hung his head.
"This is the song. The solar flare alert is going to happen in about thirty seconds. This was when I lost O." He whispered. I lifted his chin up and forced him to look me in the eyes.
"Bellamy listen to me, Octavia is fine. She's not going to get taken this time." I said. He nodded and suddenly, just like he'd predicted, the music shut off and the lights all turned on. Everyone groaned in displeasure as the night was interrupted. I reached down and held Bellamy's hand, knowing that the flashbacks from this moment would haunt him.
"Solar Flare Alert! An x-class solar flare has begun on the starboard side of the ark. All citizens must report to the nearest shelter zone immediately. This is not a test. This is a solar flare alert." A voice repeated over the intercom. All of the doors opened revealing extra guard detail and Lt. Shumway. Bellamy growled at the sight of Shumway but I held him back.
"You all know the drill. Masks off, ID Chips out." Shumway said. I took off my mask and pulled out my ID chip while Bellamy did the same.
"It's going to be okay. Octavia knows to hide under the floor." I whispered. He nodded and stood tall as Shumway made his way over to us.
"Ah, Miss Griffin and Mr. Blake." Shumway said as he snatched our ID chips. I watched as the scanner buzzed and showed my Ark Profile. He did the same for Bellamy's confirming our identities which he already knew.
"All clear. Head home and wait it out in your shelter station until the chancellor announces that you can come out." He instructed us as he made his way towards Jasper. My eyes widened as Bellamy tried to get me out of there as quickly as possible.
"Are you high?" I heard Shumway asked. Several guards ran towards Jasper, arresting him on the spot.
"Jasp-" I started to scream but Bellamy covered my mouth pulled me out into the hallway.
"You knew they were arresting him tonight, didn't you? Now they are going to go after Monty! We could have done something!" I screamed at him, pushing him away.
"Yeah I knew, Clarke. I was going to help him until I realized he was already long gone by the time we got there. We couldn't have stopped this one." He said. I scoffed and stormed off, but he grabbed onto my arm to stop me.
"You could have at least let me try!" I yelled. Bellamy rubbed his temples and pursed his lips.
"There was nothing you could have done! He was getting arrested one way or another, Clarke! You can't save everyone!" He screamed. I backed away and sucked back the tears threatening to spill. There was a lump in my throat from how upset and angry I was.
"Maybe I should just go home." I managed to whisper. Bellamy's eyes pleaded with me to stay, just like he had when I left him to go off in the woods on my own.
"Can I walk you home?" He asked. I looked away, knowing that if I looked at his sad eyes I'd cave. The truth was, I needed time to process this entire thing alone. He needed to give me space.
"I'm sorry. I just can't." I said before turning in the other direction and walking away from him. And just like when I'd left him before, he chase after me or try to stop me. I glanced over my shoulder as he sulked back towards his house and sighed. This wasn't the fairytale we'd originally thought.